WITSEC

Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

I ended up with four stitches along my hairline by my temple. The only plus side was the fact I could hide my Frankenstein look with my hair and the drugs they gave me at the hospital. Colt had held my hand the entire time while Keelan had praised me, calling me a “total badass” because I hadn’t even flinched when the doctor had started sewing me up.

During the drive home, the pain meds fully kicked in and were making me really sleepy. I could feel the guys watching me as my eyes repeatedly slid closed and I startled awake a minute later. None of them suggested I sleep. They didn’t utter a word until we arrived back home. They all climbed out of Keelan’s Jeep with ease. My movements were sluggish and it took me longer than it should have to get my seat belt off. Knox opened my door and scooped me up. Keelan got their front door opened and Knox carried me in. Without stopping, he took me to his room and laid me on the bed. I kicked off my sandals, letting them drop off the side of the bed to the floor, and curled up on my side.

“I get that this is what’s best for her, but tomorrow, I want you to tell me what you said or did to help her sleep,” I heard Creed say from the hall in a low voice.

“I’ll tell you everything in the morning,” Knox whispered, irritation riding his voice. “Until then, keep your jealousy under wraps. She doesn’t need that right now.”

“I’m not jealous. I’m worried about her,” Creed whispered back. “Don’t lead her on only to pull away because you think it’s for the best.”

“I won’t,” Knox said.

“I’m serious, Knox,” Creed said, not bothering to be quiet anymore.

“Enough,” Keelan said. “Let’s call it a night. Colt, Creed, go to bed. You have school in the morning and it’s late.”

I could hear Creed grumbling as he moved down the hall. Someone touched me on my shoulder, and I opened my eyes. Keelan was standing next to the bed with the bag he’d packed for me. “Here’s your stuff if you want to change into your pajamas.”

I nodded and sat up. Keelan set my bag on the bed and left the room. I unzipped it and pulled out my Batman PJs. I hung my feet off the side of the bed with a sigh. I was dreading the walk to the bathroom. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw Knox standing on the other side of the bed, watching me.

“Don’t look,” I said tiredly and pulled my shirt over my head.

“You’re supposed to give me time to turn around,” he grumbled.

All he could see was my back. My bare back, because I wasn’t wearing a bra. I hadn’t had one on since I’d taken it off to nap with him earlier. “I’m too tired to care,” I said as I pulled my pajama top on. I lay back in the bed as I had done earlier and took my shorts off. I just kicked them to the floor and then put my Batman bottoms on. After I was changed, I dropped my bag on the floor and climbed under the blankets.

I listened to Knox move around the room before he got into bed. As soon as he was under the blankets, he pulled me close. He put his arm under my head. “What do you need?”

I put my hand in his and laced our fingers. “Make me feel safe.”

His fingers began to comb through my hair. “No one can get to you,” he said with a confidence that made me believe him. “No one can hurt you when you’re in my arms. I have you, Shiloh.”

I let myself relax and before I knew it, I had fallen asleep.

Shayla held her hand over my mouth as we listened to Mr. X grunt each time he stabbed our mom’s body. I had watched him stab her the first handful of times before Shayla had pulled me back behind the couch and covered my mouth when I’d let out a tiny strangled noise in order to stop myself from screaming.

She held me tightly. I could feel her whole body shaking and hear her heart pounding in her chest.

Mr. X let out a roar that made us both jump. We held our breath, listening to him. His feet shuffled on the wood floor as he moved around the room. “Shiloh! Come out! Come out, wherever you are!”

I jerked awake, surrounded by darkness. Arms tightened around me and Knox’s voice filled my ear. “Shh, I’ve got you.”

I rolled over so I was facing him, not caring that I was lying on my stitches.

He ran his hand up and down my spine. “Try to go back to sleep,” he said tiredly.

I took in a shuddering breath, trying to calm my pounding heart.

Knox leaned forward and kissed my forehead. “Close your eyes.”

I did, and I eventually fell back to sleep.

The morning light woke me and my chest caved in a little with relief. I hadn’t had another nightmare after falling back to sleep.

