Chapter 9 Calliope
CALLIOPE
Iwasn’t sure how I got to my house, let alone in my shower.
Each meditation session in the sweat lodge was different, yet they all had the same dream-like quality to them.
Though my visions and intuitions were strong on their own, I too needed guidance and to hone my senses.
My spirit animals were more tangible in the sweat lodge than they were throughout day-to-day activities.
I wondered what Starbucks saw and felt. His experience would be far different than mine, especially since I assumed this was his first time.
A light giggle escaped me as the tepid water from my shower flowed over me.
Lips touched my temple. “What has you laughing, my Winnie?”
I blinked, realizing that Starbucks was also in the shower with me.
That explained how I’d gotten from the sweat lodge to my house.
I didn’t recall him dressing me and undressing me again, so I had to wonder if he’d walked us inside naked.
Which also made me wonder where my parents were.
My family might be more open when it came to sex, but we weren’t that type of family.
His inquiring eyes reminded me that he’d asked me a question. “Just that we were both virgins in there. Me, when it came to sex, and you, since it was your first time in a sweat lodge.”
“Huh. You’re not wrong,” he chuckled. I felt him reach for my loofa. “I haven’t been a virgin in a long time.”
“How’re you feeling?”
He poured my body wash onto the sponge. “That was…” He paused, frothing up the suds. I let him find his own words to describe his experience. “Intense,” he finally settled on. “I’ve been in saunas before, but never felt like that.”
“They’re very different practices,” I told him. “I’m not surprised that you had a different experience.”
“I didn’t…” Starbucks cleared his throat. He was still kneading the sponge, though it was plenty soapy. “I didn’t push myself on you, did I? There wasn’t anything in there that would dampen your inhibitions or make you susceptible to influence, right?”
Feeling steadier on my feet, I took the sponge from his hands. As blunt as he was, I realized that he was nervous. Maybe even a little scared. For a man like him, a Marine and a protector, that must shake him.
“People experience different things in sweat lodges. Some see the future while others see the past. Some commune with the dead while others talk with their spirit guides.” I started to drag the sponge across his broad, muscular chest. “The one thing it’s not is drug-induced.
It hones our senses, makes desires more real. ”
Starbucks lifted a hand to stop me from continuing to wash him.
“I loved what we did, and it was the most passionate, mind-blowing experience of my life. But I still need to hear you say it, Calliope. Not just how others experience the sweat lodges. I need to hear that you wanted to have sex with me today, that I didn’t push myself on you.
You asked for a kiss, not to lose your virginity. ”
“You didn’t,” I assured him, holding his gaze. “I swear.”
“And I didn’t hurt you?”
I shook my head. “I’m sore,” I said honestly, “but not in pain.”
He took the sponge from my hand. He placed my hand on his shoulder and started rubbing the sponge up and down my arm. “I should have drawn you a bath. I wasn’t thinking.”
“I’m fine,” I pressed again. “I’m not some meek damsel who is afraid to tell you what I do and do not want, Starbucks. Don’t mistake my virginity for timidness.”
His dark eyes did light up then. “Never. It’s one of the things I admire most about you.”
I lifted my other arm so he could start washing that one too. “Do you want to talk about what you saw?”
Starbucks thought about it for a moment. “It’s more of what I heard, I think. I mean, I’m pretty sure the ladybug and the scorpion weren’t real.”
“They were your spirit animals. Did you see any others?”
“A bear.”
I nodded. At his finger directive, I turned my back to him. I moved my hair out of his way as he started to wash down my spine. “A bear symbolizes a protector. I’m not surprised you saw it.”
“I thought it was protecting something. What about the scorpion?”
Like the cards, interpretation and intentions could affect one’s spirit animals. “What did you feel when you saw it? Were you afraid?”
With my back to him, I couldn’t see his expression. “No. I felt uplifted when I saw it. I think.”
I bit my lips to hide my smile. It wasn’t like him to be so unsure, and I found it a bit adorable.
“Scorpions can mean many things, but in your case, I think it means a new beginning. Letting go of the past, of what’s holding you down, and starting anew.
It can also mean you’re getting ready to unleash a new potential. ”
His ministrations stopped for barely a second before he continued. He got lower and lower, until he dropped to his knees behind me to wash my butt and legs. “And the ladybug?”
