Chapter 21 His Very Being
His Very Being
IT WASN’T THAT Alwyn didn’t want to answer Miss Everson’s question. In fact, he longed to, but it still felt premature to give her this glimpse into his past. Seeing the look in her eyes, however, he knew he could not put it off.
“Miss Everson…this is no light-hearted tale.”
Her gaze softened, but its intensity did not weaken.
“When I was not yet sixteen,” he began, “I had found school to be a rather lonely place, and was delighted when a classmate invited me to his family’s home for a week-long stay.
Writing to my parents, I begged that I might accept the invitation.
At term’s end, I rode my grey to Gawling Manor, alongside James and his father’s man.
Unfortunately, when we arrived, it was nothing like what I had imagined or hoped for.
There were so many people there, and hardly a sensible one amongst them!
But that is not the story you have asked for.
“Two days into my visit, I learned that my mother had taken ill. I knew she must be very poorly indeed when I heard she was asking for me, as she never was a nervous woman. I had never known true fear until that day.” Alwyn paused.
“Forgive me, I —” Miss Everson murmured, holding her hand out as if to silence him.
“No, the story honours her, so I will tell it,” he said gruffly. “That journey home was the longest ride of my entire life. When finally I reached her bedside, she struggled to lift her head.”
His mind stuttered on the memory of how withered his normally stout mother had appeared — how her hair, damp with sweat, had lain lank and tangled on the pillow.
Clearing his throat, he continued. “I grasped her hand, and sat down next to her. She smiled and closed her eyes as if her final wish had just been granted. I thought that if I kept talking to her, then her soul could not fly out of the window.” He chuckled without mirth.
“So I told her about my stay with James’s family — skipping over the disappointing parts — then about all I had been learning at school, followed by nearly every memory I had from childhood.
Any pleasant thought that popped into my mind, made its way out of my mouth.
She had no strength to answer, but I knew that she was listening. ”
Rapt, Miss Everson dabbed lightly at her eyes.
“Though she later regained a little strength, it did not last.” He sighed heavily. “Two months later, she was gone.”
The weighty silence that fell, stretched on until Miss Everson broke it delicately.
“And so the loss of your beloved mother drives you to heal all who are ailing...”
“Yes.” Alwyn fixed his eyes on hers.
She understands.
Studying her with pensive admiration, he felt affirmation of his very being in her tear-flecked gaze.
But Mr Caspar grunted in his sleep, and the footman sniffed faintly, reminding Alwyn that, in that moment, there was nothing to be done about his growing determination to marry Miss Everson.
Soon, but not today.
The spell was broken entirely as the door opened.