Chapter 29
Rio
Every time I sit in Dr. Jacinda’s waiting room, I have a brand-new Luna thing I need to talk to her about.
Today is weird because I don’t have to be here.
This isn’t part of our schedule. It’s either I come here or I go out, and I don’t trust myself in the streets.
The hurt is too intense, and I see myself trying to cope in the old ways.
That’s how I find myself staring at the wall of books. I’m waiting for her in the quiet. Music is my enemy right now because she has become my muse. So, I’m in punishment with my thoughts…like most of today.
The door cracks open, and Dr. Jacinda steps out with a short but attractive woman with jet-black wavy hair, killer curves, and insanely high heels. She’s familiar, and when her gaze lands on me, her bold red lips spread into a smile.
“Hi, I’m Mel.”
And that’s when it hits me. Amelia Solis. She looks young, like a regular pretty girl, and not a Jefa de Jefas in New York—except for the designer clothing and the sharp edge in her eyes.
“I’m Rio.”
She chuckles. “I know.” She looks at the doctor and back at me. “I won’t tell if you don’t.”
“No,” I say and then add, “You’ve gotten me out of a lot of stuff. But you made sure Luna didn’t get fired. I’m most grateful for that.”
She winks at me and leaves through a side door. People are waiting for her there.
Dr. Jacinda waves me in. Her office is always neat except for the usual tables where there are scattered boxes and figurines. She explained that it's for people to play if they’re into it.
We don’t ever sit at her desk or any of those tables. Instead, she has rocking chairs by the roaring fire. It’s always cold in this room, and I wonder if that’s a technique of hers. My Caribbean heart is happy for the fire.
"I'm sorry you had to encounter another client. I try to space out my appointments to honor your privacy. However, at times, I’m unable to plan effectively when we receive last-minute requests from two parties, which is what happened today. This is also a great segue to, what’s going on?”
“I spent the night with Luna last night,” I blurt out.
“Okay. Good thing?”
There’s such a calm demeanor about her, and she’s always unassuming, which is annoying today. I need her to fill in the blanks. If it were good, I wouldn’t have called her. I know she can tell but forces me to say the words.
“I don’t know. Parts were good and the rest is fucked…sorry.”
She folds her hands on her lap, delicately. “I’m an optimist, so tell me the good, and we’ll get to the fucked after.”
Fucked.
The word coming from her jars me, and she smiles because she must know she shocked me. “Is it the word or my age that bugs you?”
“Both,” I say. “I feel bad enough that I said it, but I didn’t expect you to repeat it…it’s hard talking to you like this.”
“Rio, I’m a mother of five and a soon-to-be grandmother again.
That requires lots of sex and sex conversations.
There’s nothing you can tell me that I have not heard or experienced.
So why don’t we bypass the assumptions, and you tell me what happened and why it’s affecting you to the point that you called me, of all people… voluntarily.”
I don’t know what to say, except, “I want to be respectful.”
She smiles softly. “You’re never disrespectful.
On the contrary, you have impeccable manners.
Speaking about your feelings and experiences in a raw and very personal way does not change that.
Last time, you told me you miss Luna so much it hurts.
Last night, you got to spend time with her. How did it happen?”
She remembers everything.
“I went to her new place because I saw the photos of her mom’s wedding. She looked beautiful and happy, and that zángano went with her as her date. So, I was…”
“Jealous.”
“Yeah. I showed up. We argued.” I go through the whole story, including the times we went at it like savages, sharing details I could never tell anyone else but her and a priest.
When I finish, she asks, “Do you need some water?”
“Do you?” I shoot back.
“Yes.” Her response is so dry, I laugh, and she chuckles.
She grabs us bottles of water.
“Why did you say that to Luna at the end? It sounds like a curse.”
My body heats up all over again. “I was pissed. We spent this night together, and she took his call.”
“But you told her to answer. Was that just a taunt?”
I shrug. “I don’t know.”
She hums. “I think you do, Rio. What did you expect her to do?”
“Tell him to fuck off,” I almost yell and take a sip of my water.
“Because her macho was there?”
I choke on the water and end up coughing, but I admit, “Yes.”
“Did you communicate to Luna that you expected to get back together after you spent the night together?”
“No. She didn’t want to talk, just fuck. Her words.”
Dr. Jacinda nods. “But you agreed.”
“Yeah,” I say. “I wanted her.”