“Ladybugs symbolize protection too, but also good luck. They can mean a change is coming, or that you have a fear of change. Mostly they’re seen as a very good omen.”
I felt his lips against my hip as he gently turned me. He grabbed one ankle and waited for me to put a hand on his head to help steady myself before he picked up my foot to wash it too.
“Since I found the ladybug on you, I suppose the universe was trying to tell me you are my good omen.”
“One could interpret it that way.” I spoke through clenched teeth, trying not to laugh as he inadvertently tickled my foot.
He put down my right leg and moved to grab my left. “What did you see?”
“I see a lot of things when I meditate. Sometimes I see nothing at all and it’s like a washing of my mind, clearing out all the cobwebs and debris. Today, though, I kept hearing a car backfiring. I kept jumping and it would pull me from my concentration.”
He stood slowly, coming to his full height before me. I lifted my chin to keep looking at him. “When was the last time you had your cage in for service?”
“My cage?” I asked with a coy smile, though I knew what he meant. I knew all the biker terms.
“Your car,” he clarified.
I shrugged. “Not sure. I don’t use it often. I like walking.”
“I’ll call Grumpy when we get out of the shower and have one of his people come take a look at it. I won’t have you in a cage that’s not working to the best of its abilities.”
I tapped his cheek. “You’re like a burnt marshmallow. Hard and crusty on the outside and mush on the inside.”
He swatted my ass, making me jump and then giggle. “So the bear, the ladybug, and the scorpion are my spirit guides?”
“Spirit animals,” I corrected, taking the sponge back from him.
I wanted to wash him too, and he’d interrupted me before.
“They are generally with you for life, though they can change after a major event. Your totems are messengers. They usually appear in a dream and are only with you for a short time.”
“So I’ll see them again?”
“Most likely.” It was my turn to indicate he turn around. I reapplied more body wash before I brought the sponge back to his body. My eyes read the names permanently etched into his back as the soap touched them.
“What are your animals?”
“An eagle, a spider, and,” I tapped his tattoo, “a bee.”
“An eagle and a bee I can understand. I think. But I’m surprised by the spider.” He looked over his shoulder at me. “Wouldn’t that be a bad omen?”
“It can be, but like everything, there’s two sides to the coin.
Spiders are interpreted as a figure of strong female energy.
They’re creative and weave their webs in intricate designs to suit their needs.
” My spider was also thrilled at the possibilities of our new future now that we’d claimed Starbucks earlier than expected.
I leaned forward and playfully bit his bicep. “They’re also known for eating their mates after breeding.”
Starbucks spun around so fast that I didn’t have a chance of dodging him before I was pinned up against the shower wall with his arms caged around me. He dipped his head, taking my lips in a slow, languid kiss.
When he lifted his head, I saw the serious expression on his face. “I know you’re joking, but it does bring up a topic we have to discuss. I didn’t wear a condom earlier.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck. “I know.”
“You could be pregnant.”
The idea did not shock or scare me as much as I would have thought it would. I’d always known we’d have two kids. But that had been years in the future, after we met and married following the path of my original vision. I did not know what our being together now meant for our children.
I closed my eyes and breathed. I wasn’t on birth control, and I was due to have my period any day now. I was fairly regular and was rarely late. It wasn’t that I couldn’t get pregnant right now, but the odds were low.
I waited, sensing. I’d known Dosia was pregnant within days of her one-night stand with Pumpkin. I’d seen the seed almost right away, but I hadn’t known what it meant at the time. If I was pregnant, even an hour after intercourse, I should know.
But I felt nothing. Not that I’d ever been pregnant before to draw a comparison, but there was no spark. Nothing to indicate new life.
I blinked my eyes open. His large body was blocking me from most of the spray. “I’m not pregnant.”
He watched me carefully as I did him. I couldn’t sense happiness at my proclamation, though I wasn’t sure what that meant either. Was he disappointed I wasn’t pregnant? “Do you want to take something to be sure?”
I shook my head. I was pretty positive, but I also didn’t want to change anything if I was wrong. “What would you do if I was pregnant?”
Starbucks lifted an eyebrow. “Is that a trick question?”
“No, it’s an honest one.”