Chapter 11
Wizard
Ironically enough, we’re near the gas station-diner combo where we pulled over two nights ago when my phone starts vibrating like crazy.
I’m on my bike and Esme is following in her car.
I take the exit and pull into the parking lot.
I kill the bike and get my helmet off. Esme sits with her car idling, windows up, the AC probably pumping.
It’s overcast, without the sun beating down brutally, but it’s humid.
Even riding my bike with the wind flowing all around me, I’m soaked under my leather jacket.
Esme rolls her window down when I approach.
“Crow called me a couple times. I’m gonna phone him back, see what he wanted.”
“Sure. Yeah. That’s fine.”
Her voice is strained. It’s been awkward, even after we talked.
I’m glad that we did, but the elephant in the room is still very much in the room.
I made sure Esme rested, and I caught an hour nap.
We did our best to avoid each other. It wasn’t that hard, given that since we were taking off for a couple of days, I needed to ensure that the security was covered.
I needed to gather up all the shit I wanted to replace at the cabin, get groceries and supplies, and pack.
Esme and I have been dancing around without speaking more than a few words to each other all day.
“If you want, you could go in and get drinks or order something. I might be a minute.”
We had a sandwich earlier, but it was already a couple hours ago, and we’re approaching six. Past dinner.
“I’m fine. We have a whole trunk full of food.”
Everything is in Esme’s car. Coolers. Groceries. Tech. Our bags. I wanted to make sure that I was absolutely prepared for the trip. I did what I always do and took care of every little detail.
“I’m fine, Wizard. It’s fine.”
I hate that word, but Esme flashes me a smile and rolls up her window before all the cool air escapes.
I stalk around the parking lot, walking to the edge of the crumbling pavement where there’s a bit of privacy, and pull out my phone.
Four missed calls. Whatever Crow wants, he probably doesn’t care about the delay, but if it’s Raven—that’s the other, less socially acceptable personality that resides in his head—I get on the other end, I can already hear the snark.
“Hey,” I say when Crow answers. “You called?”
“I know we were supposed to be on our way tonight, but Tarynn had a work emergency come up.”
“She cuts hair?” I try not to sound like an asshole.
“Yes, and hair is important. She doesn’t just do cuts. She does color and fancy styling.”
“Right. Yes. Sorry.”
“There’s a woman getting married tomorrow.
She went to someone else for a color, but they fried half her hair off.
There’s no way she’s going back to that place, and no one else can get her in before her wedding.
Tarynn’s gonna fix the color. She’s putting extensions in tonight and doing a bridal style tomorrow morning.
Anyway, this woman was so thrilled she’s invited us to her wedding, and you know Tarynn can never say no.
So, we’re not gonna make it out until Monday night, likely. ”
Fuck. I might have wanted to take Esme away somewhere private so we could work out what we need to, but I don’t know if she was sold on this thinking that she wouldn’t have to be alone with me the whole time. Given how awkward we’ve been with each other all day, I don’t know if she’ll be thrilled.
There’s still enough time to turn around.
“Wizard?”
Double fuck. I recognize that change in tone.
I love Raven, I really do, but I haven’t had enough sleep and I’m too exhausted in every other way to try to carry on a conversation with Crow’s other personality.
Not that I’d ever use that term. Raven would be so offended, and god help you.
Raven’s lovely. Until he’s an asshole. When he’s an asshole, he’s very, very good at it.
“Yes, Raven?”
“I think that you seriously need to use this time to go for it. Stop pining. Stop wasting your life. Stop thinking you’re not good enough for her.
Just give it a shot. The shot to end all shots.
Shoot your shot, or shoot your shot, but either way, shoot your shot.
All the time we’ve known you, you’ve been single.
You were clearly waiting for the one, and she’s it. We all know it.”
“You’ve never seen us together,” I sigh. I’m already trying to figure out who I have to kill for opening their mouth. Dravin immediately comes to mind. “You don’t know the half of it.”
“No, but I know you had a best friend, and I know she was dating your brother. We got that much out of you over the years. I know how hard you work, and sometimes, when you’re throwing yourself into that, it’s half love and half avoidance.
I know that when we sat in on Church, even though it was a fucking crisis, you looked more alive than you have in forever.
And she must have been around at Christmas, because I doubt it was your parents’ cooking that always made you look so lit up and so half miserable at the same time.
Also, you told Crow a little about why you wanted to go up there, and you want to bring her, so it’s pretty obvious. ”
“Raven,” I sigh, but that’s all he lets me get out before he cuts me off with the rest of his unsolicited advice.
“You should warn her that if she hurts you in any way, there’s gonna be hell to pay.”
“I regret asking if we could come out with you and telling you why I wanted to.” I didn’t tell Crow everything, but I told him enough, apparently. “Also, nothing is her fault.”
“Mmkay, well, shoot it then, and let’s go.”
I rub my temples and hold the phone in too tight a grip. “It’s more complicated than that.”
“No, it’s not. Fuck your stupid brother.
I’d like to lay that asshole out cold, and I probably only know a fraction of what he’s done.
Want me to go to your parents’ house and smash their door in?
