Chapter 24
TWENTY-FOUR
A BOYFRIEND ISN’T NECESSARILY FOREVER
B riar
Holden loves me, and it’s the best feeling in the world. But for some reason, I’m still not able to ease the tightness in my chest.
This is what I’ve been hoping for, what I’ve wanted. To hear him say that he loves me, that he wants the three of us to be a family, making him mine for forever.
I throw a T-shirt on over my sports bra, feeling anxiety rise inside of me. I left a message for my landlord to call me with an update on my apartment and ever since I hung up the phone, I haven’t been able to steady my breathing. When I arrived back in Reed Point, I’d been so excited to move into the cutest apartment in the best location, but ever since living with Holden, I can’t imagine living anywhere but here… with him. The only problem is that Holden hasn’t asked me to stay or even brought it up at all.
After the wedding, when he told me he loved me, I thought he might tell me that he wants me to move in. For good, this time. But he didn’t. It kills me to think that I’ll be moving out soon. I wish my almost renovated apartment would go up in flames.
This is exactly why it was dangerous to fall in love with Holden. I have zero control over where we go from here. He’s my boyfriend, yes, but a boyfriend isn’t necessarily forever. People change their minds; it happens all the time. They’re in love until they lose interest, and they don’t always stick around. I could lose him. This little house isn’t my home. I’m a visitor, a temporary guest. Everything has moved so fast with us—first living together, then finding out that we’re having a baby together. I guess it would make sense that Holden wants me to move out so we can take a step back and properly date. And if that’s what he wants, then I have no other choice.
Everything feels completely out of my control.
I twist my hair into a knot and throw my belt bag across my body. I can sit in this house and make myself crazy with worry, or I can head to the maternity store and buy myself a new pair of work pants that actually fit. I’m not sure there’s a hair elastic on this planet big enough to fasten my waistband together. I walk down the hall to tell Holden I’m leaving.
“I’m running to the maternity store, babe. I’ll be about an hour.”
I grab my car keys and my purse, then sit down on the bench beside the door to put on my shoes.
“Bee?” I hear him call from the kitchen, as I’m lacing up my runners. “Wait five minutes and I’ll go with you. I wanted to stop at the bubble tea place. I have a craving for mango.”
“When did you all of a sudden like bubble tea?” I chuckle .
“When Birdie told me it was her favorite and that I needed to try it.”
That sweet girl could get him to try chocolate-covered grasshoppers if she asked him to. She has him wrapped around her little finger.
“I would never want to come in between you and a mango bubble tea,” I tell him.
“You wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if you did,” he says, joining me in the entryway.
He flips the baseball hat he’s wearing so that it’s backwards, grabs his Nikes and slips them on. I roll my lips together. My heart does this boisterous flip in my chest. Holden in a suit is gorgeous but looking like this—in sweats and a ballcap—he puts all other men to shame.
“Did you see my wallet?” he asks, looking at the console table by the door where he usually leaves it.
“And you call me the disorganized one? Check the dresser. I’ll meet you outside,” I say as I head out the door.
There’s a sharp chill in the air, but it’s a sunny, blue-sky day; it’s the kind of day that reminds you that spring will be here soon. I wrap my oversized cardigan around me as I look across to the beach, putting a hand over my head to shield my eyes from the sun.
I suddenly startle at the sound of my name.
“Briar.” The voice is like sandpaper. A hand snakes around my elbow.
I try to tug my arm free as I look up to find my ex-boyfriend staring down at me.
Justin’s grip on my arm tightens. “Briar, we need to talk. I’ve been trying to get a hold of you. I flew all the way here just to see you.”
I’m momentarily speechless, too shocked to form a coherent sentence. What is he doing back here? It’s been months since I’ve talked to him, but it feels like a lifetime seeing how much he has changed since then. He looks different somehow—bigger, like he’s been spending hours at the gym. Or maybe he looks different because my feelings for him have changed. He no longer looks like the man I thought I loved, with the boyish good looks and charming smile. Now, all I see is all the time I wasted on him, and all the ways he let me down.
