Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
Tuesday morning, on the way to school, Colt was quiet as he drove. Actually, he had been quiet since he’d come home from swim practice last night. At dinner, he had seemed lost in his thoughts as he’d pushed around his food.
I had put my hand on his knee under the table. When that had gotten his attention and while his brothers had been engaged in a discussion, I asked him in a low voice, “Are you all right?”
He had perked up a little. “I’m worn out from practice. I think I might just go to bed,” he had said before pushing back his chair to get up from the table.
After Colt had retreated to his room, I had noticed the table had gone quiet. I’d glanced at Colt’s brothers and seen them exchange looks.
Seeing the question written on my face, Knox had been the one to answer. “Colt can be very hard on himself.”
“He doesn’t like to let down those he cares about,” Keelan had added, and I had found that neither of what they had said made sense.
“It’s not going to let anyone down to quit,” Creed had said.
“You felt the same not that long ago,” Knox had pointed out. “He needs time, like you did.”
“It’s different for him and you know it,” Creed had argued. “He’ll stay on the team no matter how much he hates it. He needs to drop the golden-boy act and just be who he wants to be instead of what others expect him to be—or if we’re being transparent, what Dad wanted him to be.”
“Creed,” Keelan had chastised.
“You know it’s true,” Creed had snapped. “For as long as I can remember, he has bent over backward to please Dad. He was afraid Dad would check out again like he did after Mom died if he disappointed him. To an extent, I was guilty of that, too, because I also had that fear, but in the end, it didn’t matter. Dad’s gone. Yet Colt still acts that way. It’s like he’s been doing it for so long, he doesn’t know any other way to act. And it’s eating him up on the inside.”
As they had volleyed back and forth, I’d sat there silently, piecing together the information.
After we parked in the school parking lot, I overheard Creed mumble to Colt as I climbed out of the car, “If you want to quit, then quit. No one is?—”
“Don’t,” Colt snapped. After he climbed out, he slammed the car door shut and stormed for the school’s entrance without us.
Frowning, I glanced at Creed as I rounded the car. He rolled his eyes at his twin and held out his hand to me. “Let’s go.”
Once inside, Creed veered off toward his locker and I caught up with Colt by ours. His body was stiff as he pulled the textbooks out for our first class. Feeling unsure, I reached out to touch his back, and as my fingers brushed his lower spine, someone behind me coughed, “Whore.” Laughter echoed off the hall walls.
I spun around to find Cassy, Amber, their friend Sam, Gabe, and a few of his teammates standing in a group a few meters away. All of them were staring in my direction.
Colt wrapped an arm around my middle and his chest pressed against my back. “Ignore them.”
Creed joined us, with Ethan and Isabelle right behind him. Creed’s stare was indifferent as he eyed Cassy and the rest of them.
“It is way too early to be dealing with their shit,” Ethan said, blocking my view of them.
Isabelle came to stand next to Ethan, also blocking my view. “They’re miserable and have to make everyone else miserable as well.”
I looked from Creed to Ethan to Isabelle and realized that they had formed a wall between me and Cassy’s clique. I smiled, despite the uncomfortable situation that stood on the other side of them, because I truly had amazing friends.
We were ordering food tonight. Knox was working late. Apparently, a good number of people had applied for the front desk position, and he had scheduled a bunch of them to come in and interview today, Isabelle included. So it was just four of us eating together tonight. Keelan had put in an order to the diner after Colt had texted, telling us that he was on his way home from practice.
Creed, Keelan, and I were sitting in the living room when Colt walked through the door. Right away, I could tell he was upset, and it was more so than he had been after practice yesterday. “Hi,” I greeted with a hint of hesitation.
Colt dropped his keys in the bowl by the door. “Hey,” he said in a sullen tone.
“Food will be here soon,” I said as I watched him head toward his and Creed’s side of the house.
“I’m going to go change,” was his response. With how detached his voice was, I could tell he was fighting to sound calm. I wasn’t the only one who noticed, either; the guys were eyeing their brother, too.
Colt didn’t utter another word as he disappeared down the hall toward his room. The sound of Colt’s door shutting was loud. Not like he slammed it in a fit of rage, but it sounded like there was a little bit of force behind it.
