Chapter 20
Esme
There’s no way that I want to be pulling up to the curb at Wizard’s parents’ house, but I need to do this.
It’s been a crazy few days. We moved my mom into her own house.
It’s a tiny place the club owns. I didn’t think there were any houses open, because I’m still staying at the clubhouse in Wizard’s room.
I’m glad to, especially because he’s set up a schedule for managing the security room, where he can spend a few hours a night with me.
I guess he used to sleep during the day, when the other guys didn’t mind dropping by.
That’s what he said. Like his comfort and sanity were some massive inconvenience to everyone.
I would have rearranged my own sleep schedule, if that’s what it took for us to have time together, but he shifted things all on his own.
I’m pretty sure that the club purchased another house in Hart just for my mom. I mean, not just for her—it would eventually be for everyone, but I think they did this for my family. It’s another thing that I’ll forever be grateful for.
Mom is settling in well. She and I spent hours yesterday thinking about jobs. She doesn’t have her high school diploma. She’s had jobs over the years that didn’t require it, but I’d like her to get it. We’ve already made plans to start studying for her to take the tests she’ll need.
I thought it would be awkward, spending time with my mom after so many years of doing anything I could not to have to see her, but it hasn’t been like that at all.
It hasn’t been awkward sharing a bed with Wizard. He’s gone back to maintaining that we should go slow, so most nights, we just cuddle. We talk. We kiss. We made out last night for hours, until he came in his boxers. It was adorable. Incredible. I’ll cherish every single minute.
Yesterday, Wizard took Atlas and Raiden and went to my dad’s house.
They found him outside, working on his truck, and they talked to him for a bit.
I guess he isn’t ready to accept any help from anyone yet, but he didn’t throw wrenches or start cussing anyone out.
Wizard honestly felt like it was an improvement since the last time we were there.
He doesn’t think it will be long before my dad is open to maybe talking to the club’s therapist, or to one of the guys.
I’m not sure that talking will fix anything, but I don’t believe that it won’t, either.
When Wizard and I finally talked, a brand new world opened up for both of us.
Our days have been full. I’ve met everyone at the club and most of the women too.
They’re incredible. It’s truly a big family, just like Wizard said.
I’ve been allowed to sit in the security room with him and watch screens.
It’s not boring. Not at all. Not when Wizard is right beside me.
Even when we’re not talking, I love just being with him.
I was always so bad at sitting in silence, but now, I don’t mind the quiet.
I’m already learning how to be kinder to myself. It’s amazing how much easier it is to do that in the right environment.
I’ve spent days thinking about what I can do for Wizard on the days off that he’s going to take.
The guys said they’d cover for him. They’re just waiting for him to tell them when.
Mom is somewhat settled, and I feel like I can make concrete plans.
I’ve been thinking endlessly about what I could do for Wizard that would be special enough to encompass everything I feel and the man he is, and it finally hit me.
We might not have time to travel far, and I know he’s not a big fan of Seattle, but I put together plans for something that I know he’ll love.
Being here is part of the surprise. Not being here, here, but there’s something that I want.
Something that Wizard mentioned that his parents have.
I texted his mom two days ago, and she reluctantly said that she’d have it ready for me.
Maybe there’s hope for them after all. I doubted it, and I know how sad that made Wizard.
I’m all sticky with sweat despite my tank top, yoga pants, and flipflops. I’ve had the AC blasting, but it’s not a long drive. I was sweating before I got in the car, and if anything, my nerves only got worse with every minute of the drive.
I’ve always known that Wizard’s parents don’t like me.
I was never good enough for their James, and they have to know that there’s something going on between Wizard and me.
He didn’t tell them, and I know my parents haven’t told a soul, but I think even bad mothers have good instincts when it comes to their children.
I’m treated to a dirty look as soon as I get out of the car and spot Wizard’s mom on the porch. I breathe a small sigh of thanks that she has the stack of albums ready. I don’t have to go in. I don’t have to sit through an inquisition or make small talk.
