14. Chapter 14
Chapter 14
Lilli
A short time later, we pull up to a bonfire and I step from the vehicle uneasily. I’m not any closer to home but at least I don’t have to worry about whatever that guy wanted.
Maddox grabs something from the back seat which looks like a folded-up piece of fabric. As we approach the fire, he unfolds it and slides it on, showing the patch that I’ve been searching for all night.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask for Wolf but I change my mind. I don’t know who to trust and I just want to go home but if I do, I’ll still have to deal with my parents.
“Here,” Maddox says with a pretty smile, and I hide my shiver as I take the proffered drink and sit by the fire.
He greets his friends with a handshake of sorts before sitting down beside me.
Since Wolf has only marched me through the compound with threats to keep my eyes on him, it’s hard to determine if any of these men were there the other night.
“So, haven’t seen you around,” he says. “What’s your story?”
“Um,” I hum, looking into my drink. “Nothing really.”
I’m quite sure admitting I’m the reverend's daughter might be a buzzkill.
“Somehow I doubt that,” he says with a wink.
Uh oh. What do I do if he makes a move? I admit I’m curious but not because he makes me weak and tingly. No, I guess I want to know if anyone else can create the fire that Wolf does.
I feel a little thrill regardless when his eyes flash and he leans in, but we’re interrupted before anything can happen when a new voice hisses, “You!”
When I glance up, two women are circling each other. This chick, Melanie I think her name was, wails on the woman opposite her as she waves her arms ineffectually and gets another pop to the mouth before Melanie tackles her to the ground.
Shouts form around us and vaguely I realize they’re cheering them on. Meanwhile, Maddox sighs and stands, tossing his drink to the ground and approaching. Melanie manages another blow to the other woman’s head, who I’m silently rooting for.
I’m just moving away when they roll my direction, and I bounce back before falling to my butt with an oomph. Unfortunately, it doesn’t end there, and I end up on my back, rebounding off a rock and sending a shard of pain down my skull.
With a groan, I roll over just as Wolf growls, “What the hell?”
Melanie pauses, her fist in the air while the woman below her pants. His eyes move to me and drop to my chest before his nostrils flare. With a groan, I wrench my top back into place as he leans over me and says, “Up.”
“Wolf—“ Melanie starts, and he raises his hand, not bothering to look at her. Sputtering, she rolls away and stands.
“Not now,” he growls, holding his hand out to me. Once I’m up, the world spins but I suspect if I don’t walk away on my own two feet, I’ll lose any credibility I might have, which is stupid but pride and all that.
Instead, I stumble away in the boots I’m starting to loathe only slowing when Wolf grabs my arm. “Lilli…”
His warning growl sends a shiver down my spine, and I swallow a sob. My stomach roils. My head throbs and after looking around and confirming that we’re clear of the spectators, I fall to my knees and retch in the dirt.
With every cramp in my belly, a slice of pain ricochets through my head. Pathetically, all I can do is moan and cry until I’m done. After gathering what’s left of my dignity, I look up at Wolf and whisper, “I'm not wasted.”
Crouching down, he brushes my hair from my face and says, “I know, baby girl.”
After that, he picks me up and carries me through the cars, stopping before a beat-up pickup truck. Tears push at my eyes when he gently sets me in the passenger seat before rounding the side. Leaning my head against the window, I close my eyes. The cool glass feels good against my heated cheeks and fighting the aches spreading across my body, I start to doze.
It’s only as we pull up to the compound that I rouse. Wolf exits the truck but not before grabbing his vest which he unfolds and dons as he rounds the vehicle.
“C’mon,” he says, and I wrap my arms around his neck as he pulls me into his arms. Instead of going through the front, he takes me around back and toward a cabin sitting alone in the trees.
I glance around blearily, holding my breath against the pain as he stops before the door and slams his fist against the wood.
The sound crashes through my head and I wince as he glances down at me with his pretty eyes. I can’t read his expression, and I’m caught in his stare when the door careens open and another huge man with a giant, raised fist says, “What the fuck?”
