2. Chapter Two
Chapter Two
Daizha
I was running late for work, and I couldn’t afford or wanted to hear James’ mouth today. I was a cashier at Walgreen’s, and I hated this fuckin’ job. It wouldn’t be that bad if my manager wasn’t an asshole. He was an older Forest Whitaker looking muthafucka that walked around like he hated life and everything in it. Shit, I hated my life too, but I didn’t project my feelings on other people even though I had a very good reason to. I’ve been on my own since I was sixteen years old, and life has been a living hell ever since. At sixteen, I was forced to leave my home because I felt like the only way I would be safe. Even though I lived with my mama and little brother, my cousin Vince moved in and that’s when the dark cloud draped over my life. I still have nightmares about that day.
My cousin Vince had been sent to live with us after he got into trouble. I don’t know what he did, but I was glad that he was here. I always looked at him as a big brother, so I was excited. He was three years older than me and already out of high school. I know he was hanging in the streets, so I naturally assumed that’s what he got in trouble for.
It was a Wednesday afternoon, and I got home from school early since I didn’t have volleyball practice.. My mama was at work, and my brother was still at school for aftercare. When I walked in the house, Vince in the living room watching TV.
“Wassup, Cuz? You home early,” he greeted.
“Yeah. We didn’t have practice today, so I came straight home. I’ll stay out of your way, though. I know you’re used to having the house to yourself during the day.” I planned on taking a nap anyway, so he didn’t have to worry about me.
“Nah, you good. I’m just a visitor. Remember?”
“Boy, hush. You’ve been here for six months. My mama would have to evict you to get you out of here now,” I laughed, and he joined in.
“You right. I’on want to be all in y’all way and shit. That’s why I stay low.” He stared at me intensely, like he always does, but I brushed it off as usual. I chalked it up to him being so serious all the time.
“Well, since you put it like that, let me go change and we can watch a movie.” He nodded, and I trotted down the hallway to my room so I could change. I changed into my go to, which consisted of cheer shorts and a crop top. We settled on Money Talks. Chris Tucker always left me in stitches. Halfway through the movie, I got sleepy. I knew it would happen, but I still wanted to watch the movie.
“I know you ain’t going to sleep on me?” Vince quizzed.
“Not yet, but I’m on the way,” we laughed.
“You bad company, Cuz. Over there going to sleep on a nigga and shit.” He placed his hand on my thigh, and that caught me off guard. Again, I brushed it off.
“I’m not even going to lie and say I won’t go to before the movie is over, so I’m gonna go take a nap. If you’re up to it, we can catch another one later.” I stretched and got up, leaving Vince in the living room alone. Once I got in my room, I collapsed on the bed and drifted off. I couldn’t have been sleeping for no more than thirty minutes before I felt my bed dip and a hand going up my shirt. My eyes popped open, and Vince was standing over me with a deadpan look on his face. A feeling of bewilderment took over me because I didn’t understand what was going on…or why. I tried to get up, but he quickly pushed me back down. The confusion that I was experiencing quickly turned to one of fear.
“Vince, get off of me!” I struggled against his strength.
“Stop all that moving before you make me hurt you. You know you want this shit. Always walking around with those lil’ ass shorts on and shit. Always wanting to spend time with me alone. The fuck you do all that for if you ain’t tryna give me the pussy?” I was still fighting against him because he was now trying to take my shorts off.
“Vince, please don’t do this,” I pleaded. “I was just being nice because you’re my cousin. Please don’t.” I sobbed profusely as I struggled against the strength of my cousin. Every time I pleaded for him to stop; it fell on deaf ears. The moment he penetrated me against my will and took my innocence and sanity was the moment I lost my will to live. I fought as much as I could, but he had his solid six-foot frame pressed into mine, which was only five foot three. I don’t know how long I laid there while he stole my will to live. I couldn’t believe this. I blacked out and didn’t realize he was finished until he pulled out and finished on my stomach. I just laid there. I was distraught and disgusted. How could he do this? Why did he do this?
“Go clean that shit up before Auntie gets home.” He started to walk out of the room but stopped and turned around and stared at me, but I avoided his gaze. “You better not say shit either, or it’ll get worse for you.” With that, he left out of my room, and I hurried and put a chair under my door. I wouldn’t dare leave until my mama got home. I took my shirt off and wiped his semen off of me and threw it out of my hand like it was on fire. Next, I took the lightly stained comforter off my bed and did the same thing. I put on a pair of sweats and a hood and curled up in the corner and cried my eyes out until I had no more tears left.
