Chapter 42
42
The house seems so quiet as I walk down the stairs. I suppose it is still early – Ethan is still fast asleep.
I, however, could not sleep last night. Ethan’s words were going round and round in my head as I tried to figure out exactly what he meant. Does he want something to happen between us? Something real, that is. That was all I wanted, before… everything! But has too much time passed by? If it’s a choice between wildfire and a well-maintained log burner in a stately home, I would be crazy to choose the former, right? Right?
The main problem with me and Ethan is that we’re too similar. We don’t balance each other out, we razz each other up. There’s no voice of reason, no caution – no adult in the room when we’re together. But the way I feel about him is like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I just don’t know what that feeling is.
It’s never a bad idea to caffeinate yourself – especially when you haven’t slept – so I head for the room where breakfast is served, to see if anyone is knocking around.
I’m not expecting to find my dad sitting at the table, the sun shining in on him as he drinks a coffee and reads the newspaper. Then again, one of the things I remember about him was that he seemed like he was always up late and early. I’ve inherited that from him, I think, but only when it comes to staying out late and then getting up for work the next day.
‘Good morning,’ I say brightly.
‘Morning,’ he replies.
Dad calls out for a member of staff and asks them to bring me a coffee with milk.
‘Did you sleep well?’ he asks me, his eyes back on his paper already.
‘Yes, thanks,’ I lie.
As he folds up his paper and places it to one side, I wonder if he has some kind of fatherly instinct that can detect that I’m really going through it right now.
‘How are you doing?’ he asks me, looking into my eyes.
‘Fine,’ I lie again.
His brow furrows.
‘Have you responded to Ethan’s proposal yet?’ he asks.
‘Not yet,’ I say with a laugh.
‘For what it’s worth, I approve of him,’ Dad says – and I wasn’t expecting that.
‘Really?’ I practically squeak in disbelief.
‘Yes, you seem to have met your match,’ he replies.
Do keep in mind that I only brought Ethan here specifically because I thought my family would loathe him.
‘Although I have noticed you and Beaumont spending a lot of time together,’ he adds.
Beaumont. Imagine screaming that name in bed. Beau, sure, but Beaumont. Oh, Beaumont, harder, Beaumont, harder. It’s giving me the ick just thinking about it. I can see why he goes by Beau.
‘Now, he is a fine suitor,’ Dad says.
Speaking of the ick – he makes it sound like I’m his prize bitch that he’s looking for a mate for. Hmm, maybe that’s exactly what it is. Absolutely hilarious.
‘I’m glad you’re here, alone, I was hoping to talk to you,’ I say, moving the conversation on from my love life because: ew.
‘What’s wrong?’ he asks.
‘I was hoping to ask a favour,’ I begin, because now might be my only shot to ask him when it’s just us.
‘What favour?’ he replies, his eyes narrowing slightly.
‘I need somewhere to live,’ I explain, keeping it as easy-breezy as I can, but I suppose I did just tell him I was basically homeless.
‘What’s wrong with where you’ve been living?’ he asks.
‘My flatmate needed the room back,’ I say simply, and we’ll leave that at that, I think. I can’t imagine the truth being more sympathetic.
‘What have you done now?’ he asks, that knowing tone in his voice. Oh, it pisses me off, that his instinct is to think the worst of me.
Okay, yes, in theory I have pushed Steve into kicking me out, but I was only there in the first place because he wanted to be together – would my dad rather I prostituted myself for a room? Ha, probably, he probably thinks it’s a more useful profession than a secretary.
‘Nothing,’ I insist. ‘He just needed the room back. It’s about time I got my own place though, so, I was just thinking if you could help me with the deposit? I can pay you back, when I can…’
‘Lana, you know the rules,’ he says firmly. ‘We said we would never help you kids out with handouts, that you needed to make your own way in the world.’
Jesus wept, Beau’s dad gave him a title and an estate – my dad won’t even give me a few hundred quid for a deposit.
‘I know, but?—’
‘Is she asking for money?’ Bea says as she joins us.
Great, my wicked stepmother is here. This is going to go in my favour, I’m sure.
‘You needn’t waste your breath, Lana, we have nothing to spare at the moment,’ she says firmly. ‘This wedding is costing us a fortune.’
So Seph gets her entire lavish wedding paid for, but I can’t even get help with my rent.
‘Forget I asked,’ I say, pushing my chair back out, and leaving the room before either of them can say anything – not that either of them seems to try.
Well, that didn’t solve that problem. What next? I suppose I should go see Beau, to apologise for standing him up last night, and to explain why.
The end room on the ground floor, right? The more money people have, the earlier they seem to like to rise. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was up already.
His door is open, great, because that means I can get this over with. I’m not exactly sure what I’m going to say, I’m hoping the words will just come out exactly as I need them to. That said, that strategy didn’t work with my dad.
‘…and what are you doing with Lana anyway?’ I hear Eleanor’s voice coming from his room as I approach it.
I keep hidden, behind the wall, standing just close enough to listen in without getting caught.
‘Lana is fun,’ Beau tells her with a bemused laugh.
I shouldn’t be listening in, should I? This is a private conversation. A private conversation about me though, so…
‘Fun?’ Eleanor replies in disbelief. ‘Roller coasters are fun.’
She says that like a Martian – definitely like someone who has never been on one in her life.
‘Lana is a car crash,’ she continues. ‘A nightmare. A tornado. A total mess. She is a lot of things, but what she isn’t is the kind of girl that a man of your standing settles down with. She’s no lady. I don’t care what your PR team says about you seeing a “normal” girl, to seem more “cool” and “accessible” – it’s madness.’
I feel my eyebrows shoot up.
‘Lana is anything but normal,’ Beau says in my defence. I smile to myself. Fuck you, Eleanor, thinking you can put him off me – he’s not listening. Ha. ‘She may seem normal, but she’s a Pemberton girl. She has that girl-next-door appeal, but she’s from good stock.’
Good stock? Ew, ew, ew. What is wrong with these people? He’s talking about me like I’m cattle. Really good cattle, I guess, but cattle nonetheless. Do all of the men in this world think women are just complicated animals or something? It’s really starting to seem that way. I hate it. I really, really hate it.
‘I’m just saying, you can do better,’ Eleanor insists. ‘What sort of heir will you get, from a girl like that, if she will even give you one at all. Girls like Lana are just selfish party girls, who are only out for themselves. It will be your money she wants, not you – you know that, right?’
‘Eleanor, will you stop getting your knickers in a twist,’ Beau tells her through a laugh. ‘Do you really begrudge me having a little fun at a wedding? You know that’s my favourite sort of fun. What are you, jealous, hey?’
His tone is something different, something I haven’t heard from him yet. I hate it. Wow, he really is just like the rest of them. I can’t believe that I thought he might be different.
I don’t need to hear anything else so I slink off back to my room.
Genuinely, I would rather be ‘normal’ than be anything like any of this lot. And I would rather be with someone ‘normal’ too.