WITSEC

Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty-Four

The walls felt like they were closing in on me as the panic rose and rose in my chest. “Where did you hear that?” I asked.

Knox stood in front of the couch and stepped toward me. I took a step back. He frowned at that, but didn’t make another move closer. “After I got you to settle down and it was just the two of us out here, I asked you again, ‘Who is in the house?’ You said, ‘Mr. X.’”

I rubbed at my breastbone as I tried to pull air into my lungs. What should I do? What could I say? “I have to go.”

I bolted for the door again. Before I could get there, it opened. Colt and Creed walked in, carrying two brown bags from a bakery nearby. They took one look at me, then their brothers, and I could see that they knew what we were discussing.

Creed shut the door behind them and handed off his bag of bagels to Colt, who took off toward the kitchen with them. “You were supposed to wait until we got back to talk to her,” Creed said, glaring at Knox and Keelan.

“Well, things didn’t go as planned,” Knox said, sounding irritated. “She’s refusing to talk, anyways.”

“Why don’t we all sit down?” Keelan suggested as he rounded the couch. He and Knox took a seat next to each other.

Creed tried to reach for my hand, and I jerked out of his reach. I hated the look of hurt that flashed in his eyes. “Shiloh,” he said. “You can’t blame us for having questions after last night.”

“I’m sorry you had to deal with that,” I forced out.

“Stop doing that,” Knox snapped. “Nothing about you is a burden. That’s not what this is about.”

Creed inched closer. “We’ve tried to not pry and wait for you to be ready to talk to us, but?—”

“Please don’t,” I pleaded. This was it. This was the moment I’d known was coming.

“You don’t trust us,” Knox said.

The backs of my eyes began to burn. “I do trust you.”

Knox shook his head. “Then what’s the issue, Shiloh? We spend practically every day together. We share things with you, but you barely share anything with us and when things happen with you, like last night, you expect us to ignore it.”

I understood his point. I really did. But my fear of telling them anything wasn’t the only thing holding me back.

Colt returned with his hands stuffed in his pockets and had a dejected look on his face. “You scared the shit out of all of us last night, babe. But we’re still here. I don’t know what else we have to do to prove to you that you can talk to us and that you won’t scare us away.”

A single tear escaped my eye. “I can’t tell you.”

“Can’t or won’t?” Knox asked.

“I can’t.”

“Why?” he pushed.

“Because I can’t,” I snapped at him.

Knox opened his mouth to say something, but Keelan put his hand on Knox’s shoulder. “Ease up, Knox. This isn’t an interrogation.”

“You owe me five answers to five questions,” Colt said, bringing up the bet I’d lost our first day of school. “You don’t go back on your promises, right?”

Throwing my words back at me felt like a low blow. I hated this. “Fine. Ask away.”

The intensity that filled Colt’s eyes could have rivaled Knox’s in that moment. “What was your dream about last night?”

“The night my family died,” I answered. The terms of our bet were that I had to answer. Not be specific.

“Who is Mr. X?” he asked next.

My heart skipped a beat at that question. “He was my freshman English teacher.”

“She’s purposely being vague,” Knox pointed out.

Colt didn’t ask another question for moment. Instead, I watched as he thought about what he wanted to ask me next. “How did your family die?”

My forehead creased and my vision blurred. I had to blink to clear it. “I can’t tell you.”

“This is bullshit, Shiloh,” Knox said as he got to his feet. “You refusing to tell us anything, that’s what’s going to push us away.”

“I know!” I yelled. “You don’t think I know that?”

“Then why are you doing it?” he roared back.

“Because I can’t—” I started to say before Knox interrupted me.

“Stop saying you can’t. You just don’t want to.”

“No, I can’t!”

“Knox, calm down,” Keelan said at the same time the twins said, “Knox, back off!”

Knox ignored them. “Why can’t you?”

“Because I’m in witness protection!” I screamed at him as if the truth was a way to punish him. “My family was murdered! Is that sharing enough for you, Knox! Huh? I couldn’t tell you because the monster who killed them is still out there,” I wailed as I pointed at the door. “If anyone finds out who I really am, my life is at risk. Telling you puts my life at risk.” My voice broke at the end.

The room fell silent.

As I took in their shocked faces, the reality of what I had just done hit me. I covered my wet face with my hands. “Oh, no.”

I couldn’t stand to be here any longer. I didn’t want to stick around long enough for them to ask me to leave, either. I booked it for the door and this time nothing got in my way. I scooped up my keys and phone from the small table they kept by the front door. None of them tried to stop me and that was enough to tell me that everything was ruined between us.

Once I was inside my house, I had the urge to just collapse and cry. I stayed strong and walked to the kitchen. Under the sink, tucked behind the cleaning supplies, was the bottle of Jack I’d bought the day I had met Colt. It was unopened. I’d kept it to prove to myself that I didn’t need it as a crutch anymore. Right now, I couldn’t care less about proving anything.