When he spies Wolf, he slowly lowers his hand, turning to me with raised brows as he says, “You finally come to your senses?”
“What?” Wolf growls, pushing past him into the room.
“Well, I know I said you owe me…”
Wolf swings around with a thunderous expression, barking, “What the fuck did you just say?”
The older man chuckles and Wolf eyes him stonily before mumbling, “Whatever.”
The cabin is small, barely fitting the bed, the sink, and a tiny kitchenette with a television over the dresser against the wall. An old movie plays in the background as Wolf approaches the bed.
He goes to set me down on the rumpled mattress, pauses, and then sits with me in his arms instead. I hold my breath to contain my cry, but an audible shudder flows through me. When he looks down, I smile wretchedly while his brows furrow.
I’ve had my fair share of beatings. That’s par for the course in our home but it’s not usually aimed at my face or skull. This is a new kind of pain, made worse by my fall earlier.
“What do we have here?” the guy rumbles, washing his hands at the sink.
Wolf looks down at me again and I search his gray eyes before he raises his brow. “What hurts, baby girl?”
He’s so, well, handsome that it should be a crime and closing my eyes, I lean against his warm chest as I say, “My head.”
“What happened?” the guy asks, and I feel the air around me displace as he steps up behind me. This man is probably around my granddaddy’s age with wisps of bright white hair around his temples. A roadmap of lines paints his mouth but it’s the twinkle in his eyes that eases me as I whimper, “When?”
Between my parents’ punishment and everything else going on, I’m walking a thin line, but I hate that it’s Wolf who’s here when I feel my walls breaking down.
Wolf brushes a strand of hair from my face, and I meet his beautifully stern stare as he says, “What the hell were you doing?”
Technically, I was about to kiss Maddox, but I have no idea how that little bit of information will go down. Instead, I poke his chest and say, “Your girlfriend doesn’t like me.”
Despite the rattle in my brain, my skin still tingles under his touch, when he flattens my fingers against his chest. I can’t contain my shiver as he rasps, his gray eyes boring into mine, “I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“Does she know that?” I mumble with a tingle of awareness.
“They all do,” he says, and I deflate. All? As in plural ?
Any pleasure I felt at the possibility of him being single dies an ugly death under his painful words and pushing away from his chest, I avoid his gaze. Does he know how he affects me?
“Sit still,” he rasps, tightening his hold. Only the bulge growing against my backside inspires me to pause and I raise wide eyes to him. When he arches a brow and smirks, a rush of tingles joins the ache forming down there and I hide my heated cheeks behind the veil of my hair.
“Enough,” he grumbles. “What were you doing at the track? I told you to stay away.”
Before I can respond, the other man grabs my chin and pulls my head around. I shrink away at that, but he merely holds up a small penlight.
When he cocks his head, I nod and ease back against Wolf’s chest while he shines the light in my eyes.
I can’t contain my wince though and I shiver when Wolf growls, “Doc.”
“Relax,” Doc says with a wink for me as he studies the bruise on my forehead.
“Lilli?” Wolf prompts and ignoring the warning in his tone, I say, “I’m in trouble.”
When he stiffens, his arms tensing around me, I bite back a whimper because, despite the throb in my skull, the competing one in my pants burns . If I didn’t know what he thinks of me, I would assume he’s torturing me on purpose.
“How can that be?” Wolf says. “You’re…”
“I’m what?” I ask, pulling away from Doc to glare at him.
His stare bores holes into my skull as he says, “You’re the reverend’s daughter.”
“So, I what? Don’t know how to have fun,” I say, pushing from his arms and standing to move away. I know what he thinks. I know what everyone thinks but they’re wrong…dammit.
While Doc backs up with an amused grin, Wolf sighs and stands before pacing away. I study the curve of his lips before bowing my head because this isn’t about me and what my parents will do. I’m bringing trouble to his door, and I see the worry painting his features.
Finally, he looks up and says, “If you stayed home like you were told, there wouldn’t be any trouble.”
Seriously? Slamming my hand on my hip, I toss my head, which is a mistake and hiss, “I was home, sort of.”