I closed my eyes, thanking whatever higher power would listen for letting me have a few hours of dreamless sleep. As I went to stretch, I finally became aware that something wasn’t right. I was still wrapped up in Knox’s arms, facing him, but with my head tucked under his chin. It appeared that my hand was the only body part of mine that had decided to do some wandering last night.

My hand had found its way into not only his shorts, but also his boxers, and I was holding his… Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. My hand just twitched around him and the rest of his body went stiff. My cheeks were on fire. “You’re awake, aren’t you?”

“Yup.” There wasn’t any grogginess in his voice, which told me he was wide awake.

I started to pull my hand out of his boxers, my fingers running up his length. He inhaled sharply and he twitched against my hand. I froze. His chest rose and fell with shallow breaths. I tilted my head back so I could see his face. I found his eyes squeezed shut and a pained look furrowing his brow. He was hard in my hand. Hard like his muscles became when he flexed them. If he was hard down there, didn’t that mean…

I moved my hand back down his length and curled my fingers around him at the tip.

His eyes shot open and bored into mine. “Shiloh,” he growled.

I stroked up and the backs of my fingers brushed his balls. “Do you want me to stop?” I asked as I moved my hand down again.

His hips bucked. “Fuck.”

He didn’t stop me. Instead, he fisted the back of my shirt. I couldn’t get enough of how he reacted to me touching him. This big, strong man was at my mercy. “Am I doing it right?”

“Harder.” His voice was like rumbling thunder. I did as he said, and his breath hitched. “That’s it.”

The corner of my mouth twitched as I fought a smug smile. His eyes dropped there, catching the twitch, and he released the back of my shirt. He moved his hand up into my hair and tugged a little. He wasn’t hurting me, but it toed the line, making me gasp. “Do you like touching my cock, Shiloh?”

Oh, he wasn’t the one in control here. I was. And I would fight him for it if I had to. “I think you like it more.” I pumped my hand faster and he tightened his grip on my hair. “You’re bigger than I thought.”

He inched his face closer until his lips hovered above mine. “You’ve thought about my cock?”

I only smiled.

He grinned back. “I haven’t stopped thinking about your pretty little pussy.” His lips lightly brushed mine, but he didn’t fully kiss me. That frustrated me a little because it still felt like he had the upper hand.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about the way you looked at me,” I said. “You wanted me, and I wanted you to have me right there on that counter.”

He let out a breathy groan and started rocking his hips in sync with my hand. I felt him swell just before he let out a curse and warmth coated my fingers.

I pulled my hand from his boxers and watched his cum roll down my fingers. Curiosity urged me to taste it, but as I brought my hand toward my mouth, Knox caught my wrist. Pushing me onto my back, he pinned my hand against the pillow.

“Fuck,” he cursed, squeezing his eyes shut. “I shouldn’t have let that happen.”

“What?” I said and hated how hurt I sounded.

Hearing it, his eyes shot open and his brow furrowed. “You’re going through a lot right now. It was wrong?—”

“Wrong?” I blurted and pushed him off of me. I climbed out of the bed, beelining for the bathroom to wash my hands in the sink. By the time I was done and walked back in the bedroom, Knox was sitting on the edge of the bed, hunched over, with his face in his hands.

I folded my arms over my chest. “I know I’ve made piss-poor decisions regarding my grief and I may be inexperienced in the bedroom, but that doesn’t mean you can write me off as incompetent. I do know better and I’m still capable of making good decisions.”

He looked up with a frown.

“I woke up this morning peacefully. Yes, I had a nightmare last night, but I was able to fall back to sleep and I didn’t dream. I opened my eyes feeling somewhat normal and…” I sighed frustratedly, trying to organize my thoughts. “Keelan already explained why I shouldn’t use sex as an escape and I won’t. What we just did…that wasn’t an escape. I didn’t use you.”

“I don’t think you used me,” he snapped.

“Then what is it?”

“You should be focusing on yourself right now,” he said firmly. “Sex could distract you from that.”

“I’m not some sex-crazed teenager who can’t control their hormones. Well, there was this one time with the twins, and I was drunk, but that doesn’t count,” I rambled. I needed to get back on track. “I have feelings for you and I’m pretty sure you have feelings for me, too. It’s normal to want to connect with you on an intimate level. If you didn’t want that, then you should have said something. I wouldn’t have done what I did?—”

“If I hadn’t wanted that to happen, it wouldn’t have. That’s not the point. We need to do right by you. Sex needs to wait until you’re in a better place.”

