Chapter Twenty-Six
CLARA
The Darlington Hotel was once again warm and full of light.
Clara smiled as the backup generators buzzed, having restored the lobby to a state of grandeur and brilliance.
She sat by the fire alone, a warm cup of coffee in her hand.
The guests were happy to be back in their rooms or in the restaurant.
She looked around at the decorations, fully illuminated again.
The sounds of the lobby Christmas music playing made her take in a slow, easy breath.
She tipped her head back as she sank deeper into her chair. She was exhausted, but she felt great. The hotel had power again, and the staff had everything back under control. She had really done it. She had got them through the crisis.
This was what real accomplishment felt like, she realized now.
It wasn’t something she had ever felt with Matthew helping her get a job, or by telling her what she wanted to hear, or by making things happen for her.
Clara wondered why she’d wasted so much of her life running from the hardest things in life. The most rewarding things.
Enjoying her coffee, she took a moment to think about her career and reconsidered whether working for the Darlington was really what she wanted. Was it possible that by Matthew giving her opportunity after opportunity, it had become too easy for her to stay and take them?
It seemed like she was stuck in a career that he had carved out for her more than one she’d set out to get for herself.
Maybe what she really needed was to branch out on her own.
Maybe she needed to independently make her career what she wanted it to be instead of doing what Matthew had encouraged her to do.
She thought again about what Ava and Laura had said—that military spouses’ lives and careers didn’t have to fit into the traditional mold.
Each of them was capable of making the choices that best suited them and their families.
These families were giving so much of their lives for this country’s freedom.
Didn’t they deserve the freedom to have choices in their lives?
Of course they did. And if they could do it, then she certainly could too.
A cold rush of air hit Clara, interrupting her thoughts, as the doors to the Darlington swung open. A bundled-up man appeared in the lobby, breathless and panting. Taking off his hat and shaking the snow out of his hair, he looked around the lobby until he caught her eye. Matthew.
He spotted her immediately and hurried over. He stopped in front of the fire to warm his hands, then turned to her with a nod. “I heard the power was out here and figured you’d need me.”
“I appreciate you coming but—”
“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of things.” He looked straight over Clara’s head, scanning the lobby. “It looks like the power’s back on, but I’m sure there’s a mess of problems waiting for me.” He quickly turned to head in the direction of the desk.
“Matthew, I don’t need your help.”
He stopped mid-stride and turned around. “What’s that?”
“I took care of it.” She continued sipping her coffee calmly by the fire.
He looked at her underneath a skeptical brow. “You handled all this?”
“Yes,” she replied, a relaxed smile on her face.
Matthew let out a slight laugh. He appeared to be taking another look around the lobby.
All was calm, all was bright, and she could tell he seemed surprised.
No, he was shocked. Clara knew he’d been expecting a disaster.
He came over anticipating chaos; her complete reliance on him.
He’d been prepared to see customers complaining, employees panicking, and her completely helpless.
Matthew had come in here thinking he’d be the hero who was going to rescue her. He was definitely used to doing that.
“Matthew, I don’t need your help anymore,” she said. Saying the words out loud felt as if a boulder was lifted from her shoulders. “In fact, I never really did. I just thought I did.”
He just looked at her, confusion in his eyes.
“But you were right,” Clara continued.
He raised his eyebrows at her. “Oh, yeah, about what exactly?”
“That I do need experience in the operations side of running a hotel before I become a general manager.”
“Well, I thought I’d given you that—”
She lifted her hand to interrupt. “But I want to get that on my own. I’m going to leave the Darlington.”
He narrowed his eyes at her. “Oh, to go where?”
“Another property, maybe. Or another career entirely—who knows?”
“And do what?”
“Anything I want,” she said. “I’m capable of it, after all.”
Matthew seemed to be processing what she was telling him.
He looked at her with interest, as if he was trying to gauge whether she was serious or not.
Finally, he let out a resigned huff of air and walked back over to her by the fire and sat down.
He crossed his leg over his knee and sat back in his chair.
He didn’t say anything for a while. He looked around again at the lobby, assessing the situation.
He looked directly at her, a sincere smile beginning to replace the suspicion as he blew a stream of air through his lips. Finally, he spoke.
“Well, Clara, I have to admit, I am impressed. You’ve certainly surprised me here. Everything looks like it’s completely under control.”
She sipped on her coffee, a surge of excitement hidden behind a calm smile.
Matthew’s gaze continued to linger on her eyes as if he was deep in thought.
She looked away.
“You know, I’ve been thinking about us lately.” He smiled.
