Chapter 44
Chapter Forty-Four
Mick
H ow many times have I replayed the scene where Davo died? Hundreds? Thousands? And still, the ending is the same: My best friend is dead, Melissa’s a widow, and I’m responsible.
A drug raid gone wrong. Officer down . That’s how the newspapers reported it. Since I was undercover, I was kept out of the official response. It’s as though I never existed. At the time, I wished I didn’t. Sometimes I still do.
Why Davo? He had a family. Why not me?
And then, a year later, I learnt I had a daughter. That I was already a father-to-be on that fateful day.
But I’ve fucked it all up. Instead of honouring my vows, I’ve failed everyone. If only I hadn’t been so fixated on ignoring my past, perhaps Ashley wouldn’t have fallen in with the wrong crowd. And if I’d told Jules about Melissa from the start, she wouldn’t have looked at me tonight as if I’d gutted her and cast her aside.
Her disappointment lingers in the lunchroom like a bitter taste in the back of my throat. Like blood. A river of red, sticky blood. Its coppery taint choking the air. The last gurgling gasps of life .
“Here, you look like you need it.” Jake shoves a short black into my hands.
His firm voice and the powerful aroma of the potent brew jolt me out of the past and into the present. “Thanks.”
Darkness cloaks the window of the empty lunchroom. How long have I been sitting here? “Did Jules go to your place?”
Jake shakes his head. “No. Claire hasn’t heard from her. And when she called your landline, it rang out.
“She’s hurting.” And hates my guts.
“I’m guessing she didn’t let you explain.”
I huff. Jake has Jules’ measure. Then again, it wasn’t hard to guess how she was going to react. “She did. But she was still furious that I kept Melissa a secret.” I swirl the contents of my coffee cup. The dirty black’s not unlike dried blood. I push the cup away. Suddenly, I’m not so thirsty.
“You need to tell her what happened with Davo and why it screwed you up.”
That’s Jake. Straight for the jugular. I hang my head and lick my lips. A metallic taint, the ghost of my past, clings to every breath. “I can’t talk about that day.”
“Not even to save your marriage?”