Chapter Seven
Ayda
“You have to talk to me sometime, Ayda.”
No, I didn’t. I made that clear by slamming the cereal in front of Tate with a pointed look. I was late for work, but by some grace, I’d managed to pick up a double to cover the hours I’d lost at the Roller Freeze.
I’m not sure you could call what I’d done sleeping. I’d been in my bed, it had been dark, and I’d forced my eyes to close, but the majority of that time had been spent thinking about how we were going to get ourselves out from under the magnifying glass my idiot brother had put us under.
Drew fucking Tucker.
I might as well have signed a death warrant talking to him the way I had.
The longer I thought about it, the more I felt numb and the more I blamed myself.
I don’t know what I was thinking, telling Tate what happened with my job.
I should have known he’d want to help in some way.
It was just unfortunate that the some way came in the form of breaking and entering along with attempted theft.
“Just tell me something, Tate. Why? How on God’s green Earth could you have thought that stealing from those thugs would have helped a goddamn thing?
You could have got yourself killed. You could have got both of us killed.
” I folded my arms, leaning back against the counter as I watched him push the quickly softening flakes around his bowl.
“I was desperate.”
“Enough to get yourself killed?”
“Ayda…”
“No. Answer the question.”
“But—”
“I honestly thought that you were a smart guy, T. I thought, damn, I’m lucky. He’s smart, he’s sweet and kind. At least I was blessed with that. Then you go and pull this shit. Do you realize how disappointed I am in you right now?”
For the first time in my life, I heard my brother growl in contention. Dropping his spoon, he slapped his palms on the surface of the breakfast table and looked over at me. Pain radiated from his eyes. I knew I wasn’t going to like what I heard next.
“I don’t give a fuck, Ayda. You’re what matters to me and you’re fucking miserable.
You work between sixteen and twenty hours a day, every day, for peanuts and we’re barely scraping by.
You don’t have friends anymore. You don’t ever do anything for yourself.
You can’t even come to the games on Friday nights, and when was the last time you got laid? ”
I recoiled as though I’d been slapped, and in reality, I had been.
He hadn’t raised a hand, but his words had done more than a right hook ever could have.
I didn’t have an answer for what he’d just said to me, and I knew that if I tried to find one, I’d just end up regretting what I said.
So I did the only thing I could. I raised my hands in exasperation and left the room, not giving him a chance to add to the insult.
Grabbing my things, I left the house and slammed the front door closed behind me.
Looking out over the sprawling lawn to the house across the street, I planted my hands on my hips and let my head fall back on my shoulders.
The fluffy white clouds were sprinkled with the myriad of colors the rising sun offered.
Just a few short years ago, I would have seen a sight like this and been in awe of this world that was so much bigger than me, but now…
Now, all I saw was another shitty day of my shittier life starting and I hated it.
Tate was right. I wasn’t living, but if he thought for even a second that I was going to let him suffer for things out of our control, he had another thing coming.
I had a rare night off from the food mart and no shifts to pick up anywhere else, so I was going to spend it with my brother after the game, sans Sloane Sutton, and actually talk to him—hopefully, God willing, without losing my temper too much or smacking the little shit around the ear.
He did a stupid thing, but his intentions were honorable.
He just didn’t have many options open to him and, though it wasn’t an excuse, he was drunk.
I just needed to cool off and get a level head to deal with the situation.
Unfortunately, a double at Rusty’s didn’t look promising for lightening my mood.
“You’re late again, Hanagan.”
“And you’re an idiot, Rusty,” Janette said, rolling her eyes as she swept her arm around my waist and towed me into the back office, leaving Rusty waving his spatula at us. The moment the door was closed, she pressed herself against it, her hands on her hips, her wise eyes boring into me. “Talk.”
“About?” I asked, pushing my hands into my apron pockets.
“Oh, sweetie, don’t you even try that with me. I may not have kids, but I’ve seen enough of you girls go through here over the years. We’re family, and though the old coot out there can be a pain in the ass, he loves every one of you. Now, you want to try that again?”
My shoulders dropped, and all of the control I had disappeared as the tears welled in my eyes.
Janette stepped forward, gripping my shoulders and pushing me back so I was leaned against the desk.
Her arms folded around me, and for the first time since my mom died, I let myself go, rested my cheek on her shoulder and just allowed the weight of the emotion to slam against me.
I was a fool to think I could do any of it alone.
I was making a mess of it all. Tate had been a good kid and my blundering attempt at parenthood was turning him sour.
For the last three years, all we’d succeeded in doing was struggling: struggling for money, for time, for affection and to live.
Part of that had been my pride; the rest was the suddenness of our parents’ deaths and how quickly I’d become a guardian.
There was no preparing for that. I hadn’t even known they named me guardian or the executor of their will.
“Tate got upset about me losing my job and did something really fucking stupid, Jan.”
“On a scale of one to ten, how stupid we talking?”
“Fifty.”
“Hell’s bells. He turn over the convenience store?”
“Worse,” I said, looking up and blinking away the tears as she dabbed the ones on my cheeks with a tissue. “He tried to turn over the MC.”
“Jesus. That kid got a death wish?”
“Drew Tucker brought him to the house, all arrogant and belligerent. I didn’t know who he was, Jan. I tore strips off him.”
Janette stood there, staring at me in complete horror.
I knew how she felt. Every time I thought back to the confrontation with him, I shriveled in my boots and willed the ground to open up and swallow me whole.
I wasn’t entirely sure I could have handled it any other way.
The man had an air about him that made it impossible to back down.
Every word, every action felt as though he was goading me into a confrontation.
It was infuriating. If nothing else, I had to make it a point to stay away from him.
I had a feeling I would only get myself into more trouble if I didn’t.
“I know,” I finally said when her silence became deafening. “I think we were graced with him in a forgiving mood or something.”
“Baby doll, they don’t let things like this go.”
“Then I have to find a way to do penance, to make good for the mistake. There’s got to be something I can do.”
The hammering at the door made us both jump, our sighs of relief coming only when Rusty growled that we had customers.
I’d known what a dire mistake Tate had made the night before. I hadn’t needed any more confirmation than that, but the look Janette had given me told me that even I’d underestimated the trouble we were in. This was bigger than me being pissed off at my kid brother.
I couldn’t believe my life had come to this. I was twenty-five and considering making a will. It was all a little surreal, made all the more dramatic by my lack of sleep.
“Come on, darlin’, let’s go distract ourselves for a while and see if we can’t come up with an answer to all of this.”
“Thanks, Jan.”
She tucked my hair behind my ear and gave me a wink, her thumbs brushing under my eyes before she flashed them to show the mascara there. “You’re not alone, sugar. You’ll never be alone while I’m drawing breath, and don’t you forget it.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She smiled and pulled open the door. Rusty was just walking away and spun on his heel to start in on me, but one look at my face and he waved his arms in resignation and mumbled to himself before disappearing into the kitchen.
The action brought a smile to my lips. Janette was right, the man complained like the devil, but he cared more than he would ever admit.
If you asked him, he’d deny it, but that was all part of the old man’s charm.
Work, I could manage. Work was familiar. As long as it wasn’t another surprise morning from the MC, I’d do just fine. But after the night they’d had, and from the stumble of Drew Tucker as he left my home, I doubted I’d see any of them before sunset.
At least, I hoped I wouldn’t.