Chapter 39
39
SUMMER
I breezed out through the sliding doors after waving goodbye to Cal and came to a sudden halt. There, waiting by my Ute, was Asher. I paused for a moment, weighing the feelings that rolled through me at the sight of him. As always, I was glad to see him, but irritation lingered, prickling beneath my skin because he wouldn’t even consider the possibility that someone might have it out for him.
I started walking again and called out as I drew near. “I hope you had a quieter day than yesterday.”
“Yes, thankfully.” He seemed off though. His smile didn’t reach his eyes.
“What happened?” I asked.
He frowned. “What do you mean?”
I cocked my hip and leveled him with a look. “Come on, Ash. Do you think I can’t tell when something is wrong?”
He sighed. “I had a run in with Lionel Lowry this morning.”
“Fucking Lionel,” I muttered, pressing the key fob to unlock the door. I pulled the back side door open and tossed my bag inside. “You know what happened to him wasn’t your fault.”
“Yeah.” But his tortured expression said he didn’t fully believe it. Why did I have the misfortune to fall for a stubborn man who excelled at self-blame?
“He knows it too,” I told him. “He just takes it out on you because you’re an easy target.”
He scowled. “Am not.”
I arched my eyebrow challengingly. “Are too.”
He laughed and ran his hand through his hair. “Anyway, are you free tonight? I’d love to spend some time with you. I could come over to your place if you need to go home.”
The words came out quickly, as though he was nervous, and I melted a little inside. After years of pining for him, it was nice not to be the only one affected. That said, we couldn’t go on like this, so undefined and uncertain.
“What is this?” I asked, drawing on the courage that had gotten me this far with him.
He frowned. “You mean, you and me?”
“Exactly.” My hand twitched toward him, but I kept it at my side. If anyone saw me holding his hand, the cat would be out of the bag. “Are we dating? Is this just some weird kind of friendship? Because I can’t do friends with benefits with you.”
His lips parted. “No, Summer. I’d never ask that of you.” His fists balled at his sides. “I want to date you. I want a future with you. I’m just… I’m worried that I won’t be enough for you.”
My heart stuttered, “Excuse me?”
He shrugged one shoulder. “Ashley broke up with me because I didn’t give her the time and attention she needed.”
“Ashley and I are not the same person.” As should be completely evident to anyone who’d seen the two of us standing side by side. “We’re not even remotely similar, except that we’re both interested in you.”
His jaw clenched. “Maybe not, but how many times have Liam and your brothers gone on about how you deserve to have someone stable and responsible, who’ll balance you out? Someone with regular working hours, who’ll be available to you when you need. My schedule is all over the place, and you and I are both hot heads. I’m completely the wrong person to fill that role.”
I gaped at him. “Since when have I cared what my brothers want for me? I’m the one who chooses who I date. I’m the one who has to live with my decision.”
I couldn’t believe I even had to say this.
“And honestly,” I continued, on a roll. “I’ve dated responsible guys with steady jobs before. Accountants. Lawyers. Not one of them interested me enough to keep them around. Bland and boring is not for me. You’re the one I want, no matter how hot-tempered you are and how unpredictable your job can be. I work long hours too. Are you going to hold that against me?”
He frowned. “Why would I? You co-own a business. Of course that will take up some of your time.”
I cocked my head, holding his gaze. “So, what’s the problem?”
He held eye contact for a long moment, but then ducked his head. He murmured something I didn’t hear, and I had to ask him to repeat it.
He tipped his face toward me. “My job can be dangerous. Not usually, but sometimes. Accident sites are risky. So are fires, and search and rescue callouts. What if something were to happen to me? I don’t want to leave you alone.”
“Asher,” I whispered, tears springing to my eyes. My heart ached for him. How awful must it be to have to consider something like that when getting close to someone?
“Don’t dismiss it,” he said. “It happens. In my line of work, I have to see grieving partners and family members all the time. I don’t want to cause you pain like that.”
I glanced around, then, taking a risk, kissed his cheek. “I understand. But the thing is, I already care about you. If anything happened to you, I’d be devastated. That won’t change, whether we’re together or not, but I’ll be a whole lot happier if we do give this thing between us a real chance. Isn’t it better to focus on that than to worry about what might or might not happen down the road?”
