Chapter 6
6
ASHER
I placed the tray of beers on the center of the table and grabbed the darkest one for myself. The others each reached for theirs and we all drank. Some days just called for fucking beer.
“What was up with Summer?” Darcy asked as he licked his lips and hummed in appreciation.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “She wanted to make sure I knew how shit I looked.”
Although I didn’t really think she’d meant to say it. She’d looked horrified when she’d realized what had come out of her mouth. But it was a nice shitty cherry on top of my shitty day.
Yeah, she was definitely over her crush on me.
Across the table, Liam winced. “Sorry, man.”
“Not your fault.” No. It was mine for hurting her all those years ago, so now her default was to spout snark like a prickly little hedgehog, as if she needed to defend herself against me when, in reality, the opposite was true. Our situation had somehow reversed itself.
“It looked like more than that,” Darcy said. “You were talking for a while.”
I grunted. I didn’t care to repeat our entire conversation for his entertainment. Especially not when it felt oddly private.
Liam shook his head. “I don’t know what it is with her. She never used to be so hard on you.”
No, because she’d been infatuated with me. But it was best not to say that to my closest friend. She was his baby sister, after all.
I did sometimes wonder if I’d done her a disservice to dismiss her feelings back then as a teenage crush. The fact she kept me at a distance year after year spoke of a deeper wound.Or perhaps I only wanted to believe that because it might mean there was a chance she still cared for me.
Not that I could ever do anything about it. Days like today only emphasized how quickly things could change. Even if Summer still wanted me and her family were willing to overlook the fact I wasn’t good enough for her, my job was dangerous. It could all too easily be me bleeding out on the ground one day, leaving my partner to cry alone.
I wouldn’t do that to her.
“I heard she’s been dating again,” Darcy said, looking livelier than he had all evening. “Do you know if it’s true?”
“She’s been on a couple of dates,” Liam confirmed.
I fought the urge to cringe even thinking of that excruciating evening when we’d ended up beside each other, both on dates. How unlikely was that? But it was just my luck.
“Do you think she’d give me a chance?” Darcy asked.
Zane stopped drawing in the condensation on the side of his glass and looked at him. “Are you interested in her?”
Darcy rolled his eyes. “Who wouldn’t be? She’s gorgeous, smart, and she owns half a freaking business. She’s a total boss babe.” He glanced at Liam. “No disrespect intended.”
Liam grimaced. “Not words I ever thought I’d hear you say about my sister.”
He shrugged. “What? She is. So, do you think she’d go for me?”
“Keep me out of this.” Liam crossed his arms. “If you want to date her, then ask her out, but I don’t want to hear any of the drama if it goes wrong.”
“Got you.” Darcy straightened. “Should I do it now?”
“Go,” Zane urged. “You’ve got this.”
I could already see the hearts in Zane’s eyes. God, he was such a hopeless romantic.
But Darcy hesitated. “What’s her type, Liam?”
Liam looked like he’d rather be anywhere else. “I have no idea. As far as I can tell based on the guys she’s brought around, ‘asshole’ is her type.”
I huffed. I was pretty sure she wasn’t actually interested in any of the douchebags she’d flaunted in front of Liam and me. She just wanted to make me squirm.
She’d succeeded.
“I can be an asshole,” Darcy said eagerly. “Hang on. Is that actually what I want? Or should I be my usual self and hope all the assholes mean that the bar is set low?”
“Just be yourself,” Igor said, breaking his sullen silence for the first time. “But stop talking and do it already. You’re giving me a headache.”
Darcy started to stand.
“Don’t.” The words left my mouth before I could think them through. Everyone turned to stare at me. I hunched inward. “You’re too young for her.”
It was the only thing I could think of, but it should be blatantly obvious. Darcy was an exuberant golden retriever, and some people liked that, but Summer had her shit together and she deserved a guy who was the same.
Darcy frowned. “I’m only a few years younger than her, and age is just a number anyway.”
“It’s too much,” I insisted. “You’re…what? Twenty-one?”
“Twenty-two,” he said firmly.
“Well, Summer is twenty-seven and, as you pointed out, a business owner. She needs someone older. Someone stable and reliable.” Just as Liam often said. Why wasn’t he speaking up now?
Darcy crossed his arms and pouted. “I can be reliable. Why are you being weird about this?”
My heart skipped as I realized he didn’t seem to be the only one looking at me strangely. “I’m not. I’m just saying what I’ve heard from her family. Summer deserves someone who’ll be there for her when they say they will, and with our jobs, we can’t make that promise.”
Darcy looked hurt. “Maybe not, but I’d treat her well in other ways.”
I groaned. This was getting out of hand. “Sorry, Darce. If you want to ask her out, then do it.”
If she accepted—which she might do just to piss me off—I’d find a way to live with it. Even if I really didn’t want to see them together. Honestly, I didn’t want to see her with anyone who wasn’t me, but I also wasn’t prepared to pursue her myself, which put me in a difficult position.
“You might need something stronger than beer. You’re clearly in a mood,” Darcy said, but he stopped pouting and relaxed a little. Still, he didn’t approach Summer, so I must have put him off. I should feel worse about that than I actually did.
After we finished the round, we all walked home. I had a faint buzz going, but I was far from drunk. I hadn’t had nearly enough alcohol to quiet my mind.
As Liam and I parted, he leaned close and murmured, “Don’t worry. Summer would never be interested in him anyway.”
Ah. So that’s why he hadn’t said anything to put Darcy off. He didn’t think it was necessary.
“If you say so,” I muttered back. I was less certain than him. Summer liked to be contrary.
I let myself into my house, stooping to greet Cookie at the door. I patted the top of her fluffy head and watched her tail swish as she trotted along ahead of me into the kitchen.
I fed her, then changed into shorts and a tank top and racked up ten kilometers on the indoor cycle. I showered and got into bed, but even Cookie’s familiar weight on my chest didn’t comfort me.
Every time I closed my eyes, Susan’s broken body appeared on the inside of my eyelids, and Robert’s pleas echoed in my ears.
You couldn’t save her, I reminded myself.
It didn’t stop the haunting memories though. Instead, a highlight reel began to play in the dark recesses of my mind.
A pale old man, dead from a heart attack.
A ten year old girl who’d been hit by a drunk driver, her vacant eyes begging for help that would arrive too late.
A pensioner who’d fallen and cracked her head against the hearth.
And on and on they went. All the faces of the people I hadn’t been able to save.
Eventually, my eyes gritty and my pulse pounding way too fast, I lifted Cookie off my chest and got out of bed. I dressed in the dark, put my headphones on, and climbed back onto the cycle, turning up my music to drown out the endless chorus of the dead.
If I couldn’t sleep, the only thing left to do was try to outrun them.