Chapter 16
We ordered lunch at Books and Brew, opting for a table outside under the shelter of the Mighty Oak.
Because of the weather, there were mostly locals in the Square.
They milled about, running errands or grabbing a quick caffeine jolt on their way to the next stop.
Over near Explore Art, the arts and crafts supply store, the new Baby and Me class was letting out.
The owner Amelie carried her own new bundle of joy, whose fingers reached for her face, leaving a smear of purple across her cheek that she didn’t mind one bit.
“Motherhood suits her,” I mentioned to Ray. “She was pregnant when I was doing the Trials. I thought she looked good then, but wow. She was meant for that.”
“Were you?”
“Was I what?” I returned Amelie’s wave, a tad distracted, so I turned back to him.
“Were you born to be a mother? You seem comfortable with your son, when he’s around.”
“Oh, no, I hated being pregnant.” I giggled at his shocked expression. “I didn’t plan on the pregnancy, and I definitely struggled every step of the way. Don’t get me wrong, Gabe is one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. But I never wanted to be pregnant again.”
He laughed loud enough to draw stares. “I thought women glowed and found it life affirming or something.”
“Absolutely not.” We paused when our food arrived, thanking the waiter, a gangly-faced kid who bore a striking resemblance to Sarah, one of my clients who had a knack for turning herself into water.
“The glow comes from either sweat or nausea. And you know how everyone wants to touch the belly of a pregnant woman? To feel the kid moving?” I leaned forward, like I was about to share a massive life secret with Ray.
“I hated it. It was like having a roller coaster living inside your body.”
“That’s not the way the books describe it.” Ray sampled the sandwich he’d ordered with one hand, passing a few fries from his plate to mine.
“The books lie,” I said with a laugh, happily chomping on the fried treat I hadn’t even asked for. Then, his words landed. “Wait, you’ve read the books?”
“Some of them.” He shoved a fry around the ketchup on his plate while his cheeks bloomed red. “I have a daughter. Sierra.”
“You do? Oh.” I looked around, like she might suddenly materialize in the Square. “I didn’t realize.”
“She’s away in college. Washington State. She grew up here.” He stared at his plate. That french fry must have been fascinating. “But she doesn’t love coming home, so I go to her most of the time.”
“You brought her back with you,” I said. He hadn’t mentioned her age specifically, but if he’d come back twenty years ago, it made sense. “You brought her here to raise her.”
“Away from my pack,” he said, meeting my eyes directly. My breath stuttered. It was the first time he’d mentioned his pack to me, or said more about his past than vague hints. “Her mother was sick. She made it through the birth but … she didn’t last much longer than that.”
“I’m so sorry.” There was pain, real pain, in his voice.
Whether it was for the daughter who’d lost her mother or for himself, I couldn’t tell.
It could have been both. I reached across the table to touch his hand, breaking his reverie.
“You don’t have to tell me about it if you don’t want to, Ray. ”
“Actually, I do want to tell you.” He linked our fingers, giving mine a slight squeeze. “I’ve wanted to since you came home. Almost did, in fact, after Bri’s birthday party. Then …”
His voice trailed off. I had only a moment to debate my decision before I realized I’d already made one.
“Hey, Ray.” I let my Big Magic VoiceTM do its thing. “We’re in a bubble. Just for a few minutes. No one but the two of us can hear what we say.”
Ray, much like Lauren had done when I’d created one for us, poked his finger into the iridescent dome surrounding us. Outside noise filtered through the space he created, disappearing when he removed his finger. “Well. That’s very cool.”
“Isn’t it?” I grinned wide. I was proud of my magic, and it was fun to show it to someone who hadn’t witnessed all my trials firsthand but still understood their importance. “Anyway, we can remove it in a few minutes. I just have to tell you something very important.”
“Okay.” He released my hand and sat back. “Tell me.”
“I have a patient who is affecting the emotions of anyone supernatural in Treater’s Way.
” There. I’d said enough to hopefully help him understand, but not so much that I felt I was betraying any confidences.
“Some in the community have described it like a wall. A kind of block. But others say it’s—”
“Like being shot by a thousand arrows.” His shoulders sagged a bit, but something dark passed across his face. “You never know whether the tip holds poison or potion.”
“That’s pretty accurate.” Scarily so, because I hadn’t mentioned Cupid. But Ray had always been astute. It shouldn’t have surprised me that he would describe it so eloquently. “I can’t really say more. I just wanted you to know. Because it’s not fair.”
“Does he know?” His voice was tight, a sudden anger that made my stomach tense.
