Chapter 14 Jamie
JAMIE
Reign left some time in the middle of the night.
I had woken up when I felt him leave the bed, though I didn’t show it, and I haven’t been able to fall back asleep ever since.
I looked over at the clock on the nightstand. It was nearing three o’clock, and he still wasn’t back, and I didn’t know why I was feeling so fucking antsy over his absence.
This shouldn’t be affecting me the way it was.
I shouldn’t care.
I shouldn’t.
I was feeling about ten shades of foolish right about now. I was the one who approached him, who had planned everything, yet it felt like I was falling into the very trap I had set for him.
And I let him touch me this afternoon.
Not only that, but I completely broke apart in his arms.
I closed my eyes as the memories flew sharply through my mind.
Why had I done that? Why did I let him touch me? And now everything was all fucked up, including my own mind, and I didn’t know what to do about it.
I quickly closed my eyes when I heard the front door open, finally feeling like I could breathe again.
My ears strained as I tried to listen to the movements coming from the living room before soft footsteps padded across the floor, heading to the room I was in… until I heard the door open.
I kept my eyes closed, and for a moment, I heard nothing. It was as if Reign had opened the door and was just standing there watching me sleep.
What was going on in his mind? Did he regret bringing me here now?
Why did I care so much?
I heard him move, the sound of the door closing softly, and then some rustling of clothes before the bed dipped under his weight.
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in close to him from behind. His body heat radiated off him, giving me some warmth on the cold winter night. I didn’t usually tolerate heat very well, but his heat wasn’t… unpleasant.
And while his touch wasn’t exactly comforting to me, that feeling of ants crawling over my skin was nowhere present.
I opened my eyes, feeling it was finally safe to do so.
Why was it so different with him now?
And did that mean I had come to tolerate other people’s touch?
No, that couldn’t be it because even the thought of it caused an uncomfortable chill to run down my spine.
So what was it?
I didn’t know, and I was getting a headache.
I just needed sleep. That must be it.
So I closed my eyes and went to sleep, finally feeling something inside me settle now that he was back.
And that was all.
Reign woke me up early the next morning.
Considering how erratic my sleep had been the night before, I didn’t want to get up. But Reign was persistent.
I sat up in bed with my eyes still closed, trying to think of anything I could say to make him leave me alone.
“Come on, sleepyhead.”
I shook my head without opening my eyes. “I don’t want to. Why are we up so early?”
“To watch the sunrise.”
I didn’t say anything as I let his words register. “Sunrise? Why?”
“It’s tradition,” he said.
Before I could stop him, he was pulling me off the bed. I stood in the middle of the room, working hard not to fall asleep like that as he bundled me up in warm clothes. Then we set off, the same blanket we used yesterday draped over his arm.
I let him hold my hand as he led me outside.
We went to the same bench, and just like yesterday, he sat down and pulled me onto his lap, obviously taking advantage of my sleepiness.
I made myself comfortable and leaned back against him as he draped the blanket over us, turning around so I could rest my head on his chest. I felt his hand move up to cup the back of my neck.
“What kind of tradition is this? And aren’t you sleepy?”
He probably had about the same amount of sleep as I did, if not less. Yet, he was able to not only get up but be annoyingly energetic this morning. I let out a small yawn.
“I don’t need a lot of sleep,” he said, as if to explain it away.
“Well, we mere mortals do.”
He chuckled. “Are you calling me a god?”
“No,” I said, moving in closer to his warmth when a cold breeze blew our way. “I’m saying you’re not normal.”
He didn’t say anything to that. When I opened my eyes and looked at him, he was grinning.
I rolled my eyes, and his smile widened, showing his teeth. And like every time he did it, I couldn’t help but focus on his canines. “We’ll go back to sleep after this.”
“You want to go back to sleep?” I asked.
“I want to be where you are,” he said lightly. There was nothing unusual about his words or his tone; still, I felt my heart stop for a long second before picking up speed. I took a deep breath, not liking my own reaction to him.
I looked away and out to the horizon. “Is this where the sun will rise?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he answered, tightening his arms around me. I didn’t push away. I should though. He was getting too far under my skin—affecting me too much—and sometimes when I was with him, I forgot the true reason I had approached him in the first place.
