Chapter 20
20
Bishop
Dusk begins to push the day away, and Anais and I still lay here in bed after eating and napping and sleeping and eating again. I thought it best to give her a break to recover and after eating her on my kitchen counter, so it’s been strictly talking and laughing since then. But I have a feeling that may change as darkness takes over.
“We’ve avoided this long enough, little butterfly.” I pause and close my eyes with a deep breath, the words I need to say clogging my throat. “We need to talk to Nix about us. He’s not going to be happy, but I don’t want him finding out any other way.”
Anais jumps from where she lays nestled in my arms. “No. We can’t tell him.”
“Baby girl, we have to. It’s best to just get it over with and deal with the consequences. For you it will probably just be a lecture. I don’t want to think about what he’ll do to me.” Her head shakes rapidly, her hair flying around her, and her eyes are full of fear.
“We’ll tell him when the season is over. We don’t want to upset him going into the series. Just a few weeks. But not right now. Please?” Tears well in her big browns and her lip trembles with a sob that she holds back.
“Anais. Don’t cry, baby girl. It’ll be okay.” I take her face in my hands and kiss her forehead.
“Bishop,” she chokes out. “He’s going to be so mad.”
I nod and twist my mouth. “I know. He will, but we knew this. Now we just have to deal with it. If you want to wait until after the season is done, then we’ll wait.”
Her inhale and exhale of breath is shaky and inside, I’m feeling the same way. Nix is going to be pissed and who knows if our friendship will survive. It’s just one more thing to add to the list of ‘this is a really bad idea’ that has been piling up since I first saw Anais.
“We should be going soon. I don’t want you walking across campus so late, and I can’t very well pull right up to your front door.” My finger traces the outline of her brow and down one side of her face and up the other.
“Keyara already knows so it’s not like she’ll say anything.” Her admission has me sitting up and clutching at my chest.
“What do you mean Keyara already knows? Knows what?” My tone is harsh, though I don’t mean it to be, and it has her jumping.
Anais’ face turns ashen and a bit frightened as she moves away from me. “I texted her earlier. I didn’t want her to worry about where I was.”
“And what exactly did you tell her?” The tears that barely had time to dry reappear, completely eviscerating my heart. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. I just…I need to know what you told her. I need to know what she may tell others because you’re a student and I’m staff and this isn’t really an ideal situation for either of us.”
Her fingers twist together and she begins to wiggle where she sits. “Um, I just told her that-that I was staying here and I’d see her later. That’s all.”
“She didn’t question why you were staying at my place? Without your uncle?” She shakes her head and I continue. “What’s the rest of the story, Anais? ”
She falls silent and chews on her lip and I can see the cogs turning in her head.
“Please just tell me.”
Her chest rises with heavy breath and then she says, “She knows that I like you. I’ve told her all about you and my feelings for you, so I’m sure she put two and two together once I told her I was staying the night.”
I count to ten in my head to keep myself calm because I can already tell she’s on the verge of a full on sob fest, and if my next words are harsh they will for sure send her into one. I roll my thoughts over and also recall the policies of the university when it comes to staff-student relations.
“Okay. It’s okay. We’ll just…I’m going to speak with the AD about what and to whom I need to disclose this to. You’re not a graduate student, and I’m not a professor that has any direct or indirect effect on your grades, so I think we’ll be okay.” I talk out loud more for myself than for her.
I have to assure myself that neither one of us can be in jeopardy if I’m upfront about it. I wish the same could be said for Nix.
The tears that I thought could be avoided by choosing my words carefully come anyway and I find myself reaching out for her and pulling her into my lap.
“It’s okay my little butterfly. We’ll handle it one at a time. Together.” I kiss the top of her head and feel her nod.
She sniffs and asks, “Why do you call me butterfly?”
I smile and squeeze her tighter to me.
“Because you are a beautiful creature. People can’t help but stare at your wonder when you’re around. You’re unique and jaw-dropping and it’s impossible for anyone to take their eyes off of you.”
She snuggles deeper into my hold and begins kissing my chest. Mine , I think. My butterfly, and I’ll do whatever I need to keep her.
I walk out of the AD’s office, feeling better after informing him of my situation. Like I thought, because I’m not her professor or advisor or coach, and she’s not an athlete in any department, we are allowed to have a relationship so long as it has been disclosed and I don’t use my position to influence her grade or status.
I told him that would not be a problem because I am not in the business of putting my career at jeopardy nor Anais’ academic career.
I make my way into my office, ready to text Anais the news, but my phone rings before I can do so. Phoenix’s name flashes on the screen and my good mood immediately sours.
I stare at it while it rings two more times, then decide to get this over with and answer it.
“Hey Nix. What’s up man?” My voice cracks and I clear it, trying to rid myself of the cyclone of nerves that is currently wracking my body.
“Not much. You snuck out early on Saturday and I haven’t talked to you since. Just thought I’d check in. Everything all right?”
I swallow and nod, even though he can’t see me. “Yeah. I’m good. I was so tired after a long week with the team so I thought I should get home and get some rest. I figured you and Viv would be celebrating late, and I didn’t want to bother you yesterday.”