She hands over the albums as soon as I walk up the porch steps, and practically bears her teeth at me.
“I’m only giving you these so you won’t bother me about them,” she says icily.
She could just let me go, but no. It’s not in her nature.
She waits all of two seconds after the albums are in my arms. “You never did deserve James.”
I don’t give her a mocking smile. I don’t let her see how much that wounds me.
I don’t hiss or spit or gear up to go to battle with this woman.
I blank my face and give her the only thing she deserves from me, which is absolutely nothing at all.
“You’re right.” I do nearly break and laugh at the irony of that statement. “I don’t and I never did.”
She blinks in confusion, but I’m already turning and strolling down their little walkway back to the sidewalk.
This woman made a man who turned my life into hell.
It’s not her fault that I chose James, or that I stayed.
She also somehow made the best man in the entire world.
For nothing more than that, I’ll forgive her disdain, her coldness, and even her cruelty over all these years.
I probably won’t ever forgive how she’s treated Wizard, though.
His dad either. I don’t know if it’s for me to do that, though.
Wizard doesn’t expect them to apologize.
I still wish they would. I wish they would love him, for his sake.
I put the albums back in the car and head back to the clubhouse. I’m bubbling over with excitement by the time I park in the compound and head inside to find Wizard in the security room.
***
Anyone who says guys suck at multitasking never met Wizard. He’s alone, sitting in a fancy desk chair, watching a whole wall of screens while he types something onto the desktop computer with three screens in front of him.
“Hey!” My smile takes over my face. “Is it okay if I come in?”
“Sure.” He scrambles out of the chair and pats it. “Have a seat.”
I act like I’m going to sit, but veer off at the last second. I change trajectory and dodge behind him. I wrap my arms around his waist and press into him. I rest my cheek against his back and breathe in his complex scent. He smells delicious and feels even better when he relaxes against me.
“Need a neck massage?” He doesn’t take enough breaks. His neck and shoulders get stiff and sore from being in here for so long.
He flashes me a smile over his shoulder, then reaches to test and poke his neck. “I’m not gonna say no.”
I start kneading his muscles. He feels tense, even when he’s not.
I’m not professional, but even I can feel the bunched muscles and knots beneath the skin.
I press on those gently. I make a fist and roll my knuckles from one side of his neck to the other.
He makes a noise of pleasure that sends my heart into overdrive and makes my stomach cramp.
“Are we still okay to go away for a few days? I can make the reservation for whatever night works best for you.”
I keep massaging. He shudders and rolls his shoulders into it. “A reservation? That sounds fancy.”
“It is,” I promise. “It’s going to be wonderful. I hope.”
He hears my nerves and his hand arcs over his shoulder. I grasp it and squeeze. “It’ll be amazing,” he says, even though he doesn’t know what it is. I’ve kept all of it a surprise. He’s giving me his vote of confidence. His trust means the world.
My heart stutters and trips.
“We could get away tomorrow, late morning, I think. We could definitely stay overnight, and if we get back sometime near evening the next day, that would be fine. It’s not just Maverick and Dravin that can be in here.
Atlas already told me he’d help out, and most of the other guys would pop in and watch screens, even if they don’t really know how to work things. ”
He turns in my arms. My hands drop back to his waist. He cups my face, tracing his thumb along my cheekbone.
“Can I kiss you?” he asks shyly.
“Yes. Please.”
His eyes light up. It’s not that they weren’t before, but a gorgeous glow sparks in their depths.
His fingers stroke back into my hair. It’s down and wavy, frizzy from the humidity.
He tunnels back until he brackets my whole head with one hand.
It’s one of those times when I feel so tiny next to him.
He nuzzles my neck with his nose, drinking me in before he licks my earlobe.
He does the dance, peppering kisses over my cheek, then dropping one to my nose before he finds my lips.
He kisses me deep, taking his time. He doesn’t give me any tongue, but it’s still such an intimate, sensual kiss that I’m rocked down to my toes. He ends it with a smile against my mouth. His hands drop to my waist, and he leans against me with his eyes closed.