That day was the just the beginning of the most horrific year of my life. Vince raped me every chance he got for almost a year. It only stopped because I had gotten pregnant. My periods were regular, so when I hadn’t gotten one for two months straight, I knew something was wrong. I went to the school nurse to get tested, and they told me what I already knew. I was scared but relieved at the same time because I knew the torture would come to an end. The nurse called my mama to come pick me up because I didn’t want to go back to class after finding out that I was pregnant by my perverted cousin. When she came to pick me up, she bore a look of concern. The nurse told her I was almost ten weeks pregnant and expressed that I didn’t want to keep the baby. My mama then gave me this big speech about being grown and that’s what happens when you be fast. I sat and listened to her chastise me because what else could I say? After signing me out, she drove me straight to the nearest Planned Parenthood and at sixteen; I was getting an abortion.
“Look, Daizha. I know you’re getting of age and probably had urges, but I thought when you had the urge to have sex, you’d come talk to me about it first. Not go and get yourself pregnant. I can barely take care of you and your brother. There was no way I could take care of a baby, too.” I was sitting here listening to her blame me for something that I had no control over, nor did I ask for this shit.
“You’re blaming me for this? Instead of asking me, you just automatically assume I’m out here being fast and not wondering why or who got your sixteen-year-old daughter pregnant. You want to know who this baby’s father is, Ma? Huh?” She looked at me out of the corner of her eye before taking a deep breath.
“Who’s the father, Daizha?” she finally asked.
“It’s Vince’s, Ma. Vince has been raping me since last year, and threatened me every single time that he would hurt you or Aiden if I told. I tried to act as normal as possible, but did you not see the change in me?” She looked at me with a befuddled look on her face. She didn’t say anything else, not even when we pulled up to the center. Afterwards, we went home and the first face we saw was Vince coming out of the kitchen.
“Wassup, Auntie…Dee Dee,” he spoke, and I wanted to throw up right then and there. Repulsed by his presence, I headed straight to my room without speaking. That was until my mama opened her mouth.
“Vince, I just got back from taking Daizha to an abortion clinic. You know anything about that?” I froze and looked between the two of them.
Vince looked between me and my mama and with a straight face said, “Nah, she ain’t say nothing to me about it. I didn’t even know lil’ cuz was in the streets like that. You need me to go handle the nigga or somethin’?”
“What!” I yelled, shocked that this nigga just sat here and lied like that. “You did this to me, you fuckin’ pervert! You did this!” I started swinging on his ass. I endured his bullshit for almost a year, and he just sat there and lied like it was nothing.
“Daizha! Stop it! Get off of him!” I tackled Vince to the ground, punching him wherever my fists landed. I started hitting his ass harder and harder because I got mad at myself for not doing this shit sooner. I felt my mama finally pull me off of him and stood in between us.
“Daizha, calm down! That’s a serious accusation and you can’t go around throwing around claims like that because it could do too much damage. Now, instead of blaming your cousin, you need to tell on whatever lil’ nappy headed boy you’re trying to save.” To say I was shocked was an understatement. I looked at the both of them and while my mama didn’t see it, Vince’s face held a perverse smirk. At that moment it was fuck the both of them. I went into my room and locked myself inside. I didn’t have shit for either one of them.
I was supposed to be resting, but I was packing up whatever I felt was of importance and when I heard my mama leave, I climbed out my room window and I left too. I booked an Uber to pick me up down the street and headed to the bus station. I had five hundred dollars saved up, and I used forty-eight dollars of that to buy a bus ticket and leave Charlington. After I got to the station, I left my phone so I wouldn’t be traced or bothered by her calling. She wanted to believe Vince over me, so fuck the both of them.
Later that night, I arrived in New Grove…a little over an hour and a half away and went to their Youth Crisis Center. I was there two weeks before my mama was notified. She reported me missing and my picture ended up on the news. They had no choice but to contact her. When they called, she told them they could keep me since I wanted to be grown and that was the last time I heard from her. That was four years ago, and I literally went from one hell to another.
I clocked into work before James could bring his cock-eyed ass from his office to bother me. My co-worker, Ariel, was there, and she probably tried to cover for me. She wanted to be my friend, but I didn’t trust anybody, so I kept interactions with her to a minimum.
