Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
Ayda
We didn’t speak much from the moment he pulled me from the car all the way back to The Hut.
We barely said more than a full sentence to one another, but it wasn’t that stilted, uncomfortable silence I’d expected after the way I behaved when Tate was arrested.
Whether he knew it or not, Drew’s protectiveness spoke more than he ever could have.
I had been replaying those shock-fueled moments when he first opened the door, over and over in my head, and I saw real fear there.
He was worried about losing me, and no matter what had happened only hours earlier, my stupidity behind the wheel had made some clarity appear.
I’d handled the situation with Drew badly, and I’d managed to handle Sutton far better than I ever intended to.
As he set me on the bed, more carefully than I probably deserved, I patted the space beside me, hoping he would take the invitation and join me.
He didn’t hesitate in climbing on board, slipping out of his cut before he dropped down in place beside me and crossed his legs at the ankle.
“You sure you don’t want me to get you anything? You’re still pretty pale, Ayda.”
“Just you,” I said quietly, moving closer to him.
My eyes flickered down to my hands and back to him as I wondered whether I would be welcome on his lap.
I didn’t think I’d ever needed contact with someone as much as I did in that moment.
It was all guilt and love balled into one inexplicable and uncontainable emotion.
Ignoring the nagging of doubt in my head, I pushed to my knees and straddled his thighs, my hands cupping his neck and reveling in the warmth of his flesh against mine.
“I’m so sorry, Drew. There’s no excuse for what I said and did before I left here and if I could take it back, I would.”
Tilting his head to one side, he let out a small but weighty breath of air, a twitch to one side of his mouth eventually curling into a tired half smile. Dropping his hands to my thighs, he just stared into my eyes for what felt like forever.
“I thought I was the one who was meant to be apologizing? You didn’t do anything wrong. You did what you thought was best for Tate. At some point, I’m gonna have to realize that you’re not just mine and mine alone.”
I found my lips answering his subtle smile with one of my own.
I don’t know why it was so hard to find a middle ground.
I’d gone from zero to a hundred in the blink of an eye, and I was starting to realize I wasn’t the only one.
As much passion as there was between us, there were times when that walked a fine line with anger.
One step and you could find yourself on the wrong side.
I’d stepped over, my confusion turning understanding into blame, and it had taken Sutton’s attitude to remind me of something.
“It wasn’t your fault, Drew. You didn’t do anything wrong, either.
You stuck to your word and delivered. It occurred to me, while I was standing there yelling at Sutton, that it was a bullshit charge.
He provoked Tate. Even if my kid brother was creating a diversion, I can’t see him swinging like that without a good reason.
Sutton’s been on his case since he and Sloane broke up and we moved in here. It’s personal.”
“I couldn’t give a fuck about Sutton. He’ll get what’s coming to him when the time is right.” Drew paused. “But that’s twice now. Twice I’ve had to contemplate the thought of you being taken away from me. First the fire, then seeing your car disappear over the edge…”
“Wait!” I sat up and narrowed my eyes at him.
It was more playful than angry. I should have known he’d follow me.
No matter how many times I said no or how angry I was at him, he wasn’t going to let me put myself in harm’s way.
Just because I was an idiot and drove off without thought, it didn’t mean I couldn’t tease him. “You followed me?”
“Noooo,” he lied, his lips forming into a perfect ‘O’ shape as his brows rose high.
“You’re so full of shit,” I said with a laugh, one hand dropping to his chest so I could push against it and get a good look at him. I stared at his mouth for a while before rising to meet his gaze. “But I’m glad you did. I hate fighting with you, Drew. I just wish…”
I let my head fall forward, staring at the zipper on his hoodie as I tried to find a way to word what was playing on my mind.
We both had a propensity to react before thinking, and I had a terrible habit of speaking before thinking, too.
The last thing I wanted was to say something the wrong way and start another fight before we’d truly recovered from the first.
“What do you wish?”
