22. Theo
“I’m absolutely stuffed,” I said, cradling my stomach with my hand. Despite my efforts to look somewhat dazzling tonight, being full after a dinner never ended up painting one in the most romantic light. Since leaving the restaurant, after several forkfuls of pasta and cured meat, we groaned with each step we took.
“I’m starting to feel like this was all a ploy to fatten me up, ripe and ready for some sea witch to pluck me from the riverside in exchange for your immortality,” Audrey said, looking tauntingly over the water beside us. The notion was ridiculous, and I chuckled, wondering if she was already tipsy over that one glass of wine.
“You really think I’d do that?” I asked.
She tilted her head to the side in contemplation. “I’m not going to go as far to say that you wouldn’t do it. But then again, I can’t ever seem to tell what you’re thinking.”
Huh. “And what exactly would I do with immortality?”
Audrey found her way to a nearby stone bridge that crossed over the river, and we stopped at its midpoint, giving us a better view of the scene below. The water twinkled as it reflected the stars and city lights above, making me think it looked like some kind of Van Gogh masterpiece. Even over the running river, I could hear Audrey breathe, in and out… slowly, nervously. I knew she was feeling the way I was. Just like last week, when I kissed her and she kissed me back, I could feel the heat now. And my breath was just as ragged, unsure whether I should initiate another kiss again, or whether it’d turn her off me for good.
“You’re already wealthy, so I don’t think you’d worry too much about making money,” she said, truly contemplating my last question. It was the kind of dedication I admired. “You’d probably live out your days Dracula style, using your mysterious immortality to lure in women. Make them fall in love with you with that gleaming smile, only to puncture them with your fangs before they get a chance to run away.”
“That’s pretty grotesque.” I turned to her, lifting her chin up with my finger. Whatever this was, it was my last chance at trying to get her to stay—proving to her that we have more to explore together, and it doesn’t have to mean giving up her dream of France. We could have both. Maybe I was being naive, but explaining how easy this could be, could only be understood by her seeing it in the flesh. People who weren’t privileged with the freedom, whether it was financial freedom or having more spare time than others, were more hesitant to consider this an option. I remember what Audrey used to be like when we were younger; how she’d work any shift for an extra pay cheque. Even if she still wanted to save what she earned, I suppose this was me trying to show her how I’d work hard for her, too, so that she could keep hold of her dream without running away—pretending nothing was actually happening between us. It was forward, I knew that… but I didn’t have time to wait on the outskirts of an opportunity. “Why would I need to find other women, anyways?” I asked, reigning in my thoughts. “I feel like your argument is floored.”
“How come?” Her breath feathered on my hand as she spoke, while her bright eyes connected with mine. The pit in my stomach turned to butterflies, and I forgot my discomfort entirely.
“Because now that I’ve got you, there’s no way I’m going to let you go.” It was like those last words changed a circuit in her mind, and all of a sudden, she tugged on my blazer to bring me down, inching my lips closer to hers. With her initiating the movement this time, I knew we had to feel the same way. I was no longer scared of her reaction as I tried to pursue her, because one way or another, she was trying to meet me in the middle.
The second our lips touched, I pulled her closer by the hips. She tasted sweet, like the wine she had earlier, and I couldn’t get enough of her. I moved my hand so it ran up her jaw and circled its way to her hair, softly caressing her neckline. And as the kiss deepened, my fears of her saying this was a mistake dissipated. She was all in, as we both leaned our body weight against the bridge’s railing, hoping it would support us, but not worrying enough to double check.
“You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you to kiss me first,” I spoke quietly as she pulled away for air. And when I looked at her bright, doe eyes—an expression that she was taken aback, but happy about it—I wanted to kiss her again. And again, and again. Even though I never expected to see her after leaving her back in Australia, I felt like I’d still been longing for her touch this whole time.
“You say that like it’s been years,” she commented, somehow forgetting how long I must’ve been pining after her.
“It has been,” I reminded her. “I’ve wanted this from the moment I let it slip.”
Audrey pulled away, thinking over my last sentence, and I worried it came off wrong. But instead of leaving completely, she straightened out her own jacket and looked around to see if anyone had just seen our outburst of passion. “So then, how serious are you feeling right now?”
“How serious?” I frowned, unsure of what she meant. Did kissing have to feel so precarious? But as she waited for me to elaborate, I realised exactly what she was referring to. She wanted security; it would be different entering into a first kiss with someone else, not caring where it ended up. But we had history, and I damn well hoped we had a future as well.
“I’ve been feeling like everything’s a game to you, and I can’t tell whether you’re actually interested in me, or us, or if annoying me has been a fun way for you to pass the time,” she explained. “I’m not trying to be cruel here… but damn it, Theo, I’m so lost right now.”