“I’m excited for this. Mostly, because I get to go away with you.”
I want it all to be perfect, but I know that he’ll be okay with it if it’s not.
I might not have been a few days ago, when I thought that anything less than perfect was a sign of weakness and that was something I didn’t want to show.
I would love if everything could go like I’m planning, but if it doesn’t, that’s okay.
“It’s going to be great just because you’re there,” I agree. “Even if it all goes haywire, having you with me is still going to make it a ten out of ten experience.”
I can already see carefully laid out gardens, loping sidewalks, wild blooms and bright bursts of color.
I’m booking us something that seems totally crazy on the surface, but it’s as close to perfection as we’re going to get without me being there to set it up beforehand.
The photo albums will tie it all together.
I’m probably the most excited to give those to Wizard.
I can see it all unfolding like I see our future unfurling before us. I’m hopeful and I’m already jittery with excitement. We’re leaving in less than twenty-four hours, but it’s going to be a tough wait. Tomorrow, I get to spoil Wizard. I get to give him a whole day that’s designed just for him.
“I can’t freaking wait,” I admit, my voice wavering with nervous energy and bubbling nerves.
Wizard kisses me again. “T-minus eighteen hours, give or take.”
I laugh with him. I hope it’s take. Our faces draw together, so slowly that I taste spearmint on his breath before his lips even brush against mine. The sweet kisses, the mingled breaths, our shared smiles and hopes—it all builds the heat, tension, and craving inside of me.
I kiss him, taking my time like he did. His lips are like velvet.
His hands lock at the small of my back and draw me closer.
His lips are a velvet glide against mine.
Heat unfurls through my veins, a languid curl that runs as slow as molasses and just as sticky.
I luxuriate in it, savoring the warmth as it pools in the bottom of my stomach.
I deepen the kiss, licking his lips until they part for me and I can stroke his tongue. He’s a good kisser. A complete natural. Every time our mouths meet, there’s nothing but us. The rest of the world fades and it’s just that magical feeling of the brand new world that we’re creating.
I love the groan and then the sigh that tumbles from his lips.
I lap at the sound. His mouth parts for me like there’s nothing he wants more in the world than to learn the shape of me and to be known in return.
We kiss until the oxygen runs out for us, until his shoulders are heaving and I’m panting against his lips.
I can’t pull away. I haven’t had enough of him yet. It took me so long to get here and figure this out, but now I crave him almost constantly. I’m not sure how we’ve managed to have as much control as we did over the past few days.
His body throws blazing heatwaves into the room and I’m so far from done.
Being this close to him, the taste of him lingering on my tongue, scrambles my thoughts.
I don’t want to make it awkward if anyone walks in here.
Wizard would probably say that he doesn’t care, but I do.
I care about that for him. Plus, I don’t want to distract him from doing his job.
The club is important to me because it’s such a massive part of who Wizard is.
His chest rises and falls in rapid waves, and I can’t make myself stop.
I drag my lips in a scorching path over his mouth, past the corner, then down his jaw, over his neck, and to the top of his t-shirt.
I suck on his sensitive, tender skin there.
I’m wicked enough to glance up just to see the way I’ve wrecked him.
His eyes are glassy, his pupils completely blown out, lips swollen and glistening, cheeks flushed.
I imagine I look the same. I like that look on him. I like it very, very much.
“T-minus all the hours is way too long,” I groan.
He nods, grunts, and then lets out a rough laugh that sounds strained, but only because I know how badly he wants to keep doing this.
I can see him vibrating as he holds himself back from tumbling straight against me.
I’m aching just as badly, yearning to have a whole night alone with him where I can make him feel so, so good.
A night where I can give him everything.
For once, my head and my heart are completely aligned.
I want this for him more than I’ve ever wanted anything.
“They say that good things are worth waiting for.” He contemplates that for a second when my brows crash down. “Never mind. You’re right.” His lips skate over my forehead and back to mine for a brief kiss before he forces himself to pull away. “It’s gonna feel like a thousand years.”