Chapter 21
TWENTY-ONE
WHAT IF IT ISN’T A BOY?
B riar
Holden sings the lyrics to a Riley Green song with one hand gripping the steering wheel of his truck, the other holding mine in my lap. Golden hour oranges and reds stream through the windshield, highlighting the vivid green of his eyes. I ask myself for the hundredth time how I got so lucky.
I take my time admiring my boyfriend while my heart flip flops in my chest. I silently tell myself not to cry when I feel tears prick my eyes yet again. My life feels like a dream. I’ve been like this for two days, my heart in my throat, since leaving my 20-week ultrasound with Holden.
I lost it when the ultrasound tech showed us our baby on the screen. A little head, arms and legs. Our baby . Holden and I were both in complete awe as the wand slid over my stomach. When she was done taking the measurements, she printed off a photo with the baby’s sex and sealed it in an envelope. We drove it straight to Daisy’s so she could get ready for the gender reveal party she was co-hosting with Sierra and Everly—the party Holden and I are on our way to now.
“What if it isn’t a boy?” I ask him.
“What?”
“The baby. If it’s a girl, will you be okay?”
Holden laughs. “Are you really worrying about that, Bee? Of course I will be okay. I’ll be more than okay. It doesn’t matter to me if it’s a boy or a girl. But I happen to know it’s a boy.”
I groan. “How are you so sure?”
He shrugs with that damn smirk. “I just am.”
I shake my head. “You’re impossible.”
I look down to where my hand is resting on my belly, which has gotten so much bigger over the last two weeks. As have my boobs. Most of my clothes are too tight, my pants now held together with a hair elastic looped through the buttonhole and then around the button.
It’s still wild to me that I’m growing a baby inside my body. I’ve never been happier in my life.
Holden and I have settled into an easy routine. We spend every minute we can together when we’re not working. Dinners at night. Showers in the morning. Beach walks. Coffees shops. And sex. So much sex. But my favorite moments are the quieter ones, like when Holden and I are on his couch reading. Me with a romance book in my hand, Holden reading a copy of What To Expect When You’re Expecting . He borrowed it from Everly. My heart exploded into a million pieces when I caught him reading it for the first time one night in bed. I am falling so hard for this man.
I haven’t seen or heard from Justin since the morning he stopped by the house. I’m relieved, but part of me is surprised that he would fly all the way here from Vancouver and not try harder to actually find me. Then again, it’s just like him. He never tried hard at anything with me. He never cared enough.
My gaze wanders to Holden again. When he stops at a red light, he rakes his eyes over me. “Give me your mouth, pretty girl.”
Leaning over the console, I press my mouth to his, kissing him with intention. Showing him that I care. That I’m here for him no matter what happens around us.
“Mmm. I like your mouth,” I say to Holden after we break the kiss.
“I like you .” He lifts our joined hands to his mouth, pressing his lips to my knuckles.
After circling Buttercup Bakery a couple of times, we finally find a parking spot a few blocks away. Holden helps me down from the truck, because according to him, anything I do can possibly cause harm to the baby. His eyes rake down the length of me as I run my hands over the flowy fabric of my dress. “I know, I shouldn’t have worn this one. It clings to me in all the wrong places.”
“Briar.” He grips my shoulders, speaking so reverently I hang on to his every word. “You had me speechless the moment I saw you in this dress. If you hadn’t spent an hour in the bathroom doing your hair, and I wasn’t so worried you’d kill me if I made a mess of it, we would have been late for the party. You had my cock hard by just looking at you.” His hands slide down my arms to the top of my belly. “If I was attracted to you before you got pregnant, I’m even more so now. You knock me off my feet by just walking into a room.”
“Holden.”
“I’m warning you, baby. I won’t give a shit about messing up your hair when I get you home tonight.”
I laugh at his bluntness, but my panties are now damp. Damn this man and his mouth for making me go to my own party this way.
“Ready?” he asks, slipping my palm in his.
“I guess I am.” I lean into him. “This is a big day, Holden. I can’t believe we’re about to find out if we’re having a boy or a girl.”
“A boy. Remember I told you so.”
He winks.
I melt.
This man is too much for my heart.
We walk down the street hand in hand in silence, the excitement and nerves we both feel growing stronger as we approach the party.
Laughter and cheers greet us when we walk through the doors of the bakery. “Oh my god, what did our friends do?” I squeal, looking around the space, which has been transformed. Everything is covered in pink and blue. There’s a giant balloon arch, cupcakes on stands of different heights, jars of candy, and the most beautiful vases of fresh flowers that are no doubt from Bloom, my favorite flower shop.