“I wish you wouldn’t shut me out. I know you’re trying to protect me from club business, that you’re trying to keep the pack business and me separate, but I feel like I’m missing out on a part of who you are.
I don’t want to know everything, but those kids…
I know there’s something more there. Those bikes on the road tonight…
I saw the look you and Slater exchanged. ”
Lifting his hand to my cheek, he brushed my hair back as he spoke.
“I’m not trying to keep anything separate.
You’re too involved for me to do that. But, Ayda, I can’t tell you what I don’t know myself.
Sometimes, I feel like… like you expect me to write you a list of what I learned that day.
I can’t do that, not in this life. Things change from minute to minute.
It’s unpredictable. As much as I’d love to share the burden sometimes, this is who I am.
The club, my men—they’re my job as much as the diner’s yours.
There’re gonna be days where I need time to figure stuff out.
There’re gonna be days where I know I need to let you figure stuff out, too. ”
“Okay.” I laid my hand flat on his chest and took another deep breath. “Can you explain what happened to Tate tonight? Why he felt the need to distract the police?”
“You sure you want to hear what I have to say about Tate? The truth?”
“He’s my brother, Drew. I need to know the truth about it. I know I’m overbearing at times, but I want what’s best for him in the long run. I can be objective. At least, I hope I can.”
I held his gaze, trying my best to reassure him as I offered a nod of encouragement. There was a chance I wasn’t going to like what I heard, but I had to be prepared. I had to think about the bigger picture.
“The truth is that he did better than we could have hoped.” His finger rose to press against my mouth, cutting me off before I even thought about attempting to share my thoughts.
“I know him hitting the chief of police wasn’t part of the plan, but he showed no fear and he brought home the info we needed.
I don’t want to admit this any more than you want to hear it, but he was a natural out there.
It’s gonna be harder for us to pull him back than I thought.
When he made the decision to grab that little shit, I thought he’d lost his damn mind.
I could have killed him myself. But he saw the cut, Ayda.
He saw what the fake HOB patch was hiding. ”
“What exactly was it hiding?”
Drew’s face seemed to brighten all at once, even if his eyes still looked as tired as I felt.
“Some old patch that represents a group of kids from way back in the nineties. They were doing the same things these boys are doing. Saw themselves as big shots, went around stealing cars, starting fires, throwing bricks through innocent folks’ windows.
Real set of assholes who were craving their parents’ attention or some shit.
I don’t know. Four of them ended up with life sentences after setting fire to the gas station on the other side of Babylon.
They hurt people, ruined lives to create egos.
” He sucked in a breath, his sarcasm dripping from him as he spoke through the release. “Called themselves The Widow Makers.”
“So this is some group of kids copying another stupid group of kids? Why would they be dumb enough to wear your patches, though? Why now?”
“Wish we knew. They could be family of the old gang, seeking some kind of retaliation on the town, even though Babylon didn’t even try to defend itself at the time.
From the stories I’ve heard, it all happened fast. But my guess is that they’re wearing our patches to get instant recognition.
They want everyone scared and they want them scared fast—and who does everyone in Babylon already fear more than anything or anyone else? ”
“The Hounds,” I whispered, wriggling on his lap. “They have to know that you and the guys aren’t going to take it lightly? Why incur your wrath? Why risk getting caught, even if they do want to instill fear in people?”
“Maybe they didn’t expect us to give a shit.
” His hands moved around to the base of my spine, his chest expanding and the muscles flexing beneath his hoodie.
“If we’re taking part in a confessional, before seeing how they squared up to Tate tonight, I wasn’t sure how seriously I was gonna take them at all.
I didn’t want to give a shit. Now that I know what they stand for and who they’re connected to, they won’t be around much longer.
I know you don’t want to hear it, but it’s thanks to your brother that we know what we know now, and that can only be a good thing for everyone in Babylon. ”
The pride was shining from Drew’s eyes. Tate had done them a service.