We? They all came to this decision without talking to me?

My eyes dropped to the floor and I headed for the door. “I’m going to make breakfast.”

“Shiloh,” he said, but I ignored him as I left.

By the time I made it to the kitchen, I felt ready to combust. I pulled food from the fridge and dropped it all on the counter next to the stove. I slammed cabinets closed and plopped pans on the stove, not caring how loud I was. The drawers were the next to suffer my wrath as I searched for utensils. I tossed those on the counter and enjoyed the way they clanged and clattered.

“Babe?”

I turned around, finding Colt, Creed, and Keelan standing on the opposite end of the kitchen. All of them were shirtless, looking like they had just rolled out of bed. They were staring at me, gaping.

Colt took a cautious step forward. “Everything alright?”

I turned back toward the stove and grabbed some eggs from the carton. “I know I hit rock bottom yesterday and I’m mortified that you all had to see that, but that doesn’t mean you all have to walk on eggshells around me.” I was so angry in my cracking of the eggs that all the yolks broke when they hit the pan. Scrambled eggs it is. I took a spatula and mixed the raw eggs around the pan.

“Okay,” Creed drawled.

I whirled back around and pointed the spatula at them. “And you don’t get to decide what’s best for me without talking to me first, because at the end of the day, I know what I’m ready for or what I can handle. Not any of you.”

All of their brows had risen. Knox walked in at that moment, with his hands stuffed in his pockets. He had different basketball shorts on. His eyes zeroed in on me and the muscles in his jaw ticked. There was nothing I could do to stop myself from glaring at him. So I spun back around and returned to cooking eggs that were already burned.

“Fuck it,” I cursed as I turned off the burner and tossed the spatula into the sink. I faced them all again. “It bothers me that you all had a conversation about sharing me without me. None of you thought to include me in the decision-making or asked me if I was alright being in a relationship with all of you.”

They were all clearly stunned.

“Did you discuss fucking me, too?” I questioned.

That snapped them out of their stunned states and Colt and Creed both said “no” at the same time. Knox smartly stayed quiet. Keelan looked from me to Knox as if he held the answer to what was happening.

“So none of you talked about halting all intimacy with me because the four of you assumed I can’t handle it right now?” I asked.

I was answered with silence.

“Wow.” My voice cracked. “Am I really that pathetic to you?” How could they not see me that way? I’d just had a meltdown in my closet yesterday.

“What?” Creed shook his head. “No.”

“Then why don’t you include me when it involves me?” I asked.

Again, I was answered with silence.

“I’m not someone who needs to be managed or told how things are going to be because the four of you think you know best. If that’s what you expect, I can’t do this,” I said and moved to leave.

Colt quickly blocked me. “We just didn’t want to add any pressure on you.”

“None of you have made me feel pressured in that department,” I said. “But you’d know that if you talked to me.” I could read what Colt was going to say next and I spoke first. “And before you say that I haven’t been the easiest to talk to, that was when you were trying to get me to talk about not sleeping. I have never avoided talking about our relationship. In fact, I have asked you to talk to me about it.” I looked at Creed. I’d asked him at Ethan’s party.

“What about what we discussed the other day?” Keelan asked in a calm voice.

“You couldn’t trust me not to use you?” I asked him. “Life is supposed to have give and take. In my case it’s almost always take, but my time with any of you, be it intimate or just being in your company, has been the only give life has allotted me. I wasn’t going to ruin the one fucking good thing I had.”

“Have,” Creed corrected.

“Had,” I repeated. “You made me feel like I don’t have a voice in this relationship. What’s good about that?” I walked around Colt and headed back to Knox’s room. I stuffed everything that had fallen out of my bag back in and grabbed my anklet tracker, which I’d left on Knox’s dresser yesterday. As I went to zip my bag shut, I felt my regular cell phone vibrate from somewhere inside.

I quickly dug around to retrieve it. Of course it was all the way at the bottom of the bag. The lock screen lit up, showing I had a text message from an unknown number. I clicked on the message and my heart stopped.

Unknown

I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.