Chapter 8
8
ASHER
I rubbed at my gritty eyes after a long and uneventful night shift spent lying on my bunk at the fire station, staring at the underside of the bed above me.
“Parks wants to see me now?” I asked.
“Yeah.” Paul, who’d just arrived for the day shift, had shaken me awake a few minutes earlier with instructions to report to Parks’s office.
“Fuck. Okay.”
I hauled myself out of bed and glanced over, went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. I ran into Maia in the corridor outside.
“Any idea what this is about?” I asked.
I hated being summoned by the boss. It reminded me of being called to the principal’s office at school. I’d been a naughty kid, and that had happened far too often.
“Nothing to worry about.” She didn’t seem concerned, but then I was the one who’d been called in, not her.
I reached his office door, but it was shut. I knocked, and a moment later, he called me in. Two chairs sat in front of his desk, and he gestured for me to take one of them.
“Morning, Asher.” He moved aside a stack of papers to see me better and steepled his hands in front of him. His craggy countenance gave nothing away. “You look like you’ve been ridden hard and put away wet.”
I stiffened. Why did people keep telling me I looked like crap? “Thanks, sir. Glad to hear it.”
He rolled his eyes. “Don’t be a smartass. I just wanted to make sure you’re doing all right. Is there anything you’d like to talk about?”
I cringed. Talking about my feelings was the last thing I wanted to do. Especially with my boss. “I’m fine. Just not sleeping well.”
He pursed his lips. “Do I need to worry about your ability to perform your job?”
My heart dropped. “No! Absolutely not. I’m a little tired, but it won’t interfere with my work.”
He nodded and searched my eyes. “If you ever do need to talk, or if you need some personal time, you know where to find me.”
“Got it. Is that all?” I really wanted to escape this conversation.
“The woman you lost. Susan Warner. You seemed to take that hard.”
I sighed. “Difficult not to when her husband, Robert, was so upset.”
“You did the best you could.” His tone was firm. “We can’t save them all.”
“I know.” I just didn’t like it. I always felt like I’d failed both the people we lost and the loved ones they left behind.
He gestured toward the door. “Go on. Head home. Get a proper night’s sleep. That’s an order.”
I rose to my feet and strode out. As I left, Parks reached for a stack of files on his desk. Despite my mixed up emotions over that shitshow of a conversation, I experienced a pang of relief that I didn’t have to deal with the same paperwork he did. It seemed never-ending.
“All good?” Maia asked as we gathered our things from our lockers.
“Parks is worried I’m going to let the team down,” I replied, pulling my jacket over my uniform.
“He’s just watching out for you.”Her expression was sympathetic, which only made me feel worse. “Want to get a coffee on the way home?”
I almost dismissed the offer, but maybe a little time to decompress with a friend was what I needed. “Yeah. Actually, that’d be nice.”
We walked to Taste of Destiny together. The tables were full, and the line stretched almost all the way to the door. The morning rush was in full swing. We joined the end of the line, and I checked out the contents of the food cabinet, debating internally whether I should treat myself to a pastry as a distraction from the shitty morning.
Maia reached the front of the line first, and she ordered an espresso and a triple chocolate chunk muffin.
She turned to me. “What do you want?”
I waved my wallet. “I can get my own.”
She tapped her foot impatiently. “Are we gonna play this game, Ash?”
Rolling my eyes, I asked Eden for a double shot long black and let Maia pay.
“I heard about the accident earlier in the week,” Eden said. “I’m sorry.”
“Thanks.” Maia smiled more genuinely than she had all morning. “The junk food helped.”
Eden smiled back. “I’m glad to hear it.”
“You people are too damn soft,” a gruff voice cut in from the other side of Maia.
My expression froze in place as I slowly raised my eyes to where Lionel Lowry was waiting for his morning coffee. He scowled at me, and my gaze dipped to the cane he had to use to help him get around since the farm accident he’d been in a few months earlier.
“Trying to make these useless losers feel okay about themselves.” He shook his head at Eden. “You’d do better for them if you told them to get their fucking act together. Maybe if they had, that woman would still be alive.”
I forced myself to make eye contact with him. His deep-set eyes burned with loathing.
“Maybe,” Lionel gritted out, “if good old Asher was more concerned with doing his job than being everyone’s favorite town hero, I’d still have full use of my goddamn leg.”
To my right, I was vaguely aware of Maia staring him down.
“I’m very sorry for what happened to Susan Warner, but we aren’t doctors,” she said. “We have limited tools, and if someone is dead, unless it happened in the past couple of minutes and all their parts are in reasonable working order, then they’re dead. It doesn’t matter how hard we try. We aren’t miracle workers.”
“Aaand here’s your coffee, Mr. Lowry,” Eden chirped brightly, holding out a takeout cup to the grizzled former farmer. “Have a lovely day.”
With a grunt, he snatched the coffee from her and limped out. My shoulders slumped as the door swung shut behind him.
“What was that?” Maia asked, digging her elbow into my ribs. “Why didn’t you say something to defend us?”
I shrugged, my heart heavy. “Honestly, some days I feel like he might be right that we should try to do more.”
A sharp pain throbbed on my forearm.
“You pinched me,” I exclaimed, stunned.
“Because you need to snap out of it,” she hissed, glancing around as if to make sure we weren’t being eavesdropped on—which we definitely were. “Lionel Lowry is a sour old coot. He was one before the accident, and he’s even worse now. There was no saving his leg, just like there was no saving Susan Warner. Have you—?”
I arched an eyebrow. “Have I what?”
She bit her lip, her eyes darting around again. “Have you seen a therapist lately?”
“No.” I shifted uncomfortably, hoping that, despite their interest, no one could hear our whispered conversation.
“Maybe you should. If you’re internalizing all the awful things people say, you need to find a healthy way to work through it.”
I shook my head. “I’m fine. I have coping mechanisms.”
Like cycling, loud music, and cuddling with my cat.
“You can ignore me if you like,” she said as Eden passed our drinks over. “Just think about it.”
I didn’t reply, and together, we left the cafe. As soon as we were outside, her phone rang.
She raised it to her ear. “What’s up? Oh, no. Sure. Of course. I’ll be there soon.” She hung up and pocketed her phone. “Aroha has a fever. I need to get home. Are you going to be okay?”
“I always am.”
For some reason, that didn’t seem to reassure her, but worry for her daughter outweighed her worry for me, and she gave me a little wave and left.
I finally allowed every trace of a smile to fall from my face.
Christ. What a mess.
I definitely wasn’t in any shape to be at home by myself. I needed a distraction. I racked my mind, and as Summer’s Ute crawled past, driving toward the veterinary clinic, I got an idea.
I pulled my phone from my pocket and sent a message.
Asher: Want to go sky diving with me?
Toby: Fuck, yeah. When and where?
Asher: I’ll be at your place in ten.
Hopefully the adrenaline rush would be enough to get me out of my head.