Chapter 14 #2
She laughed loudly, and the sound of it filled his backyard. He thought to himself how much he wanted her to live there with him and laugh like that in his house every day.
“Come on inside,” he stammered, holding the door open again.
“Can I have a kiss first?” she asked coyly.
“Mmhmm.” He leaned down and kissed her, but even that suddenly felt awkward. He felt as if he might get electrocuted by her, she was so intensely wonderful.
Still laughing, Noelle glided into his kitchen.
He suddenly wished that he’d moved the table into the living room, or another spot in his house that looked a little more elegant.
His kitchen was clean, but the fridge was covered with bills that he’d paid or needed to pay, and there was a cookie jar shaped like a fat little owl sitting on the counter.
It hardly seemed like the proper setting for a romantic dinner or a proposal.
He shut the back door, feeling his heart thump in his chest. Noelle was staring at the table as if she’d never seen anything so wonderful.
“Dean,” she breathed. “Did you do all this?”
“Hazel helped me,” he admitted. “She’s so good about this kind of thing.”
“But it was your idea?”
He nodded, drinking in the sight of her. “Yeah, it was my idea.”
“Wow.”
For a few moments, they simply stood there looking at each other. Dean felt his heart rate go down somewhat, but he still felt as if he was in some kind of dream and he didn’t actually have control over his body. When he spoke, it felt as if he was watching somebody else speak.
“Dinner’s on the table already. Would you like to sit down and eat it with me?”
“I’d love to.” Before sitting down, however, she stepped up to him and wrapped her arms around him. He held her tightly, drinking in the fantastic smell of her hair. She smelled like lavender and honeysuckle and sandalwood.
Over the top of her head, he could see the table, and he noticed with a start that he hadn’t lit the candles yet.
“What’s the matter?” she asked with a small laugh, noticing the way he’d twitched.
“Oh, nothing. I’d just wanted to have the candles lit already when you got here.”
“Don’t worry about that—it’s still perfect. Besides, this way I can light them. You know how much I love lighting candles.”
He smiled at her. That was his girlfriend. Always so kind and thoughtful, ready to make everyone else feel at ease and as though everything was alright.
He handed her the lighter, and she eagerly walked around the table, lighting each of the candles. Dean watched her, touching the lump in his pocket where the ring box was.
This is bad, he thought nervously. I didn’t expect to get this nervous when it came time to actually propose. I’m not sure I’m capable of getting the words out right now.
He reminded himself that he didn’t actually need to propose at that moment. They could eat some of the dinner first. That would probably be better anyway.
He pulled out her chair for her and set her down in it. “You look gorgeous, by the way,” he said, relieved that he was able to string together that many words into a coherent sentence.
“Thank you.” She looked up at him, her eyes shining. “You look so handsome.”
He wanted to remind her that she’d already managed to say that in a full sentence, but he simply smiled, glad that she thought so. He realized that he’d forgotten to comb his hair down again and it probably looked messy—but he knew that Noelle liked it that way.
He sat down across from her and they began to help themselves to the delicious food.
“I’m sorry, I should have prepared a plate for you,” he said, realizing that asking her to spear her own filet of breaded cod to get it out of the serving dish wasn’t as gallant of him as he wanted to be.
“Oh, don’t worry about it.” She laughed. “You’re acting as though I’m royalty or something. This whole thing is unbelievably sweet. You definitely didn’t need to do any more than this. Besides, I’m early. How could you have prepared a plate for me this early without it getting cold?”
She grinned at him, and he smiled back, feeling totally smitten.
She’s so sweet, he thought. So sweet and wonderful. But that’s only making me more nervous. How can I propose to someone as wonderful as she is?
They began to eat their meal together, and Noelle kept exclaiming over how delicious it was.
“How did you make a salad that’s exactly like the one my grandma makes?” She shook her head in awe.
“Hazel got the recipe from your grandmother.”
Noelle clapped her hand to her forehead, laughing. “Why didn’t I think of that? So it is actually the same recipe. That’s so sweet of Hazel—and of you.” She smiled at him like she thought he was the most wonderful man in the world, but the look only made him break out in a cold sweat.
I’m so nervous, he thought, wiping his damp palms on the knees of his pants. How on earth am I going to get the words out?