Creed and I stood at the same time.
“Let me go,” I insisted, and Creed sat back down.
When I came to Colt’s door, I tapped lightly, “Colt?”
“You can come in, babe.”
I went inside, shut the door behind me, and leaned against it.
Colt was in the middle of changing out of the clothes he’d worn to school. He was standing before his dresser in only his jeans. Without looking at me, he pulled out gray basketball shorts and a white shirt.
The temperature in the room rose very quickly as he unbuttoned his jeans and shoved them down his legs. He caught me watching and a tiny smile softened his tight expression. In nothing but his briefs, he walked across the room and tossed his jeans in the laundry basket. “Did you come to watch me?”
I’d seen him naked, yet there was something about seeing him or any of my guys in their underwear. Maybe boxer briefs were to me as lingerie was to a man. I cleared my throat. I had a reason for being here. “I came to see if you wanted to talk.”
Instead of returning to where he’d left his clothes on top of the dresser, he moved for me with angry heat in his eyes. “There’s nothing to talk about,” he said tightly as he reached for the doorknob.
When I heard the click of the lock being turned, my stomach did a little dip. Grabbing me by my hips, he captured my mouth with his.
How did I get him to talk to me? He was barely containing his anger, as if the Hulk side was scratching just beneath the surface. I could tell by the way his tongue barreled its way into my mouth, dominating mine, and the rough touch of his hands that moved from my hips to my butt. He gave it a squeeze before he lifted me up.
I wrapped my legs around him as he carried me over to the bed. He fell to the mattress with me landing on my back and him on top of me. His mouth moved to my neck and his hips rocked, grinding his hard cock against my center.
Gone was my gentle, caring boyfriend. The person on top of me felt like a stranger, but still had the ability to set my body on fire. Before I melted, I put my hands on his shoulders. “Colt—” I tried to protest, not because I wanted him to stop, but because he was angry. I wanted to comfort him. I wanted to destroy the reason that upset him. I wanted to make it all better.
He pulled my hands from his shoulders and pinned them to the bed. He lifted enough to stare down at me. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
The irritation behind his voice ignited my own. I easily got my hands free, not that he was using much strength to pin them, and with perfect technique I rolled us, putting him on his back with me straddling his waist. I pinned his hands to the mattress. Staring down in anger, I debated what to do.
Lying there with zero resistance, he grumbled, “It was a bad day at practice.”
Lies.
My first instinct was to rip him a new one. He had been trying to use sex to deflect.
Colt closed his eyes and sighed through his nose. “I’m sorry if I was rough. I—I shouldn’t treat you that way.”
After listening to Creed last night, I was beginning to think what he had said was right. I’d always thought Colt had two sides. One side of him was good, gentle, patient, selfless, and stood up for those he cared about. Honestly, he could be too perfect at times. Then there was his Hulk side. It was full of rage and defiance, itching to fight. Both sides were extreme. I wondered if one was who he strove to be and the other existed out of resentment.
Assuming that was all true, I got the feeling that I was wrong about the deflecting. Maybe Colt needed an outlet. Maybe he needed a moment to not be so perfect and really embrace that Hulk side.
“Do you want to be rough with me?” I asked.
His eyes shot open, and a panic took over him. “No, I?—”
“More lies,” I cut him off. “If you don’t want to be gentle with me, then don’t. I’ll let you take me any way you want. You know why? Because I trust you. But if you tell me one more lie, you will ruin that trust. You suffer, I suffer, remember?”
As I threw his words back at him, his eyes widened a little.
“So I’m going to tell you what I’ve picked up on over the past couple of days and you’re not going to deny any of it.”
He clenched his jaw as if to physically stop himself from objecting.
“You hate being on the swim team.”
That statement brought his anger to the surface. It showed in the lowering of his brows.
“But you won’t quit, because like Creed, you don’t want to disappoint your dad. But it’s not just your dad, is it? You feel like you can’t quit because you have always been viewed as the reliable one—the good twin. You know others’ expectations of you are higher than they are for Creed.”
“Stop,” he snapped.
“Why? Because you don’t like facing the truth?” I challenged.
He didn’t deny it. He didn’t deny anything that I had said. Instead, he pulled his hands out from under mine and sat up with me still straddling him.
