WITSEC

Chapter 4

Chapter Four

My whole body sagged the moment I walked through my front door after Ian dropped me off. I had felt relieved when he had told me that he was going back to the airport after he took me home. That man could sniff lies out better than a polygraph and I didn’t want to spend any more time with him than I had to.

Dragging my feet, I went to the wall where the alarm was to put in the code. I froze, fingers hovering over the keypad, when I realized that it wasn’t going off. I had set it. I always set it before leaving, yet it was disarmed.

Fear surged through my exhausted body. I moved to the coffee table and grabbed the gun that was taped underneath. Doing my best to be quiet, I pulled back the slide on the .40 caliber, cocking it. I winced at the loud sound of the gun clicking as a bullet moved into the chamber and the slide snapping back into place.

I need to leave. I need to run , I told myself as I crept and peeked into the kitchen. It was empty. I moved toward the hallway next. My heart pounded so hard in my chest it hurt. As I was about to reach the hallway, I leaned against the wall, gun clutched in front of me. Slowly, I peeked around the corner and down the hall. The spare bedroom door was open, as I had left it. The spare bathroom door was open, as I had left it. The panic room was closed, as always. My gaze landed on my room all the way at the end of the hall last. The door was open, as I had left it. I hadn’t known I was holding my breath until I saw who was sleeping in my bed. It was Colt and Creed. I exhaled, relieved, and pulled back from peeking down the hall to rest my head against the wall. My knees gave out on me and I slid down to the floor.

My eyes burned as my adrenaline crashed. I sat there for a little while, focusing a great deal on breathing.

When I was able to pull myself off the floor, I put the gun back under the coffee table. Careful not to wake Colt and Creed, I got into the shower. As I washed, I noticed a few bruises I had gained thanks to Jacob. There was a really sore one on my thigh where he’d stuck me with the needle.

Wrapped in a towel, I entered my room to get dressed. Colt was sitting up against the headboard. He was shirtless. Both of them were. “Hey,” he whispered as he rubbed an eye tiredly.

“Hey,” I said back quietly, my voice sounding vacant even to my own ears. He noticed, too. I could tell by the way his tired eyes instantly became focused on me. I turned away from him and busied myself with pulling an oversized shirt and a pair of underwear from my dresser. Then I went into my closet to put them on.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” he asked.

I slowed my dressing for only a breath. “Not right now.”

“Can you at least tell me how you’re feeling?”

After I was dressed, I stepped into the doorway. Meeting Colt’s eyes, I leaned against the frame with my arms folded across my chest. “Too much,” I answered honestly. “I’m feeling too much.”

“Is there anything I can do?” he asked, concern furrowing his brow. “Do you need anything?”

A cigarette? Alcohol? A long run that will allow me to outrun what I’m feeling? I wanted all three, but I wouldn’t tell him that.

Creed let out a tired groan. “What she needs is to get her butt in this bed so I can hold her.”

I definitely needed that. Pushing off the wall, I walked over to Creed’s side of the bed. Before I could attempt to clamber over him to get in the middle, Creed sat up and hooked an arm around my waist, pulled me off my feet, and laid me between them. His arm never released me as I got under the covers and settled on my side, facing Colt. Both of them scooted closer. Creed molded his body along my entire back side. Colt grabbed the back of my knee and hiked it over his hip. His pelvis pressed against mine, sandwiching me between them. Colt moved his head close enough to press his lips to my forehead and stayed there.

“We missed school today,” I said randomly. Even though I’d been unconscious all night thanks to the drugs Jacob had shot into me, I was still exhausted. It was comfortable lying between them, and I felt safe enough to relax, but my brain wouldn’t let me.

Colt ran his hand up and down my arm. “It’s alright, babe. Just try to relax and rest for a little while.”

“It’s Thursday. You have a meet tonight,” I said. Well, Colt had a meet. Creed was suspended from the swim team for the next two weeks. Gabe had thrown me into the school’s pool and Creed had tried to rearrange Gabe’s face with his fist. Was it wrong that I found that attractive? Not the violence, but the way he came to my defense. They were both like that and it felt really good to have them in my corner.

