36
Saskia
There are certain moments in your life that stand out from the rest, almost as if when they’re happening, you seem to rise above your body, so it feels like you’re watching your life rather than actually living it.
This is what it feels like to marry Ben.
It felt throughout the ceremony, like I was watching it from above, staring down at the both of us, seeing how happy and perfect we are together.
When Beth says, ‘I now pronounce you husband and wife’, I am crying, Jess is crying – she claims pregnancy hormones – and Hugh is crying – he claims jetlag.
After the service, photographs are taken at the venue, which is in the most stunning location in Manly.
Fortunately, Aaron had a connection with the owners, and so we managed to get a deal at mates’ rates because otherwise we probably couldn’t have afforded it.
That, along with the fact that not that many people came from Ben’s side, helped keep the numbers down.
It’s the perfect wedding, and I couldn’t be happier.
Now though, as everyone is settling in for speeches and food, I am feeling nervous because I have a surprise for Ben.
‘So, that’s the story of how Ben ended up sharing a bed with a sheep, two traffic cones and a man named Barry from Cardiff,’ says Will, finishing up his best man speech to riotous laughter.
It was a brilliant speech, from the hilarious to the heartbreaking.
‘And now, without further ado, I will pass the microphone to the lovely, beautiful and extremely talented, Saskia Conway-Armstrong!’
I look across at Ben, who is looking a little stunned, and then I stand up and walk across to the end of the table, kneel and pick up my guitar that Will rather brilliantly hid for me.
Simon, who is also in on this, helps me set up the microphone.
I slide the guitar strap over my shoulder, and then I stand in front of the waiting audience.
‘Ben doesn’t know this, but I wrote him a song,’ I say, and the whole audience erupts in cheers and whistles. ‘This is called ‘Wish You Were Here’. I pause for a moment, and then I start strumming my guitar.
‘I’m standing here, my heart beating fast, thinking of the future, and remembering the past. Of the day I got the email that led me to you, of the day we got married and said, ‘I do’.
For so long all I thought was, I wish you were here, but the truth then was that you weren’t even near.
But now you are next to me for the rest of my life, all that is gone before doesn’t matter, because I am now your wife. ’
After the first verse, I look across at Ben, and he has tears in his eyes. For a man, Ben certainly cries easily, but I love that about him. I love so much of who he is. I keep playing and then get to the chorus.
‘I knew from the start my heart wanted you, and despite the distance between us, I think you did too. Forever yours, forever mine, this love we share will last a lifetime. This love we share will last a lifetime.’
I finish my song to rapturous applause, then walk back to Ben and sit down beside him.
‘I love you so much,’ he says.
‘Love you, too.’
‘That was a brilliant song, Sas.’
‘Thanks.’
‘Did you get it all, Simon?’ says Ben with a cheeky smile, and we look towards Simon.
‘Got it, mate, and it’s going up on YouTube as soon as I can,’ says Simon.
‘You knew?’ I say to Ben in disbelief.
‘Of course I knew. If there’s one thing you don’t know about Simon that I do, it’s that he’s shit at keeping secrets.’
‘For fuck’s sake, Simon,’ I say, scowling at him.
‘I’m sorry, Sas, but once he knew, he suggested putting it up on my YouTube channel.’
‘Why?’
‘These wedding songs always get a lot of clicks, Sas, and you never know what might come from it,’ says Simon. ‘You might go viral!’
I look at Ben and then at Simon, and it’s impossible to be angry at them on my wedding day.
Instead, I give Ben a kiss and tell Simon that I want final approval on the video before he uploads it.
Simon has been videoing the day, and he is going to make, in his words, ‘a truly stunning wedding video that even Kate and Wills would have been proud to have’, and I don’t doubt it for a moment.
It’s late, and I am dancing with Ben, my head gently resting on his shoulder, and we are moving slowly around the dance floor.
It has been a perfect day, and I don’t want it to end.
I want this day to last another day, another week.
Every person we love and hold dear together in the same place, at the same time, all here to celebrate our love.
As I’m dancing with Ben, I see Will across the dance floor, and he’s snogging Cousin Hannah, which isn’t a surprise.
She is gorgeous, and if there is someone who might be able to persuade Will into a committed relationship, it might be her.
Poppy and Hugh are falling asleep at their table, while Ben’s mum is rocking Elsie to sleep in her arms. Simon and Abigail are dancing next to us, and Jess and Aaron are next to them, although I know that Jess is exhausted.
She’s due in seven weeks, and they’ve spent the last six months hurriedly renovating their Glebe home.
I went over for the first time when I came back with Ben, and it’s a gorgeous house and only a five-minute walk from Mum’s, which is perfect should I ever come back to Sydney.
But right now, my life is in London with Ben, and that’s exactly where I want to be.
‘Can I steal Saskia for a moment?’ says Mum, cutting into our dance.
I give Ben a kiss, and then I follow Mum outside. It’s such a gorgeous evening. The sky is full of stars, and as we stand outside, I can hear waves gently lapping against the nearby shore.
‘What’s up, Mum?’
‘I wasn’t sure when to give you this, love, but I thought after the ceremony was probably better, and you’ve been so busy all night. Anyway, this is from your father,’ says Mum, and then she pulls an envelope out of her handbag. ‘He wanted you to have it on your wedding day.’
Mum passes me the envelope, and I open it, pulling out a handwritten letter from Dad. Just holding the paper in my hands, I can already feel a lump in my throat.
‘Do you want to sit down, love?’ says Mum.
‘No, I’m okay,’ I say, and then I begin reading.
Dearest Sassie, my beautiful girl,
It’s your wedding day! The best day of your life!
I wish I could be there to walk you down the aisle.
I bet you look amazing in your wedding dress, and whoever the man is, I hope he knows just how bloody lucky he is to call you his wife.
You are such a special person. So talented, gifted and beautiful inside and out.
I hope all your dreams come true, and you have the best wedding day full of love, laughter and joy.
I know I won’t be there in person, but I’ll be there in spirit.
I’ll be watching you with a tear in my eye when you say, ‘I do’, and I’ll be dancing next to you on the dance floor, and before you say anything, I am a great dancer!
I love you to the moon and back,
Dad xxx
By the time I finish, I have tears streaming down my face, and Mum gives me a hug until I finally stop.
Mum and I don’t have to say anything because we both know.
Instead, after a few minutes, we head back into the venue together where Ben is talking with Simon, and they’re both cracking up laughing about something.
Will is dancing with Cousin Hannah, and it’s clear their relationship is going somewhere.
I see heavily pregnant Jess talking with Brian, and he’s probably giving her some breastfeeding advice involving goat’s milk from Nepal or something equally ridiculous.
Ben’s mum is holding baby Elsie, while Poppy is falling asleep in a chair, and I see Aaron doing shots with Hugh, which is a strange sight to behold.
Abigail is talking to one of my aunts from Brisbane, and then the DJ starts playing Y.M.C.A and suddenly the night that was sinking into tiredness is alive again, and everyone floods the dancefloor.
Even Poppy is awake again, and I’m in the middle of all our family and friends, next to Ben, and we’re dancing and singing our hearts out.
I feel so wonderfully lucky to be here right now with all these people.
It’s crazy to think that all of this happened, all these people are here right now, jumping up and down and singing at the top of their voices in Sydney, all because Ben misspelled an email address.
I mean, seriously, what were the chances that this worked out?
That email could have gone anywhere. On another day perhaps I don’t reply, but somehow over the last year, this has become the story of how we got together.
It’s our origin story, and it’s a bloody good one.