WITSEC

Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty-One

Saturday morning, I drove to the gym to meet up with Keelan. We were finally going to spar to see how advanced my training was. As I entered the gym, Keelan was sitting at the front desk with Stephanie.

“Do you know what you’re doing for your birthday?” I heard her ask him.

“The same thing as last year. A party at the house,” Keelan replied.

I set my gym bag and picnic basket down at my feet before resting my arms on the tall counter of the large, L-shaped front desk. “A party?”

Keelan’s face lit up when he saw that it was me. “My birthday is in a few weeks. Colt and Creed didn’t tell you?”

“No, they didn’t,” I said, a little sullenly. I wondered why they hadn’t.

A stack of flyers dropped down on the counter as Knox appeared next to me. “They probably didn’t think to invite you because it’s a given that you’d be there. You practically live with us,” he said.

“I don’t live with you. I own my own home and I sleep in it every night,” I argued.

Knox pulled a piece of paper off the stack and began reading it over. “How long will that last, I wonder?” he said distractedly.

I turned to face him fully, my irritation quickly building. “You think I come over too much?”

Knox scoffed as he began signing the paper. “What gave you that impression?” His voice dripped with sarcasm, making my heart sink.

Once he was done signing the paper, he held it out to Stephanie, who’d been quietly watching us. “Can you fax this?” he asked her. She took the paper and he put his hand on top of the stack of flyers. “These are the flyers for the mud run in October.” Stephanie nodded and went over to the fax machine at the other end of the desk.

I fought to keep from showing how his words had affected me.

Keelan frowned at his brother.

Knox noticed. “What?”

Keelan’s gaze moved to me and his brow furrowed. “He didn’t mean?—”

“It’s fine,” I snapped. I bent over to pick up my bag and picnic basket. I had made lunch for the five of us to eat after Keelan and I were done sparring, but now I realized it had been wrong of me to assume they’d want to have lunch with me. I set the basket on the counter. “I made you guys lunch. Don’t feel obligated to eat it if you don’t want to.” I turned and headed for the exit.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I heard Keelan say in a low, angry voice just before I walked out of the gym.

By the time I got home I was itching for a run. The only problem was that it was over one hundred degrees out. I wasn’t in the mood for heat stroke, so that wasn’t an option. Instead, I headed to my back porch where my swing still lay in pieces, waiting to be put together. I did a quick look-around for any little creatures hanging out nearby. I didn’t want to have another encounter with any more desert wildlife. When I didn’t see any, I sat on the ground and grabbed the assembly instructions that were inside a bag of loose screws, nails, and washers. I flipped it open and glared at the first thing it said: For safety, two people are recommended for assembly.

“Well, one is just gonna have to do,” I snapped down at the instructions.

A half hour later, I let go of the two heavy pieces I was struggling to put together with a frustrated huff.

“Want some help?” a voice asked, startling me.

I looked over my shoulder, finding Knox leaning against the frame of the back-patio door. “Apparently, I need to remind Colt and Creed that the whole purpose of an emergency key is that it is supposed to be used for emergencies,” I said, my tone sharp and evident of my irritation.

“If you truly believed they’d only use it for emergencies, then you don’t know them very well.”

Of course, I’d known they’d use it. I loved that they used it. Because it meant they wanted to spend as much time with me as I wanted to spend with them. They’d even used the key last night as I’d been getting into bed. I’d received a text from them seconds before I’d heard the front door open. They’d wanted to have another sleepover. As expected, I’d had a nightmare, but Colt had gently woken me from it and held me until I’d fallen back to sleep. I didn’t know why I’d complained about my key being used. Scratch that, I did know. I was angry and I was grasping at anything I could use as ammunition against Knox.

I got to my feet and brushed dirt off the back of my leggings. “What are you doing here?”

His jaw clenched and he folded his arms across his chest. I internally scolded myself for admiring the way the muscles in his arms bulged a little, making the short sleeves of his polo stretch tight.

“What I said…” he started to say.

“It’s fine.”