It set Tarynn’s parents straight when I did it, and hers were about as far up their own assholes as yours seem to be. ”
My lips twitch. “Can I politely decline and thank you anyway?”
“Sure you can.”
“Raven…”
“Yes, Fairytale Father?”
I try very hard not to sigh. “A Wizard is not like a fairy godmother.”
“Whatever you say. I’m gonna enjoy hanging with you guys at the cabin. Maybe we can go for beers sometime, if you ever stop locking yourself in your room constantly.”
“Or you could bring coffees and watch security feeds.”
“That’s boring,” Raven protests.
“What’s wrong with boring?”
“Really? Fuck, I’m gonna have to bring something to show you what a good time is. Let me think on it. I’m glad we have a little bit of extra time.”
I can only imagine what Raven would find entertaining. Probably something that involves felony charges. “Oh. No. That’s fine. Seriously. And security stuff is important. Just an FYI.”
“Oh, I agree. Probably.”
“Asshole,” I grumble affectionately. It wasn’t that I was in a bad mood, but it was a mood for sure. I’m a little surprised to find that I don’t feel nearly so weighed down.
“K, bye, love you.”
He hangs up, leaving me to shake my head. I have to go break the news to Esme. I focus on Raven’s ominous ideas of fun while I head back over to Esme’s car. She rolls down the window again and a massive rush of cold air hits me. She should be sitting in a parka in that thing, it’s so frigid.
“Tarynn and Crow are gonna be delayed a few days. Did you still want to go, if it’s just us?”
She frowns. Gives me a look that I can’t fully decode. “You don’t want to go?”
“No, I do. I just… thought that you might not.”
Fuck’s sake, how did we get here? Never mind.
I already have my answer. Life. And her figuring out the whole L-business bomb.
That basically nuked everything. She’s edgy.
I’m edgy. I’d be edgy in Hart, though, and that was the point.
I thought that if we could go somewhere else, somewhere beautiful and special that…
That what? That she’ll fall magically in love with you?
My brain has been on an awful sarcastic tear lately. I try my best to ignore it when it doesn’t have anything good to say.
“I-I think that I’d still like to go. We did all this packing.
” She bites down on her lower lip, gnawing it and rolling it into her mouth before she blows out a breath.
“Wizard.” Her eyes track to me, freezing me in place.
My stomach bottoms out and my heart kicks up into redlining territory.
“You haven’t had a day off in how long? Or a real vacation?
Going to Seattle to pack up my house doesn’t count.
Christmas doesn’t count. When was the last time you seriously took time for yourself? ”
I don’t have to answer that. We both know that it’s pretty much been never.
“You deserve to have a few days. Plus, the tech…”
She knows exactly what to say to get me to agree. This is a work trip. Sort of. It’s club business. Someone had to go and install the new cameras, upgrade the satellite on the cabin’s roof, and make sure all of it’s online.
“We’re already halfway there,” Esme argues, even though we’re not. Not quite. “If you really don’t want to stay, I’ll help you upgrade whatever needs upgrading and then we can leave.”
“That’s a terrible holiday for you.”
Her eyes narrow. She taps her fingers on her steering wheel. Her lips thin out. “This isn’t about just me.”
I wish I was funny like Raven. Irreverent. That I didn’t give a fuck more often that I do. I get up in my head. I get lost in logistics. That’s what makes me a great tech guy. That, and my endless patience and love for solving problems. But in real life? It doesn’t translate the way I want to.
“I’d like to do a campfire and s’mores, hotdogs, and whatever else you brought. I never got to go camping as a kid. I’m still waiting for my first ever trip.”
Holy shit, no pressure or anything.
She finally cracks a small smile, reading my mind. “No pressure.”
By the time we get there, it will probably be almost dark. The cabin was opened up at the start of June, but it will still need some airing. And god help me, I’m not that great with fires and stuff. I’ll want some daylight to try and get the thing going.
Esme’s eyes search my face. “I’ll follow you?” There’s subtext there. Words that she’s not saying. I can’t stand here, wasting her air conditioning, trying to figure out what it is. I have almost two hours to figure that out.
“You have the GPS pin on your phone in case we get separated going through the city, right?”
She nods. “But I know you’ll be there waiting for me along the side of the road, even if we do.”
She’s not wrong. Her faith in me hangs between us, heady and thick as the humidity sticking all my clothes to my skin. I really need to get back into the wind or I’m going to turn into a human puddle with a swamp for boots.
I don’t mean to stand like a total creep, my eyes locked onto Esme’s face, caressing the gentle swell of her lips, the curve of her throat, the line of her jaw, the low hanging sun sparkling in her eyes, but of course I do.
Her eyes never leave my face either. Not until I force myself to nod and turn around.
I’ve never white knuckled the handlebars so tight in my life, when we ride out, but I can’t make my hands relax.
I can’t convince any part of me that this isn’t a bad idea.
Because whatever we talk about and whatever Esme’s answer is, yes or no, I have a thousand fears, a thousand questions, a thousand what ifs.
I keep telling myself that fate isn’t a thing, but whether it is or isn’t, this day was still years in the making. No pressure at all.