Chapter 11 Starbucks #2
I held onto her hand, gripping it like it was my lifeline.
Because it fucking was. This couldn’t be it.
I couldn’t have had her for less than a week.
It wasn’t possible. We were supposed to have a lifetime together.
Marriage, kids, a house, bees and cats and bearded dragons, a store, a future…
I hadn’t even had a chance to build her a home yet.
They tried to bar me from the room. Nurses in scrubs stood between me and Calliope.
I pushed, not even registering that I was treating the women who were only doing their jobs with less than a modicum of respect.
It wasn’t until a small, blonde doctor in a white lab coat stepped forward and placed her hands on my chest that I listened and broke free of the haze that surrounded me.
“Tessa,” I gasped. She must have come to work after leaving the Grand Opening earlier tonight. They’d all been there, every club member, their ol’ ladies, and all the club kids. Even some in-laws and parents had shown up. “You have to help her, you have to save her!”
Tessa was club, family. She would understand what was at stake. She was a hell of a doctor. I’d seen Calliope do some amazing things this week. So much so that I’d actually started to believe in magic. Now I needed Tessa to work a miracle. I needed her to bring Calliope back to me.
“I will do what I can, Starbucks, but I need you to go. Instead of helping her, I’m here with you. Where would you rather I be?”
Fuck. She was right. I wasn’t doing anyone any good. I wasn’t helping Calliope. And that knowledge tore at my soul. Once again, I was the one who’d put her in danger. I wasn’t her hero. I was her destroyer.
Strong, masculine hands wrapped around my chest from behind.
Slowly, I was pulled backwards. I didn’t fight them.
I stared straight ahead at Calliope’s lifeless body on that stretcher until the door was closed in my face.
And still I stared, as if I could suddenly develop x-ray vision that would allow me to see through the door and get just one more glimpse of her.
I was herded backwards, past the nurses’ station, and into the waiting room. I’d been in here too many times to count. But it had never been for me. I’d never had someone before like Calliope. Someone I could lose.
The names on my back were people I loved and cared about.
Family, friends, loved ones… Placing the black ribbon by their names was sad and cathartic.
I would never forget them because they were permanently etched into my skin.
But in an awful way, that ribbon was like cutting myself off from them.
Their passing hurt, and it was sad, but I didn’t break. I mourned, I moved on.
Calliope’s name wasn’t on my back. She wasn’t etched into my skin through needles and ink for all to see.
Yet, she was all over me. On me, inside of me.
She claimed me in a way that no other ever had or ever would.
There was no black ribbon for her. There was no mourning and moving on. If I lost her, I would lose me.
I couldn’t remember if I’d said it. Had I told her? We’d moved so fast, both making assumptions and claims, but had I actually told her how I felt?
Would it even matter if I had?
If miracles of miracles happened and Calliope woke up, would she even want me once she learned how badly I’d failed her? She’d been in danger, and I hadn’t known. She’d been right on the other side of that fucking door and I hadn’t heard her.
I had no idea how long I stood there for. I didn’t see anything, couldn’t hear them talking. It wasn’t until Steel got right up in my face and punched me that I really even noticed where I was and who I was with.
Most of the club was present. Dosia was too, as were Calliope’s parents and siblings. I didn’t see SJ, JJ, or any of the other nieces and nephews. The only ol’ lady besides Dosia was Tally. The others were likely home with their kids or somewhere.
Carlos and his Deputy Sheriff Jeffery Miller—no relation to me—were also in the waiting room with us.
I blinked, looking down at my hands for the first time. They were shaking, covered in crimson. As was my black shirt, my jeans, my boots, and my cut.
“The brick…” Christ, was that my voice? I didn’t sound like me, but I didn’t know if it was my ears or if the others heard me speaking like I had a frog in my throat. “I couldn’t hear her. She was right there, and I couldn’t hear her…”
I’d been right. It didn’t matter logic or reason. There was no excuse. Bottomline was that I failed her.
Steel put his hand on my shoulder. His touch felt like he stabbed me, but I ignored it. I deserved the pain. “I’m sure you did all you could, son.”
He had no idea. None of them did. I’d done nothing. For all my training, all my years of advanced weaponry and tactics, it had all come down to this moment and I’d failed her. The woman I loved was dying, and I hadn’t done a damn thing to help her.