“Daisy doesn’t know how to do anything simple,” Holden smiles, kissing my cheek before my best friend is rushing across the room towards me. Holden veers towards the guys as I let Daisy pull me to where Sierra and Ev are waiting.
“Happy gender reveal day! I know I said I would try to keep it simple, but you know me… I couldn’t,” Daisy gushes, shrugging.
“I do know you and I love you for doing all of this for us.”
“You’re here and you look adorable,” Sierra says. “Also, I know what you’re having.” She places a hand on the curve of my stomach. “I told Daisy there was no way there would be confetti cannons going off in my bakery. I’m not cleaning that shit up for days. So, we settled on a layer cake for the reveal. She had no other option but to spill the beans. I spent all morning icing it.”
“Do you know too?” I ask Everly, who has baby West on her hip.
“Nope. I had nothing to do with this. I can’t wait to find out what it is. I think it’s a boy.”
“You really think that, or you’ve heard Holden say it so often that you’ve been influenced?” I ask, my gaze drifting to Holden, who is talking to his parents with a glass of champagne in his hand.
“Just a hunch.”
“You better go say hi to your in-laws,” Daisy says with a smirk, following my gaze. “They just about talked my ear off about how excited they are to become grandparents. It was cute. I’m going to grab you a glass of sparkling apple juice.”
I leave the girls and join Holden, his mom and dad and Barb. Donna and Barb pull me into a hug so tight I can barely breathe. Holden’s dad, David, embraces me too, and I’m surprised to find it makes me a little weepy. It has been a long time since I’ve been hugged by my stepdad; being with Holden’s dad makes me miss him.
“We have a bet going, Briar. It’s three against one. I’m the only one who thinks it’s a girl,” David says with a big smile. “We’ve got 50 bucks at stake.”
“Well, I’m not sure I can help you out too much with that, but we’ll find out soon,” I laugh. “I’m surprised Holden hasn’t gotten in on that bet.”
“There’s still time.” He winks at me as he pulls his wallet from his back pocket. “How much am I in for?”
Before I can finish rolling my eyes, I’m pulled away again by Sierra, who apologetically explains that she needs me for a photo with the rest of the girls by the balloon arch.
I spend the next hour or so catching up with friends and Holden’s family, and answering the same questions over and over again: How are you feeling? What do you think you’re having? Are you ready for the baby to get here? But I don’t mind. Looking around the room, all I can think about is the fact that our baby is already so loved.
Standing by the bakery counter, Daisy taps a fork against her champagne glass and the room slowly quiets.
“I want to thank everyone for being here. I know we are all so excited to celebrate our friends Holden and Briar,” Daisy says, emotion in her voice. She pauses for a moment before continuing. “But it’s now time to find out if they are having a boy or a girl!”
Our friends holler and cheer as Daisy points to the beautiful cake that Sierra has made for the occasion. It’s heart-shaped, with three tiers, smooth buttercream frosting decorated with pink and blue alphabet blocks.
“Can I get you two over here to cut the cake?” Daisy calls.
I look around for Holden, who is on the opposite side of the room next to Tucker and Jake. When his eyes find mine, his lips tip up in a knowing smile. I take a deep breath.
We cross the room to join Daisy and as soon as I’m next to him, Holden pulls me close to his side. When he presses a kiss to the top of my head, I don’t need a mirror to know that I’m blushing.
I take a quick moment to survey the room with appreciation in my heart. We are surrounded by people here to celebrate our baby. The only thing missing is my family.
“One sec,” I say. “I need to FaceTime my mom and my brother.” I quickly grab my phone from my purse before dialing her number. My heart lurches in my chest when their faces appear on the screen. It’s times like these that my heart hurts being so far away. I’d do anything to have them here with me sharing in my happiness. “Hey, you two. We are going to do the reveal now. Are you ready?”
“We’re ready, baby. It’s so good to see you. Hi Holden. I can see you’re taking good care of my girl. She looks like she’s glowing.”
“Mom, everyone is listening.” I giggle. “I’m going to prop up the phone so you can see, okay?”
“Here, honey, let me hold the phone so they have a better view,” Holden’s mom offers, stepping forward to take the phone from my hands.
“Hi, I’m Donna, Holden’s mom,” she says to the screen as everyone listens on. “It’s so nice to finally meet you. We need to make plans to meet in person. We would love to host you! My wife, Barb, and Holden’s dad, David, both can’t wait to meet you guys too. We’ll have to exchange numbers—”
“Mom,” Holden laughs. “Maybe you can work out the details later? We’re kind of in the middle of something here. The wait is killing me.”
The room erupts in laughter.