And sometimes, I couldn’t find a good enough excuse to keep up the facade anymore.
What did I really want out of this?
To get back at Kingston by hurting Reign. Or to use Reign to get close enough to Kingston so I could…
There was no way I would be able to hurt Kingston Mahankov, no matter what.
Not physically, and based on Reign’s reaction whenever he talked about his brother, not emotionally.
I should let him go and let this go.
I should…
Etta’s smiling face came to my mind.
God, but what do I do?
Reign frowned at me. “Are you okay?”
I shook my head. “Yeah. Just sleepy, that’s all.”
He didn’t look like he believed me. I didn’t blame him.
I looked away from him and out to the frozen lake in front of us. Reign pulled the blanket over me a little more, and we sat like that as the sun slowly peeked through the clouds. We didn’t say anything as we watched the world slowly wake up.
“You said this is tradition?” I asked.
He nodded. “Yeah. When I was little, my mom used to bring me to this cabin, and every morning we spent here, without fail, we would watch the sunrise together.”
He used the same tone when talking about his mom that I used when talking about Etta. He talked about his mom as if she were dead, when I knew that wasn’t the case.
“Does she not come here anymore?” I asked.
“She doesn’t leave the house much these days. Mostly only to accompany my dad for his… work.”
Right.
I nodded.
I didn’t ask anything else, sensing he didn’t really want to talk about his mom much. Reign stood up suddenly with me still in his arms and headed back toward the cabin.
“I can walk, you know.”
His gaze moved down to mine. “I know.”
He didn’t let me down, just continued back to our room.
He set me back down on the bed and helped me remove the three layers of clothes he had put on me before we went outside, then took off his own jacket and climbed back into bed with me.
“Go to sleep,” he said, wrapping his arms around me from behind, lying in the same position we had been in the night before. “I’ll wake you up at a more appropriate time.”
I tapped on the hand he had pressed against my stomach to show I heard him before I closed my eyes and went back to sleep.
The next time he woke me up was at a more reasonable hour, though I didn’t feel very well rested. It was because of how many times I woke up the night before. Still, I knew I couldn’t spend all day in bed. After all, we were heading back home this afternoon.
After my morning routine, I left the room, finding the kitchen full and busy. But thankfully, it seemed all the women who had come here with Reign’s friends had decided to head home early.
Including Rose.
Baran noticed me first, his smile widening as he walked over and engulfed me in a hug. I tensed in his arms, unsure of what to do as that familiar feeling of ants crawling all over me came on.
So Reign hadn’t exactly “cured” me of this.
I was just getting used to his touch… the same way it had been with Etta.
Makar came over to us and pulled Baran away. “Stop it. Can’t you see she’s uncomfortable? And if Reign sees you making a move on his girl, he’ll kick your ass.”
“Oh, I would like to see that pretty boy try,” Baran said, looking at me and winking.
And here I thought Reign was trouble.
“Would you like some breakfast?” Makar asked me.
I nodded, and Baran pulled out a chair for me next to Fabian.
“Thank you,” I said, sitting down. I glanced briefly at Fabian before looking away. Of Reign’s three friends, Fabian was the one I was most wary of.
He wasn’t as friendly as Baran, or as nice.
He was mostly indifferent, and I didn’t know what to make of him.
Plus, every time I was near him, I got this uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach that made me want to stay as far away from him as possible.
I didn’t say anything to him as Makar went back to the stove and flipped the pancake.
It seemed Makar was the only one who could cook, as he was doing most of it, aside from the dinner we had last night. That had been prepared by Helen, Reign’s family cook, and frozen beforehand.
“Where’s Reign?” I asked. I hadn’t seen him since he woke me up thirty minutes ago.
“Outside, making a phone call,” Fabian answered, looking directly at me.
It took everything in me not to freeze on the spot. Luckily, I was used to dealing with men who made me uncomfortable, considering who my dad was and how I grew up.
I looked at Fabian and smiled, not showing any signs of my unease.
“Don’t worry, he’ll be back soon,” Fabian said, moving closer to me.
