Epilogue #3
Ah, fuck. I really do fuckin’ want it. Fuck shame and everyone who’s ever tried to make me feel like a bitch for this. This is hot.
“You’re so sexy,” Ash tells me. I don’t know where he’s put the plug but his hands are free now; one’s teasing my inner thigh while the other palms my hip.
He kisses me lower, licking up the cum smeared against my stomach, and his tongue flicks the tip of my cock.
I moan again. “I love seeing you like this. It’s hot as hell. ”
“Butterfly.” I don’t even know what else to say. I’m about to be reduced to begging at this rate.
“Want me inside you?” he asks, and just that one question turns my insides molten. I inhale sharply again. “Want me to fuck you while your cum’s still in my ass, Sam?”
“Fuck yes I do.” If I sound overeager and fervent it’s because I am. I’m desperate.
“Good. ‘Cause I want that, too.” He comes up my body again and kisses me, and I can taste myself on him, faintly. His dick’s pressed firmly between my legs and I can’t help but push myself into him, like I can work him inside me like that, and he responds with a roll of his hips that nearly makes me black out.
“Please,” I murmur against his lips. “I wanna be fucked.”
In that sense Ash doesn’t torment me, at least. He’s generous with the lube that he coats on his fingers before they circle my hole, and even that sensation is a lot.
Different from the butt plug, oh yes, this is someone else, living and breathing flesh that’s pushing one finger inside me by slow degrees while I breathe hard and throw an arm over my face.
His finger swirls experimentally inside me, and when he adds another I think I actually see stars for a second.
“Okay?” He kisses the inside of my knee. “Tell me if it’s too much.”
“No, it’s—ah. Fuck.” His fingers curl and hit a very sweet spot indeed, and everything below my navel goes warm and taut. “Holy shit.”
“You’re such a mess,” he says affectionately. “Want me to keep going?”
Do I? I think, maybe, if he keeps doing that, I could go again. Dick’s still rock hard and begging for more attention. Much like Keanu Reeves in Point Break, I suppose I am also young, dumb, and full of cum.
“Sam?” Again kissing my knee. “Talk to me, baby.”
“Fuck me,” I say in a strained voice.
I do feel the absence when he pulls his fingers out.
The kind of absence I want to chase, my hips moving after him, but when he wraps a lube-coated hand around his own cock I just stop and watch.
He’s perfectly framed between my legs and I’m so intent on him that when I feel his head nudge my hole, it’s actually a surprise.
I clap my hand over my mouth just to stifle the utterly unholy sound I’m making as he pushes slowly inside me and—fuck.
It’s that intense, warm sensation again, of being utterly filled, of that certain spot being pressed on.
He eases into me until he bottoms out and my head falls back with another one of those moans that sound like they should belong to anyone but me.
“How’s that, baby?” he asks me, lowering his head to mine. “Okay?”
“Give me a minute,” I grit out.
“Too much?” He drops soft kisses on my face and neck as my body figures out this new intrusion.
Bigger and longer than the plug, definitely, and so much warmer, and it’s attached to a man who I love so damn much, which makes it even better.
I take a deep breath, let it go, shivering a little as his fingertips caress down my pecs and ribs. “Do you want to stop?”
“No,” I say. “Not at all.” I manage to snag his lips in a kiss. “Maybe go easy on me?”
“Told you I would.” He begins moving slowly and it’s fucking indescribable, the sensation of being filled versus doing the filling. Like it’s lighting up an entirely different part of my brain. “You feel so good.”
“Do I?” I like it. Being told that.
“Got such a tight little hole. Dunno how long I’m gonna last.” Breathless smile on his rosy lips, lashes fluttering as he sinks into me again. Oh, he looks good above me like this. Between my legs.
“Yeah?” I reach out, sink my fist into his hair and press my forehead to his. “Gonna fill me up?”
His breath catches. His hips sling into mine with a wet slap. “Oh, yeah.”
“Good.” I bite my lip. It’s hard to think with him inside me like this, those slow thrusts eroding my sanity every time he bottoms out. His cock certainly feels big from this angle. “Want you to come in me,” I say. “Want you to make me yours.”
He groans softly, the lean muscles flexing in his abdomen.
He’s picking up the pace now, brisk, still giving me a chance to tap out and slow him down, but I don’t want to.
