Chapter 35
35
Here comes the bride…
Well, here apparently comes the bride. I’ve been sitting here waiting, on the bedroom floor, for so long now that my arse is completely asleep.
I lean back, resting my weight on my hands, as I try to wiggle the feeling back.
Bea and Joan are sitting on the bed, chatting between themselves, with not a whole lot to say to little old me. Not that I mind, of course, because with Bea I generally find that the less I speak to her the better.
The heat of the day is letting up a little now, and the gentle breeze is making the curtains dance in the wind, which is like some kind of mindfulness app, ASMR shit that makes me feel calmer than I usually would in this situation.
‘Are you looking forward to seeing the dress, Lana?’ Bea asks, dragging me into the conversation.
I mean, I’m about as interested as you would expect. I’m not one of those girls who loves wedding dresses – I couldn’t see myself tying the knot in a white dress, if I’m being honest, although if you asked anyone in my family they would say there was probably a very good, very obvious reason for that.
I am, however, a polite human, so I’m happy to play along.
‘Absolutely,’ I reply. ‘Can’t wait.’
‘There’s no need to be sarcastic,’ she ticks me off.
Tiggy has somehow managed to get out of being here, despite being female (the only requirement for being here, it seems) by saying she was meeting a friend this evening. Of course, Tiggy being Tiggy, I’m sure she does have a friend in every country so she probably wasn’t just making an excuse (although I’m sure she will deem it a happy coincidence).
‘Did you manage to find yourself an appropriate dress?’ she asks me.
I smile as I think about the fuck you/fuck me dress in my case.
‘Yes,’ I say confidently.
‘Describe it,’ she says, narrowing her eyes.
‘You’ll just have to wait and see,’ I tell her. ‘Find out the fun way.’
‘We’re ready,’ Seph sings from behind the curtain. ‘Three… two… one.’
The bathroom door swings open and out step Seph and Eleanor in their dresses, holding hands, and I gasp involuntarily.
The thing is that while there is absolutely nothing shocking about Seph’s floor-length white wedding dress (she actually looks really nice), the thing that has taken my breath away is the fact that Eleanor’s bridesmaid dress is also white.
‘Oh, you both look simply divine,’ Bea says.
‘Beautiful, really beautiful,’ Joan says, dabbing her eyes with a tissue.
‘You look… like you’re marrying each other,’ I can’t help but blurt.
‘Lana!’ Bea says, horrified. ‘Take your mind out from the gutter, for once in your life.’
‘Lana, you silly goose, everyone is wearing black or white to match the wedding aesthetic,’ Seph explains. ‘Everyone is wearing black, except members of the bridal party, who are wearing white.’
‘But there are only two of you,’ I point out – because I honestly feel like they haven’t thought of this. ‘So it looks like the two of you are the happy couple.’
‘Don’t be so childish, Lana,’ Bea warns me. ‘Everyone at the wedding will of course be there by invitation only. Everyone knows all too well who is marrying whom.’
‘Right,’ I reply. ‘But, I’m just thinking, if Chester is wearing a black tux like all the other blokes, and the women are all wearing black dresses, then it’s just Bea and Eleanor wearing white, and even if people don’t assume they’re a couple, it’s still going to look like there are two brides in the wedding photo, no? Even if you know, at a glance, it won’t be obvious which one is the bride.’
I say all of this from a good place but I can tell by the looks on everyone’s faces that it isn’t quite going down that way.
I notice Eleanor’s teeth clench, her chin moving slowly from side to side – I’m obviously getting on her nerves, although that’s nothing new.
‘Very well,’ Eleanor says. ‘I wouldn’t want to be accused of stealing the attention from Bea on her special day – I would never do that – so I shall have to find another dress.’
I think the insinuation there is that I would try to steal the attention from her.
Seph turns to face Eleanor, placing her hands on her arms, looking into her eyes – see, they look even more like they are getting married to each other now.
‘El, please don’t listen to her,’ Seph insists. ‘I want you to wear white too. It’s only silly Lana banana who can’t tell the difference between white and pearl white – everyone else will see that we are very clearly wearing different colours. It would mean the world to me, you’re my best friend – you’re like a sister to me.’
Eleanor smiles – I want to say smugly.
‘Oh, of course, I would never let you down, Sephy,’ Eleanor replies.
I purse my lips lightly, a physical reminder to myself not to say a word.
I do wonder if Seph knows she’s been hurtful, when she tells Eleanor she is like a sister to her, when I am quite literally a sister to her, and she clearly doesn’t even really want me here.
It’s not that I want to wear a white dress – really, I don’t – it’s just that Seph doesn’t want me to. And I’m not taking the piss, by pointing out that in the photos it’s going to be a sea of people wearing black and then two women wearing white – even if one is wearing white and the other is wearing pearl white, because I really can’t tell the bloody difference.
She would probably rather I wore a white dress than the one I’ve packed, that’s for sure, because… shit! My black fuck you/fuck me dress was all well and good when the plan was to turn up to this wedding unapologetically myself. Now, however, that I’m trying to pass myself off as a respectable, earl-friendly lady, there’s no way I can wear it.
Great, so now I need to buy another dress. I’m never going to get on the property ladder, am I?