I resisted the urge to move back. Usually, I could keep my composure well, but there was just something about the way he was looking at me, as if he knew I was uncomfortable with his closeness, with the way it seemed like he was going to touch me, knowing I didn’t like to be touched.
I held still.
I wasn’t going to be the first to move away.
His eyes glinted with amusement.
A plate of breakfast was placed down in front of me, and Fabian moved away, smiling easily.
I looked up to see Makar in front of me. “Is everything okay?” he asked Fabian.
“Yeah,” Fabian answered easily.
Makar frowned and turned to me. I nodded. “Yup.”
It seemed like he wanted to say something but stopped himself at the last moment. He held out a fork to me. “Eat up. Reign should finish his phone call soon.”
“I’m finished now,” a familiar voice said from behind me.
I turned around and found Reign standing at the threshold leading into the kitchen. His eyes were focused intently on me, and for the first time since I left the room this morning, I felt like I could finally breathe.
I relaxed my tensed muscles, feeling my heart calm as he walked straight over to me. He wrapped his arms around me from behind. I didn’t say anything to him.
Since when did he become my source of comfort?
Since when did he manage to make me feel safe in a sea of uncertainty?
I didn’t like this. Not even a little bit.
He should not be anything to me.
He leaned forward and rested his chin on my shoulder. “Are you okay?” he asked, as if he could sense things weren’t right with me.
I nodded, not saying anything.
But I didn’t push him away either.
I told myself it was because we were in front of his friends, and wouldn’t they find it weird if I shied away from Reign’s touch?
Which made me wonder if Reign ever found it weird that I had avoided his touch before. He was so perceptive most of the time—I was sure he didn’t miss that.
I speared the bacon on my plate and held it out for him. He took it without hesitation, and I didn’t want to think too much about why everything just felt so… natural with him.
A few days had passed since the weekend away with Reign.
I had been avoiding him, trying to decide my next move because, whatever my motivation had been for approaching him at the beginning, I realized now, it had been nothing but foolishness on my part.
I shouldn’t have approached him.
I should have left him alone.
Because now I was in turmoil and had invited Reign into my life.
And based on all the texts he had sent me, it seemed he wouldn’t be leaving me alone any time soon. Reign was nothing if not persistent.
What was I going to do?
There was no way I could go to Dad or Caine about this. They would probably have an aneurysm if they found out I had been spending time with a Mahankov.
God, I was stupid.
After work on Wednesday, instead of going home, I went out to one of the bars Dad owned. Chances were higher that I would find him there than I would at home, and sure enough, I saw his car near the front entrance.
It wasn’t that I wanted to come here and talk to him about my problems. Not really.
I just wanted to see him.
There had always been something about his presence that I found comforting, even if he didn’t talk much. I guessed I got that from him.
And he never expected me to talk just for the sake of talking.
He let me be quiet without making me feel like I wasn’t normal for it.
Reign was the same way as well.
That was probably why I usually felt so at ease with him. I frowned at the thought as I parked my car next to Dad’s.
Reign was the last person I should feel at ease with.
I shook my head and got out of the car, heading to the front door. I stopped when I heard a strange sound coming from the side of the bar.
Quietly, I moved in closer just in time to see Tito talking to a strange man. He could be from the famiglia. My father had a lot of men under him, so it wouldn’t be surprising that I didn’t know them all, but there was just something about this man that made me sense he might be an outsider.
And I watched as they exchanged something… drugs for cash?
Was Tito selling?
That wasn’t exactly part of his job description.
Without thinking, I pulled out my phone and took a picture, then sent it to Caine before backing away.
My mistake was not looking back before I moved.
I accidentally stepped over something that felt like metal and sounded like metal when it banged on the ground.
Both Tito and the man turned toward me.
I didn’t think—I just turned and ran inside the bar, ignoring the heavy footsteps behind me. I didn’t look back, even after I got safely inside. They were some distance away when I was caught. Surely they couldn’t have seen me, right?
I wasn’t so sure.
My heart was still racing, and I didn’t even know if what I had witnessed was really anything to begin with.
Tito never made an appearance in the bar. Not for the entire time I was there, at least, and I didn’t know if that was a good thing or not.