Chapter 20
20
IVY
‘Kisses?’ Ross repeated, his eyes darkening.
Ivy gulped as attraction flared through her body. She nodded mutely.
‘And what do you deserve, Ivy?’ Ross asked huskily as he shifted closer to her on the sofa.
Ivy could feel the heat from his body now and let herself lean into him. She could smell balsam wood and pine needles and knew she’d never be able to smell either again without thinking of this man.
‘I don’t know – I just know I want you.’ She stared into his eyes, feeling hers well up. Ross was watching her with the oddest expression and Ivy didn’t know what it meant. ‘It’s not the best idea. But Dad used to say life finds a way.’ She gave him a watery smile. ‘And that resonates. In summer, whenever I see a pavement with a dandelion growing through the cracks, I always want to celebrate. Because it didn’t think about what it deserved, it went against the plan someone else had decided on so it could live.’
‘Is that what you want, Ivy?’ Ross asked, his voice low. ‘To go against the plan.’
‘I wish I could,’ she choked.
She imagined she could hear Ross’s heart now and it was beating like a jackhammer, then she felt his large hands gather up hers. He began to stroke the sensitive skin on the back of them.
The movement soothed her, but then something began to change. Instead of feeling comfort from those calm strokes, the tingles that had been travelling across Ivy’s skin grew stronger. Sensation worked its way downwards until need and want twisted at her core. Ivy shifted closer to Ross and eased her hands from his so she could hug him. Now she could hear his heart pounding in her ear, the wild thumps vibrating through her, making everything inside tremble.
It was Ross who pulled away first so he could look down into Ivy’s face. His eyes were darker now, and his whisky-coloured irises had almost disappeared into black. She felt the breath catch in her throat as he stared and pressed her fingertips to his chest. Felt the ferocious thump of his heartbeat again, knew the beat was mirrored by hers.
Ivy didn’t know who moved first. It might have been Ross, or perhaps she did? All she knew was suddenly they were kissing, her heart racing and her hands roaming across his body as she pressed herself into him, pushing him backwards onto the sofa as the kiss, which had started slow, deepened, pulling her into its depths.
Ivy only realised she’d stripped Ross to his waist when she was dropping his T-shirt on top of the jumper she’d already pulled off. Moose came to snuffle at the clothes, then let out a low whine and trotted towards the kitchen, closely followed by Snowball who’d obviously decided he’d be happier out of the way too.
Ivy ignored them as she pressed her nose to Ross’s chest and smelled pine trees. She heard him growl low in his throat and then he tugged off her jumper and T-shirt. Then she was sitting in nothing but canvas trousers and a lacy white bra. She should have felt embarrassed, but she rejoiced in the flames that lit those dark eyes. Neither of them spoke. They didn’t have to check that this was what they wanted. They’d already talked too much and this was primal now. Ivy set to work on the buttons and zip of Ross’s trousers, while he fumbled with hers. Their arms tangled in their haste to pull them off.
Then Ivy climbed onto her knees on the sofa so she could sit astride Ross’s hips. She leaned down so she could kiss him before easing back so she could tug his boxers off, before chucking them over her shoulder. She didn’t bother to look at where they’d landed – reluctant to break their gaze. If she did, perhaps this deep connection she could feel would disappear. Or they’d come to their senses. Ross wriggled, then made quick work of his socks before moving Ivy onto her back so he could finish stripping her too.
Ivy moved again, pushing Ross into a sitting position until she was straddling his hips. Then she closed her eyes and let herself feel. Ross’s breath was raspy but he didn’t speak – there was no need for words. Ivy stilled her mind and sank onto him, felt the firmness of his skin tickle hers. Then she dipped forwards until her breasts brushed his chest and kissed the bottom of his jaw. All the while Ross stroked Ivy’s back, exploring the curve of her hips, and the crease at the top of her legs before he traced a path downwards, stopping momentarily at her knees before stroking her calf and ankles. It was as if he were learning every shape and angle, committing them to memory.
Then Ross’s hands came up to cup Ivy’s breasts before lowering so he could stroke the soft skin of her belly. They moved lower still and she gasped as he continued his slow exploration and moved so she could press her mouth to his neck, peppering tiny kisses until she reached his lips.
Ivy’s body was vibrating, every inch of her trembling as her breath shortened into pants as Ross began to rock. Finally, when she was about to scream, he rolled her under him and Ivy looked into his eyes and held his gaze. She reached up and cupped his jaw, felt the prickles from his bristles and stroked them with her fingertips. Trying to memorise every inch.
This time their kisses were warm and gentle like a summer breeze. Ross’s hands roamed, feathering Ivy’s skin, sensitizing every cell until she could barely stand the sensations.
Then everything changed as the breeze transformed into a storm and their kisses grew hotter and faster. They crashed against each other, suddenly desperate as their fingers explored – until Ivy began to climb. Ross must have read her groans of pleasure because suddenly he was inside her, rocking and stretching until the chaos of sensations got too much and they ripped through her and they both went over the edge.
Ivy lay silent as Ross moved them both until they were spooning on the sofa. The room was dark, aside from the flickers from the fire and the glow of the Christmas lights. He shifted again and suddenly a blanket was thrown over them. Ivy shut her eyes, drifting on sensation, relishing the unfamiliar aches in her body. All the while Ross stroked, his hand gentle as he investigated the angles and planes of her body. Moments later, Ivy fell asleep.