Carlos walked up, standing shoulder to shoulder with Steel. “Are you up for answering some questions?”
“Is he dead? Did I kill him?”
“Yes,” Carlos answered evenly. “Unfortunately, that brings us to a problem. Do you know him?”
I shook my head, biting my tongue against the fact that I don’t even know what the man looked like to be able to attempt to identify him.
“He’s a cop with the Cottonville PD.”
A cop? Something started clicking inside my brain, but the cogs weren’t working at full capacity. Why had a cop from Cottonville broken into Calliope’s shop?
“His name was Kurt Brewer. He’s Kora’s ex-husband.”
When Kora and I had first started hooking up, I knew she was recently divorced.
It had been a quick one-night stand turned drunken elopement that went from being romantic to disastrous in the span of a few months.
She filed for divorce and he fought it, but in the end, signed the paperwork.
Until this week, I thought that was the end of it.
In fact, her being divorced was one of the reasons I’d been good with being repeat fuck buddies, as crass as that sounded.
She wasn’t looking for anything serious and neither was I.
In, out—quite literally—until the next time one of us wanted to scratch an itch.
It made no sense to me that Kora’s ex-husband had attacked Calliope in her shop. Why go after Calliope? He should have been going after me. I was the one sleeping with his ex-wife—or had been sleeping with his ex-wife. I’d been the one she’d hinted was the father of her non-existent child.
Carlos continued, though I was only half paying attention. “I’ve been in contact with his captain. They’re trying to put forward the argument that you attacked Calliope and Brewer was the one who pulled you off. The two of you fought and you killed him too.”
Too. Too. It was such a small word, but the impact it had on me was catastrophic. I turned and vomited onto the floor.
I wasn’t allowed to clean up without someone from the police present to claim the evidence. Carlos said I wasn’t a murder suspect in his eyes, but be prepared for pushback from the Cottonville PD. They were not going to let the death of one of their own go unavenged.
At least, until Calliope could wake up and tell them who had actually attacked her. And even then, they might not believe it, thinking she was just protecting her boyfriend.
I couldn’t even look at her parents. Dosia tried to talk to me, but that was even worse. The two were best friends, sisters. They were so much more than niece and aunt. It hurt to see the torment in Dosia’s eyes and I know I was the cause.
Keys was looking into Kurt Brewer. He hadn’t been involved yet because neither Ghost nor I had thought to do so.
Carlos had spoken to Kora, and that was supposed to be that.
I wasn’t supposed to be involved anymore.
There was nothing between Kora and me. I hadn’t thought about or spoken to her since Tuesday night at the bar.
Calliope had taken over my entire world, and I wanted it no other way.
I was given scrubs to change into. While in the men’s room, it was discovered I had a nasty wound on my right shoulder.
No wonder it had felt like Steel had stabbed me with a knife when he touched my arm.
I refused to be put in an exam room, though.
I wasn’t going anywhere until there was news about Calliope.
The waiting room was cleaned up by the time I got back. I was sure my vomit had hit some unsuspecting shoes, but I couldn’t find it in me to be sorry. The implication that Calliope would also die today was not something I could just move past.
I had no idea how long it had been since the attack or us arriving at the hospital. It could have been minutes, hours, or days at this point. What did time matter when my heart and soul were in the other room with her throat crushed? I was nothing more than a body, a shell.
Tessa finally came into the waiting room. Bear went right to her, taking her into his arms. Others stood up. Tessa’s eyes met mine, but I had no idea what her expression meant. Was it good news? Bad? The worst? I couldn’t feel my heart beating inside my chest. Had it stopped? Was I dead too?
Tessa’s eyes shifted from mine and turned to Calliope’s parents.
I realized in that moment that my relationship with Calliope meant nothing in the eyes of the law.
She wasn’t my wife. I was not her husband.
I wasn’t even her fiancé. I was no one. No connection, no power.
If a choice had to be made, it wasn’t mine to make it.
It was a humbling, horrifying realization. And one I was helpless to change under the current circumstances.
“Mr. and Mrs. Hutchins, I’m Dr. Collins,” Tessa started.
“Wait,” Solstice said, putting her hand up. Then she turned to me at the back of the room and indicated for me to come towards her.