“Girl, you’re lucky James is off today, and Marilyn is here. He probably would’ve been waiting on you at the door,” Ariel said, as I passed her and went to my assigned register.
“At least I don’t have to look at his sour face my whole shift.” I kept my conversation to a minimum, because like I said…I didn’t want any friends.
Six hours later after I rang up what seemed like a million customers and processed twice as many refunds, it was finally time to go home. I was outside waiting for my Uber when they canceled on me after I’ve been waiting for almost twenty minutes.
“Fuck!” I groaned. I had no one else to call but my boyfriend Gabe and that was hit or miss. I called him six times back to back for him not to answer. With no other options, I tried my luck booking another Uber. While they were searching for a driver, Gabe finally called back.
“The fuck you blowing me up for, Daiz (Dej)? You act like I ain’t working,” he barked through the phone’s speaker.
“I wouldn’t be calling you if I didn’t need a ride, Gabe. My Uber canceled, and it’s getting late. Can you come get me?”
“Didn’t I just say I was working? Go inside until one can come and pick you up.”
“You’re really gonna leave me out here stranded like this, Gabe? It’s not like you clock in. Why can’t you come and get me?” I was so furious that the tears I tried so hard to keep at bay betrayed me and poured out of my eyes without any restraint.
“Man, I’m not about to be arguing wit’ yo’ ass. I’m grown as fuck and so are you, so figure that shit out.” He didn’t even give me a chance to respond before he hung up in my face. Defeated, I let out a cry of agony and turned to head back in the store to wait in the employee lounge. Doing so, I ran right into a hard body.
“Damn, shorty. Watch where the fuck you going.” I almost fell, but he caught me, and I should’ve just apologized and went on about my business, but at that moment all I could do was cry. I mean one of those defeated cries that came from the pits of your soul. I was so over this shit, but I didn’t know anybody and didn’t have anywhere else to go.
“Aye, shorty. Watch out. You getting snot all on my shit,” the stranger’s voice boomed, making me jump back.
“I…I’m so sorry. I…I’m just having a fucked up day…well life, and I’m over it. I’m sorry for messing up your shirt.” I apologized and sat on the bench. I didn’t even want to go back inside now so that they could be in my business and ask me any questions. Taking my phone back out, I opened the Uber app, and now they were all busy in this area.
“Fuck my life,” I groaned.
“It can’t be that damn bad, shorty,” the stranger that I bumped into earlier said. His voice caused me to look up, and I noticed how handsome he was. He was way out of my league, but he was still handsome. He had that untamed look going on with his hair, but it still looked neat and blended in with his low scruffy beard effortlessly. His bushy eyebrows had two cuts on the left, one that rested perfectly over his gauzy brown eyes. When he licked his thick lips, I broke out of my lustful gaze.
“You’re right. It’s worst.” I put my attention back on my phone and an Uber still hadn’t picked. I took a screenshot of it and sent it to Gabe so he could find his fuckin’ heart and come pick me up.
Me: *sends screenshot*
Gabe: *read*
I didn’t even bother to respond back because I knew he would ignore those, too. Putting my head down in defeat, I cried because I was tired of this shit, and I didn’t see a way out. Gabe wasn’t always like this, though. I met him at the YCC center, and he was so sweet. He was really the only one that was nice to me. We became friends and in my second year there he asked me to be his girlfriend and told me I could come and stay with him when I got out. When you aged out, they had people there that would help you get into an apartment and find work. I turned down the help for the apartment since I would move in with Gabe, but took them up on their offer to help me find a job. It wasn’t much I could do with a GED, but I figured something was better than nothing. Well, while I worked, Gabe did whatever he wanted, and I had to pay all the bills with my Walgreen’s check. That wasn’t enough, so I had to end up getting another job at a local beauty supply store. Instead of him loving and provided for me like he promised, he lied, cheated, and degraded me every chance he got. When I threatened to leave, he would throw in my face that I had nobody and nobody would want my tainted ass pussy, as he would say. Hell, I wasn’t able to break loose and leave yet, so his words had to hold some sort of truth.
Wallowing in my own pity, the tears started to flow again. I was startled when I heard his voice again. “Aye, shorty. You need a ride?” he asked.
“No, that’s okay. I’ll catch an Uber whenever one’s available. Thank you, though.” I didn’t know this man, and he probably was just like the rest of them. Vince and Gabe were enough that I had encountered.
