Chapter Thirty-Nine
Ayda
It’s funny how different life is compared to your imagination.
Sex with Drew was like that. The reality of it wasn’t just different; it was better.
So much better. I left him in the bed, already running ten minutes late because he wouldn’t let go of my hand, and if I was being honest, I didn’t put up much of a fight.
It wasn’t like you would have imagined in the movies, either.
This was Drew Tucker, so the subdued whispers and actions made it all the more profound.
Then that fucking smirk was back.
The thought of that thing almost made me spin in his oversized sweats and T-shirt I’d been forced into wearing before leaving. It was now Drew who seemed to be marking his territory rather than him allowing me to mark mine. Not that I needed to.
I was so lost in my thoughts, I almost walked into Deeks as I wandered down the residential corridors to the main room.
He’d obviously planted himself on a chair parked between the hall and the office door, not willing to let me leave without his companionship.
I was oddly unaffected by it after everything I’d seen over the previous twenty-four hours, and the eye roll and nod told me he was grateful to not have to run around after me.
“Christ, it’s about fucking time, kid.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Deeks,” I said quietly, tucking my wavy hair behind my ears.
“Sure you don’t. Come on, I’ll buy you a drive through coffee so you can get ready for work.”
“You sure know how to woo a girl, Deeks.”
“Better than hog tying your ass and driving you around. Doubt the boss would look too kindly on that.”
“Oh, he knows me. I’m sure he’d understand I drove you to it.”
Deeks laughed and pulled open the door of The Hut, allowing the sun to bathe me in the first of its rays. I paused in its path and closed my eyes, my skin accepting the heat of it with open arms.
“I do believe I like you in a good mood, Ayda.”
I didn’t bother responding. I didn’t even open my eyes.
I just stepped out and spread my arms before dropping them to my sides with a sigh of contentment.
If it had been any other situation, with any other man, I would probably have started to blush and hidden myself away after the walk of shame from his room, but this was different.
I went into the situation with a clear head and open eyes.
Trying to sneak out of there would have implied I’d done something wrong or regretted it in some way, and I didn’t.
The Hounds were all par for the course. If I wanted Drew in my life, I just had to accept that. I think I already had in most ways.
The drive to my house was spent with the windows down, the humid breeze already licking at my skin as the earthy smell of the fields being turned over filled my senses.
I lived out on a county road. I had neighbors, but there weren’t many.
The place had been my parents’ dream. Their retirement plan had been to build a barn and breed American Quarter horses, give them some barrel racing training and sell them on.
The barn had never been built, so as I neared our property, all I could see was our little house that sat at the front of our land, the sun still climbing in the sky behind it.
It was the first time since my parents had died that I could actually see their dream in my own mind. I could see the horses in paddocks and the people we were able to hire to help train them. At that time of the morning, it would have been buzzing with life.
I was so lost in my fantasy, I almost missed Tate sprinting along the side of the road, covered in sweat as he turned into our drive, while Kenny pulled up alongside Deeks on his bike behind me.
Apparently, running wasn’t something he thought he should be doing at this time in the morning, and I could already see him grumbling to Deeks as they came to a stop.
“What’s the matter, Kenny? Kid too quick for you?” I asked, pushing the door out of my way and hopping out with a little too much enthusiasm considering my legs were just remembering how to function properly.
“Oh, she has jokes,” Kenny mocked, dropping his helmet on his seat and pulling off his gloves.
“What the hell put you in such a—” The slap to Kenny’s chest from the back of Deeks’ hand was the thing to silence him, but Tate, who was pacing with his hands on his waist and panting for breath, narrowed his eyes at me.
“I know that look,” he said, rubbing his chin before dropping to plant his hands on his knees and smirk at me. “Someone finally got laid.”
“Christ. Do I have a neon sign?”
The three of them nodded, forcing me to roll my eyes as I headed to the house. “Fuck all of y’all. I’m gonna be late for work.”
“Save me some hot water, sis.”
It was an innocent comment, but the flashes in my mind made me stumble over my feet like a teenager caught in a love spell. I heard Deeks and Kenny chuckle and Tate’s whispered ‘what’, but they couldn’t have known, could they?
The thought didn’t stay with me long. I was rushing to get ready around the three men in my house. For as long as I’d been followed by Deeks, it was the first time he’d been in our home, and all of them together made the place look tiny.
Four bowls of cereal and a carton of milk later, I was out the door and heading to work, while Tate headed to Sunday practice.
It was such a normal day, but at the same time it wasn’t.
I felt lighter and more focused than I had in…
well, forever. Even Janette and Rusty seemed surprised by my disposition as I paraded through the tables and took orders politely, then delivered them with a smile.
Deeks sat at the counter, drinking his body weight in free refills and wearing a smirk that rivaled Drew’s, so I ignored the implied assumption and shot him a grin as I popped the door open, the dirty dishes in my hands rattling from my enthusiasm.
My ponytail slapped me in the face as I turned and came to a sudden halt.
Janette, Sam, Rusty, and Ben were all standing with their arms crossed, staring at me.
“This is an intervention,” Rusty ground out. “I ain’t gonna deal with this shit again, y’hear?”
“For what?” I asked, sliding the plates into the sink, earning myself a scowl from Ben. “And deal with what again?”
“Whatever drug you seem to think is the answer to all your problems,” Sam said quietly, her eyes skipping to where Deeks was adding enough sugar to fuel a power plant to his coffee.