“He does,” I answered. “We’re trying to resolve it in our sessions. It turns out it’s not a simple fix.”
There was something about Ray’s face that made me uncomfortable. His wolf huddled beneath the surface, as if he would spring forward at any minute.
“Damn it,” Ray muttered under his breath, closing his eyes. He opened them, and his expression was oddly neutral. I think I preferred it when he was angry. “Sorry. It’s an instinctual response I am struggling to control. I didn’t mean your client.”
“Who else would you mean?” I asked. But as soon as it was out of my mouth, I realized. “Oh. You mean Ethan.” His body jerked. He dug his clawed fingers into his palms. “Really? You can’t even stomach his name?”
“Isn’t it ridiculous?” Ray’s frustration broke through.
He pushed his plate aside to hunch over the table.
“I’ve been to a dozen therapists, Simone.
I’ve worked through this in every way I could possibly find.
Logically, I understand that he did not miss that tackle on purpose.
But my wolf is holding on to that anger.
When it comes to Ethan, he’s in control. ”
And there was more pain in his voice. A frustrated hurt that ran bone deep.
That day. I knew what day he was talking about without any further explanation.
The day, thirty years ago, when I’d snuck out of Ray’s bed to go for a run with Ethan.
Not for any reason other than that I needed the freedom of a run.
Ray was ready for us to leave town, to run away together.
But I’d already agreed to go to Tulane, and to come back and take over for Agatha.
Lauren, who’d been going through her own shit at the time, found Ray and together they confronted us.
The animosity that was already between Ray and Ethan exploded into full warfare.
I’d accidentally hexed myself away from the only home I’d ever known.
Lauren and Ethan ran away to college. And Ray …
“Where did you go, Ray?” His brow furrowed at what probably felt like a complete change of subject. “I know where I went. To Tulane. I know where Lauren and Ethan went. But you … you left Treater’s Way, too. Where did you go?”
“Spokane.” He spat the word out like a curse. “Eventually. I had a few wild years of odd jobs and wanderlust. But my pack’s call was too strong to resist. Even as an alpha, I had so little control. I became a paramedic and settled. Like my family expected.”
“You’re both alphas, right? You and, um, the lawyer.”
“He’s a lone. Packless,” he clarified at my inquiring glance. “Some are born that way. Some are able to choose it.”
I could hear the envy underneath his tone. The part he wasn’t saying out loud. Ethan had been able to take his own path, while Ray had been forced onto the one road he’d avoided all his life. Ray had made the best of it. But his wolf had been displaced. And it needed someone to focus the blame on.
It was then I understood why they couldn’t be in the same room. Why their shifts had gone wonky anytime the magical ecosystem went haywire. Ethan and Ray were both logical men who’d matured over time.
But at the heart of it, they were both still animals.
“That day altered all of us in dozens of profound ways.” My magic was guiding me, and I let it speak. Ray’s eyes flashed, and for a second, the humanity in him disappeared. The bubble held, though I felt like I was outside it.
My magic was speaking to his wolf. That was new. But I’d learned to trust it, so I gave up control.
“But if my trials to become Supreme and claim my coven have taught me anything, it’s that ultimately the past only shapes us to the extent we let it.
” Ray tilted his head, a small whimper escaping.
Right, Simone. You were talking to a doggo.
Use doggo words. “It was a big sad. But if we stay in the sad, we don’t get to the happy.
You’re allowed the happy here. You don’t have to fight to be top dog any longer. No one is threatening what’s yours.”
Ray’s wolf gave me a nod. Not necessarily one of agreement, but he’d signaled that he heard me. Then he blinked, and it was Ray again.
“It’s not true, though,” he said.
“What isn’t?” I was getting tired. The effort of holding the bubble in place, coupled with keeping yet another round of emotional overwhelm at bay, was beating me down.
“Someone is threatening what’s mine.” He took my hand again, holding my gaze. “How was dinner last night?”
I didn’t mean to jolt, but I did. I hadn’t purposely kept my dinner with Ethan from Ray. But I also hadn’t made an effort to tell him right away, like I had with Ethan. I wasn’t sure why that was. Or how he knew about it.
Either way, I didn’t know how to answer what was a very loaded question.
Call it cowardice. Call it fatigue. Whatever it was, I wasn’t prepared to explain the situation.
So I let the bubble pop.
“Let’s head back to the Magnolia and talk.” I gestured past the Mighty Oak to the sky, rapidly darkening overhead. “It’s going to storm soon.”
Boy, was that an understatement.