Chapter 24
Esme
After dinner, we cuddled in bed together. Wizard was tired and we were both full. He did the guy thing and fell asleep a few minutes after his head hit the pillow. I did the me thing and stayed awake, staring at the ceiling, overthinking everything.
In a good way, mostly, which is new.
I listened to his breaths. Counted them.
I thought about how I wanted to protect his peace, as well as my own.
I thought about Hart, and the club, about all the people I have yet to meet and about how wonderful they’ve all been already.
About all the differences between now and when I was a kid, not just in the town, but in me and my experiences.
I thought about my parents and Wizard’s. I went through a list of jobs that I might be able to find in Hart. I thought about finding a small house, where Wizard and I can live. It doesn’t have to be fancy. I’d just like there to be enough room for a few gardens.
I watched the golden light from outside play over Wizard’s face.
I listened to his soft snores, and I let the need for him grow inside of me, unchecked.
I turned myself inside out and brought my own vulnerability to the surface.
I thought about all my empty spaces and old wounds.
Half of them have begun to close up and heal already.
I watch Wizard and think, plan, and even allow myself to dream, until a burn creeps under my skin that I can’t ignore.
It’s more than just want. It’s need. I need to hold him.
I need to be held. I need to love him, and I need him to love me back.
I want his body. I want his beautiful, big heart.
I need to worship him and love him back with my imperfect love that stands on tottering feet, taking baby steps into a hopeful future.
I need, and need, until I can’t stop myself from shoving back the sheet that Wizard yanked over us before he fell asleep, and getting to my knees on the bed beside him.
The house is quiet. For an old place, it doesn’t have any humming, clanking, or shifting going on.
I can’t hear any of the other guests. It’s not that late, but I guess it’s late enough that the owner and the staff went to bed a while ago, and either the soundproofing is incredible, or the other guests below us are quiet.
I stroke his hair and drop a kiss to the back of his neck. He fell asleep on his side with his arm draped around me, but moved an hour ago, rolling onto his stomach and kicking off the sheet. I understand. He’s like a furnace when he sleeps. His room at the clubhouse is much colder than this one.
I do what I’ve been tempted to do all this time, and trace little patterns and pictures over his shoulders and back muscles.
He has a great back. I don’t slip the sheet down because he’s naked and asleep, but after I wake him up, I’m going to take more than a small amount of time appreciating his ass all over again.
I trace his muscles, his bones, the spots that I massaged earlier.
The need inside me grows. If I could pick any word to describe the sensation, I’d say connection.
I want to be close to Wizard. So close, with nothing between us.
I want to be held and to hold him. I want him inside of me, with all the emotion that comes with it.
I want to be vulnerable in the most naked, intimate way there is.
Skin to skin, our hearts slamming into each other, open to each other.
“Wizard.” I kiss the back of his neck, laving my tongue beneath his ear before I whisper his name again. “Wizard.”
He grunts, but the sound changes to something deeper and sexier, more of a groan as he wakes up.
I press open mouthed kisses to his shoulders. He arches back into them. “Esme,” he sighs. “That’s nice. Feels good.”
“Can I touch you everywhere? Kiss you all over?”
He lets out a sharp breath, but his muscles go languid beneath me. “Yes.”
I kiss down his back, tracing more patterns as I go.
I don’t stop until I’m at the base of his spine.
I pull down the sheet inch by inch, revealing his perfect ass.
It’s so tight and muscular. His thighs are incredibly thick and powerful.
I trace them with my eyes too, as I strip the sheet all the way off.
“Esme,” he gasps as my hand caresses his ass cheek, close to the crease. I want to know him everywhere. I don’t want any of his body to be a secret. I want to know his taste, his sounds, his pleasure.
I part his cheeks and inhale him. He smells like the bath, roses and freshness. I understand what he meant about wanting to taste me before the bath washed it all away. I kiss his cheek before spreading him open and licking along his crease.
He does nothing to stop me. If anything, he drives back into my face, rocking his hips and grinding into the mattress like he did earlier during his massage.
“Is this okay?”
“It’s weird, to be honest, but not in a bad way. It’s hot and wet, which kind of makes me feel like I’m sticking my cock into an outlet and getting zapped.”
