14. Skye
Ibrushed more tears from my cheeks. I hadn’t cried this hard since the weeks after Mom died.
It had been four days since Brody had dropped me off outside my house, and I hadn’t heard a word from him since. Before this, we hadn’t gone more than a day without talking to each other in years.
I hated it.
It was like part of me was missing. I’d spent the days in my pottery doing my best to fill the quota for my commissions. But everything I made seemed imperfect, not good enough, missing something.
At the moment, I was staring at a half-finished mug in front of me, the pretty blue I’d started glazing it with mocking me.
Was this what my life would be like now? Empty?
Anger pushed aside the sadness that filled me. Why did Brody have to put me in this position? Why couldn’t we have gone on denying there was anything more than friendship between us?
My phone rang, and I lunged for it, sagging back into my chair when I saw Ivy’s name on the screen.
“Hi, Ivy,” I answered, doing my best to make my voice sound normal.
“Okay, what’s wrong?” she asked immediately. She knew me too well.
So far, I’d said nothing to her about what had happened with Brody. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her how good it had been before it all went wrong. If I did, she’d tell me I was being ridiculous. She’d always said he and I should be together, so she’d definitely be on his side. Still, I needed to talk to someone.
“Brody and I are… arguing.”
“You and Brody never argue. What happened?”
I heaved a sigh. “It’s a long story.”
“I’ve got time. It’s almost happy hour. Why don’t you meet me at The Silver Lining, and I’ll buy you a drink? You can tell me all about it.”
We planned to meet in an hour, then hung up. I tried again to finish glazing the mugs but gave it up as a lost cause. I tidied the pottery, locked up, and headed out.
When I pushed through the door into the warmth of the crowded bar, Ivy was already waiting for me. I sighed in relief and made my way over, and by the time I sat down next to her, Shawn was already sliding a glass of white toward me across the polished wood of the bar top.
I smiled my thanks at him and took a long drink.
Ivy’s brows were raised when I placed the glass back down almost empty. “That bad?” she asked.
I nodded, my eyes stinging. After checking that Shawn had moved out of earshot, I blurted it all out.
Ivy listened with a furrowed brow. I didn’t go into the details of sleeping with Brody, but Ivy’s lips quirked up when I glossed over the fact that we had. The glint in her eye told me she’d be asking for more information later. Thankfully, she let me get through the story with minimal interruption, and by the time I got to the part where I walked away from my best friend, my vision was blurring, and my voice wobbled.
“Oh, Skye,” Ivy sighed. “Why are you doing this to yourself?”
“Doing what? Trying to protect our friendship?”
“From what?”
“From being ruined!”
“You and Brody haven’t spoken for four days. Don’t you think it might end up ruined, anyway? What do you expect him to do, pretend he doesn’t feel what he feels? Just because you’re happy living a lie doesn’t mean he is.”
I shook my head. “I’m not living a lie.”
“Really? Do you honestly believe you can be just friends with him now? What if he agrees to it, gives up on you, then six months down the road, meets some lovely woman and falls hopelessly in love with her? Are you telling me you’ll be okay with that?”
I swallowed and looked away. “I’ll be happy he’s happy,” I whispered.
The look she gave me was the definition of skepticism. And she was right. I had no idea how I’d deal with that.
Her expression softened. “I know you’ve already lost a lot, Skye, and I understand why you want to cling to the security of Brody’s friendship. But he is not your only friend, and he is definitely not the only person who cares about you.” She gave me a pointed look. “If you lost his friendship, you would survive. You would get over it. What I don’t think you’d get over is realizing a year, two years from now, that he is actually your soul mate, and he’s moved on with someone else.”
Nausea swirled in my stomach at the thought.
“But you have the chance to do something about it before it’s too late. He’s made his feelings clear. The ball is firmly in your court. And I think—”
Her eyes darted over my head, and a grin split her face, just like that night two weeks ago. “I think this is the universe’s way of telling you it’s time to let him know what it is you really want.”
But before I could turn, her face fell, and an icy wave of premonition tumbled down my spine.
I spun on my stool to see Brody standing by the entrance, looking just as gorgeous as always.
But just like the other night, he wasn’t alone.
“I’m sure they’re not here together.” Ivy’s voice was soft, but it quavered with uncertainty. Because Katie was smiling up at him, and he was smiling down at her, and if I’d thought he was in as much pain as I was, it looked like I was wrong. Because he was out with another woman. I might only have myself to blame, but that didn’t make it any easier to witness.
The two of them walked to the bar together, and thank god he hadn’t looked around, because I couldn’t handle the awkward conversation that was bound to take place if he saw us.
I turned back to Ivy, whose eyes were swimming with sympathy.
“There’s no way Brody’s moved on so soon. And not without talking to you. That’s not the kind of person he is.”
Her words made sense to the logic center of my brain. But they didn’t reach the part of me that was all knotted up right now. A wave of emotion tightened my throat. “I have to go,” I choked out, gathering my purse and jacket in a rush.
“I’ll come with—”
“No, that’s all right. You stay here and finish your drink. I’ll call you later this week.”
I didn’t wait for her response, just put my head down and hurried to the rear doors that led out to the deck behind the bar to avoid being seen.
Since I hadn’t stopped to put my jacket on before I exited, the blast of cold hit me hard. But it wasn’t enough to stop me in my rush to get away.
If Brody had decided I was a lost cause, maybe he might be happy to go back to being friends now. Especially since he already had a perfectly lovely woman ready and willing to be there for him. It was what I wanted, wasn’t it?
But the pain constricting my ribs forced my feet to a stop. Was that what I wanted? If I looked past the fear of losing Brody’s friendship, did I truly want him to move on and find someone else? Could I live with that?
I shivered with the cold, but instead of returning to my car, I took the steps down to the lake shore that The Silver Lining backed on to. I shrugged on my jacket as I looked out over the dark water, then closed my eyes and took a deep breath of the icy winter air.
There was no point denying the truth. I was in love with Brody, and running away from him wouldn’t change that. Nothing was going to make these feelings go away now that I’d admitted them to myself.
Tears spilled over my lashes and traced frigid paths down my cheeks. I was hurting Brody and myself because I was scared. But it was fear of something that might never happen. And even if it did, even if I loved him and lost him, would it be the end of me?
I thought about Mom and Dad. I’d loved them both so much, and losing them had hurt so badly. And yet… I would never trade the years I’d had with them. Never. Just like I knew Mom would never have traded the years she spent with Dad just to avoid the pain of his loss.
I’d been so scared of losing Brody that I’d put him inside a box—one labeled friend—and refused to let him out. Even when he’d forced his way out and made me see him in a different light, all I’d done was get scared and try to shove him back in. No wonder he’d needed to walk away.
The memory of Brody smiling down at Katie flashed through my head, almost sending me to my knees.
What was I achieving by pushing him away?
I let out a long, slow breath, watching it cloud in front of me. I was letting fear hold me back from a life that had the potential to be amazing. But overcoming that fear seemed far easier now that I’d realized the alternative was unthinkable. Ivy was right. Going back to the way things were now that I knew what it was like being with Brody—standing back and watching him fall in love with another woman—was totally and utterly unthinkable. The question was, did I still have a choice, or had Brody already given up on me?
I turned my gaze up to the vast canopy of stars overhead and took one last bracing lungful of icy air. I’d just started making my way back to the deck when the bar door slammed open. My pulse skyrocketed, and I halted, wrapping my arms around myself.
Moment of truth.