His nostrils flare and he opens his mouth but Doc rushes into the breach, saying with his hands before him, “Okay, how about you explain what kind of trouble you’re in?”
Eyeing Wolf with a frown, I ignore the painful pulse in my chest and say, “The sheriff arrested Darcy and her mama…he’s coming for you.”
I can’t tell if he’s mad at me, and I’m uneasy in the face of this new, fiercer Wolf who stares at me like he hopes I might spontaneously combust if he glares long enough.
This makes my confession much more painful to admit because I know it was stupid to let my wants get in the way of everyone’s safety. Turning my head, I avoid his stern gaze as I say, “They arrested them for prostitution and now, you…”
Silence greets me and I tilt my head to eye him sideways. He contemplates my words before running his hands through his hair, leaving the strands adorably disheveled when he drops his arms back to his sides and says in a tone so low, I shiver, “Why the fuck would they try pin us for prostitution?”
“So, you don’t…do that?” I whisper and his brows drop over his eyes.
“No, Lilli, we don’t sell our women.”
Okay. That’s good, I guess but… our women?
Wolf’s fingers curl into fists and I bite my lip. Despite barely knowing him, I’m not afraid. However, instinct is screaming at me to step away from the strike zone.
Instead, I hold my ground as Wolf turns away and begins to pace along the tight corridor between the bed and kitchenette.
Doc watches him for a moment and then says, “What now?”
Disturbed by the distance Wolf has created between us and with shame coursing through my system at what I suspect is disappointment on Wolf’s end, I avert my gaze and whisper, “They’re coming after Miriam, too.”
“Miriam?” Doc asks.
“Duke’s girl,” Wolf mumbles before rubbing the back of his neck. “Fuck!”
I will back tears but when I blink, it’s no use and they fall. Why I even care is beyond me, but I know that I’m confirming his words about me being a big baby and my cheeks heat when he stares at me with his brows over his eyes.
After a moment, I whisper, “It’s my fault.”
His scowl slips away and with a sigh, he grabs my arm before pulling me against his warm chest. Burrowing into his warmth, I bite my lip and shudder as he says, “It’s not your fault, baby girl.”
“I don't know what to do,” I sob as he brushes his hand through my hair.
“You’ll do nothing.” His steely tone cascades along my skin like ice and I suck in a breath when I meet his gaze. There’s an intensity that makes me pause and I can’t put my finger on it, but I know this is the Wolf who belongs to the Shadow Saints MC.
“You understand? I’ll take care of it,” he says.
Does this change how I feel? No, which should be a disturbing notion, but it just isn’t. Wolf makes me feel safe and that’s what I cling to as I say, “Okay.”
The tension drains from his shoulders at my acquiescence, and I finish my exam quietly. Afterward, Doc says, “It may be a concussion. Need to watch her for signs for the next twenty-four hours.”
Twenty-four hours? Yeah, not possible.
“I’m fine,” I say, earning twin looks of disbelief before I hold out my hands. “I have to go home.”
Doc looks at Wolf who grunts and rubs his head before saying, “Who’s going to make sure you’re okay?”
“My sister, Rae. It’s fine.”
Although I feel a bloom of warmth at his concern, I push it aside. I can’t afford to see things that aren’t there. He may have introduced me to pleasure but I’m quite sure he’s not prepared to be exclusive, and I can’t imagine being one of the many.
“You’ll stay home? Do not come looking for me. Do not come looking for your sister,” he says with a frown.
“Okay,” I say, stifling a sigh. I guess my days of being wild are over. Looks like my road was chosen for me. Too bad my chest aches at the notion.
“I’ll take you home. Thanks, Doc,” Wolf says before holding the door open for me.
With a wan smile, I say to the grizzled older man, “Thank you.”
He smiles, his eyes twinkling, and says, “Take care of yourself, missy.”
After stepping through the door, I wobble in the dirt and swallow past the emotion pushing at my throat. Just because I know I’m better off leaving things with Wolf as they are, it doesn’t mean never seeing him again doesn’t hurt my soul.
