Chapter 9
Teddy
Ariel: Thank you so much for the welcome gift, it means more to me than you can possibly know.
Me: No problem.
The dots indicating that she’s typing pop up and then go away three times before they go away completely. I try not to feel disappointed because I didn’t give her much to reply to. I used up all my vulnerability on her note earlier, I can’t bring myself to be more vulnerable today. Sighing, I put my phone down, and take a shower.
I don’t know why I wrote that note to her. All I know is she has pain in her eyes, and it guts me for an unknown reason. Maybe it’s that she reminds me of Gwen, and the photos that will forever haunt me. Or maybe it’s the fact that with the pain in her eyes, there’s still a spark of hope, and I wish that she can teach me that hope.
I’ve been in this black darkness for so long, and yesterday, I saw the littlest spark of light, and I want to hold onto it until there’s no more darkness, but I’m also terrified. Terrified that the light will burnout, and that hope I had will kill me. So instead of grasping on, I let it go.
Truth is I need this darkness more than anything in my life. It’s become my friend. It’s predictable, and as depressing as it is, it’s safe. It’s what has kept me alive all these years. Anything else might kill me, so I need to do what I always do and keep everyone at arm’s length. That includes a certain green-eyed redhead.
“Hello?” I answer my phone not realizing it’s the call that’s going to change my life forever, my family’s lives forever.
“Teddy.” Veronica’s crying, and my gut instantly twists. “It’s Gwen…”
I jump up with a start. It’s been a while since I’ve had a nightmare, and I’m instantly put on edge. THIS is why I don’t do light and hope. You let in just the tiniest bit, and your nightmares take a hold of you. I refuse to go through this. That means, I’m staying the fuck away from Ariel.