I unscrewed the cap, tossed it in the trash because there was no doubt in my mind that I wouldn’t need it again, and took a big swig from the bottle. The whiskey burned everything it touched as it went down. That was a far better feeling than my heart breaking.

The sound of knocking on the front door startled me awake. I couldn’t remember when I’d passed out. It hadn’t been long enough to sober me. A knock came again.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m coming,” I grumbled and stood from the couch. The world tilted to the left, then the right and I had to catch myself on the coffee table. Yup, still drunk . I blinked a couple of times, hoping that would stop the spinning. It helped enough for me to get to the door, which I unlocked and swung open.

Knox was standing on my porch. I had to squint at him to keep from seeing two of him. His arms were crossed over his chest and his normal frowny face was in place.

“Can we talk?” he asked.

I smacked my forehead with my palm. “I forgot to look through the peephole. Logan’s gonna to be so, so mad at me. Lemme do this again,” I said, slurring a little, and slammed the door closed. I struggled to get my eye to line up with the peephole. “It’s still Knox,” I mumbled to myself and snorted. “I don’t wanna talk to you. I’m not home,” I yelled through the door before pushing off of it and heading toward the kitchen. I was hungry. I hadn’t eaten today, and I was pretty sure I had leftover pasta salad in the fridge. Carbs sounded amazing right now.

I heard the front door open and close behind me. I spun around, stumbled, and had to catch myself on a piece of furniture again. This time it was my yellow armchair.

Knox was inside. He looked from me to the coffee table, eyeing the half-empty bottle of Jack. “You’re drunk.”

“Nope. I’m numb,” I corrected and scooped the bottle off the coffee table. I zigged and zagged as I traveled to the kitchen. I opened my fridge. The cold air hitting my skin felt amazing. As I scanned the shelves, I took a big gulp from the bottle. The burning had long since passed and I couldn’t taste it anymore. When I found the pasta salad, I sighed. “I want French fries and chicken nuggets.”

“You don’t like fast food. It’s too fatty and greasy for you,” Knox said from behind me.

“I don’t care,” I snapped. “I don’t care about anything.” I was starting to feel sad again. So I took another gulp, then another to make sure that feeling got washed away.

“I’ll go get you all the chicken nuggets and French fries you want if you give me the bottle.”

I turned to glare at him. He was watching me from the other side of the kitchen island. My gaze dropped to his tight white T-shirt that hugged all of his big muscles. Why did he have to be hot? “I’m mad at you.”

“I know.”

Really? Glad to know that he didn’t care. “You’re an asshole and your sexy muscles can go to hell.” I turned back toward the fridge and pulled out the pasta salad. I slammed the door with my hip and dropped the container of pasta and bottle of Jack angrily on the counter.

“Shiloh.”

I ignored him by pulling a plate from the cabinet and a spoon from the drawer. I slammed both the door and drawer shut because my anger needed an outlet.

“You think I’m sexy?” he asked.

I scoffed as I scooped some pasta onto my plate. Someone is full of themselves.

“You just said I was sexy.”

“No, I didn’t,” I said and accidentally dropped a scoop of pasta on the counter. “Gah!” I threw the spoon down and ran my hands through my hair. Why couldn’t anything go right today? Feeling sad again, I reached for the Jack.

My wrist was grabbed before I could touch the bottle and I was spun around. Knox stared down at me with that intense look he had down pat. It was a mixture of determined and searching, like he wouldn’t give up until he was done seeing every inch of my soul. “Why are you here?” I asked.

He let go of my wrist to put his hand behind my neck. His fingers kneaded the base of my skull. “To apologize.”

“I don’t think you know how to apologize.” What he was doing felt so good, I had to fight to keep my eyes from rolling back into my head. I bit my lip to stop from groaning. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

His eyes dropped to my mouth and he leaned closer until his mouth was almost touching mine. “I only apologize to people I care about.” He was so close, I felt his words on my lips. It made my toes curl.

I wanted him to close the breadth of distance between us.

What did I have to lose?

Nothing.

All I did was lose and lose.

Right now, I wanted to take.

My hands went to his hips and I leaned forward. He pulled back a little, slightly stunned.

I pushed up onto my tiptoes. “Kiss me, Knox,” I whispered against his lips.

I was pretty sure he stopped breathing. I thought I heard something clank behind me and I went to look. Knox’s mouth captured mine before I could see. His hand at my neck pulled me even closer and he kissed the crap out of me. His lips were dominant and his tongue was controlling. Everything about the way he kissed represented him perfectly and because of that, I wanted to rebel. I enjoyed giving as good as I got with him way too much. I fisted the front of his shirt in my hands and kissed him back. My tongue caressed and danced with his in a passionate battle I knew he was enjoying just as much as I was.

