Chapter Thirteen
Russell sat on one of the benches in the training yard, watching Ser go through grappling maneuvers with Auguste. It was just after dawn on Sunday, which was his own day off, enforced by his da and the staff; if he tried helping out with anything serious, most everyone coincidentally told him that they had it handled.
It was nice of them to think about his well being, but he liked helping.
He watched as Ser and Auguste shifted into their werebeast forms and began rolling on the ground.
His Ser, maybe? Is that what he was, now?
No. Not yet, it was still a bit premature. His scent over the last day was still far too guarded, even if it was slowly easing open. After tending to the little witch last night, Ser had walked Russell to his room, looked at him for a long while while smelling of indecision, and then at last had given him a crushing hug before leaving.
It was fine if Ser needed more time. Russell was patient.
Ser finished a bout, pinning Auguste beneath him, his reptilian jaw around the other shifter's neck. It hadn't even been a contest, but the real goal was whether Auguste could learn anything from it. Judging from the way Auguste bounced back to his feet, and the easy sway of Ser's tail instead of irritated flicking, it seemed likely.
After another twenty minutes, Ser clapped Auguste on his shoulder, and the lanky guardian headed off back to his room in the Guardian's Quarter. Ser, meanwhile, strode over to Russell.
"It's a different bench," he said, "but you used to sit right there and watch us practice many mornings."
He shrugged. "You, not them."
"Yeah." Ser took a seat on the other end, and a quick sniff let him know that Ser wasn't avoiding closeness, he just needed the space for his thick tail.
The silence between them lengthened, and while it wasn't bad —unlike last month, being near Ser didn't feel like being too close to a loud, crackling bonfire anymore—it wasn't as companionable as it used to be.
Should he say something? Words were hard, a lot of the time. But he didn't think Ser was ready for a cuddle just yet, and he didn't have any gifts of food to show that he cared.
"It's still a bit early in the day, isn't it?" Ser said.
Russell looked up, judged the color of the dawn sky, then nodded.
"Would you like to join your lord in a run? Maybe just to one of the Gray Cliff anchors? We'd still be back in time for breakfast."
The Gray Cliffs weren't even five miles away. He nodded again.
Giving him a toothy smile, Ser got to his feet and headed to an open gate that laid between two of the large housing structures, and Russell followed.
He first made a detour into a room set within the gate itself, a kind of locker room. He took off his sandals, kilt, and sporran, setting them within one of the many cubbies. A convenient place for shifters to put their belongings during training.
He rejoined Ser outside, who had already shifted into his drake. He stood there, looking his lord over.
He looked at Ser's golden scales, which were currently dim in the shadow of the gate, but they'd be glinting once the sun rose higher. At his alabaster mane and tufted tail, currently in need of a comb. At his pale underbelly, perfect for stroking, though he was far too sensitive to belly-rubs in this form. And of course at his broad muzzle that he'd kissed before, and wanted to kiss again, but shouldn't yet.
Not yet. His lord was still skittish, which was why he hadn't pushed to do more with Bruin last night, even though both Bruin and Ser had smelled like they wanted to.
"Russ?" he said, taking a step closer.
"Mm."
Russ leaned over to put his paws on the ground, shifting into his dire wolf form. He shook himself, then yipped. At that, Ser turned and set out at an easy trot, and Russ fell in beside him.
They picked up speed after a couple of minutes, an easily sustainable fifteen miles per hour or so. It was nice.
The longer they traveled, the more relaxed his lord seemed to become. No talking, no comments, just running. He let his muzzle fall open, his tongue flapping, feeling the wind through his fur.
They traveled north-east, into the rising sun. The trail to the Gray Cliff anchors cut into the mountain, and they went up the switchbacks. There were three anchors along this path—all of the anchors were in groups of three, though they could be up to a mile apart or more in their grouping—and Ser set off for the middle one.
They slowed as they climbed, the trail becoming more uneven, requiring more careful paw placement along the rocks. Eventually, they emerged from a cut in the mountain, and onto a small plateau that overlooked the valley, complete with stone benches.
Ser and Russell padded over closer to the edge, and from here, looking down, they could make out the castle grounds beyond the slope and the trees.
Russell sat down, forepaws extended in front of him. After a moment, Ser joined him, close but not touching. With the exertion of travel and the faint bit of sweat off of his lord's drake form, his emotions were easier to scent.
"So," his lord began. "Bruin, huh?'
"I like him," Russell said simply. "He is very friend-shaped."
"You know, I've heard you say that a few times about people. I still don't know what you mean."
Russell thought about it. It didn't mean kind, or gentle, or small, or even how friendly he actually was. How to explain it?
"He is like a stuffed toy."
"He's what ?"
Russell looked over at Ser, who had an odd look on his snout, but smelled amused.
By way of explanation, Russell lifted a paw up and pretended to tuck a stuffed animal into the crook of his arm, then lowered his head down to affectionately rub against the imaginary stuffed Bruin. Then he looked back at Ser.
"Okay, I think I follow. You're saying he kind of fills the same emotional space that having a stuffed animal would? But as a person?"
Russell shrugged. That sounded almost right. "Also, it's because he can fit up against many different kinds of people. Because he is soft and squishy, like a stuffed animal is, and not like a doll or action figure, which can sometimes poke you."
"So he could fit you, there —"
Ser pointed at Russell's chest, and he wagged his tail in reply.
"—but also me, here ."
Russell wagged his tail again, laying his head down on his paws.
