14. Amber
Chapter fourteen
Amber
“ W hy am I doing this?” I asked Siliana while I held up a bough of red maple leaves. The leaves shook, dancing in the wind and from my trembling arms, yet they were hanging on much more admirably than me. I was ready to chuck the branch aside and be done with the whole endeavor. “There’s enough trees in these woods, why do I have to be one?”
“It’s tradition,” Siliana said with a grin. Her golden skirts spread on the ground around her, like a resplendent sunbeam in the heart of fall. She regally surveyed the scene, watching and advising me much as she had this entire session, not bothering to hide how much the spectacle amused her. “Unwed maidens dance in a circle, holding the boughs. Whoever is the first one to lose all the leaves on the bough is crowned the queen of the festival. ”
“I already have a husband. Apparently. Isn’t that close enough?”
“You’re betrothed, but you’re not wed. It would be strange if you were an elven princess and did not take part.” She glanced around her before whispering, “And the king has requested it.”
Ah, that explained it. Lovely of him.
We stood in a palace courtyard, the grand trees towering over us and showering red and gold with each breeze. As always, the air was still comfortable and not too cold, so long as I stayed out of the wind. Impossible with this bough.
I shook the branch with my uninjured arm. Hard. Nothing budged off the damn stick. I couldn’t use the injured one yet. The injury from the spider hadn’t healed, and the venom was making itself known more often now, a distracting numbness that pulsated out of the wound, seemingly radiating further each day. Not to mention that the cut from the attacker’s dagger still smarted, days later. Though it had responded well to whatever Eldrin did, all things considered.
But this branch was surprisingly heavy. “Um, how long is this dance?”
Siliana laughed at seeing my expression. “Don’t worry. It’s magicked to only last several minutes. Even we elves would tire watching the same dance for much longer than that. And everyone is very excited to see the outcome.”
“So, this is competitive?”
“Very. ”
“Wonderful.” Last thing I needed—an elven girl whacking me with a stick because I shook my bough too hard and she wanted me out of the competition.
Rough laughter sounded from the trees. It belonged to a few young elves who huddled together, watching me through the spaces between the thick trunks. My cheeks reddened.
“Ignore them,” Siliana said, sending a stern glance their way.
The young elves moved to leave, but not before one called out, “You’re wasting your time. This dance is for elves, not humans.”
“What should we expect?” Another asked. “Eldrin’s involved.” More laughter and talk I couldn’t hear, though the mocking tones said everything. Not soon enough, the figures faded from sight.
“I’ll say it again,” Siliana said gently. “Ignore them.”
I resisted the urge to run back to my room and instead held my head, and the branches, higher. The elves were right. None of this was meant for me, and I was never going to have a place here, even if I managed to do whatever needed to be done with the barrier. Eldrin and Siliana had given me friendship and protection, but even their influence was limited.
“Are they wrong?” I asked. “You said yourself that this is meant for an elven princess. ”
Siliana shifted, gracefully re-arranging her skirts around her. “As far as they are concerned you are an elven princess. Banish them from your mind. Anyway, do not be concerned about trying to perform well. You’re going to be queen in truth, so it would be considered bad form if you did win. It would be seen as greedy, since you are already guaranteed a crown.”
A crown that I didn’t want, with a man who made me uneasy.
“So, I need to dance and shake, but not shake too hard.”
“Correct.”
I did not have the arm strength for this.
I focused on what was in front of me—partaking in this dance and earning my hosts’ goodwill. It was now a few days after the attack, and Siliana had decided that it would be best to get ready for the harvest festival that was in two weeks. I had mostly recovered, and it was time to settle in. Though whether practicing now was Siliana’s idea, or Vanir’s, I couldn’t say, and no one enlightened me. Eldrin was off doing…something, and he insisted that I was safe with Siliana, as he often did these past days. Not that I was in a position to argue otherwise, but I decided to defer to his judgment and focus on the gymnastics Siliana foisted on me. As best as I could tell, this festival was a combination of Thanksgiving and Mardi Gras, but with lots of leaves and skulls. From the blushing hints Siliana divulged, I had a feeling that topless women was another thing this festival had in common. With Mardi Gras. Not Thanksgiving. Hopefully.
“Are you dancing?” I asked, wanting to discuss anything else after the taunting elves.
“No,” Siliana said, shaking her head. “I cannot dance. I have a spouse.”
I almost dropped the branch. “You do?”
“Yes. She is still at our home. The one in the other world.”
“Oh,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. All of us have lost someone. Some of us have nothing left.” I didn’t mention how true that was—I myself had thought the same thing many times. Siliana picked a fallen leaf off her dress and tossed it to float to the ground. “I can only hope that I live long enough to see the worlds return, and hold her again.”
I never thought of it that way. I had lost a friend when the worlds merged, and some humans lost their whole families. I never thought to consider in detail that maybe those who arrived had left their own lives and loves behind.
Did Eldrin lose someone when the worlds shifted? I was afraid of the answer, both for his sake and because of what that would mean for us. Not that there was an “us.” Or that there could be. Or that he even wanted there to be.
Did I want there to be?
I was both excited and terrified of the answer. Caring for Eldrin in that way would make things even more difficult—I was engaged to his brother. A brother who had made it clear that he would use any reason to harm Eldrin. Interfering with an engagement would likely be a good enough reason.
Yet, Eldrin was the one who made me smile. The one who I thought of as I fell asleep at night. The one I couldn’t wait to hear from, to be near. The one I dreamed of holding me, touching me with the tenderness he showed me the night of the attack. In the Darkening Woods, he was my light.
