Chapter Two
K eep a low profile.
Stay hidden.
Don’t let him find you.
I tell myself the same three things in the mirror every morning, and every time I utter the words; I only get angrier. More fucking frustrated because why the fuck should I be the one to turn my life upside down? Why am I the one running? Hiding?
It’s not fair.
None of it is fair.
I slam the fridge a little harder than I should, making the contents balancing on top rattle around and threaten to fall off. Pouring the milk into my coffee, I turn my face to the window where rain has continued to fall for three days straight now, with not a break in sight. It’s cold, too.
I miss the sun, the warmth, and the freedom of not depending on the damn weather to go for a hike or take a wild swim in a lake.
If I did either of those things here on the Northeastern coast, I’ll likely get hypothermia.
I just hope when summer eventually rolls around, it warms up enough to actually get out.
I chose this city only because Savannah is here, I didn’t want to move to a new city and be alone.
I don’t do well on my own, I’ve always been surrounded by my friends and family, and it’s taken some time for me to adjust to the loneliness of moving to a new city and not being able to contact the people who matter the most to me.
We had to say goodbye several months back now, and I haven’t spoken to my sister since.
None of them know where I am or what I changed my name to.
I deleted my social media accounts, closed down my emails and disappeared.
I’m a new person, someone without a dangerous past and a family left behind.
I miss them.
Every single day.
Taking a sip of my morning coffee, I move through the small house I rented when I moved here.
Luckily, I had a good amount of money in savings to pay the landlord for a whole twelve months, some from an inheritance after my nana passed away, and the rest from meticulously saving every cent I could as soon as I earned money for myself.
It’s why I haven’t needed a job for so long, but I’m making a big dent in that money now, and I’m going to need to look for work.
The house is cozy, with two bedrooms and one bath, set on a quiet road in a big city.
I picked it because it reminded me of the house where I grew up.
This place is a little smaller, but it was a home just like this, where I ran through the halls with my sister on my heels, a kitchen just like the one I have my morning coffee in every day, where we ate chocolate cereal and made pancakes every Saturday with my parents.
I hoped it would comfort me, but it only hurts my feelings.
Curling my legs under myself, I pick up my cell and dial Savannah. We met some years back now, back when we were both attending college, but she’s been my best friend since. I knew when I needed to pack up my life and move, she’d be there to pick up the pieces and help me put it all back together.
She answers on the third ring, “Chocolate chip or blueberry?” She asks as her way of greeting.
“Chocolate chip,” I answer immediately, knowing exactly what she means with that question. I hear her place the order at the bakery in the background, and then a shuffling sound as she puts her cell back to her ear. “I’ll be around in ten.”
“Alright,” I get back up from the couch, “I’ll have coffee ready.”
She lets out a heavy groan, “Fuck, yes, please. I am dying.”
“If you weren’t up all night with that man of yours, you wouldn’t be so dependent on the coffee.”
“Shh,” Savvy laughs, “See you soon.”
Exactly ten minutes later, she’s walking through the front door, a brown paper bag containing the sweet goods gripped in her hand.
“Sloane,” She sings my name, a grin on her face as she places the muffins down and plucks up her coffee from the counter. “Good morning.”
She’s come so far since her accident only a few months ago.
She looks healthy, happy, and I know it has a lot to do with Killian.
Naturally, I am weary of men, after everything that happened with me, I find I can’t trust any of them.
Not the man in the store down the road that sells me my herbs for the tea I like to make, or the dog walker that says hello to me every morning when he passes me in the park during my morning walk.
But I like Killian. He is good for her.
I’ve come to accept that I’ll never have what she has, not when I can’t trust anyone enough to let them in. It’s taken me a while to realize that not everyone is against me, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let my guard down and spill all my secrets.
Secrets are keeping me safe.
The only person, other than my family who knows what happened is Savannah, and I plan to keep it that way.
I take my muffin out of the bag and tear off a piece, putting it in my mouth. These are the best damn muffins I’ve ever tasted, and it’s a ritual for me and my best friend to get them twice a week to have during our weekly catchups.
“What’s new?” I ask.
Her blue eyes flick to me, and she lets out a long breath, “Well…”
“Oh, this is going to be good,” I laugh.
She cringes.
“Oh shit,” My eyes widen. “Shit, I’m sorry.
Is everything okay?” Anxiety spikes throughout me, my heart notching up in speed.
Ever since everything happened, anxiety has been a constant, it hits when it shouldn’t, and everything triggers it.
Knowing something bad has happened with Savannah is just one of them things.
“Yes,” She sighs, “Well, no, but I’m fine. It’s Dean.”
I try to stifle the need to roll my eyes at the sound of his name. We’ve met a handful of times, and I can’t exactly say we hit it off.
“What about him?”
“Turns out he’s a dad.”
“He got some poor girl pregnant?” My brows raise.
But Sav frowns, “Just what is it between you two?”
“What do you mean?” I defend.
“As far as I can tell, you’ve barely spoken, but it’s like you hate each other.”
“I don’t hate him,” I shrug.
“Is it because of… you know?”
I get up off the couch, a restless energy making me twitch. We don’t talk about what happened. Ever.
“No.” I huff.
Lies. Lies. Lies.
Truthfully, my back went up the moment I met Dean.
He was friendly, and he smiled at me, and for the first time in a long time , I wanted to get closer.
But close is not safe. So, I was rude to him, and now we hate each other.
It’s really that simple. Savannah is my only friend here.
Sure, her friendship group has welcomed me, but I’d hardly call them my friends.
“Anyway,” Savannah sighs, dropping it knowing I’m not ready to talk about it, “He didn’t know she was pregnant. Lily’s mother dropped her on the porch and then left without a trace.”
“Oh, that poor baby,” My heart breaks.
“Yeah,” Savannah wrings her hands in her lap, her eyes full of sadness.
Children are innocent, they rely on us so much, and for her mother to abandon her like that…
I can’t even imagine. After working with kids for so long, I’ve seen a lot of awful things, and it was fulfilling to be a source of comfort and structure for many children.
I miss it. Miss looking after babies, teaching them, watching them grow…
“Sloane?” Sav touches my leg, startling me from my thoughts where I stand ahead of her.
“Sorry,” I shake my head, “Do you need anything?”
She gives me a soft smile, “No, I think I’m okay. Just gotta be there, you know?”
“Yeah,” I nod, throat tight. “Well, if I can do anything to help, let me know, yeah?”
She smirks, “You sure about that?”
“Hey,” I chuckle, “I may not like Dean much, but that baby is innocent.”
With a roll of her eyes, the weight in the air shifts, and the rest of our catchup is easy, but eventually she has to go, leaving me to the silence of my isolation once more, where the loneliness creeps in.
As darkness falls beyond the window, I walk the house, checking the locks on the windows and external doors for the fourth time today.
A habit I’ve developed since everything went down.
I know they’re locked, but there’s no harm in checking anyway, and once that’s done, I grab water from the fridge and head up to my bedroom where I then lock that door too, hiding myself inside.
There’s a gun in my bedside table drawer, and pepper spray under my pillow, as well as a panic button set up to contact the police the moment I press it.
I know I’m in for a long night. I always am, where I fight to get to sleep and then fight in my dreams some more. Forever haunted by memories and nightmares. I may have escaped a monster once, but that doesn’t mean I am free of it.
No, that would be far too easy, too kind…
He wanted me to suffer, and suffer I do.