After another minute, Ser spoke up. "After breakfast, my family and I were planning on making the drive to South Brook to visit my sister Callie at her college and do some shopping. My dad wants to get a new mixer, and he says that online ordering just isn't the same. Gregory says visiting big cities is also a good way to keep up with the rest of the world. I could cancel, though. Spend the day with you?"
"Family's important," Russell said.
"But—"
"Go." He leaned close, brushing up against him. "I'll still be here."
He heard Ser sigh, and his lord shifted into his weredrake form, sitting up and leaning back. Russell went ahead and matched his form, in case having arms became important.
"…this is hard, Russ."
"Mm?"
"Trying again. I can handle both of us being Bruin's mates, now that you've knocked some sense into me. But you and me?"
Russell sniffed the air carefully, hoping to get an idea of what to do or say, but Ser's scent was too indeterminate.
"Second thoughts?" he guessed.
Ser shook his head, and his smell settled into someone who was deeply focused on something.
"No. I want to at least try. And I know that if I told you that I was feeling unsure about us two, or us three, you'd just say—"
"Patience, Ser."
Ser smiled a little. "Yeah, that. But no. After last night, I went to bed and didn't sleep. Stood up and paced. But everywhere I looked, I was reminded of us. You, sitting in the room, watching me paint the valley. Or you leaning over the balcony, sniffing the breeze and what scents it brought you."
"You live over the kitchens."
"Yeah. But mostly, I remembered that I used to feel fire and passion, and I worry that we won't get there again, picking up the pieces of where we left off."
"Mm.Then don't."
"What?"
"Don't worry, and don't pick up the pieces. We can start fresh, like you and Bruin." Russell cleared his throat, then shifted into his human form. He sat up, and reached out a hand. "Hi. I'm Russell."
Ser looked at his hand, raising an eye ridge before shifting human as well. He smelled tolerant, like he was just playing along. "Hi, Russell. I'm Sergiy Usenko."
"Mm. I've heard about you. A wise warlord."
"That's me, I guess."
"I like your face. Very handsome."
Ser reached up, paused, then finished putting his hand on Russell's cheek. "I like yours."
"Thank you."
"So, uh… would you say I'm friend-shaped?"
Russell immediately shook his head. "No."
"No?"
"You are boyfriend shaped." Russell swung a leg over Ser's body, sitting on his lap with his legs extended on either side of him. "And you fit here."
"Here?" Ser was starting to smell a bit panicky, but Russell wasn't about to let him escape again. He brought his legs together, which put his butt up against Ser's crotch.
He nodded."Here."
Russell sat there and waited. Sometimes warlords needed time to think, too. At last, Ser reached up and put his hand against Russell's chest, and he rumbled, pleased.
"I wouldn't mind fitting here. But where does that leave Bruin?"
Russell indicated the small space between their chests. "He is soft, and small, and squishable, and friend-shaped. He will fit."
Ser laughed weakly, then looked up at him, sobering up.
"Russ, I'm so sorry," he whispered
Russell waited.
"Why are you making this so easy?"
Russell reached up and patted him on the head. "I'm not making it hard or easy. You are simply making it hard."
"I hurt you."
"It hurt more, learning you could hurt me like that. Please don't do it again?"
Ser was blurry. Blindly, he reached out and patted him on the chest.
For answer, Ser slid his hand down his face, grabbing him lightly by the jaw, and he acquiesced.
The first couple of kisses were hesitant and fumbling, like a rusted and warped key that didn't quite fit its lock anymore. But then Ser slid a hand around to the back of his head, pulling him in, becoming a little more of the forceful lord that he remembered, and it was as if some of the rust was flaking off.
Ser pulled back, putting his head down against his chest, and Russell rested his chin on top of Ser's head.
"No."
Russell might have cried more upon hearing that, if he weren't smelling so much care coming off of Ser.
"I don't want to start over," the lord said gratingly. "Some of the broken pieces are sharp, and they hurt, yes, but I don't want to just throw them away."
Russell felt lighter, hearing that, and he couldn't say why.
"Will you wait while I catch up? Just a little bit longer?"
He'd already waited five years.
"Yes."
"It won't be like before."
Of course not. They were different people.
He shrugged.
"Fitting Bruin in might be hard."
"I like hard boyfriends."
To emphasize that point, Russell shifted himself forward over Ser's growing erection, then let him kiss him again.
After a couple of minutes, Ser pulled back.
"We should start heading back, if we want to make it in time for breakfast."
"Yes."
"But after breakfast, I'll have a spare thirty or forty minutes before I leave, if you want to talk some more? Maybe relax with me in the baths?"
"Yes."
"Do you think Bruin will be up?"
"No."
"You don't think he'll be up, or you don't think he'll join us?"
"I want more time with just us."
Ser pulled him down and kissed him again.
It was already a little easier.
Russell nodded, then stood up, watching as Ser's fully hard member bounced free of his disheveled kilt, slapping against his belly. If they'd had more time… but no, Ser's scent was off. Horny, yes, but still nervous.
Another time.
Reaching out, Russell helped Ser get to his feet, then held his hand as they began the walk back. He'd need to wait for his own erection to subside a little before shifting into his wolf form, if he didn't want it flopping everywhere while they ran.But until then, holding hands was nice.
Ser shifted into his weredrake form, and as they walked down the mountain, his tail would occasionally flick over, rubbing against his ass or his leg.
He smelled happy, which made Russell happy, and when he shifted into his wolf form to make the run back, his tail wagged nonstop the entire way home.