The fire was almost out when Ivy woke. Ross was still pressed against her back and she snuggled into him. He pressed a kiss onto the back of her neck and adjusted the arm which was lying across her hip.
‘Can’t you sleep?’ he whispered. ‘We can move to my bed if you’d be more comfortable.’
‘I’m okay.’ Ivy blinked as she took in the Christmas lights which were still twinkling in the darkness. ‘Why are you awake?’
‘I don’t want to miss a moment of this,’ Ross said and moved, which made his body brush Ivy’s back. She bit her lip to stop herself from groaning. ‘And I’ve been thinking…’
Ivy stiffened. ‘What about?’
Ross stroked her hip. ‘I still want to speak to Simon, if that’s what you’re worried about. It’s not that…’ he said carefully. ‘I’ve been thinking about you.’
Ivy stared at the tree. ‘What have you been thinking?’ Her stomach churned.
‘It’s none of my business, but…’ Ross hesitated. ‘I know what you’ve told me about your mam, but…Ivy, it’s so clear to me that you love working outside. It’s more than a vocation – the reason I know that is because I feel the same about being outdoors.’ He squeezed her hip. ‘Surely if you told her how you felt about it, she’d understand?’
‘She wouldn’t,’ Ivy said tonelessly, touching his hand and drawing it around her because suddenly she needed the warmth. ‘I’ve told you. We’ve argued about it many times, and she’ll never get it. In a lot of ways, I understand.’
‘I just…’ He paused, mulling his words. ‘I don’t know how to explain this. But I don’t want you to be unhappy. Everything you’ve done since coming to Christmas Resort has been about helping me find my way back to my family. Because you want me to connect with them. Because you think it’s in my best interests.’
Ivy tried not to tense up. She didn’t deserve Ross’s gratitude. That wasn’t why she’d come – at least at first. Now she did want him to be happy, but a small part of her was afraid he was going to get hurt. That perhaps his desire to separate himself from his family had been right all along.
‘I’m – look…’ Ivy started.
‘Trying to make everyone else happy?’ Ross suggested.
Ivy pursed her lips. ‘The London job is a good opportunity for me…’
‘Why?’
‘I might love it,’ she said, but she knew the tone of her voice signalled she wasn’t convinced. She tried to focus on the Christmas tree again. She wasn’t ready for reality to seep into the shiny moment they’d created. She wanted to spend a little more time just enjoying being with Ross.
‘I know about expectations from watching what Simon went through. At the time, I was always so focused on the fact that no one wanted anything from me. But what I didn’t see was how difficult it must be when you don’t get to choose what you do for yourself. I’ve never thought of myself as lucky before, but perhaps I should…’ Ross’s arm tightened around her. ‘I admire that you care so much about your mam, and I really respect you for trying to make her happy. I’m just not sure you should put her feelings before yours.’ His sigh was heavy.
‘I have to,’ Ivy mumbled.
‘Aye.’ His hug turned into a squeeze. ‘Perhaps I just can’t understand it because the people I meet aren’t usually that selfless.’
‘I’m not selfless,’ Ivy gasped as guilt flooded through her. ‘Please don’t say that.’
She felt the blood drain from her face – because Ross’s admiration was unwarranted. How would he feel if he knew the reason she’d come to Christmas Resort was to get her coveted job? He wouldn’t understand. But suddenly she really wanted him to.
‘This isn’t just about Mum. It’s time I took control of my life. All my worldly possessions could be packed into the boot of my Mini in less than half an hour. That kind of life is fine when you’re in younger, but I’m almost thirty – it’s time I got myself sorted.’ Ivy’s mother’s words echoed around her mind, like the lyrics to a song you’d heard once and couldn’t stop yourself from singing along to. ‘What’s the definition of madness?’
‘Turning up twice a day to an old man’s home so he can insult your cooking and set his dog on you?’ Ross joked.
Ivy couldn’t stop the bark of laughter. ‘Well, yes. But one of the motivational quotes on my coaching app told me that the definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. That’s why I have to change something. I’m not mad, I’m just…’ She winced. ‘Confused I suppose.’
‘Maybe that’s because you’ve been trying to walk someone else’s path,’ Ross suggested. ‘The truth is, someone somewhere is always going to have a piece of advice if you ask for it. I’m not saying your mam’s wrong, but I am saying don’t live your life because of something someone else says. You’re turning yourself inside out trying to make your Mam happy – but are you happy, Ivy?’
‘I don’t know.’ Ivy pursed her lips as she considered his question before she shook her head. Her happiness wasn’t the issue here. ‘I can’t have Mum worrying about me for the rest of her life.’
Ross kissed the edge of her neck. ‘I’m not trying to tell you what to do, I’m just saying think about it, Ivy.’ He eased himself up so he could kiss her cheek too. ‘If you want to work with plants, I’m just saying maybe you can find another way – a way you can both be happy?’
‘I’ll think about it,’ Ivy promised as he began to ease her over so she could kiss him back.
She knew she wouldn’t. Despite the whispering in her head that Ross might be right.