Chapter 25
I TAKE A deep breath in. As the cool air fills my lungs, I can finally think more clearly.
Shit.
What the hell was that? And, more importantly, what the hell was that garbage response? Here’s Rudy, allowing himself to be vulnerable, writing a song for me, and what do I do? I bolt, like I’m being attacked by a flock of rabid bats.
You bitch, I mutter to myself as I snake my way around huddles of people hanging out on the sidewalk.
Sure, Rudy might not be my type, but I’ve clearly stopped caring about that. What I do care about, is that he doesn’t seem to be that serious about dating and women. And I care that I have a good neighbour and a good friend in New York—and I don’t want to lose either of them.
I can’t deny he’s making me feel things, though.
Things I never even felt for Fedde. And it’s obvious how out-of-control jealous I get anytime I see someone else flirting with him.
He makes me feel good when I’m around him.
So good that it’s almost scary. He seems to accept me completely, just the way I am.
He’s not embarrassed when I word vomit, like Fedde always was, and he doesn’t give me disapproving looks every time I devour a mountain of food.
At a distance, the Williamsburg Bridge slowly comes into view, its curved cables aglow with light in the dark night.
I feel a shiver run through me. It’s cold out here and I forgot to pick up my coat in my rush to leave.
Emma! The voice sounds so far away that I’m not sure I heard it right. Jesus, Emma. Wait!
I spin around to see Rudy running toward me, swerving around the people in his way. His cheeks are flushed and there’s a touch of red at the tip of his nose. It really is way too cold out right now. When he finally skids to a stop, he offers me a tentative smile.
Was I really that far off-key that you couldn’t stand another second of my singing? he asks in a half-joke, trying to downplay what just happened inside.
I shake my head, feeling my curls dance around me. No, it was beautiful, I whisper. The lyrics . . . Your voice . . . The guitar . . . It was perfect.
His eyes dart across my face in search of something he can’t quite seem to pinpoint. Shaking his head, he turns away to gaze off into the distance. After a beat, he shoves his hands into his pocket with an annoyed scoff.
What? I ask, my voice a little shaky.
Is it because I’ve barely done anything with my life? He sounds ice cold. Because I spend my days serving coffee and fiddling around on stage at a bar?
I’m stunned when I recognize the exact words Sebastian spat out this afternoon at the coffee shop.
How . . .?
It’s not like he was trying to keep his voice down, he replies with a shrug. So that’s it? You think I’m not good enough for you? You’d rather hang out with men who wear Rolexes and spend the equivalent of my monthly income on Armani suits?
Of course not! I shout, outraged. Why would you ever think that about me?
Well, what is it then? Because let me be clear: I would not have performed that ridiculous song for you if I didn’t believe you had any feelings for me. It’s not like I enjoy making an idiot of myself in public.
You didn’t make an i—
Of course I did. We wouldn’t be standing here right now if I hadn’t.
I’m having a hard time believing you’re serious.
Excuse me? Rudy gives me an incredulous look. I write you a song, sing it in front of a room full of people, and you’re telling me I’m not serious? he yells.
He steps closer to me and I can see his nostrils flare.
Fuck that, Emma. I am serious. You’re the one who’s too afraid to get hurt. You think I’m not scared? After everything I told you today? Of course I am! That performance was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done! And that includes the time I helped Joey use the restroom when he broke his hip.
I bite my lip. There’s an incredible, available man standing right here, declaring his love for me. And—let’s be honest here—I’m completely in love with him, too. So why the hell am I hesitating?
Rudy holds his breath as he waits for me to respond. When that response doesn’t come, he lowers his gaze with a defeated sigh.
Never mind, he mutters, turning to walk away.
Wait! I grab him by the arm.
He freezes, then slowly turns back to face me with a vulnerable look in his eyes.
I take a step closer to him, then another, until my high-heel shoes are touching his rugged lace-up boots.
You’re right, I whisper, rising up onto my toes.
His eyes grow wider as I draw near. For a moment, he seems to be the one hesitating. But then, in the blink of an eye, our lips touch.
All the chatter that surrounds us, the car horns, the music from the bars—it all fades into the background as Rudy’s fingers twist into my hair.
I grab onto his shirt, trying to pull him in even closer.
I’m so entirely lost in him, no longer bothered by the cold November air now that our entangled bodies are generating enough heat to keep both of us warm.
A slight moan escapes from his throat as I deepen our kiss.
When his hands glide down to my backside, he lifts me up and I wrap my legs around his waist. We ignore the people whistling and cheering around us and I barely notice how Rudy hails a cab and lowers us into the back seat.
