Chapter Ten
June 28, 1817
I t had been two days since he’d apparently lost his mind and had bedded Cecilia, and in those two days, she’d been all he could think about to the detriment of keeping appointments and missing the occasional meal.
What the hell is happening to me?
That coupling had been more than merely a physical joining. It had been full of humor and teasing, both emotional and a bit freeing as well. If put to the test, he’d admit he hadn’t had that sort of a connection with a woman before, and even days later, it had the power to stun him. But she was one of his students and he was her instructor. That sort of thing couldn’t be allowed to happen again.
Could it?
“Lewis. Is all well?”
The dulcet sound of Cecilia’s voice yanked him from the thoughts. He frowned as he glanced at her while holding the reins of his open carriage. “Uh, yes, of course. Merely woolgathering, I suppose.”
She nodded. “There is much to think about.”
“Yes.” Since the day was once again sunny, he hadn’t wished to remain inside giving her a lesson locked away in his office, so he’d sent a note ’round to her townhouse asking her to dress as she usually would and that he would take her driving in the afternoon. “Are you enjoying yourself?” Should he refer to what happened between them two days ago or was that bad form?
Beyond that, what did it mean for their relationship, and for that matter, were they beyond student and teacher or friends even if they were still strangers to each other?
“I am. Parts of London are beautiful in early summer before the air gets stale and the pollution and stench becomes overwhelming.”
To that end, would she like to accompany his family to their country estate in Kent? For that matter, did his mother plan to remove there for the summer? His brothers might not wish to leave the salon for that long, and frankly, he didn’t blame them.
“One of my favorite places in Town is Hyde Park at this time of year. Sometimes, when the sunlight slants over the Serpentine just right, it seems as if a million diamonds sparkle over the surface of the water. Combined with the whisper of the breeze in the tree leaves, I can truly forget I’m in London entirely.”
“And in those fleeting moments, you can pretend you are not an earl with multiple responsibilities hanging about your neck,” she added in a soft voice. “I understand the sentiment completely. There are times when I think about running away and starting my life over somewhere far removed from here.”
He couldn’t help but frown. “You aren’t happy?”
“Most of the time I am.” When she shrugged, her shoulder rubbed against his arm, and the quick jolt of heated response caught him off-guard. “However, I have to wonder what my purpose is. Everyone else seems to have something to occupy their time that might work toward the greater good, but what am I doing? Keeping the books for my father’s shipping business? I’m not even a wife or a mother, nor are there charities or causes that have captured my fancy.”
He pressed his lips together. “Do you envision yourself being a wife and a mother?”
For the space of a few heartbeats, she remained silent. Then she sighed. “I did when I was younger. It was all I could think about, almost that it was a longing inside me that if it didn’t happen, I might die.”
“And now?” She had such an interesting way of describing things, and it continued to draw him toward her.
“Now, I will be content if I found a man who doesn’t beat me, who can see something in me beyond the shape of my body, who will wish to grow old with me, not for what I can do for him, but what we can achieve together.” When she glanced at him, sadness reflected in the blue depths of her eyes. “After what I have seen of men, I don’t know if any of that is possible.”
Her ability to show herself in a candid light stunned him and reminded him that he needed to show vulnerability to her at some point so they could connect more deeply. “I would like to hope I am showing you that not all men are as the bounders you have described.”
The soft laugh that escaped her throat sent heated awareness dancing over his skin. “Let us just say that I am constantly surprised by you.”
At least there was that. “Is working for a cause something you’re interested in?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t given it a thought, and I’ve not had spare time that needs filling.” She focused her gaze on the horses. “Of course, I’m not a highborn lady with loads of leisure, so perhaps I needn’t worry about it.”
“I have a few charities I’m a patron for, but I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I visited any of them personally.” Cold disappointment in himself coiled through his chest. “That was something my father was so much better at than I. It was one of the reasons he liked boxing. He always said it helped him connect with people not of his own class, and that the salt of the earth as well as personal satisfaction was found in the regular people who populated London, not with the rich.” He blew out a breath of frustration. “In this, I’m afraid I’ve failed. One of many things my father would lecture me on.”