Frowning, he dropped his arms to his sides and pushed off the door frame. “You’re upset.”

Feeling hot and thirsty, I walked toward the door that he was sort of blocking. “I’m fine,” I said, squeezing by him to get inside.

He followed me into the kitchen. “Stop saying ‘fine.’ Clearly, it's not,” he said as he watched me grab a glass from the cabinet.

I sighed. If I had been a dragon there would have been smoke coming out of my nostrils. I set my glass on the island harshly. I wouldn’t have been surprised if I had broken it. Despite my anger puppeteering my actions at the moment, I was thankful it hadn’t. Leveling my gaze with his, I asked, “Why does it matter to you how I feel?”

He didn’t respond. Instead, the muscle in his jaw went tight as he clenched it.

Shaking my head, I picked up my glass and began filling it from the fridge’s water dispenser. “Go home, Knox, and leave my key.”

He let out a frustrated noise. “Shiloh?—”

“Why should someone have access to my home if they never intend to extend that same trust to me in return?” I interrupted him.

“Is that what I need to do to fix this? Give you a fucking key?” he snapped.

I fought not to roll my eyes and focused on taking a big gulp of cold, delicious water instead.

Keys jingling sounded behind me. I whirled around just in time to see him take a key from his keyring and slam it down on my island. “Here you go. A key to our house.”

I set my water next to the lone key. “I don’t want your pity house key.”

He squeezed his eyes closed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “You confuse the shit out of me.”

“No, you confuse me. A few days ago, you said I didn’t bother you, and today you made me feel like an annoyance who had overstayed my welcome,” I argued.

“You’re not an annoyance, Shiloh.”

“Then why did you say that?”

“I didn’t mean?—”

“Bullshit,” I cursed, surprising us both. “You push people away, Knox. It’s what you do, and I understand why you do it, but what you did today…you knew how that would make me feel.”

His eyes never left mine as his jaw clenched again.

“The four of you have an expiration date in my life,” I blurted. “You don’t know what it’s like to have a ticking clock in the back of your head, counting down until the four of you decide to kick me to the curb. Naively, I hold onto this false hope that you won’t, because I hate the idea of going a day without seeing any of you. And yes, that includes you, Knox, the guy who has been a jerk to me ninety-eight percent of the time.”

Knox was silent as he held a pensive frown.

His lack of response was all I needed to know. What I felt for him wasn’t what he felt for me. The regret of allowing myself to be vulnerable twisted up my insides and the backs of my eyes began to burn. I had to look away. I didn’t want to cry. I cried too much as it was, and I was tired of it.

“Don’t cry,” he said tightly.

I grit my teeth. “Then don’t make me cry.”

Done with our conversation, I went to storm past him. His hand shot out and locked around my elbow. For a split second I considered breaking his hold. It would have been easy to do. I didn’t, though. I let him pull me to him, with a tiny bit of resistance to save face. As my body fell against his, he wrapped an arm around my waist.

“Don’t do that. Don’t walk away,” he said, his livid eyes boring into me. “You talk about how you’re worried about us kicking you to the curb, but have you ever stopped to think that we feel you’ll do the same? You’re not the only one who has had their world shattered from the foundation up. I’ve done everything to hold my family together. We’ve worked so hard to repair our foundation and move on with our lives.” His nostrils flared as he struggled to contain his rage. “You said I push people away? That’s because everyone is a threat to what we rebuilt. You’re a threat. You barreled your way into our lives and somehow made yourself important. I don’t want to care about you, but I do, and it pisses me off.”

I put a hand on his bicep as I stared up at him. “I’m not a threat, Knox. The last thing I’d want is to hurt any of you.”

His arms around me flexed at my touch. “You say that now. What happens if you and the twins break up?”

“We’re just friends,” I said. How many times would I have to tell him? And that was the second time he had implied that I was in a relationship with both of them. Not one or the other.

“You really expect me to believe there’s nothing going on with you three?”

“Yes!” I exclaimed.

“The three of you haven’t done anything?” His eyes dropped to my mouth. “You haven’t kissed them?”

