Chapter 9
Nine
He shouldn’t have kissed her. He’d done a lot of stupid things in his life, so many he’d lost count, but kissing her yesterday had to be one of the worst.
He could make all sorts of excuses. She was standing in his darkened bedroom, looking up at him as if he were a cross between Jack the Ripper and Tom Cruise, acting as if she’d never seen a man’s naked chest before. When he knew she’d seen a lot more.
He wasn’t sure what made him put his bands on her. His mouth on hers. The anger that consumed him whenever he saw her, thought of her. Curiosity, to see just what she’d learned from all the men she’d been with.
He’d been tempting fate as well. Checking to see whether he could remain immune to her. He should have known he couldn’t. The touch, the taste of her, had burned itself into his brain.
Why couldn’t life be simple? Why couldn’t he have fallen in love with someone like Lisa Canning? Lisa, who’d offer him everything and expect not much more than energetic sex and a certain tolerant discretion. Why did he have to want someone like Molly?
It had been a mistake, but not a fatal one. So he’d kissed her. So he’d felt her arms, tight around him, and the tremor that rippled through her body. He’d heard that soft, plaintive sound she’d made in the back of her throat, and he’d frozen. He’d had the sense to push her away, send her away.
And he had the sense to keep away himself.
It wouldn’t happen again. If worse came to worst he’d take what Lisa Canning had been offering so blatantly, just to get it out of his system.
Sooner or later Molly would grow tired of this charade, tell the police what they needed to know, and then he could get rid of her. And in doing so, he’d spike his father’s final, biggest wish.
It had to be a charade. There was no way she could possibly be the wide-eyed innocent she appeared to be.
And it was his own stupid fault for wanting to believe her. Thinking with his hormones instead of his head.
She’d have to admit the truth. Whatever the hell the truth might be. And then the two of them could go their separate ways. Forever.
So why didn’t the prospect seem more like a victory, instead of petty revenge?
She was sick again the next morning. This time she didn’t wreck the carpet—she had thoughtfully provided herself with an empty wastebasket on the chance that this morning would parallel the others.
She was vaguely hoping against hope that she’d be well this morning: no little babies to complicate her life.
But fate didn’t want to cooperate. She lay back in bed, shivering with the aftermath.
This time she didn’t fall back asleep. It was stormy again, and the steady beat of the rain seemed to pound even louder in her throbbing head. There was no point in delaying—she climbed wearily out of her oversoft bed and prepared to face the day.
There was no one stirring in the darkened kitchen.
And no wonder—5:30 was a bit early even for a farm.
She made a full pot of coffee, lit the fire that had already been laid in the hearth, and huddled close to it.
Eventually, somewhere in the middle of her second cup of coffee, the rain slackened off a bit, and she listened to the noise of an approaching car with interest. It was her dear husband in the old van, presumably back from a night in the arms of the grieving widow.
The surge of anger and jealousy that swept through Molly frightened her, and she put down the cup with trembling fingers.
She saw him long before he saw her. There was a cold, discontented look on his lean face, which pleased her enormously. It certainly wasn’t the proper expression for a man returning from a satisfying night of love.
He ran in the door, shaking off the dinging raindrops from his long black hair. Then his eyes met hers, and he stopped dead.
“Good morning,” she greeted him evenly, willing herself sternly to forget the last moment she had seen him, the overwhelming reaction she’d had to his kiss.
He moved closer into the room, relaxing slightly. “You’re up early,” he observed. “Is there any more coffee?”
“In the carafe.” She picked up her cup and took another sip, the trembling in her hand down to a bare minimum. “How’s Lisa?” She could have kicked herself for saying that.
“Fine,” he said brusquely. “She sends you her love.” And, taking his cup with him, he left the room.
Cursing herself for a fool, Molly rose from her seat and began puttering around the kitchen.
She discovered a cache of day-old muffins and proceeded to heat them in the oven.
Placing than daintily on one of the old Spode plates and adding butter and homemade jam, she carried than into Patrick’s office.
He looked up from the paper he was staring at, and frowned.
“A peace offering,” she stated, before he could open his mouth to order her from the room.
“I’m sorry for what I said in the kitchen.