“Hey, shh.” I hushed, trying to calm her down and bring her eyes back up to mine. “I’ve never once thought of playing with your feelings, Audrey Clarke. From the moment I first met you, all those years back, to the day I saw you at the office just a month ago. I cannot describe how lucky I felt, and how I’ve been so worried that whenever I turn around, you’re not going to be there behind me.” She looked concerned, and I knew why. The contract was ending. But I had to try, and I wasn’t going to let her make any decisions without showing her what she truly meant to me. “I’m in love with you, Audrey. Surely you can see that?”
She trailed her hand up and down my arm, making me shiver. And when she looked down to my hand, taking it in her own, she returned to me with a smile. “You love me? Is that so?”
“Alright, don’t get too carried away.” I rolled my eyes.
“The Theo Atkins, in love with Little Old Me?” She smirked, and I knew exactly how to shut her up. With one quick hike, I picked her up and placed her on the bridge rail beside us, holding her close so that she wouldn’t fall back, and rather than kissing her lips, my mouth went to her neck, kissing up and down its curve until she clutched my back, trying not to fall and react to the touch at the same time.
“You’ll say it back one day,” I whispered between kisses. “And when you do, you won’t be able to stop.”
Eventually, we returned back to the Airbnb, where we awkwardly hovered near each other’s rooms, not wanting to be alone, but not wanting to rush things or make any assumptions of where the night was heading. But regardless of sharing my feelings, and helping her finally make her way to Paris, I didn’t know if it was enough. I didn’t exactly have the right to know, and Audrey protected the thoughts in her brain as if they were her most prized possessions. Still, my own pride made me want to tear down those walls, just to get a glimpse of my chances.
“Want to sit with me for a few moments?” I asked, making my way to the small dining table, compact enough for us to both fit and eat together within the tiny apartment.
Audrey wiped a tired hand over her eyes, but her smile was still intact. “Sure.” Surprisingly, even though we’d just had each other’s tongues down our throats, goosebumps came over my skin when she reached out and took my hand in hers. It was a simple gesture, reassuring me she wasn’t going to pretend this didn’t happen when tomorrow came by.
“This might be a little forward,” I admitted. “But when it comes to Paris… I know why you’d want to stay in a place like this, and I understand why you’ve always wanted to pack up and leave everything behind.”
“Right.” Her voice was strained, waiting for me to continue.
“Does that mean even after everything we’ve found together… that you’d want to leave this behind as well?”
She looked down, trying to collect her thoughts before turning back to me. “Honestly, I don’t know what it will mean.”
“Would it really be so bad to stick around in England just a little longer?” I asked, begging at the same time. “When it means we can be together, the way we always wanted to be?” As soon as I said it, the words felt hypocritical. Still, I tried to shy that feeling away.
“Maybe I can see if Ava will budge for a little extension, without having to agree to the three-year contract,” she said. Her eyes looked hopeful, as if it was what she truly wanted. A perfect middle ground, giving us more time to figure things out. “I’m not sure if she’ll go for it, though. She said the terms were pretty strict last time.”
“There’s no harm in trying, right?”
She squeezed my hand tighter. “You’re right. What do we have to lose?”
Only everything, I thought, but kept an encouraging smile on my face. “Are you ready for bed, love?” It was a simple addition to the sentence, but now it meant so much more. Her thumb traced the back of my hand as if she knew it, too.
“Probably for the best. Another big travel day tomorrow, hey?”
“That’s us.” I laughed. “We just don’t stop moving.”
Together, after standing from the dining table and stretching out, we leaned in for a kiss. This time, it was soft, delicate, and a sweet goodbye, ready for more to come tomorrow. We might’ve had time weighing on our shoulders, worrying it was running out when her contract ended, but for now, we didn’t need to be impatient. “Goodnight,” she said, pulling away.
“Goodnight, Audrey.”
When I returned to my room, while today was a win overall, my heart was pounding, hard. To the point where it was almost painful, as my anxiety slipped in to haunt me. Losing people had been so difficult since Mum passed away, and Audrey was always a piece of the puzzle getting lost. But she wanted to make things work, too, and I needed to put some more trust in her. More trust in us, knowing we’d make the right decision eventually. And from today, it looked like choosing each other was the right decision after all, whatever that ended up looking like.
I got into bed, feeling a sense of relief knowing I’d brought my laptop and headphones on the trip with me, in case of any business emergencies. This might not have been a business emergency per say, but I knew only one thing would calm my nerves when I got this antsy. I logged onto my movie subscription account, and pressed play on TheParent Trap to sooth me. If I wasn’t going to be able to sleep tonight with my anxiety, it didn’t matter that I’d miss a few hours by watching this in full. And by tomorrow, I’d be bright again, ready to show Audrey just how much I loved her once more.