He rubbed his lips together, and then a heavy breath gusted out of him. “Yeah. I guess it is.” His beautiful eyes searched mine. “How did you get so wise?”
One side of my mouth hitched up. “I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about you—about us.”
His fists unclenched, and he inhaled slowly. “Me too.”
“So, we’re doing this?”
He nodded. “Yeah. We are.”
“Great.” My heart lifted.
Finally.
Finally, I’d be able to call Asher mine.
“Your place or mine?” I asked, referring to the question that had started this conversation.
He hesitated. “Is mine all right? I left Cookie there. Figured I’d stay at home tonight rather than Frannie’s.”
Something in my gut tightened. “Your place it is then. I’m sure Cookie misses you.”
Not to mention that if he was going to spend the night there, I wanted the chance to have a look around and make sure he was safe. I didn’t trust that whoever had broken his window was done causing trouble.
He smiled. “Do you need to drop by your place first?”
“No, I have everything I need. I can follow you over to your house.”
He shifted closer, until only a few inches of space separated us. I was tempted to rock toward him and erase the distance, but I was painfully aware that Cal might be watching from the window, or that anyone across the street could see us. If I touched or kissed Asher now, Liam would hear within an hour, and I might lose all the progress I’d made with Asher.
He grinned. “I’ll see you there.”
He strode back to his car, and I got into mine and started the engine. I waited for him to lead the way, even though I could probably get myself there with my eyes shut. I parked out the front while he opened the garage and pulled inside, then we met on the path to the front door.
A chill swept through me at the sight of the boarded over window.
“Is someone coming to replace that soon?” I asked.
“On Thursday,” he replied.
“Good.” I didn’t like how vulnerable the damage made him.
He unlocked the door and bent to pat Cookie, who was trying to wind around his feet. He scooped her up and carried her through the house toward the kitchen. I locked the door and followed behind. While he fed her, I started the heat pump to take the chill off the air.
“Do you have blankets anywhere?” I called.
His voice came back strong. “In the linen cupboard in the hallway.”
I searched the cupboard and selected a fluffy blanket to snuggle in and a heavier comforter in case we needed the warmth. The heat pump was beginning to do its job, but with the unsealed window, it was fighting a losing battle.
Asher entered the living room wearing a woolen jersey and sweatpants. “I put frozen pizza in the oven. Does that work for you?”
“Sounds nice. I’m in an ‘any meal I don’t have to cook is a good one’ kind of mood.”
He laughed. “I’m not sure if putting something in the oven and turning it on really counts as cooking.”
I shrugged. “Close enough. The end result is hot food.” I sat on the sofa, tucked my legs beneath myself, and pulled the fluffy blanket over my lap. “Join me?”
He flopped onto the sofa beside me and wriggled under the blanket. Then, taking me by surprise, he wrapped his arm around my waist and maneuvered me around until I was lying against his side, our cheeks nearly touching. He turned his face into my hair and breathed in.
“This is good,” he murmured, suddenly sounding weary. The tension eased from his muscles, and he snuggled closer. “Usually, after a day like today, I’d have to cycle twenty kilometers to take the edge off, but somehow, being with you helps too.”
My heart lifted, and I angled my face away from him so he wouldn’t see my massive grin. “I’m happy to be used for endorphins.”
His arms tightened around me. “I’d never use you.”
His tone was oddly serious, considering I’d been joking around.He must still be raw from our conversation outside the veterinary clinic.
“I know,” I assured him.
His breath stirred my hair. “We’re going to have to come clean soon, aren’t we?”
I pursed my lips, anxious but ready to put myself on the line for a chance at the future I’d dreamed of. “We are if we want this to lead anywhere.”
Asher drew back enough to meet my eyes. “That’s that, then. You know, I’ve spent years looking for a woman to settle down with. I can’t believe I never realized she was right in front of me all along.”
My stomach flipped over. I’d dreamed of him speaking those words to me, but I’d never believed it would actually happen.
“When should we tell our families?” I asked.
He kissed the tip of my nose. “We can start with Liam. This weekend.”
My chest tightened. Right into the deep end. I wanted it, but I couldn’t deny I was worried about Liam’s reaction too. If he was unhappy, would our relationship be over as soon as it had begun?