It wasn’t fair. I had finally found someone I wanted, someone I craved. And being with him would all but guarantee my death and his.
But Siliana’s comment caught my attention. “Can that happen? Can the worlds reunite, that is.” Eldrin had mentioned it, but I was curious as to what Siliana had to say.
Siliana picked a few fallen leaves off her dress. “It has before. But not always, and not always at one time. My guess is that the larger pieces are more likely to snap back somewhat intact. In which case…I think we’re lucky, to be ruptured in this way. The smaller pieces tend to just fade, whether from blending into the current world or going home or somewhere else, I cannot say.”
“You’re not lucky. You’ve lost so much.”
“It could be worse,” Siliana said. “I’ve lived long enough that I’ve seen far worse. You forget, Amber, that the Darkening Woods was not always at peace. Skirmishes and wars have been a constant in our lives as much as the constant fall. I know that my wife is alive, and that I left her healthy and safe. That is a kindness not given to everyone. ”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” She took a deep breath. “This is not a situation any of us ever thought we would find ourselves in, and as such, we are each trying to determine things as we go. It is all we can do.”
I nodded, but didn’t want to press Siliana on understandably hurtful events. I didn’t want to think about the worlds anymore anyway, what it might mean if this world snapped back and I never saw Eldrin again. As things were, I wouldn’t see my family and friends again, and my heart ached to think of that, but Eldrin was quickly becoming a piece that would hurt to lose.
“What happens to the losers?” I asked instead. “The ones who don’t win the leaf shaking contest?”
“Losers?” Siliana’s eyes twinkled. “There are no losers. As the maidens dance, eligible men vie over the fallen leaves. Each leaf entitles the catcher to a dance from the maiden in question.”
“The leaves are marked?”
She hummed in agreement. How much black-market leaf bartering occurred, with people trying to get repeated turns with their favorite partners?
“Will anyone want to dance with me?” I asked. “Or will my leaves just get tossed in the compost?”
Siliana chuckled. “Don’t worry. I don’t think you’re going to have a shortage of partners.”
“Because they want to flatter their future queen? ”
“Hardly. You’ll attract that attention on your own.”
“But so many elves don’t like me. Human and all.”
“Some are not everyone, and not everyone is a fool.” Siliana gracefully rested her hands on her lap. “Don’t worry—they may not be as outspoken as certain parties, but you do have plenty of admirers here.”
I grimaced. “I can only hope. I think I terrified the court at the audience.”
“You did, in an admirable manner. It takes a bold personality to manage this court. For all of our grace and manners, we elves can be as vile a creature as you can imagine. And you did very well.”
Though I didn’t believe her, I accepted her compliment with a nod. I shook my branch extra hard, both to distract from my burning cheeks, and also see if I could force the damn leaves off. After one big shake I felt a pop in my shoulder and watched, victorious, as a leaf floated to the ground. There—I managed one. Only…fifty more to go. I shook that arm—working out the lurking spasm.
“You’ve made him smile a lot,” Siliana suddenly said.
“What?”
“Eldrin. He hasn’t smiled like this in some time.”
“This is him smiling?” Sure, I caught smirks here and there, but he exerted extreme control over his facial muscles.
While the beginnings of pleasure burned through me at her words, doubt remained. “He is doing as the king commanded—that’s all. ”
Siliana let out a little laugh. “I forget you never saw him before. Before Vanir, and then before you. Trust me, Amber, if Eldrin didn’t want to be doing this, with you…you’d know.”
Why was she telling me this? I was betrothed to their king. For now. But what if she was right? What if Eldrin really did like me like…that…
Was it actually a possibility? My heart lept, but then it crashed to the ground, overwhelmed at the reality of what it faced.
“I think I need a nap,” I said. “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a young woman in possession of a shaken maple branch must be in want of a long nap.”
“What?”
“Nothing.” I really had to stop talking.
There was a rustling, and then suddenly Eldrin was there, so quickly that I hadn’t noticed until he stood right behind me. He was dressed in a familiar outfit of brown breeches and a tunic, with the daggers I had come to expect, these garments being much more practical than what he had worn to the party. Yet my breath caught. He was brilliant and perfect and devastating. “Are you done tormenting her, Sil?” Eldrin asked.
“I’ve done no such thing,” Siliana said with a grin. “I’m merely preparing her for the dance.”
“When is this dance?” I asked. Elves tended to work with vague time frames, I noticed, probably because they lived for centuries .
“When is the moon…” Siliana mumbled, “ah, that’s right. Sixteen days from now.” Sixteen days. I will have been here for over three weeks by that point. And I would be here for so many more.
Forever.
Eldrin must have noticed something in my expression. “We could try to have you excused—”
“No.” Siliana raised her hand. “You know as well as I that unless Vanir suggests it, it will not happen.” Reluctantly, Eldrin nodded in agreement. Damn, it looked like twirling leaves was going to be my fate. I eyed the branch, preparing myself for a long afternoon of…shaking. I needed the practice.
“Would you like to leave the city?” Eldrin suddenly asked me. The afternoon light caught the angles of his face, as firm and radiant as the trees around him. “We can go, or we can stay. But I thought you would like to see something else. It’s been a little bit since we’ve left the palace.”
Did he…did he really offer me a way out of this?
“Definitely.” I smiled, tossing the branch to the ground.
Sorry, Siliana. The arboreal torment would have to wait.