For one fleeting moment, she laid a gloved hand on his thigh, and he thought he might jump out of his skin. “You haven’t failed, Lewis. Just because you don’t do things as your father did them, that doesn’t mean your way is the wrong one.”
Some of the rising anxiety was quelled by her words. “Thank you.” The longer he sat beside her in that carriage, the more he craved that calm, that… peace. Did being with him give her that same feeling? In many ways, he hoped so. “My life has been quite turbulent since my father passed two years ago. It was sudden and none of us were prepared for it. Additionally, there was no time to tell him goodbye.”
Why he thought now to tell her a bit about his past, he couldn’t say, only that it felt right.
“That was how it was when my mother died.” Her voice caught. “She perished while giving birth to my brother. It was all very hushed and harried; I was with tutors but when I finished, my father told me she was gone. Something like that leaves a person stunned and in shock, sometimes angry, without a way to work through the emotions.”
“Which was one of the reasons I enjoy boxing, or at least I did until the persistent injuries detract from that.” How long would it be before he took one too many punches and couldn’t function any longer?
“I quite like sparring for that,” she said with a wobbly grin. “There is something satisfying about drilling my fist into yours, and I want to explore that even further.”
“That is something I understand as well. The feel of it, the sound of it. Of course, we will continue to put that in your lessons.” He nodded. “Yes, on many levels, all the components of boxing keep emotions in check.”
“Or ignored.” Again, she rested her hand on his thigh. “You can’t continue going through daily life without acknowledging how you feel, and there is nothing wrong with that. Showing your feelings doesn’t mean you’re weak.”
“If I’m being honest, Lia, it is a struggle. Daily.” Suddenly, he knew exactly which path he wanted to tread, at least for the next few months. It wasn’t something he could explain but he wished to explore, and that would require time. “I need to ask you something.”
“All right.”
After pulling the carriage over beneath a bridge within Hyde Park, he held the reins tight in one hand and then turned toward her on the bench. “I am well aware you and I don’t know each other all that well, but there is enough trust built between us in the boxing salon to allow for familiarity.”
“To say nothing of the scandal we got up to at my father’s office a couple days ago,” she added in a droll voice with amusement dancing in her eyes.
“There is that.” A grin tugged at the corners of his mouth. “To that end, I enjoy spending time with you, and…” He forced a hard swallow into his throat. “I… I wish to pay my addresses to you if you’re of the same mind.”
Clearly, I’m well on my way to madness. That was the only explanation.
She frowned. “If this is out of some misguided honor because we coupled, I—”
“It’s not,” he hastened to interrupt. “You made your views quite clear on that the other day.” For a few moments, he regarded her. “This is purely because I want to know you better, and we can’t go around Town without having at least a reason, else the gossips will cut us both to ribbons. Hell, they probably already are, for both times I’ve taken you driving, we haven’t had a chaperone or at the very least a maid with us.”
And he didn’t care.
“Yes, and my father will ring a peal over my head when he hears of those incidents. No doubt after this, we’ll be stuck with a maid.”
“I won’t mind. Though I wish it would be your brother.”
“James is with a friend for the next month.”
“I look forward to meeting him. Your brother can tell me all the secrets you wish to hide. Besides, I want the boy to learn how to defend himself. It will serve him well as he goes through life.”
“Oh, Lewis.” With a sigh, she fixed her gaze on her hands in her lap. “Paying your addresses to me is a large commitment with an inherent promise involved. I rather doubt I am a woman of whom your mother will approve.”
In truth, his mother would no doubt offer up a large protest, but he couldn’t worry about that right now. “My mother isn’t the one who will spend a potential lifetime with the woman I choose.” Shock tightened his chest from the admission. “So, do I have your permission? I don’t wish to force myself into a situation in which I’m not wanted.” Surely courting couldn’t be as easy as being in Cecilia’s company.