He broke our kiss with a frustrated noise and pressed his forehead to mine. We both were breathing heavily. His hand at my neck squeezed a little as he stared down at me with a pained expression. His mouth moved back to mine and then pulled away.

Movement to my left caught my attention and I saw that he had my bottle of Jack.

“What are you doing?” I questioned and reached for it.

He lifted it out of my reach and backed away. I looked from the bottle to him. He actually looked remorseful as he walked over to the sink and tipped the bottle upside down, pouring it out.

I pressed my fingers to my lips. The betrayal was sobering enough that I felt humiliated and everything I was trying not to feel came rushing to the surface. The heartache. The fear. The anger. And he was dumping my way to escape it all down the drain.

I stormed out of the kitchen and went to my room. I ripped open my closet and flicked through my dresses angrily until I found a short, red summer dress with tie straps. I yanked it off the hanger.

Knox was standing by my bedroom door when I came out of the closet. “What are you doing?” he asked.

I ignored him as I tossed my dress on the bed and removed my top. I was still in my Hulk pajamas. I threw my shirt at him, which he caught. “Are you going to watch?” I snapped with my arms out.

The look he gave me said he was calling my bluff. Only I wasn’t bluffing. I shrugged. “Fine.” I pulled down my pajama shorts, then unhooked my bra and tossed that at him, too.

“Damnit, Shiloh,” he cursed and looked toward the ceiling.

I slipped on my dress and stepped into a pair of black flats. I grabbed my purse, phone, and keys that were on my dresser next.

“Where are you going?” Knox questioned as I put the strap of my purse across my body.

“None of your business,” I answered as I passed him to exit my room. “Lock up when you leave,” I said over my shoulder before I walked out the front door. Once out on the porch, I pulled up a car service app on my phone. I was about to hit confirm after picking my destination, which was the nearest bar, when my phone was snatched out of my hand.

Knox read my phone before shoving it in his pocket. “You’re not going to a bar. For one, you’re not twenty-one. Two, you’ve had enough to drink today.”

I wasn’t going to argue with him. Fighting with him would only hurt me in the end because I was the only one of us who truly cared. I walked away instead.

“Where are you going?” he asked, sounding as frustrated as I felt.

I scoffed. “Like I’d tell you.”

He let out a slew of curses, ran to catch up, and before I knew it, he threw me over his shoulder.

“Put me down!” I hit at his back and kicked my legs.

“No.”

I didn’t stop fighting as he walked past my house and went into his.

“You stupid, muscle-headed bastard!” I yelled, grabbing for the door frame as we went through it, but I couldn’t get a good enough grip.

“What the hell is going on?” I heard Creed ask, just before Knox set me down in the middle of their living room.

Creed, Colt, and Keelan were all standing around the couch, staring at us wide-eyed.

I glared at Knox. “Why did you bring me here?”

“Because you’re hellbent on self-destructing,” he snapped.

“I was doing fine before you showed up,” I snapped back and stomped my foot. “I feel so stupid for letting you kiss me!”

“What?” Keelan, Colt, and Creed said at the same time and looked at Knox.

Knox refused to look away from me. “You’re drunk, Shiloh.”

“So what?!” I yelled. The decision not to argue with him was thrown out the window. I wanted to fight now. I wanted to unleash everything on him. “You don’t get to dictate how I deal with shit, especially when you were the one who hurt me. You pushed and pushed me to tell you something I wasn’t ready to share, nor was allowed to tell you. You made me choose between the four of you and my safety. What did it get me? Nothing. Instead, it cost me everything, just as I knew it would.”

The muscle in his jaw clenched. “Give me your purse,” he said in a low voice.

“Stop caring, Knox. It would make your life so much easier and it won’t confuse the shit out of me,” I said, raking my fingers through my hair angrily.

“I’m not letting you leave until you sober up. So you either give me your purse or I’ll take it from you. It’s your choice.”

How dare he act calm now? I ripped my purse off my body and threw it at him. He caught it when it hit his chest. After that, I stormed past him, then Colt, Creed, and Keelan, heading for the twins’ side of the house.

“Have you eaten anything today?” Knox asked me.

“Go to hell!” I shouted over my shoulder before disappearing down the hall.

“You said you were going to apologize to her, not make it worse,” I heard Colt say, sounding pissed off. “And what did she mean when she said you kissed her?”

Knox grumbled something I couldn’t hear.

I decided to hide out in Creed’s room. I refused to sit out there for however long Knox was keeping me here. The last thing I wanted was to be around them. Not when it hurt so much. Tears dripped from my eyes as I kicked off my shoes and climbed onto Creed’s bed. Lying on my side, I grabbed one of Creed’s pillows and hugged it tight. I had no choice but to feel and it was awful.