Chapter 15
Noelle
The Rolling Hills Ranch is a few miles west of the Rolling Hills resort, nestled in the trees with a view of the river and town below.
The proprietor, a woman in her sixties who introduces herself as Sarah, is apparently a close friend of the Kelly family. She hugs each of them in turn, growing teary-eyed when she gets to Leif’s Uncle Seamus, giving him the longest hug of all.
“She’s Seamus’s stepmother,” Leif whispers. “Seamus’s dad—her husband—passed last year.”
Leif’s been giving me Cliff’s notes of this whole huge gang of Kelly family members. My chest clenches at that, just like it did when Leif told me his grandfather wasn’t going to be here since his health had declined so much in the past year.
The furry hood of Leif’s Parka tickles my cheek every time he whispers in my ear, which is painfully sweet, and just one more thing making me think coming on this ride was a bad way to say goodbye.
Just like Leif picking me up and peppering me with questions about my life like it’s more interesting than him having gone to space, or him bringing cookies his Grandfather made to give out on the ride but first showing me his Grandpa made me one shaped in the letter N with eight different kinds of sprinkles on it.
Sarah straightens her long sable-colored coat and says, “Welcome, all of you to the Rolling Hills Ranch. I know most of you are more than familiar with us and have enjoyed time with the horses for years, but for those of you I haven’t met”—she smiles at me—“I’d like to extend an extra-special welcome.
” She clears her throat. “As many of you know, this ranch was the retirement passion project of my husband Jamie. If you all knew Jamie, you’d know only he wanted to do more work when he retired. ”
Several of the Kelly’s laugh.
She’s quiet for a moment and I realize she’s trying to gather her composure. Seamus wraps an arm around her shoulder. I have to keep myself from holding Leif’s hand.
“One of Jamie’s favorite times of year,” Sarah says, “was when he got to stable the wagons and pull out the sleighs, our biggest and best you’ll see coming our way now.”
Down a snowy path, two hands pull open the doors of the enormous red barn, and a team of two giant horses leading an enormous red sleigh emerge.
It’s beautifully theatrical, and I can’t help my breath from catching at the sight of the beautiful animals, with their furred brown coats and blond manes.
Their breath puffs out around them as they move toward us.
The person leading the horses is a pretty woman around Leif’s age, with pink cheeks and a sparkling grin.
“Imogennnnnn” Enzo whoops. She waves from the top of the sleigh and everyone cheers.
“My cousin,” Leif says. “Seamus’s daughter, Jamie’s granddaughter.” He meets my eye. “You wishing you didn’t come yet?”
Yes. Kind of. But only because his family’s been so welcoming to me; so warm and friendly, like I’m here to stay. I shake my head. “Of course not.”
The truth is I do wish I hadn’t come, but also…there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.
Leif grins, but it only lasts a moment as he looks up over my head.
I turn to see an older man and woman approaching the crowd from the parking lot.
They make a striking couple: the man’s got silver hair and a beard and wears a puffy black jacket.
The woman is stunning, with streaks of silver in her blonde curls, a perfectly tailored long wool coat and red leather gloves.
She smiles radiantly at everyone as she searches the crowd.
“Your parents,” I say, my stomach flipping. I’ve heard so much about them over all these years, I feel like I know them. Yet we’ve never met.
Leif clears his throat, his jaw ticking.
Leif’s features don’t exactly match his dad’s, but there’s still an almost uncanny resemblance; a similarity in their comportment.
Nerves dance in my belly and I find myself gripping my hands in front of me as his mom smiles, spotting Leif.
When they get to us, Leif’s mom gives her son a giant hug, then looks at me and smiles even harder. “You must be Noelle.”
“Hi, Mrs. Kelly.” I go to shake her hand, but she gives me a hug instead.
“Sasha, please,” she says, grasping my shoulders with those red-gloved hands. “It’s so nice to meet you, sweetheart. You’re just as pretty as Leif said you were all those years ago.”
“Mom!” Leif says.
Someone calls her over and she reluctantly lets me go. “I’ll be back.”
I turn back to face Leif’s dad, whose face is even scowlier than my dad’s. But as he extends his hand to mine, he smiles, the lines between his eyebrows softening. “Good to meet you, Noelle. We’ve heard so much about you.”
“All good, I hope?” I say.
“Seeing as everything I’ve heard is from your father, yes, it was all glowing. Haven’t heard much since you graduated from Julliard though. That’s around when he retired, isn’t it?”
“You know my dad?” I ask. I look at Leif, but he looks equally surprised.
“He was one of my best bureau contacts.”
Oops.
“Bureau?” Leif’s brow furrows, and in this moment he looks exactly like his dad.
