Chapter 14
14
Bishop
The roar of the crowd drowns out the conversations in the suite when Nix catches a hard hit that flies back at him on the mound. I stare out the glass windows, hidden by the glare because I’m afraid he’ll be able to see the guilt written all over my face.
I have purposely avoided him for the last week, claiming I was busy with the team or not feeling well. When today’s game came, I couldn’t put him off any longer, so I swallowed my regret along with my shame, and manned up to be here.
A hard clap lands on my shoulder, and I turn my head to see my brother –as I refer to him– Vaughan.
“Hey man. You feelin’ alright? You seem distracted. Lost, almost,” he asks with a heavy dose of concern in his eyes.
If there’s anyone I can tell, it’s Vaughan. I’ve never hidden anything from him. We know all of each other's secrets. All of the high’s and lows and everything in between. I decide that I need to relieve myself of some of this weight that is suffocating me and tell him.
I shake my head, “Nah man. I’m not alright. ”
He pulls his brows tightly together and his fingers squeeze my shoulder. “What’s up? Are you okay health wise? Like, you didn’t get some bad news or something. Did you?”
“My health is fine, but my life may be in danger.” He stiffens and I watch the color drain from his face. “Let’s go out to the mezzanine to talk. I can’t do it here.”
He nods his head and leads me out of the room, but not before telling Cami that we need a minute alone. She looks at me with the same concerned expression and squeezes my hand as I pass by. I squeeze it back, reassuring her that I’m okay, and follow Vaughan out of the suite.
Once we’ve made it past the suite level and on to the busy spectator level, he says, “Okay. You gotta tell me, Bish. I’m getting worried.”
“I did something stupid and I don’t know what to do. It’s Anais,” I say and the tension in his face retreats and is replaced with disappointment.
“Bishop,” he drawls.
I start at the beginning when she first visited last year, and how I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. The words tumble from my mouth as I begin telling him about the obvious flirting she throws my way, the house party and the club. I show him the text messages she sent that day and everything since. The last one she sent was just yesterday and all it said was, “ You're a coward Bishop Michaels.”
“Shit, man. I don’t,” he shakes his head. “I don’t know what to say. Of course the words I should tell you are to stay away from her, but Bish…I’ve never seen you so tormented by a woman before. Not even when you and Emily broke up after she told you she wanted to get married.”
“Fuck. I know, Vaughan. I’m disgusted with myself. How could I do this? Nix is never going to forgive me. I don’t even know how to tell him.” I grip my stomach, feeling the drinks and food from today start to climb their way back up.
“Hold on, Bish. Before you step in line to be executed, let’s talk about this.” Vaughan comes to a stop, then quickly pulls me off to the side and out of the way of the crowd. “What do you really feel for Anais?”
My throat clogs with a lie and the truth, and I wait to see which one will find their way into Vaughan’s ears.
“I can’t quite pinpoint my feelings. I know I look at her as more than just my friend's niece, but I don’t know if any feelings directed at her are lust or more than that. I don’t want them to be more, but…”
Vaughan watches me intently, trying to read my true feelings, but this is about as clear as I can give him. I’m so confused and torn and I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
“I love you man. You’re my brother and I will always have your back. I just really don’t know what to say to this. She’s young,” he says, listing it like I don’t already know. “And this would cause a huge rift between you and Nix. But I don’t think, for one second, that you would’ve done what you did if there weren’t some underlying, true feelings for her. You’re not a careless or reckless person. You don’t just do things on a whim without any worry of consequences.”
I nod my head, staring off into space at nothing in particular.
“You need to sit with your feelings and figure out what they really are. Before you talk to Nix about any of this, you need to find out if this is real or not. Don’t end a decade-long friendship that could be nothing more than a case of infatuation.”
He clamps his hand on my shoulder and I let his words sink it. Infatuation. It has to be that. There’s no way the flutter in my stomach when I see her is real. It’s a crazy notion that the lightness in my heart comes from the sound of her voice. And it’s absolutely ludicrous that the face I see when I think about my future wife is hers.
“You’re right. Thanks, man. Let’s get back to the suite.” I pat his back and we walk back together in silence, my blaring thoughts drowning out any conversation I could be having.
We spend the rest of the evening enjoying the Wranglers win, then I go back to my house where I stare at the ceiling for eight hours before I finally pull myself out of bed and try to have something close to a productive day.
I flop back onto the couch, utterly exhausted and cranky from my lack of sleep. I gave my guys the rest of the week off because frankly, I need a break from everything right now, but baseball is the only thing I can control.
My stomach growls and while I know I should get up and make myself some dinner, I don’t have the energy or desire to move right now. My eyes close and I feel my body begin to sink into peace when it’s shattered by the ringing of my phone.
I blink my eyes open with a frustrated sigh, and dig the phone out of my pocket. The screen flashes with Anais’ name and I debate on letting it go to voicemail as I have since the Sunday she showed up at my house.
The ringing stops and the screen fades to black while I’m having my internal battle. I drop my head back again, the phone still clutched in my hand, and this time when it rings again, I answer without a second thought.
“Hello,” I say, my voice gruff.
“Bishop?” Her voice is small and it causes immediate alarm.
I jack-knife up from the couch, suddenly wide awake. “Anais. What’s wrong?”
I hear her sniff back her tears. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so forward and I promise not to do it again if you’ll just stop ignoring me. I can’t handle you pretending I don’t exist.”
I rest back, the panic leaving my body now that I know she’s okay.
“I’m not pretending you don’t exist, Anais. It’s impossible to do that. I just needed to put some distance between us. What happened, it shouldn’t have. ”
“But why?” she cries.
“Anais,” I sigh. “We’ve gone over this already. The list is so long it could be a book. You know it, I know it. Let’s not rehash it all again.”