He mutters our address into my lips before picking up right where he left off.
His hands are everywhere: my ass, my waist, my breasts.
I want to feel him closer. So much closer.
No bang-bang in my cab. Our driver shoots us a glare in the rear-view mirror.
When I erupt into laughter, Rudy joins in. He might be keeping his hands over my clothes now, but he definitely hasn’t stopped kissing me. I heave a sigh of desire as he travels down to my neck.
When the taxi pulls up in front of our building, Rudy shoves a handful of uncounted cash at the driver.
The tone of amazement in the man’s thank you suggests it was more than enough to cover the fare, but Rudy doesn’t seem to mind.
Grabbing my hand, he pulls me out of the car.
We’re beaming as we run up the steps to the front door, where he fumbles with his keys before letting us in.
As soon as we’re inside, the door closed behind us, he spins me around, erasing my smile with a kiss. Lifting me up, he presses me into the wooden door, leaning his hips into me with a sense of yearning. I let out a moan as I furiously pull at his belt. I’m done waiting.
Not here, he whispers, his lips still on mine, and suddenly there’s no more door. It seems to be effortless, the way he carries me upstairs without ever taking his mouth off of mine. His long fingers press into my ass while the staircase groans under the weight of us.
If I thought we were out of control before, I was so wrong.
As soon as we’re inside Rudy’s apartment, his lips claim mine with an increased fire, his tongue exploring every inch of my mouth.
I must have forgotten to breathe for multiple minutes, because when he kisses my jaw, I find myself gasping for air.
He presses me into the wall, pulling my dress up over my head as I clamp my legs around his waist. He kisses my neck, my jaw . . . His teeth gently tease my earlobe before his lips descend onto my collarbone.
I can’t take it anymore. My chest is heaving in and out, faster and faster, as Rudy slips aside the lace cups of my bra—and then I feel his warm mouth on me. I unbuckle his belt, unbutton his jeans, my fingers trembling with need. I want him. Now.
His pants and underwear hit the ground with a soft thud as I pull his shirt up over his head.
I let my hands glide along his muscular back, his waist, his ass.
Tracing the fine lines and elegant script of his tattoo, I’m finally able to read what it says.
Where words fail, music speaks. I give him an inquiring look.
Something my grandpa used to say, he shares, sounding slightly out of breath. But let’s maybe save that for another time. I love the guy, but I don’t really want to be picturing his face right now. He smiles his crooked, sexy smile before claiming my mouth with another scorching kiss.
With a deep moan, he presses his warm, naked torso against my body. As the coolness of the wall scrapes my back, I find myself aching even more for the warmth Rudy has to offer.
For a moment, he sets me down, both feet touching the ground as he slowly peels my tights from my legs.
His lips caress every new inch of bare skin on the way down.
And before I know it, the last of my clothes have disappeared and Rudy is gazing at me with a look that pushes my pulse into overdrive. His pupils are wide with desire.
Standing up again, he covers my mouth with his and wraps my legs back around his waist—but this time, there’s nothing left to separate our naked bodies.
With one languid thrust, he pushes into me and we both gasp for air, his mouth still firmly on mine.
And then he begins to move as his big hands slide from my thighs toward my ass.
His breath is urgent and he kisses me deeply, cupping my blazing cheek with his right hand.
And without warning, I’m no longer touching the wall behind me.
Rudy keeps a tight grip on my back, never breaking our tangled embrace as he carries me over to the couch.
Before tonight, this setting was reserved for much more wholesome activities, but now Rudy’s lowering himself onto the couch, pulling me into a straddle across his lap.
I feel the leather of the couch grip to my knees.
It’s not a sensation I usually enjoy, but in this moment, I couldn’t possibly care less.
He unglues our lips, then touches his forehead to mine. As his warm breath sweeps over my face, he holds my gaze. With his fingers trapped in my curls, he uses his thumbs to draw tender circles on my cheeks. The longing in his dark pupils grows with every rocking movement of my hips.
Seconds become endless minutes. I’m hyper-aware of every touch, every caress, every sound from Rudy’s lips.
Outside, raindrops come crashing down, violently hitting the single-pane window before breaking up into a gentle patter. Rudy’s hips crush into me one final time, breath catching in our throats as we climax together.
We stay on the couch for what seems like eternity, completely entwined as Rudy whispers sweet nothings into my ear.
Right now, there is nothing beyond this moment.
The world around me is a blur and I’ve lost all concept of time.
I’ll never solve the mystery of how we make it from the couch to his bed, but once we’re there, we start the whole thing all over again.