“I’m not going to the meet,” Colt said.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because I’d rather be home with you,” he replied.

“But—”

Creed sighed into the back of my neck. “Shi.”

I groaned. “I’m sorry. My brain won’t turn off.”

“Do you want me to help you relax?” Creed asked, moving his hand down my abdomen. My stomach did a flip and all my blood rushed in the direction he was headed.

Colt grabbed Creed’s wrist, stopping him from touching me lower. “She doesn’t need that after what she’s been through.”

Creed pulled his hand away. “You’re right.”

I grabbed Colt’s hand before he could move it out of my reach. Heat bloomed in my cheeks as I met Colt’s eyes. “Maybe I do need it,” I said, pulling his hand to my stomach.

Colt’s eyes bored into mine. “Are you sure?”

They were the only good part of my life, especially right now. I trusted them. My feelings for them grew with each moment we spent together. I was ready and wanted to connect with them in every way possible. “Yes,” I said, releasing his hand.

Creed’s fingers slid up my thigh and grasped the end of my shirt. He pulled it up and out from under Colt’s hand until the shirt bunched around my ribs. Creed released the shirt to slide his hand under it. I inhaled deeply as his warm palm cupped my breast.

Colt watched my face, taking in my reaction to Creed touching me. He didn’t look away as he trailed his fingers lower and lower until he reached the band of my underwear. Creed brushed his thumb over my nipple at the same time Colt’s fingers dipped into my underwear and smoothed over my mound. Colt’s middle finger pressed down on my clit and began rubbing circles over it, while Creed tweaked and tugged on my nipple. I grabbed Colt’s bicep as my breaths turned into pants. Colt added pressure to his circling that coaxed little whimpers from me and I closed my eyes to chase the pleasure.

A hand came up under my chin. “Don’t close your eyes,” Colt said in a deep, husky voice.

I forced them open, meeting his hooded aquamarines as his middle finger glided away from my clit to my wet core. Battling to keep my eyes open, my brow furrowed as his finger dipped inside me slowly. He brought the heel of his palm down on my clit as he withdrew his finger and pushed back in. He repeated the process over and over again. I let out a moan when his pumping finger was joined by a second.

Creed continued to tease my nipple and massage my breast. Brushing his nose along the shell of my ear, he whispered, “I could cum to the sounds you make.”

His words made me shiver, which caused me to bump my sensitive clit against the heel of Colt’s hand. It felt good. Too good. So I did it again and again, rocking my hips and grinding that little bud of nerves against his palm.

Creed’s hand moved to my other breast. “That’s it, Shi. Ride his fingers.”

A groan escaped me, and Colt cut it off with a kiss. His tongue briefly touched mine before he pulled away. “I think she likes it when you whisper filthy things in her ear. She squeezes around my fingers every time.” He curled said fingers inside me and hit a spot that made my toes curl and a pressure build at the base of my spine.

“Do that again,” I begged.

A grin tugged at the corners of Colt’s mouth. “This?” He curled his fingers as he pumped them inside me and hit that perfect spot again.

“Yes!” I cried out.

Creed chuckled behind me. “Do you want to cum, Shi?” he asked as his hand left my breast and moved down.

“Yes,” I panted.

As if in sync, Colt moved the heel of his palm away from my clit just as Creed slid his fingers over it. Creed began working that little spot with vigor.

“Please don’t stop,” I pleaded as my orgasm built and built until it erupted. “Please. Don’t. Stop.” My entire body shuddered as the best feeling in the world rippled through me in intense waves.

Once my orgasm faded, Colt pulled his fingers out of me and out of my underwear. Creed didn’t move. He continued to hold his fingers over my pulsing clit.

Breathing heavily, I watched as Colt put his fingers inside his mouth and sucked them clean.

“Do I taste good?” I asked.

Colt gave me a smirk that was proud and sinful. “Yes, you do.”

