Chapter 9 #2
“Cupid forbade her to lay eyes on him. And she never did. Not until her jealous sisters got in her head and encouraged her to light a lamp the next time he visited. The oil from the lamp spilled on him and woke him. Then he cast her out as punishment. After that, she got pretty serious revenge on her sisters, asked a bunch of the other gods and goddesses for help, then basically threw herself at Venus’s feet, begging for mercy. ”
“Aww.” Lyra’s expression softened, until her sister rolled her eyes, then she just waved me on.
“Venus made her perform a bunch of ridiculous tasks to win her immortality, thinking she would fail. And she did them all, with help. But the important point is that she did them willingly, because she loved him. She proved herself to him.”
“But has he proven himself to her?”
“Exactly,” I said to Lydia. For all her huff and gruff, Lydia had a lot of insight into human nature. Talking this out with them was not only reinforcing the ideas that had begun to form, it was helping me refine them so I could take action.
“Cupid doesn’t understand love fully because their love was based on romance and trickery, at least in the beginning. Before he met her, he was Venus’s apprentice boy. Mischievous and cruel. He used his arrows to harm as much as he used them to spark love.”
“He doesn’t understand how important the quieter moments can be. That true intimacy only starts in the bedroom.” Brianne’s voice grew remorseful. She sniffled a little, grabbing at the tissues Cecelia put on her table.
“But he should, right? They’ve been married for literal lifetimes. Surely they’ve developed a deeper relationship.” I leaned over when Brianne began to cry, somehow able to hug her without either of us leaving our chairs. This room was the coolest.
“I’m sorry,” Brianne said on a blubber. “I really miss Nate.”
“Never apologize for your feelings.” Lauren was at her side in an instant, rubbing her arm and holding her close.
We all felt Brianne’s pain. In fact, we all felt each other’s unsteady emotions.
I suspected that was why Lydia and Lyra had known about Cupid before I told them.
It was why I could tell that Lydia had something going on that she wasn’t ready to share.
Before, I’d only had to parse my emotions from Cecelia’s.
Now I had an entire coven to contend with.
Boy, oh boy, we’d really put the bind in threadbinding during that ceremony.
“I’m going to do my best, Bri, to help him realize he’s forgotten how crucial intimacy is. And that the Cupid who plays harsh pranks no longer exists. I hope.”
I had to admit, as sad as I was for Brianne, I was also a little envious.
I’d never had those quiet, intimate moments with my ex-husband.
Looking back, that wasn’t entirely his fault.
I’d always felt out of place and self-conscious.
How was I supposed to let someone else in when that meant I had to face myself?
I hadn’t just placed a ward around my memory. I’d placed one around my entire being.
Even so, if I’d been willing to open up to him, I still hadn’t trusted him with that level of vulnerability.
I suddenly understood why I hadn’t felt ready to date until recently.
Whoever I committed to next was getting a different version of me.
One who wasn’t pretending, even to herself.
I’d needed to like myself, and the new family I’d found here at the Magnolia, before I could commit to a romantic relationship.
Brianne was right. Intimacy and love wasn’t just about sex. It was about trust, mutual respect, and honest communication. Friendship and partnership. Desire was the start. Flashes of passion were important. But they were a small piece of a larger whole.
And while the coven talked through ideas, my thoughts drifted to Ethan and Ray. In high school, my passion with Ray had been off the charts. But Ethan and I had a pretty solid friendship. Since I’d returned, Ray and I were developing a friendship. And I felt moments of desire for Ethan.
Could I find both with either of them?
“Which one?” Brianne had recovered from her crying jag and was giving me that look again. The mischievous smile that told me she knew I was thinking about a wolf.
“Ooh, yeah. Enough Cupid talk.” Lauren returned to her seat and clasped her hands behind her head. “What’s going on with your love triangle?”
“Blech.” Lydia, never one to keep her opinions to herself, lifted her mouth into a sneer.
“Yeah.” I matched her facial expression. “I’m inclined to agree. I’m not a fan of juggling two men.”
“Is it really a triangle, though?” Lauren lifted one eyebrow, giving me a knowing look I couldn’t quite decipher. “Is there maybe one who already has precedence over the other?”
At her subtle insight, my palms grew clammy. Were there some inner truths I was pushing below the surface? If so, I couldn’t hide them from the coven. And this wasn’t a board meeting. I could be more honest about emotions here. With people I trusted and who could feel the emotions anyway.
“Actually, can we talk about that before we strategize?” My voice was timid, like I was doing a big, brave thing. “I have weekend plans I’d like to process.”
“Let’s do this.” Lauren had crossed her legs and reinstated her ponytail. Girlfriend was in business mode before I could bat an eye.
“Okay,” I began. “It’s like this …”