Chapter 24 #3
She flung her arms around his neck and held on as he clutched her to him. Her tears were hot against his neck. He supposed his were drenching her hair in equal measure. He didn’t care. That she should be willing to put her own comfort aside for his—
It was the single most humbling moment of his life.
He wasn’t sure how long he stood there, holding her close to him, trying to master his emotions. He realized, finally, that Sunny was running her fingers through his hair, making soothing noises, holding on to him whilst he came undone in her embrace. He lifted his head and looked down at her.
“Aren’t we a pair?”
She reached up and brushed the tears from his cheeks. “I’m fine. You’re pretty much a mess, though.”
He smiled in spite of himself. “Aye, my love, I most certainly am that.”
She looked at him gravely. “How is this going to work, Cam?”
He mopped his face briefly with his cuff, then wrapped both his arms around her. “After I’ve found a way to be worthy of you, I’ll give you an answer to that.”
She hugged him tightly. “Be serious.”
“I am being serious, Sunny.” He paused. “Can you trust me?”
“I always have.”
He had to chew on his next words for quite a while before he was able to spew them out. “Can you wait for me?”
“You waited eight years for me.”
“By the saints, I hope it won’t take that long,” he said, with feeling.
He continued to stand with her for several minutes in silence, stroking her back absently, dragging his fingers through her hair.
“The road will not be pleasant. It may take us places we don’t particularly care to go.
And it may be longer than either of us cares for. ”
“Will you be at the end of it?”
He could only hope to survive that long. “Aye.”
She looked up at him. “Then I’ll walk it.”
He had to blink several times. “Damned flowers,” he managed. “I’m allergic, know you.”
She smiled and pulled out of his arms, then took his hand. “Let’s go distract ourselves by watching this show. I’m sure you’ll want to make an angry phone call first thing.” She tugged him toward the couch. “You do remember that I’m not staying to be your mistress, don’t you?”
“You never want to be my mistress,” he said, trying to match her light tone. He wasn’t sure he’d succeeded, but she didn’t seem to notice. He dropped down next to her on the sofa. “Refusals spanning centuries, Sunshine. ’Tis a wonder I don’t begin to doubt my appeal.”
She snorted. “You don’t doubt it and you know that I have seriously considered it more than once. But I don’t want to be your mistress, or your girlfriend, or whatever else might fit in with those.” She paused. “I’m not really sure what you want me to be, all my flowery words aside.”
Safe was almost out of his mouth before he could stop it. Safe and completely lacking in any knowledge about what he faced. If she knew nothing, she was of no use to anyone who might want to strike at him.
Though if those who wished him ill had any idea how much he loved her, they would have used her without hesitation.
“What I want you to be is simply what you are,” he said finally. “The only light I have in my life.”
She dragged her sleeve across her eyes. “All right, stop it. Eat something and then go home so I can bawl in peace.”
He realized then that the coffee table was laden with everything from fruit to what have been mistaken for bangers and mash. “Thank you,” he said with feeling.
“I thought you might not have eaten today.”
“I can’t remember,” he admitted. “An altogether very forget-table day. Well, except for the last forty-five minutes. I could relive that bit a time or two quite happily.”
She leaned back against the couch. “Maybe I should have done something earlier, so you could have enjoyed more of your day. I called Emily—”
“You called Emily?” he interrupted in surprise. “Didn’t you want to talk to me—ach,” he said with a wince. “Of course you didn’t want to talk to me.”
“Actually, I did want to talk to you, but Emily said you were with accountants, which would make you very cranky and I didn’t want you to be cranky when I called you. Of course, it took a while before I even wanted to talk to you at all.” She paused. “I think it was the pink phone that did it.”
He smiled. “I thought you wouldn’t lose it in your veg, whereas you might lose a green one. But let’s revisit that moment where you came to the conclusion that if you got on that plane, I would never again take a decent breath.”
“Really?” she asked quietly.
He nodded and reached for hand. “Aye, really.”
“Well,” she began slowly, “I’ll admit it was not a good morning.
I dithered here for hours, then went downstairs and paced for another half an hour in front of the concierge.
I think I frightened him. Finally, I just asked him to take my suitcase back upstairs, then I went to console myself at Harrods’s chocolate counter. ”
“Chocolate?” he echoed in surprise. “You?”
“A reflection of the day I was having,” she said with a wry smile.
“I sobbed into truffles for a while, then called Emily and asked if she wanted to join me. That’s when I found out what you were doing and learned that after you would be made excessively grumpy by the accountants, you would head off to a garden party that you would loathe.
Emily imagined that you would be texting her by ten to give you a ring so you could escape. ” She smiled. “So I called instead.”