I grabbed Creed’s hand and pulled it out from my underwear. I brought it up to my mouth. Colt’s smirk dropped and heat filled his eyes as I licked the tip of one of Creed’s fingers. I tasted kind of sweet. I took the rest of Creed’s finger into my mouth and sucked it clean like Colt had done to his fingers.

They both groaned.

“Cheese and fucking rice,” Creed cursed. As soon as his finger was free from my mouth, he pulled his hand away and rolled onto his back. He ran his hands down his face. “That was hot as hell, yet so, so mean to do when I’m trying to be good.”

I looked at Colt. “Did I do something wrong?”

Colt shook his head. “Ignore him.” He pulled me with him as he also rolled onto his back. “Let’s try and get some rest.”

I was really relaxed now, almost euphoric. Getting comfortable, I laid my head on his chest and draped my arm across his stomach. After closing my eyes, I eventually drifted off.

My nails tore into the wallpaper as Mr. X dragged me down the hall. I let out another pain-riddled scream, despite knowing that no one could hear me. That knowledge had been proven when our neighbors hadn’t come running to my earlier screams. Our houses were just too far apart.

I tried to kick my legs free, but Mr. X’s grip was too strong, and his steps didn’t slow. I was so focused on trying to grab a hold of anything that came into reach that I didn’t realize we were passing Shayla’s body until I felt something wet seep into the back of my clothes. At the sight of her pink hair, my throat closed, and I began choking on my sobs. I grabbed her hand as it came into reach, desperately hoping to find some flicker of life still left in her. When both of our eyes were level with each other, I saw hers were open and vacant.

“No!” ripped out of me. “Shayla!” I wailed, squeezing her hand as Mr. X continued to pull me away from her and into my bedroom.

“Shayla!” I screamed as I shot up from where I was lying.

Hands cupped my cheeks, and I was forced to meet Colt’s eyes. “Shh, you’re okay.”

I grasped his wrists. “I couldn’t save her.” Tears poured down my cheeks. “I couldn’t get out.”

“It’s not your fault, Shiloh,” Colt said before pulling me against his chest and hugging me.

“I couldn’t escape. He wouldn’t let me,” I cried into his chest.

His arms tightened around me. “You did. You got out. You’re safe.”

A second set of hands grabbed me by the hips from behind, making me jump. “It’s just me, Shi,” I heard Creed say as his thumbs rubbed small circles on my lower back. “This one was bad.” Creed let out a curse. “Her whole body is shaking.”

“Given what happened yesterday—” Colt started to say but was interrupted by three pounding knocks. Startled, I lurched closer to Colt until I was straddling his lap and burying my face in his bare shoulder.

Colt’s arms tightened around me. “It’s okay. Someone knocked on the front door. That’s all.”

The bed shook a little. “I’ll go answer it. I have a feeling it’s Keelan and Knox,” Creed said. I listened to the sounds of his footsteps getting further and further away as he headed for the front door.

I flattened my palms on Colt’s chest. His skin was warm and smooth. I moved them down and around his sides. His body went taut as I ran them up his back.

“Not that I’m complaining that you’re touching me, but what are you doing, babe?”

“Making sure you’re real,” I whispered. “They feel so real. It’s getting harder to tell where they end and reality begins.”

Colt ran a hand down the back of my head. “Your nightmares?”

I nodded against his shoulder. “I wish I didn’t have to sleep.”

“Everything okay?” I heard Keelan say softly. There was movement in my room, followed by the left side of the bed dipping.

“Bad nightmare,” Colt said.

“We could hear her screaming from our house,” Knox grumbled.

“This one was different,” Creed said from somewhere in the room. “It seemed more violent.”

“That’s how it seemed this morning at the hospital,” Keelan said.

“Think Jacob attacking her triggered something?” Knox asked.

“That’s what I was thinking,” Colt said.

“You’re talking as if I’m not here.” I let out a shaky breath. “I feel like a freak at the circus.”