“Justin… why… what are you doing here?”
“What else was I supposed to do? You aren’t taking my calls. I’m here to talk to you, Briar. I’m going to take you home with me where you belong.”
Is he out of his mind? I look around, worried that someone will see us. I don’t want to have to explain this to our friends. I also don’t want to have to explain this to Holden, if he walks out and sees Justin with his hands on me.
“Justin, let go of me.”
He rolls his eyes. “Do you really think I would hurt you? Jesus, baby, it’s me. I’ve been going crazy trying to find you. Your mom wouldn’t tell me where you’re living, and your friends won’t answer my calls.”
“Then you should have taken that as a hint that I didn’t want to be found.” I tug on my arm, trying to loosen his grip on me. “Please, can you just let go of me?”
“Baby,” he rasps out, sounding desperate. “We just need to talk, and work this out.”
“Work what out? The fact that you have a problem keeping your dick in your pants and you can’t be trusted? We could definitely agree on that.”
“It was one time.” He shakes his head, acting as if it’s not that big of a deal. “Why can’t you just get over it? I love you. I always have. ”
This has to stop. He needs to leave. I know Justin would never physically hurt me. For all his faults, he isn’t an aggressive guy, but I’m uncomfortable and I’ve had enough. “Justin, please let me go.”
“You heard her.” I whip my head around to see Holden stalking down the steps. “If you don’t get your fucking hands off my girlfriend right this second, I will break every bone in your goddamn body. Do you understand me?”
Justin’s grip on my arm immediately loosens enough that I can move away from him and over to Holden’s side. I feel his lips press against the top of my head as his arm slips around my waist. “You okay, baby?” He smooths his hand in a line down my arm.
“I’m fine. I just don’t want to talk to him.”
Holden turns to Justin.
“You can leave know. Briar has nothing to say to you. You proved to her what kind of a guy you are and now she’s with me. End of story. You can go book your flight home.”
Justin’s gaze shifts to where Holden’s hand is holding me tightly against him. Then I watch his gaze drift to the curve of my stomach.
“Are you pregnant ?” His eyes widen. “You’ve got to be kidding me. We’ve been broken up for what… six months, and you’re already having a baby with some other guy?”
“I’m pregnant and I’m happy and I’ve moved on,” I tell him. “Now you need to move on too. This is over. To be honest, it was over the day I found you on my couch with that girl.”
“I can’t believe it.” Justin drags a hand through his dirty-blond hair. “I thought you just needed to cool down. I know I fucked up, but you always come around.”
Justin stares at me with wide, glassy eyes, and if I wasn’t still so hurt about how he treated me, I might feel sorry for him. “I don’t know what world you live in to think I would ever get back together with you after what you did to me… and you know what you did, I don’t think I need to remind you.”
I feel Holden’s entire body stiffen next to me, as if he’s prepared to swing at Justin. He knows that I’m referring to the pictures Justin shared of me that I had sent him in confidence.
“Briar, that was—”
“Finish that sentence and see what happens,” Holden seethes. “I’m not sure how I’ve put up with this for as long as I have. You are an asshole who doesn’t deserve Briar. You never did. You mistreated her. You humiliated her. You are a shit excuse for a man, because a real man would never do what you did to her. You hurt her so badly that she got on a plane and moved here to get away from you . She is mine now and she will be until I take my last breath. So, you can go now, and don’t ever come back. We are done here. Get the fuck off my property.”
Justin stares at me for a second, but I don’t have anything else to say to him. I am just as done with this as Holden is. He finally turns and walks down the driveway.
Holden pulls me into his chest, and I melt against him. “Thank you, Holden.”
“You don’t need to thank me. It’s my job.” He runs his hand in long strokes up and down my back. “I will always protect you. I will never allow anyone to hurt you again.”
