Chapter Thirty-Five
Ayda
“Ayda!”
The hotdog was halfway to my mouth when I heard my name through the half time crowd.
Tucking my soda under my arm and wiping my mouth off with a napkin, I turned to find Shane jogging up to me.
Shane Odle was the Bulldogs’ number one fan and could read back any statistic from the last forty years of games.
Considering he was thirty-two, I thought it was quite a feat.
His favorite thing to do was beat his own predictions, so it wasn’t unusual for him to hunt me down and ask about what Tate was eating or why he was a tenth of a second slower than he had been a week earlier.
“Hey, Shane. How’s it going?”
“It’s good. I heard Tate’s missed a couple of practices. Everything okay?”
I stumbled over my own feet at the words and tried not to look surprised.
As far as I was concerned, he’d only missed one.
That he’d skipped more than that was concerning.
I’d worried every second of every day that he was being led astray by the very people he’d tried to rip off, and all behind my back.
The irony of it wasn’t lost on me, but it didn’t make it any less disturbing.
“Yeah, everything’s fine, Shane. He’s in good shape for tonight.”
“I have no doubt. I see him running down the county road every night. He’s got power, and he could play receiver if he wanted to.” He gave me a grin, waiting for my usual response.
“Ah, but he doesn’t want to. He’s happy where he is,” I said, leading the way back up to my seat.
I waved my hotdog at Shane and laughed. “And stop putting ideas in his head. I get random calls from coach in the middle of the day asking why Tate’s asking all these questions about receiving and running times. ”
“He’s a good kid, and he’s eager. He actually asked me if I thought he could break the Bulldog record.”
“To which you said?” I asked, raising an eyebrow as I found my seat and dropped into it.
“I said yes. He’s fast, he’s driven, and he’s focused.”
I rolled my eyes and sucked some of my drink through the straw before setting it on the bench beside me. “Careful, or I’m gonna have to tell coach where to find all his answers.”
I’d only just bitten into my hotdog when Shane’s eyes moved away and widened. When he met mine again, he smiled politely and took a step back, his pallor a little more white than it had been. “I’d better get back to my seat. Talk to you later?”
“Sure. Okay,” I said, following his line of sight down the stairs and seeing the leather and patch.
I almost choked on the hotdog bun, grappling for my drink as the rest of Drew Tucker came into view.
Resigned to him being there, I slid across, giving him enough room to sit as I put my drink by my feet.
I sucked in a breath and took another bite of hotdog to stall.
I knew why he was there. When I’d said I was taking my life back, I meant it.
I’d very purposefully not gone into work for him that day, choosing instead to go back to my regular schedule at Rusty’s, after a heartfelt apology for my behavior the day before.
Swallowing, I tapped my feet on the ground, ignoring my body’s response to his proximity. I couldn’t stop the reaction, but I could make sure he would never know about it, because nothing would ever come of it. He’d been more than clear about that.
“Two games in as many weeks. People may start to think you like football, Drew.” I gave him a sideways glance and sucked in a breath. The line of his jaw was darkened with a vicious looking bruise, and his cheek was swollen making him look like he was storing nuts for the winter.
His face was murderous as he stared back out to the field and brought his hands together between his legs.
There wasn’t a hint of humor, not a drop of sarcasm or arrogance—just pure, heated, terrifying hatred for someone, something or maybe even everything around him.
“You didn’t show in for work today,” he said calmly.
“That’s not true,” I told him. “I was at work.”
Having lost my appetite, I wrapped the leftovers of the hotdog in the paper and clasped it in my hand as I suddenly found the white tip of my shoes very interesting.
“One of these days your smart mouth is going to get you in the kind of trouble you can’t run away from, Hanagan.”
The threat in his voice made my eyes slide closed.
I knew he meant it, and I could understand his frustration with me.
I was the one thing he seemed to put pressure on that refused to bend.
I was trying very hard to be respectful, and had from the moment he demanded penance, but there was only so much I could take before I broke.
Refusing to go was, at this point, exponentially safer than going and insulting him or one of the others.
“I think I’ve more than repaid my debt, Drew. You won. I’m terrified of you. Congratulations.”
“Not terrified enough to show up and finish what you started.”
Pressing my lips together, I let my head fall back on my shoulders and stared at the sky above me. “Or maybe too terrified? So terrified, I can’t sleep or think straight. So confused— Forget it.”
Drew swiveled in one half spin, his hands still in place and his body never moving as he looked up at me through hooded eyes and glared. “If you think I’m just going to let you walk away, you’re an idiot.”
“Why?” I asked, rolling my head so I could see him properly. “Why can’t you just leave me alone, and please don’t say because of the debt I owe you, because we both know that’s not the case. That was worked off the first eight hours I spent in that place.”
“Not all debts are about money.”
“So what, you still need the blood, sweat and tears? You want me to keep stroking that ego of yours? Maybe use the crosshairs you had put on me for target practice?” I was whispering but with intent, and the last word was hissed out with such an emotional sound, the people in front of us turned around.
“All of the above.”
I couldn’t take anymore. I couldn’t have that conversation there.