He’d been asked to do something and he’d exceeded expectations.
The kid never did anything by halves so I should have been prepared for it.
From the moment he brought the Hounds into our lives, I had seen his focus shift slowly day by day.
The running was the only thing he indulged in.
He cut back on almost half of his practice time to do weights in the Hounds’ gym with Kenny and some of the others, and the Bulldog pride he’d been so certain of was slowly diminishing, replaced by running errands for the pack.
He still loved football. I saw it on the field behind the yard where he threw the ball to some of the guys.
I just wasn’t certain it was his endgame anymore.
“I need you to be honest with me, Drew. Tate’s not going to leave, is he? He’s not going to want the scholarship or the pro career in football. He’s going to buy himself that Street 500 he keeps researching and he’s never going to leave Babylon unless it’s a ride out to another charter.”
His blue-green eyes shone back at me. “If I can stop that from happening, I will. I don’t want this life for him any more than I want you to have to endure it.
And since when has he been researching bikes?
” Drew’s smirk was weak, and I knew he was putting on a show to distract me.
Some things didn’t need to be said for them to be heard.
“Since he rode with me into Corsicana. There’s a dealership there.
He begged me to stop and I did, not thinking anything of it until I saw him climb on the damn thing.
It suited him, Drew, and the smile he was wearing…
” I dropped my head, leaning forward to rest it on his chest as my hands gripped just under his ribs.
“You can’t stop this any more than I can.
I love that you would try for me, but he’s made up his mind, and the kid is just like my dad in that respect.
You could say no until you were blue in the face, but he’d only keep at it and resent me for taking it away from him.
I have a feeling this will be his last season. ”
I felt the heat of his words against me when he pressed his lips to my hair, while his hands ran up and down my spine in soothing lines.
“Darlin’, sometimes you’ve just got to stop thinking so much and see where the road takes you.
And sometimes you’ve got to believe in the power of bribery.
He’s fifteen. Tate will do whatever you ask of him if we just dangle the right toy a few feet away from his grabby little hands. ”
I let out a half laugh and turned my head to press my cheek against the warmth of his chest. “You think I’m stubborn? The kid is ten times worse, but he has charisma and charm. He’s going to be sixteen in just over a month, and in two years, he will be old enough to do whatever the fuck he wants.”
“The benefit of being part of this fucked up family is that you’re never of an age to be old enough to do whatever the fuck you want.
Tate is no exception to that rule. We’ll figure it out,” he said, his hand making its way through the ends of my hair before I felt it slide down to my ass.
“And you have your own charisma and charm. I like to call this charm,” he said through an obvious grin, giving my ass a squeeze, before he pulled his hand around and slid it between our bodies, groping my breast. “While these are called charisma.”
My teeth sank into my bottom lip as I watched his fingers flex, his thumb brushing over my nipple that was beginning to become very obviously hard from the interaction with him.
“You named my ass and boobs? I’m honored. This is a first for me, Mr. Tucker,” I said a little breathlessly as my hands slowly slid from under his ribs to the buckle of his belt. My body was already responding, the tightening in my stomach reflecting where I was pushed against his thighs.
“I have more in my head, but I’ll never tell.
” Taking me by surprise, Drew’s hand found its way to mine, pressing down carefully to stop me from doing anything with his belt, his other hand rising to my chin and forcing me to look up.
“Not until you tell me what happened with Sutton, since we’re laying all our cards on the table. ”
Dipping my head and slipping his thumb into my mouth, I sucked gently, my teeth grazing the edges as I pulled back, eventually releasing it with a soft kiss.
“I’d be glad to explain, but later. I’m horny and he’s just going to make that go away.
” Pushing up to my knees, I shuffled closer to him, my eyes still locked on his. “It’ll make a good bedtime story.”
“Ayda,” he groaned. “Your head is still bleeding, for fuck’s sa—Ooh. Oh, shit. Okay.”