“It’s nice to finally meet you, sir.” I say. To Leif, I smile guiltily and say, “People get kind of freaked out when they find out your dad is in the FBI.”
They might decide not to stay over at a strange girl’s house.
Without warning, Griffin pulls Leif into what looks like a bone crushing hug. “Good to see you, son.” he says.
“Hey,” Leif says, his voice muffled as he pats his father’s back “Dad, I just saw you last month.”
“Uncle Griff’s gone soft since he retired,” Enzo says from across the crowd.
Griffin heads straight for him, curling his nephew into a headlock to everyone’ delight.
“You okay?” I ask Leif.
He blinks. Then he looks down at me. “He smiled at you.”
“Is that unusual?”
“Yeah,” Leif says, with a tilt of his mouth. “He must like you.”
A few minutes later, we’re up on the sleigh on a soft, fur-lined bench.
It’s a feat I got up here considering I didn’t exactly think my outfit through: I’m wearing a sweater dress and sheer tights, with a puffy coat on top.
My butt’s already cold. Luckily, Sarah hands a stack of blankets to Enzo to distribute before getting up into the driver’s seat next to her granddaughter.
Enzo hands me and Leif a single blanket, winking hard.
“Sorry about my idiot cousin,” Leif says loudly. Then to me, “Are you okay to share?”
I’ve been trying to keep composed and formal, the better to break the news to Leif later. But it’s a pain trying so hard, so I decide in that moment to relax and enjoy myself.
“It’s fine. I’m just here to leach all your body heat anyway.”
Leif seems to pick up on the shift in my attitude and I have to look away so he doesn’t see the way warmth flares in my stomach at his grin.
A moment later, Sarah tells everyone to hang on, and we’re off.
The ride takes us through a beautiful path through the woods, the boughs heavy with snow.
For the first while Leif and I don’t talk, just sit together in silence listening to the conversations around us.
Everyone talks with mock jealousy about how Leif’s uncle Jude and his family are in Mexico for another week, while Seamus and his wife Chelsea talk about going to the Bahamas in January.
“It’ll be our first vacation since everything,” Chelsea says, kissing Seamus’s gray-bearded cheek.
Eli talks about how his father’s going in for some heart tests, and everyone’s face grows somber.
But amongst the worry and sadness, there’s joy, too.
The family teases each other, regaling each other with stories from the course of the year.
And though they make jokes about how no one has done anything as important or interesting as Leif, they don’t grill him about his time in space either.
Or demand to know what’s next. He’s lucky.
I relax into Leif, laughing at the stories they tell about him when he was a boy, like the time he built a telescope out of a mayonnaise jar.
“Or the time he wrote his will on a paper napkin that time he was sick with the flu,” Enzo says. “He left me all his LEGO.”
Everyone laughs, but I see his mom blanch. “God, I almost forgot about that,” she says. “He was really sick. His father flew home from Venezuela we were so worried.”
“I was fine,” Leif says.
“No you weren’t.” Griffin looks at his son. “We had to take you to the hospital to put you on one of those oxygen machines.”
Enzo grimaces. “I had no idea it was that intense.”
“You were five,” Leif says.
Griffin shakes his head. “I saw a lot during my career. Horrific stuff. But none of it compared to how it felt seeing Leif on that hospital bed.”
Leif gives his lopsided smile. “I got better.”
But I can see something bigger going on here.
“It was touch and go for a while,” Griffin says.
“Your father took the only leave I ever saw him take,” Sasha says. “He started making up travel plans to get you to a hospital in Switzerland, where he’d found the best respiratory clinic in the world.”
Leif gives a disbelieving laugh. “No way Dad took a leave.” He looks to his father. “Your business was everything to you.”
Griffin shakes his head. “No. You were, Leif.”
Under the blanket, I take Leif’s hand. He grips me tight.
Tears well in my eyes, and I see I’m not alone. Do they all know how strained things have been between Leif and his dad? Do they see the way Leif’s whole worldview is tilting as we watch?
Enzo turns to his father. “How come you never say anything like that to me?”
Everyone laughs, the mood instantly loosening. A few people wipe their eyes.
“I gave you the family business!” Eli says.
While Eli and his son bicker playfully,
Griffin claps his hand on Leif’s shoulder, and after a moment, Leif presses his hand on his father’s.
I squeeze Leif’s other hand again and he clears his throat, shifting his hand so his fingers interlock with mine. It feels so natural, so good, I lean into him. This isn’t what friends do. It’s not what people who are ending friendships do.
But this is no normal friendship. I’m in love with Leif Kelly, and it’s getting harder and harder for me to pretend I can put that aside.
“Do you have to get back to anything after this?” Leif asks.
I swallow, nerves making my palm damp against his.
“What are you thinking?” I ask.
“I have something I want to show you.”