Her eyes shot open. “Us?”
He uncrossed his legs and leaned forward in his chair. “Yeah. I mean, maybe we should give things another try. What do you think?”
Clara nearly spit out her coffee. She thought about how many times she had heard those words from him over the years. How every time she would believe them—because she wanted to believe them—only to end up hurt again.
Wasn’t it just like him to choose a moment like now to throw this at her? Right when everything was beginning to feel under control. Just when she knew exactly what she wanted in life—and who she wanted.
Clara wondered why she had wasted so much time with him over the years.
She could see he wasn’t good for her, that he never had been.
Matthew seemed to look down on her in a way she’d never truly noticed before.
Or perhaps she had, but didn’t want to acknowledge it.
Why had she spent so much of her time chasing after his approval anyway?
She supposed the honest answer was that she hadn’t believed enough in her own abilities.
She had always felt she needed Matthew in order to accomplish anything big.
The simplest answer, though, was that the relationship was easy.
Matthew was there, day in and day out. It had been too easy to stay in a relationship with him and too difficult to get out of one.
It was more complicated than that, though.
When they first met, Matthew had been a great boyfriend.
Attentive and kind, he genuinely seemed to want to impress her and to please her.
That was until he’d had her for a while.
Several years and many breakups later, Clara supposed he started taking her for granted.
Maybe she had made the relationship too easy on him by always going along with whatever he’d wanted her to do.
Perhaps having to work hard for something, especially a relationship, made someone appreciate it more.
Maybe enduring hardship for what you really wanted was a necessary part of life.
Perhaps without that, you can never know how much you value it.
It made sense after all. Look at Brent; he had put a ton of work into their relationship over the past year, and he seemed to be more in love with her than Matthew had ever been.
Yes, Brent did seem to adore her, didn’t he? She smiled just thinking about it.
Well, this time was different. It was the easiest decision Clara would ever have to make.
“Definitely not, Matthew.”
“Oh.” He looked as if he’d been punched in the gut.
She let out a sigh. “It’s time I move on from you—for good.”
He seemed slightly stunned, slowly beginning to drop his eyes to his lap.
He appeared to be hurt. Clara suddenly realized this could be the first time she’d ever been the one to hurt him.
The first time she’d ever had any sense of control in the relationship at all.
In a moment of pity, she took him gently by the hand.
If there was anyone who could understand how this felt, it was her.
She softened. “The truth is, Matthew, that I’m in a relationship now that makes me happier than ever.”
He scoffed. “Oh, you mean the guy who hasn’t been around at all. The Top Gun pilot who took off and left you for an entire year. That guy? Meanwhile, I’ve been the one here for you, day in and day out.”
Clara paused, finally looking at him through entirely different eyes than she ever had before. “Matthew, this is goodbye for us.” She paused again, giving his hand a squeeze. “But I do appreciate everything you’ve done for me. Really.”
It was true. Clara was grateful for the many opportunities Matthew had given her over the years.
She realized, though, that that wasn’t the same thing as being in love.
She was truly beginning to understand love in a completely different way.
It was what she felt for Brent. She closed her eyes and thought of him.
She glowed with excitement. Yes, she was, without a doubt, falling in love with Brent.
Her eyes popped wide open. She needed to tell Brent everything.
She needed to explain to him why, up until now, she hadn’t been able to understand how he could have been so sure about their relationship.
She couldn’t understand why he’d been ready to make a lifelong commitment to her already.
She couldn’t understand how his feelings were so much stronger than hers.
But now, she understood perfectly—because she now understood what real love was.
It wasn’t necessarily easy, that was for sure. Sometimes, it didn’t show up the way you had planned. Sometimes, it required more patience and understanding than you thought you were capable of. At times, it was just plain hard. But it was always worth it.
The realization took her by surprise as she finally understood the reality of her feelings. It hadn’t been Christmas magic that she’d needed to fall in love. No magic was needed for her to realize her feelings for Brent.
It hadn’t mattered whether she figured it out over Christmas, over a deployment, or over a cup of coffee. Clara knew without a doubt that she was actually in love with Brent.
“Goodbye, Matthew,” she said one last time.
He looked to the floor and shook his head, seeming to wallow in the rejection.
After a moment, he looked up and nodded in understanding.
They both stood, and he reached toward her for a final hug.
Clara let him hold her for a moment. She smiled and let all her breath out of her lungs with explosive relief.
A heaviness left her that she hadn’t realized she’d been carrying around for many years.
It felt so good to finally let go of that part of her life.