“I’d pay to see your act,” Keelan said and the tightness in my chest eased a little.

I pulled my face away from Colt’s neck and I met his worried eyes. Colt’s hands went to my cheeks and his thumbs wiped away my tears. “I’m sorry we were talking about you, but at least it got you to stop shaking.”

That was true. My mind drifted to how scared I’d felt and acted. My nightmares were getting worse. My eyes dropped to Colt’s chest. It was wet and striped with streams of my tears.

I couldn’t meet his eyes. “I’m?—”

“Don’t,” Knox snapped, interrupting me. I glanced toward my bedroom door. He was leaning against the frame, frowning. “Stop apologizing for something that isn’t your fault.”

Colt tucked my hair behind my ear. “I agree with Knox. Stop apologizing.”

“I know it’s not my fault,” I snapped and then grimaced. “I just…” If I was being honest, I was still worried they’d get sick of dealing with me, even though they had repeatedly proven that they weren’t going to run for the hills. I had no reason not to believe them, but something was holding me back. It was me. I was holding me back. “How do you suggest I act right now? Pretend I didn’t just wake up screaming?”

“No!” they all said at the same time.

I looked around at all of them. Keelan was lying where Creed had been sleeping and he had certainly made himself comfortable in my bed, with his long legs crossed at the ankles and his hands laced behind his head, displaying the tattoos covering the undersides of his arms. I looked for Creed next. He was leaning against my dresser, with his arms crossed over his bare chest. His basketball shorts hung low, showing off the V of his hips. My mind drifted to what he, Colt, and I had done earlier—how they had touched me. It took effort to tear my gaze away. I moved my eyes up to meet Creed’s and saw that he was smirking at me. With hot cheeks I looked back at Colt and saw that he was grinning. I didn’t dare look at Knox or Keelan. I had a feeling everyone had caught me ogling Creed. I cleared my throat. “Is anyone hungry?” I asked as I climbed off of Colt and the bed. Once I was standing, I was reminded that I was only wearing a shirt and underwear. I tugged on the hem of my shirt. “I need pants.”

“Oh, don’t feel the need to put your clothes on because we’re here,” Keelan said, reciting what I had told him the first time I’d had breakfast at their house. Colt and Creed both chuckled and Knox shook his head, but I could tell he was fighting not to smile.

I was positive I was flushed. I still attempted to keep my cool and recited what he had responded with that morning: “Thanks for the permission to be naked, Keelan.”

Their smiles dropped and the room went very quiet for a moment. Then Keelan jumped to his feet and rounded my bed, heading for the door. “I think we should order in.”

Colt also stood from my bed. “That’s a good idea. Want to eat at our place, babe?”

“Sure,” I said distractedly. The sound of my dresser drawer being closed pulled my attention. Creed tossed me a pair of loose pajama shorts with baby cartoon Avengers on them before scooping up Colt’s and his shirts off the top of my dresser. He tossed one shirt to Colt and they put them on before dashing out of my room, following Keelan.

I watched them pass Knox, who stepped aside to let them leave, as I pulled on my shorts. I was tying the drawstrings as I walked toward the door.

“Pretending you don’t have nightmares isn’t the answer,” Knox said, stepping in my way. “It might help you to talk about them.”

I looked up, meeting his intense brown eyes. “My nightmares are mostly of the night my family was murdered. I don’t even like to think about that night, let alone talk about it.”

“Just because you don’t want to think about that night doesn’t mean it didn’t happen,” he said bluntly.

That had been the last thing my psychiatrist had said before I’d closed my computer on her and never attended therapy again. Alaska didn’t provide a huge selection of psychiatrists to choose from and none of them had experience helping people with my type of trauma. Which was why all my sessions had been via video chat.

“It sounds like your nightmares are a result of what you’re refusing to face,” Knox said. “We all have to face our pain, Shiloh. If you don’t, you won’t find a way to accept it and you’ll never be able to move on.”

His words were like a punch to my gut and he left me standing there, stunned.