He refused to meet my eyes. I cupped his face. Making him look at me brought our faces inches apart. “It’s just you and me in here. You don’t have to hide what you’re feeling. You don’t have to be perfect with me. Because I’m not going anywhere. You have me, Colt. Be selfish. Be angry. Take what you want, be who you want.”
He grabbed me by the back of my head and brought my mouth to his.
The way he kissed me was uncontrolled and untethered. He did not pause to see if I was all right or if I was sure about this. It was like he stopped letting his thoughts rule him. He was being in this moment with me completely. He was giving me the same amount of trust I gave him.
His hands grabbed the hem of my shirt and his lips broke away from mine to yank it off. I reached for the back of my bra to unfasten it and he pulled the straps down my arms.
Grabbing me around my waist, he rolled us, putting me on my back long enough to rip off my shorts and underwear. Then he flipped me onto my stomach and yanked my hips up. The way he manhandled me revealed something about myself. I liked it, deliriously so. I didn’t know what to expect, but I was excited for it nonetheless.
Colt stopped touching me just to shove off his boxers. There wasn’t any foreplay. No warning. Colt aligned himself with my entrance and shoved inside of me. I groaned into the mattress.
Barely giving me time to adjust, he withdrew and slammed back in. His fingers dimpled my skin as he yanked me backward to meet each of his harsh thrusts. My toes curled at the slight pain and how it enhanced the pleasure.
He was unrelenting as he pounded into me. I made sure to muffle my loud moans into the mattress.
“I’m sorry, babe.” His words were at odds with the way his body angrily slammed into mine.
I pushed up onto my hands and rocked backward, making him hiss. “Shut up, Colt,” I groaned and rocked backward again. I knew he was having a moment, or he was saying what he thought he should say. Either way, I couldn’t let his moment take root. “Shut up and fuck me.” It was as much of an order as it was a plea.
He let out a frustrated noise and flipped me onto my back. Fluidly, he was back inside me. “You feel so good,” he forced out.
My whole body rocked with each thrust, and he hit my clit every time he bottomed out. I arched, biting my lip to stifle my need to cry out.
His attention was captured by my bouncing breasts, and he grabbed one. “Do you like this? Do you like it when I fuck you this way?” His words could have been perceived as dirty talk, but I knew it was another moment of doubt. He kneaded my breast before his fingers went to my nipple. Tugging on it, he made me clench around him.
I reached up, snaking my fingers into his hair. “I love this. I love this so much,” I whimpered and fisted his pretty blond locks. I was going to come. The more the feeling built and built, the more my body tightened up. “Don’t stop.”
Colt groaned as I tightened around his cock and his hand slipped up from my breast. The tips of his fingers grazed my neck. My eyes flicked to Colt’s, finding his fixated on the hand that was slowly inching up higher until his thumb reached the hollow of my throat. As his thumb pushed into it, a euphoric look took over him. His thrusts became shallower, harder, and they made me come undone.
As I shuddered and tried to muffle my moaning with my hand, Colt’s release hit him.
For a moment, all that could be heard was our heavy breathing. Colt hadn’t moved from where he held himself on top of me. His eyes didn’t leave mine and I saw shame and regret fill them.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. “You and I are the same, Colt,” I said to him. “I know what it’s like to be the good twin. I couldn’t bear the thought of disappointing my parents because I saw how Shayla’s rebellious behavior upset them. That fear of disappointment spread to other areas of my life, when it came to school and friends. It’s what made me shy and quiet, because if I wasn’t outgoing or outspoken, then there were fewer chances to mess up. The pressure of always acting a certain way, always staying inside the lines, was too much. I loved my sister, but I resented her. I resented her freedom and her ability to not care about the consequences and to go about life with zero regrets. It wasn’t until I lost everything that I realized what I had been doing was unfair to myself. Moving here, starting this new life, I realized I was given a chance to live it differently.” I moved my hands to his cheeks. “You don’t get a restart, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make a change. Life is fragile, short, and you only get one. So if you want to quit the swim team, then quit. Your brothers will understand, I will understand, and more importantly, your dad would understand if he were here.”
His eyes became watery, and I knew my words were reaching him.