Standing up, I pushed past him on shaky legs and started to jog down the stairs, my cheeks flaring with heat as every eye in our section turned to watch.
The dread had replaced any heat his presence had brought with him, and now I was just cold—cold and on the brink of tears.
I hated crying. I hated showing anyone they had the power to get under my skin like that.
With my arms folded, I marched across the little area where the food trucks were, dumping the last of my hotdog before I slipped behind one of the brick buildings that stored the football equipment.
I didn’t know why I isolated myself that way, but as my fingers traced my name carved into the brick, I fought to find some oxygen.
I ignored the arrival of Drew behind me, until the piercing stare was too much to disregard. The weight of his gaze carried too many questions and orders.
“I can’t… I can’t do this, Drew. I don’t like who I am when I’m around all of this shit.”
“Around all this shit or around me?”
“Does it matter?”
“Yes.”
“Why?” I asked, kicking the wall in front of me. “Why does it matter so much? Admit it, Drew, I could say anything right now and it would be the wrong answer. You keep pushing for my honesty and throw it back in my face. Why would I trust you with a truth that has the ability to cripple me?”
His hands were in his pockets when he took a step closer. “Because it would be the brave thing for you to do for once in your life.”
I retreated away from him, his one step propelling me back two. I had been more honest than I’d ever intended to be up to that point, and he was still pushing. There was no tit for tat with him. He took, but never gave. If I gave any more of myself, I wasn’t sure I would be able to recover.
“No, Drew. It would be a stupid thing to do.”
He moved again and I feared that if he came any closer, I’d be trapped there with no way out whatsoever.
“Then all I’m left with is assumptions,” Drew whispered, his head dropping down to try and catch my line of sight.
“And right now, with the way things are, I can only assume that everything you do is done with the sole intention of pissing me off—to defy me at every turn. That’s all this is about for you. ”
My head shook from side to side, the emotional avalanche making me more confused than I was before.
“Why does everything have to come back to you exerting your control? I’ve conceded to you over and over again, and for one tiny moment in time, you even had my trust. I don’t want to defy you, Drew.
That’s never been the point, and if I bend anymore, I’m going to break.
If that’s what you want, just do it and get it over with because this psychological warfare isn’t fair. ”
I should have expected some kind of physical contact as payback from my outburst before I even finished talking, but when Drew took the final steps to close the gap between us and his hand flew up to my face, all I could do was stare up into his eyes and wait.
“You have no idea what I want,” he whispered down at me before dropping his lips to mine and kissing me more gently than I could ever have imagined he was capable of.
For a moment, I was stunned. I stood with my hands at my sides as my brain raced to catch up with the rest of me. My stomach had tightened so violently that I gasped into his mouth, spurring my lips to move against his, my hands fisting the hoodie under the leather to pull him closer.
His mouth was warm against mine, and before I sank completely into its compelling touch, my brain screamed that this was just going to lead to more pain.
Only, I couldn’t find it in myself to care.
As with everything else Drew Tucker did, he took control, his lips coaxing mine apart before sweeping his tongue inside hungrily.
I was on my toes, pressing myself against him, and I felt the heat of his body seep into mine.
He smelled like leather and engines, whiskey and man, and my whole body yawned and stretched into life, making sure conscious thought was no longer an option as he encompassed and compelled me.
In that moment, all I was aware of was him, and the way our mouths moved together in perfect synchronicity.
Then he was gone, his breath washing over my cheeks until my eyes flickered open and met his.
I wasn’t sure if it was my imagination and I was just seeing what I’d hoped to see, but for a passing second, I thought he looked as stunned and surprised as I felt with every fiber of my being.
Drew’s eyes scanned mine as he continued to hold me in place, but just as quickly as he stopped the kiss, he also started to back away and retreat.
His hand rose to the stubble across his chin before he started rubbing it slowly, leading the tips of his fingers to his mouth while I just stood there, breathless and confused.
“You’re not the only one who’s terrified, Ayda.”
I shoved my hands in my back pockets to stop myself reaching out for him. I could already feel the backlash building in my chest. It was going to be another sleepless night, another morning of sore eyes and a heavy heart.
“Then stay.”
“That’s not who I am.”
“Drew, please don’t walk away now.”
His head began to shake in defeat. His body was showing one thing and his face another thing entirely. He wanted this; I could tell he did. At least, that’s what I hoped. “Be at The Hut on Sunday,” he said quietly, clearing his throat as he began to turn away from me.
“Stay. Talk to me.”
“Talk? We can’t talk. There are only two extremes with us.
Fight or…” Drew didn’t finish, and even though I was desperate for him to stay where he was and to hold onto the moment, when he dropped his chin to his chest, I knew it was over before it had ever really begun. “I can’t do that. Not with you.”
He didn't wait for my rebuttal, or a reaction of any kind. He just turned and walked away; his hands plunged into his pockets and his shoulders relaxed as though nothing at all had happened. I watched his confident swagger until he was swept up in the crowd of people rushing to find their seats.
My back came against the wall and knocked the air out of me, my body sliding down until my ass rested against my heels. He was gone, and with him, he'd taken the last thing I had to give.