“I…”
“Lia, look at me.” When she didn’t, he put curled gloved fingers beneath her chin and raised her head until their gazes connected. “If you can’t envision a possible future with a man like me—”
“Stop, Lethbridge.” The smile she gave him was rather on the watery side. “You are a good man, but you are also an earl. While most women would climb over their friends or shove them down for a chance to catch a titled man’s notice, I’ll be the first to warn you away.”
“Why? I don’t understand.”
She heaved a sigh. “I am a captain’s daughter… the daughter of a merchant and definitely not the heiress you should be putting your interest upon.”
“None of that matters to me. I have full confidence in my boxing skills to bring in coin to fill the Stapleton coffers, which gives me freedom in this matter.”
“Well, you are easy on the eyes, especially when you are boxing,” she said with a laugh that immediately had his spirits rising.
“I’ll have you know, there is much more to me than looks.” He couldn’t help but chuckle. “Except now, since the bruises haven’t faded all the way.”
“Are you fishing for compliments?”
“Is it working?” Bantering with her was something he thoroughly enjoyed.
“I refuse to inflate your ego.” But she smiled, and he had difficulties breathing.
“Right.” If he wasn’t careful, he’d give in to the urge to take her into his arms and kiss the hell out of her. “Is your father at his office this afternoon?”
“He might be. Though I keep his books, I’m often not privy to the whole of his schedule.” Then she frowned. “Did you wish to meet him?”
“I think I should, especially in light of the new arrangement you and I have discussed.” Once he took up the reins again, he set the carriage into motion. “I don’t want him to think I’m doing anything underhanded with you.”
She touched his arm. “As I have said before, you are a good man. He will be happy to meet you.”
During the trip to the East India Dock, they talked of many things but mostly focused on his relationship with his brothers as well as his mother. Though it was slightly difficult to answer her questions—after all, this was the most chatting about himself he’d ever done with anyone outside his relatives—oddly, he wanted her able to understand him better.
After arrival, he tossed the reins to a boy outside the mews, gave him a coin and promised another upon retrieval, then he offered Cecilia his crooked arm and led her along the boardwalk while watching the activity on the harbor.
They were one building away from her father’s when a large hulking man stepped out from an alley, and when he caught sight of Cecilia, he shouted at them to stop.
“Unhand the woman; she’s mine.” One of his beefy hands curled into a fist.
“I beg your pardon? You must have us confused with other people.” As he spoke, Lewis tucked her behind his back and put his body between her and the brute.
“Miss Dawson will be my wife soon, so leave her alone.” He took a few steps toward them, and Lewis straightened his spine.
“Don’t listen to him, Lewis. Mr. Derrickson is the man who continually accosts me, the reason why I’m taking boxing lessons in the first place.” A trace of fear threaded through her whispered voice. “He is the one who forces kisses on me.”
“Ah.” This man required a lesson. “I am the Earl of Lethbridge, and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll step away and leave this woman in peace.”
“The last time I checked, I ain’t beholden to Mayfair nobs.” He cracked the knuckles of one hand. “And this ain’t the place for you. Leave Miss Dawson here and I won’t dirty up your mug more than it already is.”
“Is that a threat, Mr. Derrickson?”
“What if it is?”
“Then I’ll have no choice than to follow through on my order that you leave her alone.”
“Once I clean your clock, you won’t be able to keep her from me.” Then the bigger man pounced. He took hold of Lewis’ arm and then threw him away from where Cecilia stood.
After a few stumbling steps, Lewis regained his balance and recovered from his surprise. “You’ll pay for that.” He followed the threat with a sharp uppercut that caught Mr. Derrickson on the chin.
The bigger man staggered backward, but with a roar, he came back at Lewis with a vengeance. Quickly, he landed a punch into Lewis’ stomach that had him doubling over, and took full advantage by curling a fist into the back of his superfine jacket and attempting to throw him into the harbor.
“Lewis!”
Barely did Cecilia’s shout of warning register in his brain, but Lewis quickly wrenched himself out of the other man’s hold. Scuttling around the barrel-chested man, he put the sole of his boot to the back of one of the man’s knees and shoved. That put Mr. Derrickson off balance and brought him awkwardly kneeling on the boardwalk. Before his opponent could recover, Lewis landed a blow to the side of his head that sent him sprawling onto his back.