“Drugs? You think I’m on drugs?”
“Yeah, sweetie. It’s okay. We all need a pick me up on occasion, but you don’t need drugs. I know it’s been a really bad couple of months, but things will get better,” Janette said, not much conviction in her words as she narrowed her eyes at me.
I started to giggle. God help me, I couldn’t stop myself. My hand rose to cover my mouth and muffle the sound as I looked at the four of them, but I was still going as I tried to respond. “I love y’all, but come on. You know me better that that. There’re no drugs.”
“Not even the weed?” Rusty asked. “Cuz you’re in one of them crazy moods.”
“Not even an ibuprofen or nicotine. Just caffeine and a better attitude,” I promised, and crossed my heart with my fingers.
Janette shook her head and elbowed Rusty before she stepped forward to sweep me into her arms. “I told him you were smarter than that.” Then she lowered her voice so only I could hear her. “I want all the details when the old coot ain’t listening.”
Rusty made a noise in the back of his throat and headed back to the kitchen, effectively dismissing the impromptu intervention and sending all of us back to work.
“Just tell me one thing,” Sam said, a tray in her hand as she leaned into Janette and me. “Tell me it wasn’t the hog-riding, coffee guzzler.”
“Jesus, am I that transparent?” They looked at one another and I waved my arms, dismissing the question. “Don’t answer that, and if you’re talking about Deeks…” I mouthed the last words with complete exaggeration because I could feel his eyes on us. “Complete stud.”
Sam rolled her eyes at me and took off out the doors, leaving me with Janette. “You sure about this, honey?”
“About what?”
She gave me a knowing look. When she said she’d mentally adopted us all as her kids, well, I was starting to see that she took that quite literally, and her intuition was right on the money. She didn’t need to ask who, or why, or even how; she’d already figured most of it out.
“Baby, there’s only one reason a man can get under your skin like that,” she said, her hand landing on my shoulder. “Because you want him there.”
She was right, of course. I’d wanted Drew there all along, which was why I’d been so antagonistic.
Thinking back to our first meeting, I’d done so much to let him in when I could have easily shut him off, or even better, out.
I wasn’t really sure whether whatever this was between us was a good thing or not, and the truth was, I didn’t care.
I was happy. I was happy in a way I didn’t even know I could be.
The content feeling of absolute assuredness that I was carrying around with me couldn’t have been put there by anyone else, and I knew that to my very bones.
Drew wasn’t a saint, and God knows, neither was I.
We all made mistakes and decisions we weren’t proud of.
Sometimes we were pulled down a path we never would have gone down without it being instigated by someone else.
I didn’t know if I would ever have truly seen Drew if I hadn’t been forced into his life the way I had.
It was just, under all of the anger and violence, I had seen a man that called to me.
He and I were kindred spirits, and when you got past the bullshit, he was someone worth knowing.
As hokey as it sounded, he made my soul sing when I’d believed it to be crushed.
I wasn’t a damsel that needed saving, and he wasn’t looking to have someone pick up the pieces. We both knew what we were, but it was the acceptance that had been the first undeniable magnet. No pity, no feeling sorry for one another. We just were.
I’d gotten back to work after my conversation with Janette with no less enthusiasm.
Nothing was going to spoil the mood I was in, and even when the food mart left a message on my machine to say they didn’t need me, I chose to look on the bright side and considered visiting The Hut.
The thought of losing more hours sat in my stomach like a lead weight.
I was barely going to manage to pay the mortgage and utilities for the month, but there was nothing I could do about it, and seeing Drew seemed like the perfect distraction.
I went home to change after my shift. Tate wasn’t there, which meant he was out with Sloane.
I knew they’d been banned from seeing one another, but I wasn’t going to be the one to enforce that.
I was his sister, and though I sometimes came down hard on him in some aspects, his love life was up to him.
I refused to be the negative force there when I was just finding my own feet in that area.
By the time I climbed out of my car at The Hut, I was forcing myself to calm down, and even made myself wait for Deeks to show up before going inside.
It was only when we headed towards the bar that my stomach flipped with uncertainty.
There was a huge part of me that knew Drew felt something for me in the same soul-shaking capacity that I felt for him.
But, there was his track record to consider, too.
He’d just been through Hell and back and I was pretty sure that some of what happened last night had been down to shock.
I suddenly wasn’t sure which Drew I would be dealing with.
I looked toward his office with my hand covering the hurricane in my gut, and as inexplicable as it was, the storm clouds receded, leaving me the feeling of hope that had brought me to the club in the first place.
“There it is,” Deeks whispered.
“There’s what?”
“The sunshine on your face. You lost it for a second there.”
I smiled and patted him on the arm. He was wiser than anyone gave him credit for, and the more time I spent with him, the more I enjoyed his company.
He was just as formidable as Drew was in his own way.
He had strength and power that he kept leashed inside of him, but any man would be a fool to underestimate him.
He was loyal, and he loved every one of his pack to a fault.
How could I not love and respect a man like that?
“Okay, that look you’re giving me is freaking me out. I’m going to grab a beer, and you’re going to go and talk to your boy.”
“He’s not mine.” Not in the sense he meant, anyway.
“I think we both know that’s bullshit, kid.”
Bumping my elbow with his, Deeks took off in the opposite direction, shooting compliments off to the girls as he went. I watched as he headed towards a cooler in the corner of the room, leaving me standing in the middle of it, trying to find the courage to approach Drew.