It was uncalled for.” She didn’t honestly believe that, but she expected Patrick wouldn’t agree. “Would you like some more coffee?”
“I’ll get it,” he said, but she took the cup from him in a peremptory fashion.
“You eat your muffins,” she said grandly, sailing from the room. In a moment she was back, with two cups. She sat down opposite him and watched him out of demurely lowered eyelids, letting her gaze trail along the lean, smooth lines of his body, the tired planes of his tanned face.
“All right,” he said abruptly. “You want togetherness, we’ll have togetherness. Why don’t you answer a few questions, dear wife? Think you can do that?”
“I doubt it. I don’t have any memories.”
“The convenient amnesia. I guess it must be catching—I keep forgetting that you lost your memory.”
He was in a foul mood, she thought. Obviously the wrong moment for improving their relationship.
She rose, but his hand shot out, clamping around her wrist, and she slopped her mug of coffee.
He didn’t release her, and she refused to sit.
She stood there, staring down at him, wishing it gave her even the slightest advantage. It didn’t.
“So tell me, Molly dear. Are you still insisting someone pushed you down the cellar hole?” he asked in a silken voice. Despite the firmness of his grip, his thumb was absently stroking the tender inside of her wrist.
“It was the truth.”
“And you’re such a great expert on the truth, aren’t you? What happened the night you left here?”
Damn him, she thought, wishing she could break free. She knew if she tugged again it would just end up in an undignified struggle. “I don’t remember,” she said stubbornly.
“And you expect me to believe this miraculous case of amnesia? This incredibly convenient memory loss that lets you off the hook, as usual.”
“Actually, I expect nothing from you,” she said in a cool voice.
“That’s wise. Because that’s what you’re likely to get.”
“How nice that we’ve got that settled. Would you like to let me go?” She asked in her most matter-of-fact tone. It still took on the subtext of a cosmic question. Would he let her go? When?
“Don’t you have any questions you want to ask me?” he said lazily. “Since you’ve been so extraordinarily frank this morning, why don’t I return the favor?”
“What would you do if I was pregnant?”
It worked. He dropped her wrist as if burned, and the winter blue of his eyes turned to ice.
“I wouldn’t give a damn,” he said after a moment. “Unless you tried to pass it off as mine. You wouldn’t get very far with that, so I suggest you don’t even try. Are you?”
“Am I what? Pregnant? Or trying to pass the child off as yours?”
“Either one.”
“Neither one,” she said pertly. Not a complete lie. She didn’t know that she was pregnant—she was just guessing. “I was just daydreaming.”
“More like a nightmare if you ask me,” he snapped.
“You don’t like children?”
“I like children. I don’t like you.”
To her horror she could feel tears start in her eyes. And it seemed to horrify him just as much, for he rose, suddenly contrite. “Molly, I...”
Before he could finish she had run from the room, anywhere to keep him from seeing her appalling weakness. She couldn’t even curse him for a thoughtless bastard; his final softening had precluded that.
Perhaps it was all a lost cause, she told herself tearfully when she reached the haven of her room.
She would be much better off if she did keep out of his way.
He had told her to, time and time again, and she hadn’t listened, stubbornly seeking him out.
I voicing for something. A faint sign of approval, or even affection?
She knew perfectly well she wanted more than that. And she would never get it—she’d learned that in another lifetime, and that knowledge stayed with her, even as her memory eluded her.
If she had any sense at all she would just stay in her room, passing the time as best she could until this period of waiting was over.
Unless she was pregnant. The thought came unbidden, and resolutely she pushed it away. That was one problem she would not worry about until she had to. But the period of time before her doctor’s appointment stretched before her as a yawning abyss.
Muffins. She’d brought him muffins and coffee, a peace offering, and he’d thrown them back in her face. He didn’t want peace offerings from her. He didn’t want her sweet and shy, looking up at him as if she were sixteen again and he was everything she’d ever wanted.
He didn’t want to believe in her again. Didn’t want to be seduced by her green-blue eyes and her hurt innocence. She wasn’t innocent, and she wasn’t hurt. And whatever it was she wanted from him, it couldn’t be something he was willing to give.