Chapter 1
1
SUMMER
As I listened to my date, Ben, explain his job—something for an accountancy firm that wasn’t actually accounting—the door at the Destiny Peak Resort’s onsite restaurant swung inward and a pretty brunette stepped through.
I took a moment to appreciate her dress, which was a classy black number, and started to turn back to my date. But then the man behind the brunette caught my attention and my stomach flipped over.
Asher goddamn Heaton.
Could I not go on a first date without the object of my unrequited affection showing up to torment me?
I sighed. Suddenly, it didn’t matter that the restaurant was warm and cozy with lovely music playing in the background and the scent of gourmet food permeating the air. Nor did it matter that Ben was good-looking in a generic kind of way, and that he’d treated me with kindness and respect.
Because if Asher was here, our date wouldn’t go anywhere. I simply didn’t have it in me to focus on another man when he was present.
I could at least try not to be rude though, so I aimed my face toward Ben and curved my lips, hoping to give the impression I was still interested. There was no reason to offend him just because I was hopelessly hung up on someone who didn’t want me.
I tuned in just in time to hear, “…and you?”
Shit. What had he been saying? Something about his job. Perhaps he’d asked about mine.
“Do you like being a vet?” he repeated, and I thanked my lucky stars he hadn’t caught me out.
“I love it,” I said truthfully. “I’ve always known what I wanted to do, and I never went through that phase some people have where they become disillusioned with their dream job. It has its downsides—I hate seeing animals in pain—but that just makes it more special when I’m able to help.”
I glanced at Asher and his companion out of the corner of my eye. Was she his date? Were they seeing each other? I hadn’t heard anything about him dating, but he wasn’t one to gossip about the women in his life as much as my twin, Toby, did.
Maybe she was just a fling. But she’d clearly gone to a lot of effort to look nice, which implied there was more to it than that.
“Do you have any pets of your own?” Ben asked.
“No. Living alone, and with my busy work schedule, it doesn’t seem practical. But hopefully when I settle down with someone, we can get one together.”
He smiled, his eyes twinkling. “Cat or dog?”
“No preference.”
The server brought Asher and his maybe-date to the table beside ours. I made eye contact with Asher, careful not to cringe. This was awkward. Especially because now all I could think about was how Ben might be handsome, but his face wasn’t nearly as interesting as Asher’s, and he didn’t have any tattoos like Asher did.
I loved those tattoos.
“I like dogs best,” Ben said.
If he noticed my distraction, he was polite enough not to mention it.
“Excuse me,” I heard Asher say to the server. “Could we sit somewhere else?”
My cheeks heated, and I wished I could disappear in a puff of smoke. The awkwardness was one thing when we were ignoring it. Making a request like that would only bring everyone’s attention to the problem.
The server wrung her hands. “I’m afraid not. There aren’t any other available tables.”
He gestured to one across the room. “What about over there?”
“It’s reserved for a group who should be arriving in ten minutes.”
“It’s fine,” I said.
Ben frowned and it took him a moment to realize I wasn’t addressing him.
“Honestly, sit down, Ash.” I forced myself to smile. “It isn’t a problem.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” I refused to meet his eyes. My gut rolled nauseatingly. I didn’t want to hear him flirting with another woman, but there was no other choice, and the longer he dragged it out, the more awkward this would become.
He pulled out a chair for his date, and then sat. I tried very hard not to listen as the server took their drink order.
Ben leaned across the table toward me. “What was that about?”
I grimaced. “He’s my brother’s best friend. We don’t get along very well.”
“Oh.” He glanced around, and then said, “We could go somewhere else if you prefer. Or see if we can take our meals to go?”
“It’s fine.” If I said it enough times, maybe it would become true. “Thank you, though. That was a kind offer.”
He seemed like a good person, and he deserved better than a half-hearted date. Unfortunately, I felt nothing for him but gratitude and a general sense of liking. Nothing on the same level as the belly flips and heart flutters I experienced when Asher was around.
I’d come to hate those intensely.
Our meals arrived nine minutes later. I knew this because every second that passed with Asher next to me, on a date with another woman, was downright excruciating. I plastered a smile on my face and told Ben about my big, chaotic family while he did his best to entertain me with stories from his accountancy firm, but my heart wasn’t in it.
All I could think of was whether Asher intended to kiss his date after dinner…or take her home with him.
When she reached across the table and touched his hand, my teeth gritted, and I nearly growled at her. I wanted to shout that Asher was mine and that if she had a problem with that, she could wrestle me. Winner takes all. Growing up with five brothers had honed my wrestling skills.
But I wasn’t feral, so I settled for ignoring her.
My chicken was perfectly cooked, as was Ben’s steak, but I barely noticed as I ate on autopilot. I managed to maintain a conversation about university, and another about my favorite places to hike—apparently, he was an indoor guy, so maybe he wasn’t perfect after all.
Once we’d finished the meal, I excused myself to the bathroom and returned just in time to hear Asher’s date let out a peal of laughter as pretty as she was.
“Can we go?” I asked Ben quietly. “I don’t feel well.”
“Sure.”
We paid the bill fifty-fifty and I donned my coat before we exited the building. It was June, and we were coming into winter, so the sky was dark, and a chill had already descended over the mountainside. We walked to Ben’s car, and he opened the passenger door for me like a gentleman.
I felt nothing other than guilt.
“Could we have a do-over?” I asked when he settled into the driver’s seat. “Perhaps in Queenstown?”
That was where he lived, and we were far less likely to run into anyone I knew there, than here.
He glanced at me as he started the engine. “I don’t think there’s any point seeing each other again when you’re clearly not emotionally available.”
My shoulders slumped and the guilt sunk its teeth in harder. “I’m so sorry.”
If he’d picked up on it, I must have been obvious. How mortifying.
He smiled, and to my surprise, it was gentle rather than annoyed. “I know how it feels. I’ve been there. But there’s still no point wasting each other’s time.”
“I know,” I whispered, staring out the window so he wouldn’t see the tears trying to come to the surface. Why did he have to be so understanding? And why did my heart insist on beating for Asher and no one else? I wished I could be something other than a mess who ruined any chance of having a real relationship.
We didn’t talk much while Ben drove me home, but the silence wasn’t awkward. It was resigned. We’d both accepted that nothing else would happen between us, and fortunately, neither of us was too hurt by that.
He took the mountain road slowly and drove to my cottage on the far side of Destiny Falls. I thanked him, said goodnight, and made my way to the front door. My heart ached with how much I wished there was someone inside, waiting for me to come home.
Nights like tonight, loneliness pressed in on me, and I could no longer pretend not to feel it.
I entered, locked the door behind myself, and checked my phone. There was a message from Asher. I opened it.
Asher: Are you okay?
“Far from it,” I muttered, and plugged the phone into the charger without replying.
Of course he would be thoughtful via text. Any time I saw him in real life these days, all we did was snap at each other or say the wrong thing. But perhaps that was for the best. After all, the last time he’d been nice to me, he’d been drunk off his ass.
He’d hit on me at a party, and I’d been ecstatic for a few seconds, until I realized that he’d never go anywhere near me sober, and that if anything were to happen between us while he was drunk, he’d regret it. I’d let him down gently, hoping he’d come back in the morning and tell me he’d meant every word.
Of course, he never did. Because Asher Heaton didn’t really want me. He’d made that painfully clear.