“That sounds awful!”
“In a good way.”
It’s so hot that Wizard trusts me to do this. He’s given up all his control to me to let me kiss and see him, touch and caress a place that for most men, is a total no-go.
I can’t wait to taste him here, then get him to flip over so I can do justice to his balls and take his cock back into my mouth.
I reach his hole and tease the rim with my tongue.
It’s a first for me too. I never thought I’d want to do this.
It’s different for sure, the skin tight and puckered, but when I press my tongue inside of him and his hips drive hard into the bed as a shiver rocks him, stars dance in front of my eyes.
I do it again, pressing my tongue in further.
I can’t reach anything for him like that, but maybe I’m waking up nerves that he didn’t know he had.
He’s not tense at all, and at every flick of my tongue, he humps the bed a little bit harder.
“Fuck, Esme, stop!”
I back off immediately, worried that I’ve hurt him or weirded him out, but as he lets out a long sigh and flips over, breathing raggedly, his face a wreck, I know that he just needs some time.
He smacks his arm over his eyes. “Sorry. I thought I’d have more stamina than this.”
“I think stamina could be defined in multiple ways.”
He’s completely naked and I’m wearing his t-shirts.
He stripped down after dinner before getting in bed, but I wanted to keep his shirt on.
I like the scent of him wrapped all around me.
I lift it over my head and toss it to the end of the bed.
He swallows thickly, eyes slowly trailing over me.
His lips part and he mumbles something that I can’t hear.
“I think… sorry. I’m okay now.”
“Can I touch you?”
“Always. I just might need a minute here and there.”
He grasps his cock around the base and squeezes hard. “Or I could just keep doing this.”
“Does it feel nice?”
“No, but if you were touching me at the same time, I think it would.”
I crawl up the bed to him. I nuzzle his thigh, kissing and licking him before I get to his balls.
His head tosses back hard, into the pillows.
He doesn’t release his cock. I get to see it standing straight up in his unmerciful grip, the tip nearly purple, precum spilling from his slit.
It’s the hottest show of my life. Everything he does is so incredible.
I mouth at his balls, sucking at them lightly, licking them. I love looking up and seeing the cords of his neck straining as his head stays tipped back and he gasps for air.
I cup his balls and slam my mouth over him, taking his cock to the back of my throat.
I swallow against his tip and I’m instantly rewarded by a sound that’s both masculine and entirely desperate.
He rakes his hand through my hair. He tries to keep his hips glued to the bed, but I don’t mind when the surge up and he fucks my mouth.
I back off a little, breathing through my nose, then work him to the back of my mouth again.
I take him in deep strokes until his breath fractures, then I back off.
I suck at his tip, circling the head teasingly, then I pop off of him.
His eyes flutter open.
“I want you inside of me. If… if that’s what you want.”
His eyes shutter closed and he flushes all the way down his neck to his belly button. “Want? I’d love to make love to you.”
I climb up him, my heart squeezing and bursting, tingling all over.
I straddle his waist and kiss him. He devours my mouth.
I tug on his shoulders, and he eventually understands and flips us both over.
I want him covering me, his huge body over mine.
I want him on top. It’s a huge thing, giving up all the control, but I want to, with him.
I want what I wanted earlier. Us, as close as we can be.
I wrap my legs around his waist, then gently extend them, pushing my feet down to his calves, so that we’re glued together already. His cock is hard and throbbing against my belly, leaking hot puddles against my skin.
I can feel his heart hammering against my chest and see it leaping at his neck.
He kisses me, tasting himself on my tongue. He keeps himself propped up on one elbow, and that leaves his other hand free to trace my hair, my cheek, my temple, my neck. He breaks the kiss and presses his cheek against mine, inhaling my hair.
“Should I use a condom?”
“I’m on the pill, so you don’t have to. If you want to, though, I did bring some.
” I wanted him to be comfortable, above all.
I haven’t had sex in two years, and I’ve had plenty of doctor’s appointments since then.
“I—it’s awkward as hell to say this, but I’ve been tested, and I’m clean.
Unsexy, I know. But… it’s important to talk about protection and health. ”