I smiled. “And if you want to have rough and wild sex again,” I said, making him smile, too, “I won’t love you any less. In fact, you might make me love you more.”
His smile dropped and my heart sank.
Sliding his arms underneath me, he scooped me up as he sat up onto his knees. With my legs still locked around his waist, he buried his face in my neck and hugged me tightly. “You weren’t supposed to say it first.”
My shoulders slumped a little and I moved my fingers to his hair to massage his scalp. “And why is that?”
“Because I was planning on saying it. I had this whole speech thing I wanted to say to you,” he said, pulling away from my neck to face me.
“We can pretend I didn’t say anything.”
The corners of his mouth lifted. “I don’t want to.”
“But I want to hear your declaration of love,” I said with a fake pout.
He snorted. “I wanted to say that the best thing to ever happen to me was when you moved in next door. When I brought over your mail after the first time we met, you answered the door and you had flour all over your face, and I realized right then that I was going to fall for you and there was nothing I could do about it. I think I started falling for you when you came to our swim meet dressed as a cheerleader with our name on the back of your shirt. And I knew for certain that I had completely fallen at Ethan’s party. You smiled so much that night. You seemed so happy and carefree, and it was beautiful to see. The best part about that night was that you had ended it by calling me a cockblock.” He chuckled as if he was remembering it.
“I didn’t actually call you that,” I grumbled.
“It was heavily implied, my little ballbuster,” he said, with an adoring smile. “I love you, Shiloh.”
I bit my lip to keep myself from crying. “I love you, too.”
He kissed me and we just held each other for a while.
As we got dressed, in a low voice, Colt said, “My dad really wanted us to go to college. It’s why he pushed us all into sports. He hoped we’d be good enough to get scholarships because even though his business was successful, it was still a lot to send four kids to college. He and my mom had been saving for us to go originally, but then she got sick, and my dad had to use that money for all the medical expenses.
“Creed had been the one to pick swimming and I figured, why not? It beat getting tackled over a ball or being stuck out in the heat, and turns out I was good at it. We both were. Creed was passionate when it came to the sport, but I’ve always looked at it as another responsibility because it made my dad proud.” He looked up at his trophies he had displayed on a shelf. “I needed him to be proud. Because I thought if he was proud, then he was happy, and if he was happy, he couldn’t be sad. After my mom died, he became this walking shell for almost two years. When he would look at us, there was just nothing in his eyes. No emotion. I know it sounds stupid, but I was scared that if he ever got sad again, he would turn back into that shell. So if Dad wanted me to play a sport, I’d play a sport. If he wanted me to get straight As, then I got straight As. If he wanted me to go to college, I’d go to college. If he needed me to keep an eye on Creed or make sure Creed doesn’t do this or say that or get into trouble, then I’d do it. I did everything he expected of me.”
“Then he died,” I said as gently as I could.
Colt nodded. “There was a moment after he died where I asked myself, what was the point? Why was I continuing to work this hard or strive for a goal that wasn’t mine to begin with? I felt really lost for a time. I didn’t leave the team because I didn’t want to disappoint Creed. After the gym was up and running and started bringing in money, I overheard Knox and Keelan talking one evening. They had created college funds for Creed and me and they were talking over how much they could afford to pay into them each month. Then I overheard them say that if Creed and I got scholarships from swimming, then by the time we graduated, they’d have enough saved for us to go to college without worry.”
He sat on the edge of the bed and took my hand. “I don’t give a shit about other people or if I disappoint them. It’s the ones I care about. You and my brothers. You are the ones I don’t want to disappoint.”
I squeezed his hand. “Your brothers love you and want you to be happy. I’m sure they created that college fund for you because they thought that was your goal and they were trying to do whatever they could to help you reach that goal. If you’re honest with them and tell them that it isn’t your goal, I know they will understand. Or if you do want to go to college, but hate being on the swim team, we’ll figure something else out. And by we, I mean me, too. I’ll help you look into other options to help pay for school.” I stepped closer and wrapped my arms around his waist. “I can confidently say that none of us want you to continue doing something you hate because you don’t want to disappoint us. Imagine if our roles were reversed. How would you feel about that?”
He tucked my hair behind my ear and gave me a sweet kiss. “Thank you.”