Chapter 5 #2
She blinks, her lips parting slightly, and just like that, heat sparks between us as hot as it did last year.
That is, until she snaps her mouth shut again. She’s genuinely upset about that part. I don’t blame her.
“I didn’t mean to obscure anything,” I say. “I just…I was having such an amazing time with you. And I’m not just talking about the sex.”
Noelle’s cheeks go pink. It’s so fucking becoming it’s hard to look at her. “Do you have to say that word?”
I laugh softly. “What, sex?”
She shifts, looking up. “Yes.”
“You didn’t have a problem talking about it last year.”
She laughs softly. “You’re unbelievable.”
“So are you,” I say under my breath.
“You let me talk forever about the theater,” she says. “Afterward. And my stupid ex- boyfriend.”
“Is there a stupid new boyfriend now?” I ask. It’s a joke, but I hold my breath, waiting for her to answer.
“Does it matter?”
“I guess not.” Except it does matter. I want to be able to think of her the way I want to. Hell, I want to do a hell of a lot more. I have to force myself not to take a step toward her.
“Noelle—” I say, just as she says, “We should get back downstairs.”
She’s right. But the moment we go back down there, she won’t be mine anymore. She’ll be all of theirs. We both will. Which is why I don’t move.
“I don’t regret it, Noelle.”
She meets my eye. “Part of me doesn’t either.”
“Part of you?”
She gifts me a second smile then, and it’s like the sun has suddenly peeked out from behind the clouds. “I had fun. But I will regret until the day I die my dad and your grandfather walking in on us.”
I laugh, feeling a knot unwind in my chest. “Your dad looked like he was in a bad dream.”
Noelle grins. “I think he still wishes it was.”
We both laugh then, and the year between us melts away.
Sometime last year I came to the conclusion that though it was incredible, it wasn’t the sex that was my favorite part of being with her.
It was being with her. Talking with her in the car, and later in the dark.
Her teasing me, me making her laugh. It’s what I carried with me all year.
“Thank God your grandpa doesn’t stick around for book club. It was the only reason I let my mom drag me here.”
I grimace. “Actually…”
“Oh my God. He’s here, isn’t he?”
“Don’t worry. He’s in the kitchen. And he gave me enough of a hard time about it all last year anyway. He talks about it with fondness now.”
Noelle covers her face with her hands. “I’m never going downstairs again. In fact, maybe you could take me with you, to outer space?”
“Listen, if you’re sick of hearing about space now, wait til I get you in a rocket ship.”
She laughs. “That can’t be the scientific name for it. Anyway, I’m not sick of it. I love hearing you talk about it. Especially all that stuff about the universe.”
For some reason this is the best thing I’ve heard in a long time.
We really should go now. But over her shoulder, through the glass door of Grandpa’s study, a sliver of the darkening sky is visible, and I hesitate, then ask, “Can I show you something?”
Her brows furrow, but she nods.
I take her hand. Heat spreads across my skin where we touch, but she doesn’t let go. The brief waft of vanilla almost makes me dizzy as we cut through Grandpa’s study.
A moment later, we step outside.
“We had a back balcony like this one at the house I grew up in back in Ohio,” I say, leading her to the railing. “I used to make my parents hang out there with me all the time. Well, my mom mostly.”
She looks at me curiously. “Do you and your dad not get along?”
My skin prickles at her intuitiveness. Or did she pick up on that last year? “We’re fine. We don’t fight or anything.”
She looks at me like she wants me to continue.
How do I tell her he spent so much time caring about other people I sometimes wondered if I was as important as his work?
“He was a good dad,” I say. “When he was around. Never missed a birthday, though he missed other stuff. Took me fishing and camping. But he was gone a lot. His work always seemed to come first.”
“That sounds familiar.”
I remember her dad was a cop.
“Kind of cold time of year for hanging outside,” she says.
I pull off my sweater without thinking. “It’s my favorite time of year to look at the stars. The cold always makes me feel like we were in space.”
She opens and closes her mouth and I realize I just gave her a show, since my t-shirt pulled all the way up with the sweater.
“I’m fine,” she insists.
“I was getting hot in there anyway.”
She hesitates only a moment before taking the sweater from me and draping it around her shoulders.
We look out over the view of town, the hills rising up behind. Even though it’s only six, the sky is pitch black—save for the stars.
We’re silent for a moment as we stare out at them. It’s a new moon, so they’re particularly bright tonight.
“Do you have a favorite star?” Noelle asks after a moment. “Or constellation?”
“I have a few. Cassiopeia. Pegasus. Cygnus, though we can’t see it up in the Northern Hemisphere.
” I hesitate a moment, aware I’m already nerding out, and unsure whether to tell her what I want to say.
“But I have a confession.” Guess I’ve decided on telling her.
“The stars aren’t my favorite part of the sky. ”
“No? What is, the moon?”
“Who doesn’t love the moon? But no. Not that either.” I look up to the darkest part of the sky. “It’s the space in between that I love.”
“Why’s that?”
“See the Big Dipper there?” I lean in and point out the constellation. “Most of those are about 80 lightyears away. But that space in between? It goes on forever. The possibility of what’s in there is infinite.”
“Whole other galaxies,” she says next to me, her voice soft.
“Yes. With other solar systems. Maybe one with a planet, just like this one, where our doppelg?ngers are looking back out at us.” I hesitate. “Only they didn’t get caught by their family members with their pants off.”
Noelle throws her head back and laughs. I wish I could hear that sound forever. I wish I could bottle it up.
When she looks at me again, her face is a lot closer than it was a moment ago. Right next to me, since I’m resting my elbows on the railing.
“Don’t most astronauts want to do things like collect rocks and take measurements?” She asks. “Science things?”
I smile. “Sometimes. Usually they have questions they want to answer.”
Noelle looks to the stars again. “Like the meaning of life?”
I tear my eyes from her to look with her. Only Noelle could distract me from the stars. “Yeah. And why life matters so much. Why we’re here on earth. Why we feel, why we get sad. Why we love. Why we have wishes, and…why we look to the stars to answer them.”
Noelle’s quiet, and I feel my cheeks heat.
But when I look at her, her eyes are on mine. “I understand the philosopher part now,” she says softly.
My stomach plunges with heat. I want to kiss her. Does she want that? Or was that a one-time thing?
Her lips part, and I decide it has to be at least somewhat mutual. I reach out and brush a hand over her hip, grazing my thumb over her, remembering the last time I touched her there, with far less clothing.
She lets out a little breath, and I can’t stop myself. I feel myself inching toward her.
Then a hinge creaks behind us.
We jump apart.
“I’m so sorry to interrupt,” Connie says softly. I can’t see her face since she’s backlit, but I can hear the tone of her voice well enough. “We’re starting up again, but you two don’t need to join us if you don’t want.”
I look at Noelle, who smiles.
“I couldn’t possibly keep the guest of honor away,” she says. Then she turns on her heel and heads back inside, leaving me lost in infinity.