I exhale a heavy sigh, pushing the unsettling feeling of seeing Justin again out of my mind. Holden dips down, brushing his mouth over mine. When he draws back, he looks at me closely.
“I promise, Briar.”
I nod .
And I know that it’s true.
I can hear Holden in the shower, so I take my breakfast—scrambled eggs and toast, the only thing I feel like eating these days—to the couch. Picking up my phone, I see that I missed another call from my landlord. Sighing, I dial him back. I’ve been avoiding him for the past few days, but I know I can’t put it off forever.
“Hi Mitch,” I say when he answers on the second ring. “It’s Briar Moore, sorry I missed your call.”
“No problem. Just calling to let you know I have an update on the condo.”
“Okay,” I say nervously, realizing I’m not sure what I want him to tell me. On one hand, I’ve been waiting for months for the renovations on the place to be done. On the other, if they are done, that means I will be moving out of Holden’s place.
“The painters will be finishing up over the next few days and then I’ll have the contractor go in and install the new appliances. You should be good to move in at the end of next week. I’m sorry it’s taken a little longer than we expected.”
“That’s okay, Mitch. Thanks for the update, I appreciate it.”
“I thought you’d be happy to hear. If you’d like to come and take a look at it, I’ll be there tomorrow. Happy to show you around, otherwise I’ll call you next week with a move-in date.”
“I wouldn’t mind seeing it. I’ll stop by tomorrow.” With a tightness in my chest, I thank him and end the call. This should be good news.
I can move in .
The realization hits me like a ton of bricks.
I don’t want to leave.
I hate the thought of leaving this house. I hate the idea of being that far away from Holden, especially now that I am pregnant. I like knowing he’ll be walking in the door 10 minutes after me on weekdays. I like falling asleep in his bed wrapped up in his arms. I like his company, and the attention he shows me. I like the way he makes me feel happy and appreciated.
I know that Holden likes having me here, but I can’t ignore the fact that he still hasn’t asked me to stay. He lived on his own for a while, maybe he just wants to have his home back to himself. Maybe he’s not ready to embrace the chaos that surely comes with having a baby in the house—bouncy chairs and play mats and swings, bottles and bibs cluttering the kitchen counter. Holden has really stepped up to embrace this pregnancy and he’s clearly excited to become a dad, but it’s a big change, and I know he can be set in his ways.
As I toss my phone on the couch beside me, I realize Holden is behind me. He’s normally gone to work by now, but he skipped his early morning workout after keeping me up all night. It was incredible. You’d think I’d be exhausted after he gave me the greatest orgasm of my life last night. I woke up feeling euphoric. But the phone call I just had served to bring me back down to earth.
“Was that your landlord? What did he have to say?”
Forcing a smile, I tell him, “That was him. My place is going to be ready for me to move into next week. He said I could pop by tomorrow if I wanted to see it. Do you want to come with me?”
I stare at Holden, trying to get a read on what he’s thinking, but his expression is impossible to decipher. I want him to tell me to stay. God, the thought of living apart kills me. I wait, holding my breath, hoping he’ll tell me to cancel my lease.
Instead, he says, “That’s great, Briar. If you want me to come with you, you know I will.”
My heart drops. The somber realization that he isn’t going to ask me to stay makes me feel sick.
“I’m late for work. We’ll figure out the details tonight.” He kisses my forehead, but the gesture is lacking real emotion. His brows are furrowed, his eyes are blank and hard. It feels nothing like Holden.
“Okay.”
Before he walks away, I catch his hand, bringing it to my mouth to kiss the inside of his wrist. My eyes plead for him to ask me to stay. “I’ve got to go, Bee. I’m going to be late.”
Reluctantly, I let his hand go. “Have a good day, babe.”
He walks to the front door and then he’s gone.
Now that I have Holden, I don’t want to let him go. I might only be moving out, but it feels a lot like I’m losing him.