“Cut the cake!” Daisy burst out. “I am dying for you to cut that cake!”
“Would you like to do the honors?” I ask Holden, picking up the knife. “I don’t think I should be holding a sharp object. My hands are shaking.”
“I’ve got this, babe.” Holden takes the knife from my hand, his other hand still wrapped tightly around my waist. I smile up at him, green eyes with flecks of gold staring back at me. "You ready?"
"I'm ready,” I whisper.
I watch the blade of the knife sink through the cake. Holden repeats the motion until he’s carved a perfect slice. Heart in my throat, I get a glimpse of the bright icing between the layers of cake.
It’s blue.
It’s a boy.
“Briar,” Holden shouts. “We’re having a boy!”
“Oh my god,” I cry next to him, my hands covering my mouth before he takes me in his arms, lifting me off my feet. I’m engulfed in his scent and comfort as he embraces me as fiercely as he can without squishing our little boy between us.
“You were right,” I whisper into his ear as my hands wrap around his neck.
“I knew it,” he spins me around. “I felt it deep in my bones. Holy shit, we’re a having a boy.”
When he puts me down, his parents are by our sides with tears streaming down their faces.
“Congratulations you two,” his mom says with her hand on her heart. She gives me a quick hug and then hands me my phone. “Here’s your mom, honey.”
“Hi guys,” I say, looking at my mom and my brother on the screen through tears in my eyes. “Did you see it all?”
“We did, sweetheart. Thank you for including us. We would have been devastated to miss that.” My mom beams, dabbing tears from her eyes with a tissue. “I couldn’t be happier. Why don’t we talk tomorrow so you can get back to your friends?”
“Okay, Mom. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
It’s not the same as having her here with me, but I’m happy my mom could share such a big, life-changing moment with me. I was so young when my dad left, but my mom is front and center in every childhood memory I have. She was there for us in every way that she could be, and she always made sure we knew we were loved. I hope I can be half the mother to my little boy that my mom was to me.
Daisy throws her arms around me, bringing me back to the present moment. “You two are going to have the cutest little boy.”
“I just hope I can do this. It’s scary to think I’ll be responsible for a tiny human being in just a few months.”
“Of course you can,” she says, running her hand up and down my arm. “There isn’t a doubt in my mind that you will make the best mom, and Holden seems to be really excited.”
“He is, Daisy,” I sigh. “He’s been amazing. He won’t let me do anything on my own because he thinks I’m going to hurt myself or the baby and I’m pretty positive he knows more about what’s going on with my body than I do thanks to all the research he’s done.”
“He’s sweet, Briar. I’ve always known that about him. He watched re-runs of the Gilmore Girls with me, for Pete’s sake. I couldn’t even get you to do that.”
I laugh. I’m not sure I realized how lonely I was until Holden came into my life. The thought of being without him every day makes my chest tighten. I can’t imagine not seeing his shoes and his gym bag by the door when I come home. I can’t imagine not seeing his truck next to my car in his driveway. I can’t imagine not sharing every dinner with him. But my apartment will be ready soon and he hasn’t once asked me to stay. A few more weeks, maybe less, and I’ll be moving out.
As if on cue, Holden is at my side, slipping his arm around my waist. He smiles down at me, but behind that smile I can see the desire to take me home.
He pulls me into his chest. “You must be tired. You’ve been on your feet for hours. How about we take off? ”
For the first time in my life, I’m ready to leave a party if it means I get to be home alone with him.
“Only if you rub my feet when we get there,” I smirk. It’s a running joke, knowing how he feels about feet.
He arches one brow. “Or I could run you a bath?”
“A foot massage would be ideal.” I give him my most innocent, wide-eyed look, one hand moving back and forth across my bump.
He laughs, shaking his head. “You don’t play fair. I will massage your feet. Then I will massage—”
“Holden, don’t you dare. Your parents are right over there.”
“Can you believe it?” he asks. “Slugger’s a boy.”
“I can’t.” I lean my head against his shoulder. “I guess we need to talk about a name.”
“I’ve got ideas.”
“Why does that make me nervous?”
“What’s wrong with Slugger?” he asks with one delicious brow raised.
“Absolutely not.” I shake my head. “But it makes the perfect nickname, I’ll give you that.”
“We are so agreeable.”
“Let’s go home, Holden. You look tired too.” I brush the back of my knuckles down his cheek.
“Maybe if you weren’t so pretty, I would have slept last night.”
My lips tip, my pulse already racing.
Oh my.
His hand catches mine and he nips my knuckle with his teeth before mouthing the words, let’s go home baby, and my heart trips knowing what’s in store for me when we get there.