“That kiss didn’t feel like a mistake. And neither did your mouth as it sucked on m–”
“Stop! I don’t need a reminder of how bad I fucked up.” The thought of hearing her finish that sentence sends me into a tailspin.
“It wasn’t a fuck up, Bishop. It was an awakening. Your awakening to the realization of how much you want me. I could feel it in that kiss.” The tone of her voice quickly turns from sad girl to sultry vixen. “Tell me you didn’t like it and I’ll hang up. You won’t hear from me anymore.”
My heartbeat is thundering in my ears, making it difficult to hear or speak or even think. The rebuttal sits on the tip of my tongue, but I just can’t say the words.
“Say it, Bishop. If you want to be rid of me, just tell me you didn’t like feeling my lips against yours.”
I swallow and croak, “I can’t.”
I slump down, my head falling into my hand, and I feel like I can now easily answer Vaughan’s question.
My feelings for Anais go far beyond lust or infatuation. I feel something for her so deep down in my bones that I’m afraid of the shell of a human I could become if I were to have and lose her.
“Bishop,” she whispers. “The morning after you rescued me from that party, I snuck into your room when you were showering. I saw you. Through the glass, I saw and heard you.”
I hadn’t forgotten about the text that she sent me telling me that much. I just chose to pretend that it didn’t exist.
“And when I went downstairs to shower, I used my fingers to make myself come to that very image of you.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, trying not to picture her doing that, but it’s a foolish act because that thought is an impossible feat for even the strongest of men.
“Keyara isn’t here right now. Do you know what I do when she isn’t here? ”
My voice cracks when I say, “Wha-what do you do?”
I hear a faint buzzing sound and a heavy sigh leaving Anais’ mouth. “I think about how much better you would feel than this vibrator.”
I stop breathing. The world comes to a shrieking halt when she says that, and my dick comes alive.
“How many times have you come all over your hand when you’re thinking of me, Bishop?” she asks.
My athletic shorts show a visible tenting and with a slow hand –and guilty conscience– I slide my hand under the waistband of my shorts and briefs, and fist my hard cock.
“A lot,” I answer, letting my head fall to the back of the couch and languidly begin to stroke my hand up and down my shaft.
“Yeah? Tell me what I’m doing in your fantasy.”
Visions of her that I play on repeat flash behind my closed lids. “You’re wearing that little swimsuit. The purple one. And your hair is wet as you walk out of the pool.”
The thoughts of her stepping out of the water, rivulets of water cascading over her full breasts and her hardened nipples poking through the soaked fabric, add fuel to my burning fire. My dick throbs as I choke it.
“I walk towards you and untie it, one side at a time until I’m naked. Do you want me bare, Bishop? I have a small strip right now, but if you want my pussy bare I’ll shave it.”
“No,” I groan. “Leave it.”
“I need your hands on me. Touch me,” she moans.
“Your body is perfect, Anais. I want to taste every inch of it.”
A small mewl pours from her mouth and her breathing picks up. “I want to suck your cock, but you’re so big.”
I picture her on her knees, gagging as I feed her my dick. “You want to choke on my dick? Would you know what to do, or will I have to teach you?”
“Teach me, Bishop. Show me what you like.”
“Tell me the name of the guy that touched you, butterfly, so I can kill him.”
“He doesn’t matter,” she says and I feel my blood boil. “Only you and I. Just think about me gliding my tongue across your dripping head. Mmm. You taste so good.”
The murderous thoughts quickly vanish when she purrs, and I stroke harder and faster.
“Get rid of that vibrator and tell me what your pussy feels like.” I hear the buzzing come to a stop. “Are you touching yourself?”
“Yes. I’m so wet. For you. And-ooooh god, that feels so good.”
“I bet that pussy is tight. I’d have to spread you wide to fit, and I’d watch your sweet little cunt swallow me up, inch by inch.” I circle my thumb over the head of my cock, spreading my precum.
“I’m getting close,” she pants.
I pull my hand away and spit into my palm before grabbing my shaft once more and working it harder.
“Is your pussy warm?”
“So very warm. Warm and wet and tight and aching for you to fuck it. Will you fuck me, Bishop?”
“God, yes. I want to bend you over and spank that beautiful ass of yours for doing this to me. Then I want to feel your walls clench around me.”
“You’re so big. It’s going to hurt, but I want it. I want you to fuck me hard.”
“You want it hard, little butterfly? You want me to shove my dick in your tight cunt and tear it to pieces?”
“Ye-yes.” Her words are breathy.
“I’d lift those gorgeous legs over my shoulders and watch your face come undone. Do you feel me? Can you feel how I split you open?”
“It hurts so good. Keep going. Don’t stop.”
Faster and harder, up and down, I pump my fist and feel the tingle in my balls as my dick pulses.
“I’m never going to stop. I’m going to fuck you forever. Your pussy will wear only my name. You’ll come with only my name falling from your lips. Do you understand me?”
My vision turns spotty and I feel a buzz race up my spine .
“Only ever…oh yes. Yes. I’m coming. Bishop. I’m …”
Her words are my undoing, and I shoot off in my hand, cum dripping down my arm and falling onto my shorts. With every one of her moans, my body releases more and more cum.
I grunt and she whines and together we come down from our high. Our labored breaths fall into sync as we try to regain consciousness. We both fall silent and I wait for the guilt to overwhelm me, but all I feel is relief. Relief that I finally admitted that I want her. I need her. It’s my life’s mission now to make her smile everyday, for the rest of my life.
“So damn good,” I tell her, my chest still heaving with labored breaths.
“Bye Bishop. Have a good night.” Her voice is soft and sated, much like I am.
“G’night, Anais.” The line goes quiet and my screen turns black. “Fuuuck,” I whisper to myself.
What the hell am I going to do now?