My breath hitched. “They told you?”

A small, proud grin lifted the corner of his mouth. “No. You just did.”

I pushed at his chest and he let me go. I put a few steps of distance between us. “Not that it’s any of your business, but yes, I’ve kissed them,” I said bitterly. “It was a mistake and won’t happen again.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?” I asked, feeling exasperated. “If we go down that road, I’ll have to pick one of them, and that will hurt the other.”

He scoffed. “They’d never make you choose.”

All I could do was gape at him. Was that why he referred to both of them as my boyfriends? Oh goodness, he really thought the three of us were in a relationship together. I began to feel flushed at the thoughts that started filling my head. What was surprising was that I wasn’t turned off by the idea of being with both of them. It was the opposite, actually. “Have they been with the same girl before?”

He took in my red face and gave me a knowing look. “That’s something you should ask them.”

“Do you and Keelan…um, share?” I really didn’t mean to ask that question, but my curiosity got the best of me.

His brows shot up before he gave me a haughty, male smirk. He stepped closer. “Why?” he asked, his tone full of amusement.

“I—” I took a step back.

He stepped forward again. “You’re getting redder by the second.”

“I can’t help it,” I said, taking another step backward, and my back met the front of the fridge.

He closed most of the space between us and flattened his hands on the fridge above my head, trapping me. “Why do you want to know about Keelan and me, Shiloh?”

“I wanted—” Oh, no. Thoughts began to fill my head of the two of them. I couldn’t get any redder, could I?

“Wow, what did I just walk into?” a voice asked. I looked past Knox to see Keelan standing in the kitchen’s entryway off the living room. He was staring at us, a little wide-eyed. “I thought I’d come here and make sure Knox didn’t make things worse.”

Knox glanced at his brother over his shoulder. I took that moment of distraction to escape. I ducked under one of Knox’s arms and booked it to the other side of the kitchen.

Keelan looked from me to Knox. “What’s going on?”

Knox smiled at his brother. “Shiloh asked if you and I share like Colt and Creed do.”

Keelan’s eyes only widened before he gave me the same stupid smirk Knox had given me. “Are you looking to upgrade from Colt and Creed?”

That made Knox snort.

“Cheese and rice,” I cursed, rolling my eyes. “I asked because I was genuinely curious.”

“Just because Colt and Creed like to share doesn’t mean Keelan and I would be into it,” Knox said.

“Speak for yourself,” Keelan said.

Knox looked at his brother, clearly surprised.

“If we both loved the same woman and she loved both of us, would you really make her choose at the risk of tearing us apart?” Keelan asked him.

Knox opened his mouth to respond, then snapped it shut.

Keelan shrugged. “It’s something to consider.”

“I’m not saying it’s wrong, but that type of relationship is kind of unconventional,” I said.

Keelan looked at me. “Times are changing. People are more accepting and polyamorous relationships are more common than you think.”

Knox gaped at Keelan. “You’ve researched this?”

“I did when the twins started dating that girl Emma last year,” Keelan explained. “I was worried about what kind of hardships they’d face by pursuing that type of relationship.”

“Emma?” I said out loud and internally cringed at how jealous I felt.

Keelan smiled at me like he knew exactly what I was feeling. “They dated for six months until she and her family moved to Connecticut. She was…nice.”

“I didn’t like her,” Knox said.

“You don’t like anyone,” I pointed out and then smiled proudly. “Well, except for me.”

He frowned. “I said I care about you, not that I like you.”

I shrugged. “To-may-to, to-mah-to.”

“I guess this means you two worked things out?” Keelan asked.

Knox’s and my eyes locked.

“I’m no longer upset with him, if that answers your question,” I said, breaking our staring contest to scoop up Knox’s pity house key. “Knox gave me a key to your house.”

Keelan brows rose. “He did?”

I grinned at Knox. “Yup. He felt it was only fair since you all have a key to my house, right, Knox?”

The corner of his mouth twitched, but his frowny face stayed in place. “Sure.”