“Then why would you expect her to say that to the person she’s seeing? Because it was a transformative dick experience?”
My mouth falls open, then I shake my head. “That’s not it.”
“Because that’s what you agreed to. You love this woman, but agreed to one night of just physical pleasure, knowing it wasn’t going to be enough.”
I don’t like the way she’s judging me. “Maybe I wanted to get her out of my system.”
“By being more intimate with her? This is the woman you took to the most sacred place in your heart. You trusted her with your mom when we—” she gestures back and forth between us “— had barely been able to touch the subject. Why on earth would you think this would be the way to get her out of your system?”
I hate the reminders, as if the memories of her in my casita don’t constantly live with me. I stand and walk to the window. There’s no air coming through them but just being able to look out into the street lets me breathe better. “I don’t know.”
“Dig deeper, Rio. You know the answer to this.”
“Because I want to know that she still loves me like I love her. That she still wants every part of me and finds it hard to sleep because I haven’t texted or called her. I wanted to see for myself that asshole wasn’t enough. I want her to forgive me.”
“But you told her that you want to haunt her.”
Because she haunts me. “I’m not perfect, Dr. Jacinda.”
“No one is.” It sounds more like deadpanning than reassurance. “What are you going to do, Rio?”
I shrug. “I’m headed to Europe for a few concerts. Maybe give her time to cool off and then come home and try to talk to her.”
She nods. “I think that is a good plan.”
“Or maybe I should try to move on like she is trying to do.”
Her lips purse, and she moves them around like she often does when I give her something to think about.
“Rio, I’m weighing how I say this carefully, but I find that full honesty is always best. Neither you nor Luna should be trying to be in relationships with others.
You both need to figure out what this is, because you will fall into patterns that are not fair to other people or healthy for you. ”
* * *
Luna
Is this hell?
Because I keep thinking things can’t get worse for me, and then they do.
Hank sneezes again into his hands. The gurgling sound of something liquid being expelled hits the tissue.
My stomach turns, saliva floods my mouth, and I have to turn away.
My coworker and I exchange gazes, and I pinch my lips to stop any words from getting out—or to stop from barfing because he follows up by blowing his nose, and the squish of snot has nausea clawing its way up my throat.
We’ve been sitting here for forty-five minutes in sensitivity training. Meanwhile, I am looking for ways to stop feeling murderous about the fact that fucking Hank knew he was sick and had the nerve to show up to work today, on the day we are stuck in a conference room.
“I’m sorry, guys. I thought I would be better by now.”
You should’ve kept your ass home.
“You should go home, Hank,” Vickie, the head of HR, says.
I’m about to agree when the door opens, and Victor pops his head in.
“Luna, we have a situation.”
And I see the heavens open. I grab my phone and spring out of my chair, following Victor to his office. He goes in and sits behind his desk. This is a lot like the time I almost got myself fired for Rio.
Fucking Rio. I avoid thinking of him like the plague since our night together.
“What’s up?”
He sighs. “Thierry’s been caught on camera going into a hotel room in Vegas with two full-service workers.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
He raises an eyebrow. Probably because I don’t swear at work, but it’s the norm at Elevate. The F bombs drop on an hourly basis like breaking news.
“I’m sorry. I’m not in a good mood, and Hank is in there sick and spreading God knows what.”
He frowns. “He has the Norovirus. Why did he come to work sick?”
“Because it’s Hank. And this is ridiculous with Thierry. He and Adina just got back together again. The statements I sent to People Magazine and Big Apple Mag have barely left my inbox. I know he pays us well, but every week brings something new and worse than the last. It’s exhausting.”
He bobs his head. “Yeah, no kidding. I have Bethany Belmont up my ass, demanding that we fix this.”
I scoff. “Fix what? She needs to find her daughter a new man. He’s never going to stop being a fuckboy idiot.”
Victor smiles. “You are in a bad mood. You know? The first couple of weeks you worked here, I wondered if you would be too nice for this job, but this past month, you’ve been vicious.”
Because I’m still seething at my own stupidity with Rio and that’s bleeding into every aspect of my life.
“Let me go call Thierry and get the full story so I can find the right angle to spin it.”
I go into my office and close the door. I pull out my work phone and dial.
“Hey, Luna,” Thierry starts.
“No pleasantries. What happened now? And please give me the abbreviated version.”