“Leave Miss Dawson alone or I’ll come back and finish you off,” he said, in between wheezing breaths.
“Buggar off.” Mr. Derrickson rubbed the side of his face and glared. “I’d better not catch you around the docks again. I’ll kill you the next time.”
“Doubtful.” Lewis snorted as he glanced at Cecilia, who watched him with concern evident in her expression. “I’m a prize fighter, friend. Engaging me further in fisticuffs will not go well for you.”
“I know who you are, Stapleton. And rumor has it that you lost your last bout.” The bigger man scrambled slowly to his feet. “I’m better than you. Get me in the ring and decide. Winner gets Miss Dawson.”
“That can be arranged.” Lewis winced as his left shoulder throbbed with pain.
“Enough, the both of you. I am not a prize to be won.” Cecilia rushed between them before they could come to blows once more. With a gloved palm to Lewis’ chest, she glared at him. “Come. Now is not the time to linger here.” Then she narrowed her gaze at Mr. Derrickson. “I have told you more than once that I want nothing to do with you. Perhaps this time my words will penetrate through your thick skull. Leave me alone, or I’ll let Lord Lethbridge beat you bloody and be happy to watch.”
“You can’t escape me forever, Miss Dawson,” the other man said with a snarl. “Once you’re my wife, I’ll keep you away from all other men.”
“Firstly, I don’t belong to you, Mr. Derrickson, And secondly, women are not objects nor are they slaves. They still have free will even if they choose to wed, but the key here is choice.” She narrowed her eyes and encompassed them both in her gaze. “You will never be that to me.” Then she shoved at Lewis’ shoulder and nudged him back down the boardwalk toward the mews.
He grunted but meekly walked at her side. “I could have put that man down with enough authority that he wouldn’t bother you again.”
“Don’t be more of a nodcock than you can help,” she responded in a waspish tone. “Mr. Derrickson is a dunce with more brawn than brains. You are better in every conceivable way, but you need to learn discretion.” A frown took possession of her mouth as she glanced at him, and all he wanted to do was kiss her from her defense. “Do you hurt? I have a feeling your shoulder pains you. I could see it in your face when you threw that last punch.”
“A bit.” How could he deny it? She was much too observant.
A huff escaped her. “Why couldn’t you just let it go? You could have ignored him instead of engaging in a fight.”
Couldn’t she understand that he did it for her? “That man dared to touch you; he insulted your honor. It is my duty to demand satisfaction.” Was he truly this far gone over a woman already? Ever since he’d met her, he’d felt at sixes and sevens. Today was no different.
Perhaps that was a good thing, for it was much like embarking on an adventure.
“Just like I told him, I am not an object to be owned. I am a woman who knows her own mind, so if you wish to be with me, you must stop this penchant for possession.” Again, she looked at him, the emotions in her eyes inscrutable. “I enjoy your company, Lewis, and I appreciate your defense, but you need to know I can fight my own battles.”
“While I understand that, if we are to embark upon a relationship, you need to know that you don’t have to any longer. I want to be your partner, where we share every burden and work through every problem. Together.” God, where did that thought come from?
Am I truly going to court this woman?
When she glanced at him again, shock reflected on her face. “Truly?”
“Yes.” There was no going back from this moment. “I am a man of my word.” Even still, he wanted the right to protect her, because that was what women deserved anyway while maintaining their own agency.
Slowly, she nodded and then slipped her hand through his crooked elbow even though he hissed in pain for it was his left arm. “Then my answer is a tentative yes. You can pay your addresses to me, and I look forward to seeing what comes of that.” Then she grinned, and he temporarily lost the ability to think. “You can talk to Papa later. For now, let’s get you to the salon. You need a salve rubbed into your arm and your knee. Someone needs to look after you since you refuse to do that for yourself.”
Lewis couldn’t argue with her about that, and in this moment, he was glad to have her in his life. Please help me to not cock this up.