“Well I won’t deny that fact. You know, Viv,” he says with a chuckle.
“No. Not like that and I am perfectly okay not knowing that about her. She’s like a sister and I think I’d have to murder you if I had to listen to what you do to her, brotha. Just being honest.” I plop down into my chair and lean back, putting my feet up on the desk .
“I hear that. It’s how I feel about Ana. In my mind she’s still a twelve year old little girl who thinks boys are stinky. I don’t know what the fuck I’ll do when she brings a guy home. Probably choke the fucker out.”
My heart drops to the pit of my stomach and I practically fall out of my chair when I lean all my weight back on it. All I can picture is Nix’s hand wrapped around my throat and the fury in his eyes as he squeezes the last breath out of me when he finds out about Anais and I.
“Speaking of Ana. I was wondering if you could stop by and check on her? I tried calling her yesterday and again today but she hasn’t answered me. I saw her talking to Cole the other night and then saw them leave. I don’t know if I really want to know where they went, but I’m just a little worried about her.”
“Yeah,” I choke out. “I’ll see if I can swing by her dorm to check on her. I’m sure she’s just busy with classes and being a college kid.”
Jesus Christ . She’s a kid. What the fuck am I doing?
“I kind of figured. I just get so worried that she’s going to fall into the arms of some punk and I’d never forgive myself if anything happened to her. I feel like she’s my own kid, sometimes, with her dad in and out of the picture. And I’m really fucking grateful for you. I appreciate you looking out for her. It just shows what an amazing friend you are.”
I throw my arm over my eyes to stop the sting behind them and hopefully smother the headache that hits me. If he only knew the truth he’d be singing a different tune for sure. The guilt sits like a mountain on my shoulders and I know I’m going to have to choose between my best friend and the one woman who very well might be my end game.
It’s not a fair fight and I don’t know if I’ll survive losing either one.
“Anything for you, Nix.”
“Thanks, brotha. Anyway, sorry to get all chick flick on you. I actually called to see if you wanted to come over this weekend? We’re going to have a pre-series celebration since I’ll be nose deep with practice and games next week. ”
“Of course. You know I’ll be there. You don’t even have to ask.”
“I know, but I never want to assume. Plus, Viv said I needed to call you and tell you to pack a bag because y’all are having a sleepover.” I chuckle thinking about our little Red setting up the guest room for a slumber party.
It makes me think of all the times we’d all find ourselves home in Mag Creek for breaks during college, and the girls always insisted on having one sleepover with me because I was the honorary fifth “sister”. I would pretend to be bothered by the moniker but in actuality, I loved being brought into the girls’ circle. Honestly, I assumed that once Cami and Vaughan broke up, that would be the end of my friendship with them. But those girls refused to let me go.
They would spoil me with my favorite foods and movies and by the end of the night, all three of them –sometimes four if Cat was invited– would be piled up on or by me fast asleep and keeping me close like I was their security blanket. The way they took me in when they could have easily written me off is the reason why I’m so protective of them to this day.
Remembering the ways they confided in me and trusted my advice makes me think that it’s my turn to lean on them. I’m not quite sure if Viv would be a go-to for advice on how to handle my relationship with Anais, but Cami pretty much already knows and no doubt she and CeCe have spoken. Now is the time I need my “sisters” to help me out.
“Oh boy. That should be an interesting night,” I joke.
“I’m nervous to find out about these infamous sleepovers, but she assured me it was just a lot of gossiping and eating junk food. Hey, will you tell Ana if you see her today? I’m going to text her but just in case.”
“Sure. No problem.”
“Thanks a lot. I’ll call you in a few days.”
“See ya,” I tell him, and sit with the phone pressed to my ear, the words I slept with your niece rolling around in my head.
Thankfully he’s already hung up the phone and the words stay tucked away. I begin to send Anais a text that reads “Call me. We need to talk” but figured that would have her jumping to the wrong conclusions. Instead, I sent her a text that would explain how I feel about her.
Me: Michael Jackson - P.Y.T
I hit send and pocket my phone and wait for her to respond.
I start scrolling through emails when I feel the phone buzz in my back pocket and when I remove it, the screen lights up with a text from my little butterfly.
??: Cassie - Me
The butterfly symbol is saved instead of her name just in case, and it makes me smile every time I see it. I kick my feet up on my desk and lean back and reply back to her with another song.
Me: Drake - Best I Ever Had
I don’t take my eyes off my screen until I see her text pop up.
??: Tweet - Oops (Oh My)
I choke on the simple air in my lungs thinking about the words to the song and imagining Anais masterbating in front of the mirror, much like she did on the phone that one night.
Me: Jesus Christ, Anais. I’m at work.
??: And I’m in class. What’s your point? Kelly Rowland - Kisses Down Low
The wheels on my chair give and I fall back, slamming against the floor but even that doesn’t cause me to blink because, fuck me . This girl. Two can play this game.
Me: Jeremih - I Like (feat. Ludacris) I’ll be home by six. Be there waiting. Garage 4492. Alarm 3705
??: Whatever you say, Coach Michaels.
My dick twitches and I adjust myself after righting my chair and composing myself. I focus on work for the next five and a half hours and each and every minute is pure torture.