“I have never been so happy to see a familiar number,” he said seriously.
She shifted on the couch to face him. “I wasn’t sure if you would have the privacy to even answer your phone, but I thought I’d take a chance. You haven’t exactly been forthcoming about details, you know.”
He suppressed the urge to squirm. “Aye, I know.”
“I think there’s quite a bit you’re not telling me, but since you didn’t tell me anything in medieval Scotland, either, I figured I couldn’t expect anything else.”
He realized he was gaping at her when she put her finger under his chin and shut his mouth. “Indeed.”
“Indeed,” she agreed. “So, I’m prepared to trust you. I will admit, though, that I’m still not at all sure how this is going to work—”
He bent his head and cut off the rest of her words with a kiss.
He wasn’t, either, and he didn’t have a decent answer for her.
If the roles had been reversed and she had been the one engaged to someone else, he wasn’t sure what he would have done.
Bloodied the whoreson who thought to claim her, no doubt.
He closed his eyes and kissed her as desperately as he dared.
He was tempted to sweep her up into his arms, carry her to her bed, and never let her out of it.
But he supposed it was neither the time nor the place—and he knew that Patrick MacLeod would repay him very painfully if he did, so he forbore.
But he kissed her much longer than he likely should have.
“Robert Francis?” she said quite a while later.
“Aye?”
“Your supper is now very cold.”
He smiled. “Do you mind?”
She shook her head. “Not really.”
“Neither do I. And don’t call me Francis.”
She smiled and leaned her head back against the couch again. She reached up and trailed her fingers down his cheek. “I don’t think it bothers you all that much.”
“Lass, from you I would put up with quite a bit.”
She gave him another affectionate smile. “Go home, Cam. I’ll see you when I see you.”
“You’ll see me tomorrow,” he said firmly.
“I’ll be here—if I can stomach the thought of how much this room is costing you. But I can’t stay here forever.” Her smile faded. “You could get me a cheaper room, you know.”
“Nay,” he said seriously, “I cannot. Sunshine, I would like to believe that at some point in that past I can’t remember, I promised I would take care of you. Allow me, if you would, to provide you with comforts I never could have in medieval Scotland.”
“You just want another shot at the room service.”
He smiled. “Actually, I was hoping for a sleepover. Interested? ”
“Yes,” she said simply. “When you’re free. But since I don’t know when—or even if—that will ever happen, maybe it’s better we don’t think about it.” She squeezed his hands, then rose and pulled him up with her. “Go toddle on off to your own bed, my laird.”
He wanted to tell her that he would most certainly be free if he had anything to say about it, and sooner rather than later, but he didn’t.
The less she knew, the safer she would be.
Sunny waited for him to put on his shoes and jacket, then put his tie around his neck and knotted it loosely for him. She smiled, then her smile faltered.
“I don’t know what to do next.”
“Say, ‘I’ll see you in the morning for a delightful breakfast, Cam,’ tell me you love me, then push me out the door,” he said, without thinking.
Then he realized what he’d said.
So, apparently, did she.
Her eyes filled with tears. He groaned and reached out to pull her against him.
“You said you wouldn’t weep anymore.”
“Then stop blindsiding me with those sorts of things,” she managed.
He held her close for several moments, then pulled back, took her face in his hands, and kissed her softly. “I love you,” he said, looking into her very green eyes. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She nodded, tears streaming down her face. He ran his hand over her hair, kissed her again because he couldn’t help himself, then opened the door and stepped out into the hallway.
“Cam?”
He turned just outside her threshold. “Aye?”
“I’ll see you for breakfast.” She paused. “And I love you.”
He had to blink a time or two before he could see her. “Thank you, Sunshine.”
She nodded, smiled tremulously, then shut the door.
He waited until he’d heard her bolt the door, then he took a deep, cleansing breath and walked down the hallway. There were things he needed to put in place first thing in the morning, and yet others to give thought to. In the world outside Sunshine Phillips’s door, nothing had changed.
But he had. He wasn’t sure how it had happened, but he felt more himself than he had in eight years.
It had begun that morning at Ian MacLeod’s, when he’d held a broadsword in his hands.
It had finished a moment ago when he’d held the woman he loved in his arms, the woman who knew his most intimate secrets, and heard her say that she loved him in return.
He pointedly ignored the thrill of unease that ran through him.
He’d had much to lose before, but his heart would have remained intact.
If something happened to Sunny, it would finish him as nothing else would have.
He wished quite acutely that he was fighting something he could have settled with a sword.
But since he wasn’t, he would make do. He and Sunny would make do.
And hope it would be enough.