“Look, it’s late, and I don’t want to leave you out here and shit. I got a sister, and I would hope a good Samaritan would help her out and shit. I promise I’m not on no fuck shit. Just trying to do my good deed for the day.” His face still housed a voided expression, but his words were sincere. Saying a silent prayer, I got up from the bench and traipsed over to his car. When I got in, I buckled my seatbelt and held onto my phone and purse tight as hell. I was sitting so close to the door that if he hit a pothole, I’d probably fall out. He pulled off, and I noticed he moved and that caused me to jump in panic.
“Chill, shorty. I was just about to ask you for your address. I told you I’m not on that type of time.” I looked over at him and he now had a frown on his face, like I offended him.
“Uhmm…it…it’s 1104 Beckham Road.” I recited my address, and he simply nodded.
Even though he seemed okay, that didn’t stop my heart from trying to escape my chest. His phone rang through his car speakers and that caused me to jump.
“Fuck you jumping so much for? You on some shit?” he turned his nose up at me.
“No…. no. I don’t do drugs,” I answered honestly.
“Shit, maybe you need to,” he said before answering his phone. “Yeah?”
“Where are you? You still coming over?” I heard a woman’s voice. I immediately felt bad because he had a girlfriend that he was neglecting for me. I knew how that felt and I didn’t want to put another woman in that predicament.
“Stop clocking my moves, shorty. I told you I would be through, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, but I miss you. I need you,” she was damn near purring and that shit sounded weird. I didn’t see what the big deal was with sex. The first time I was forced and every time after that I just laid there. Gabe was the only other man that ever entered me, but I didn’t see what all the hype was about, and I probably never would.
“I’m making a few moves right now. I’ll get at you when I’m done.” I heard the girl huff, and he hung up.
“I’m sorry to get you in trouble with your girlfriend. We’re almost there, so I can walk the rest of the way,” I offered. It wouldn’t be the first time, and at least I was now closer than I was before. He snapped his head in my direction and that demonizing look was back on his face.
“I look like the type of nigga that can get in trouble by anybody? Fuck outta here wit’ that shit. I said I was gon’ make sure you got home safe and I’m gon’ do just that. My people would take my head off if I let you walk by yourself after I offered to help you. I’on know what kind of niggas you used to, shorty, but I’m a man of my word.” I cowered under his stare and put my head down. He seemed upset, and I didn’t have the mental capacity to deal with another’s nigga bullshit, especially one I didn’t know.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled.
“Ain’t shit to apologize for, and that wasn’t my girl.” I don’t know why he felt the need to clarify that, because I didn’t care one way or the other.
The rest of the ride to my house was quiet besides the sounds of Future flowing through the speakers. He pulled into my neighborhood effortlessly, like he’d been here before and pulled right in front of my townhouse. Just as he did, Gabe was pulling up beside him. Sighing deeply, I knew it was about to be some shit.
“You good, shorty?” he asked.
“Y…yeah. I’m fine. Thank you for the ride,” I rushed my words out and tried to get out of the car even faster. Gabe was standing at the front of his waiting with his arms folded. When I reached for the handle, he grabbed my arm, causing me to jump. He looked at me, then out the window at Gabe, before letting me go. When I got out of the car, Gabe started his shit.
“Who the fuck is that, Daizha? That don’t look like no fuckin’ Uber driver to me,” he snarled.
“That’s a co-worker that gave me a ride,” I lied. He wouldn’t believe that a stranger would be nice enough to give me a ride after he refused to.
“The fuck he still sitting there for? You fuckin’ that nigga, Daizha? That’s why you gave me that bullshit ass story about the Uber so you can be a hoe? And you wonder why I fuck other bitches because I knew you had sneaky pussy.” I was beyond embarrassed because the stranger was still there. I couldn’t see his face because of the headlights. I knew he was watching, but I wish he would just leave.
“Aye, she good, my nigga. You can leave,” Gabe yelled, towards the car. His windows were up, but I knew he heard what he said. When he rolled his window down, I knew he did.
“I ain’t ya fuckin’ nigga, so watch that shit. Aye, shorty. You good?” he asked me, and I really wish he would fuckin’ leave.
“I…I’m fine. Thank you again.” He held my gaze for a few seconds before nodding and putting his car in reverse. The breath I was unintentionally holding released, and I turned to go inside. I knew I wasn’t going to hear the end of this, so I tried to mentally prepare the best that I could.