I wrap my thighs around him and urge him on, my hips rising to meet every thrust. My cock’s leaking down my stomach and it jumps and twitches every time he nails that spot inside me. My moans take on a different pitch.
And Ash is groaning in my ear, lapping the lobe before tugging it between his teeth.
His fingertips have such a death grip on my hips I think they might leave bruises.
I take one of his hands by the wrist and place it on my cock, and when he grasps my length I almost cry out from relief.
He starts jerking me in time with his thrusts and it’s good I feel like I need to fucking hold onto something.
My hands smack the headboard of the bed before my fingers curl around the top edge.
“Close,” I gasp. “Think I might be close.”
“Again?”
“Yeah.”
“Me too.” Again increasing the pace and I’m clutching the headboard so tight I think it’ll splinter. “Fuck, Sam, you feel so fucking good. So damn tight.”
“Please,” I say and I don’t even know what I’m asking for. Starting to lose sense of what it is I even want.
“Want me to come inside you?”
“Yes.”
Ash’s hips slam into me. He drives himself so deeply inside me that it feels like he’s rearranged some vital organs.
The headboard cracks off the wall. I cry out as I feel him come and it’s a sensation like no other, being filled, yes, but also claimed, hot cum to the fucking brim, and I have to throw my head back as I start coming all over his fingers, too.
He kisses me hard as we finish together, swallowing all those terrible noises I seem to like making so much for him.
We collapse in a sweaty heap, all tangled up. I lick his fingers, one by one, as he watches me breathlessly. Can feel him twitching inside me as I do. “Hell,” he says softly, “I love you like this.”
I tuck his hand under my chin. “Maybe I love you like this. Fucking me senseless.”
“Does that mean you want to do it again?”
“I think so.” Our noses touch. “Don’t even know why I was scared. It felt so good.”
“Something something…” He smiles wryly. “Society. Culture. Homophobia. Sexism. Or, what is it, machismo? Take your pick.”
“All of the above? And the whole thing where like, if you’re the one topping it’s not as gay. I dunno, I guess it’s hard to unlearn this kind of shit.”
“I have bad news,” he tells me solemnly. “It’s just as gay no matter what position you’re in.”
“Ay, say it ain’t so,” I say in mock horror. “What will my family think?”
“Good thing it’s none of their business. Or anyone else’s, actually.”
He drops a kiss on my lips as he, much to my disappointment, slides out of me. Although I realize at that moment just how fucking sore I am. We’re both a mess of sweat and cum; the room reeks of sex but it’s a smell I love because I associate it with him. Who I also love.
“Don’t goooo.” I try to drag him back into bed when he throws his legs over the edge of the bed. “I’m not done cuddling you.”
He raises an eyebrow at me. “I was gonna run you a nice bath. With those dumb bath beads you love so much.”
“They aren’t dumb,” I argue. “They’re nice. My Abu gave them to me for my birthday last year. Or…” I tilt my head. “Christmas? I can’t remember.”
“They’re messy, though.” He kisses my forehead. “They leave icky rings on the tub.”
“I’ll clean it.”
“No, no. You’re gonna be sore.” He grins. “I’ll take care of it.”
“It’s true. I’m wounded now. You’ll have to feed me grapes and fan me, too.” I let him go, folding my arms behind my head. “Carry on then, servant.”
Cue laugh track.
Cue bliss.
In the bathtub that’s not big enough for the both of us, we make do. I get in first and then pull Ash into my arms, and yeah, some water gets on the floor, but whatever. I drop a kiss on his shoulder and snuggle him and we lie there for a long time, just enjoying the feel of each other.
Who would’ve thought? With him. With a guy.
With anyone at all—me, as restless and indecisive as I am.
I never thought I’d feel so settled. I thought I was going to be a loser forever.
Doing things as mindlessly as a dumb robot, chasing people and things because it’s what I’m supposed to do.
Because I thought I had to prove something to the world, not because it’s what I really wanted.
Ash. My butterfly. He’s given me so much reason and purpose, made me feel like it’s okay to be who and what I am. My razón de ser1, as it were.
“I love you, Sam,” he tells me, face pressed to my jaw.
I pull him closer. “Yo también te amo.2”
1 Reason to be
2 I love you more