For a few moments, they continued to eat in companionable silence. Dean watched Noelle as she smiled, clearly delighted by the food. He knew he needed to start the speech that he’d prepared, but it had flown entirely out of his mind.
She seemed completely unaware of his discomfort, so that at least was a blessing. He speared a forkful of breaded cod and told himself firmly that he just needed to get the first sentence out. After that, the rest of it was going to flow more easily. It had to, right?
Noelle, from the very first… he thought, trying to form the words in his mind before he said them out loud. When I first met you, I thought—no, that sounds too cheesy. But won’t she like that? And anyway, I mean it ? —
She looked up at him and smiled and he hastily returned the expression. He wiped his palms on his pants again and cleared his throat. He needed to say something now before she realized that something was the matter. That would kill the whole mood of their dinner and he didn’t want that.
“Noelle, I wanted to tell you something,” he said slowly, his eyes on her face. He felt the sweat on his palms thicken.
“Yes, Dean?” Her eyes shone at him.
Ask. I should have said ask, he thought with an internal grimace. Not tell .
He cleared his throat again. “I know our relationship started out in an unconventional manner.” He hardly recognized his own voice.
He sounded like someone about to give out an award at a prestigious event, or like a man in a sappy audiobook romance.
It wasn’t like him to sound so formal, and the effect was insincere.
Noelle began to blink in surprise. “I mean, you were my physical therapist and I was your client. And then of course we were friends.”
Noelle nodded slowly, starting to look slightly amused.
“Anyway, I want to tell you that I’m so glad everything happened the way that it did.
I’m so happy that we’re friends. I’m so happy that you agreed to go out with me.
” He meant the words coming out of his mouth with every fiber of his being, but they still sounded stilted and unnatural.
“It’s not every day that something like that happens to people.
We’re lucky that we’re in a relationship together. ”
His mind was a blur, but he was mentally present enough to know that he was making a mess of things. This was not at all the way he wanted to propose to her. He sounded fake and formal and almost arrogant, the way he was making obvious statements as if she might never have thought of them before.
Noelle nodded, smiling at him but starting to look slightly confused. “You’re right, Dean. We are, very lucky.”
“So I just wanted—I mean my point in all this?—”
In a flash, his resolve failed him. He couldn’t propose to her now, not after such a bad start. And not when his brain still felt like putty and his whole body was so sweaty.
“I just want to tell you that you mean a lot to me,” he continued slowly.
“I know I’ve been kind of an absent boyfriend a lot of the time because of my fatigue and things like that, but you’ve always been so good to me even when I wasn’t giving you the time and the attention you deserved.
” Once he’d made the decision not to propose, his words began to flow more freely.
He inhaled as if he was gulping in air after almost drowning.
“So tonight, I wanted to show you how much I care about you. You mean the world to me, Noelle, and I’m so thankful you’re my girlfriend. ”
Her eyes filled with tears. “Oh, Dean!” She stood up and hurried to his side of the table to hug him.
“I’m so happy you’re my boyfriend. You’re so amazing, and you mean the world to me too.
You don’t ever have to feel like you’ve disappointed me.
I know that your condition makes it tough for you to be there for me sometimes, but that it’s not your fault.
I see you doing your best to support me all the time.
” She stroked his hair back lovingly. “Like this. You’ve planned this whole dinner to make it up to me for all the times you had to raincheck our plans. It’s so incredibly thoughtful of you.”
Dean blinked at her, knowing that at some point, the opportunity to propose during their dinner had passed him by. He held back a sigh, and he could just imagine the way Hazel was going to squeak the word “What?” as soon as he called her to let her know what had happened.
I can’t believe I just missed my chance , he thought ruefully. Well, not completely of course, I’ll try again another day—but Hazel helped me put all this work into our dinner. It was so romantic, and then I went and chickened out.
All he said out loud was, “I love you, Noelle.”
“I love you too, Dean! I love you so much.”
They shared a kiss, and Dean felt his spirits lift.
After all, Noelle was very happy, and he could still propose to her another time.
Maybe when he tried again, he wouldn’t feel as nervous.
Maybe if she didn’t look quite as gorgeous as she did at that moment, he would have an easier time working up the nerve.