He may be gruff and a whore as Mama would say, but he made my soul sing and I’m afraid to go back to the darkness. Will I wither away there?
We’re silent as we walk around the building, and it doesn't go unnoticed that he avoids taking me through the party raging on the other side.
Slumping, I stifle a sigh but remain quiet because what can I say? He’s given his orders and I’d be foolish not to listen when he’s agreed to help me.
Out front of the building are two guys and I glance up when a husky voice says, “Hey there. You, okay?”
Beside me, Wolf goes rigid, and I shiver against the chill before mustering a smile for Maddox.
“Oh, hi.” My smile fades and I squeak when Wolf growls beside me, “How do you know, Maddox?”
Maddox shifts against the wall and glances between us with furrowed brows before his mouth curls down and he says, “Easy bro. I didn’t know she’s one of yours.”
His disappointed gaze lands on me and I shrink under my humiliation because lumping me in with Wolf’s other conquests doesn’t sit well. Not at all…
“That’s right,” Wolf says. “Stay the fuck away.”
I stiffen beside him and avert my gaze, my cheeks burning. How could he say that?
I’m not…No. I don’t get a chance to respond before Wolf grabs my arm and leads me to the truck.
Silently fuming, I climb in and stare out the windshield rigidly. While Wolf removes his vest and gets in on the driver’s side, I seethe.
After he pulls onto the highway, I swing to him and say, “Why would you do that?”
“Do what?” he rumbles with a fierce scowl.
Oh, he’s mad. Well, so am I and remembering my self-righteous rage, I wave my arm over my shoulder and say, “That! Back there. I’m not one of your…anything.”
Despite my annoyance, saying the words opens a wound that’s fresh and raw. Why does it feel like I’m losing something special when I never even had it to begin with?
His eyes roll over me, pausing at my chest in the achingly tiny top before he smirks. Unfortunately, there’s a darkness there that I can’t decipher when he says, “But you want to be, don’t you?”
I’m sure my jaw drops and clenching my hand into a fist, I ignore the burn in my chest as I swing at his arm. I don’t know who’s more shocked by my actions, but I power through, the lie tumbling from my lips. “I don't want to be your anything.”
Silence is my answer before he grunts and looks away, his brows over his eyes. “Good thing you’re not then, hm?”
Biting back a whimper, I turn to the window and stare at the passing scenery, my heart in my throat. Although true, his words were unnecessarily cruel. Add that to the list of things I didn’t know about the big bruiser.
When we’re a few houses down from mine, I rasp, “Here is fine.”
He slows and pulls to the side of the road. I don’t look at him as I push on the door. I just want to be away so I can process the hurt that clenches my chest. After tonight, I’m starting to consider that I’m nothing more than an annoyance to Wolf and I don’t know how to pack that away.
“Lilli?” he says and pausing, I stare at the boots on my feet. What now? Maybe he’d like to drill the point home with a few more insults.
“Yeah?”
“If you were mine,” he rasps. “I’d burn the world to the ground to keep you.”
Whipping around, I stare at him wide-eyed until he smirks but there’s no mirth behind his eyes, only darkness.
“What?” I say, biting my lip.
His eyes drop to my mouth and darken before he growls, “Go. Don’t come back. I won’t be held responsible if you do.”
I shiver at the feral tone and close the door before tiptoeing down the sidewalk. He doesn’t pull away until I disappear into the bushes and after I’m out of sight, I lean against the house and close my eyes.
What did he mean? And why is my heart racing at that?
When I climb back through my window, I’m too dazed to consider the possibility of getting caught and I pause as the light flashes on.
My stomach sinks when my mother’s scowling face appears before me. Mustering a weak smile, I cry out when she starts wailing on my head and shoulders.
All thoughts of Wolf flee as I curl into myself and sob. The brutal burn cascades over my limbs. Is she going to kill me?
It’s all I can think of as she rains down her angry blows until finally, she steps away, and snarls, “Look at me.”
Twisting my head, I open my eyes and meet her dark stare, lit with an unnatural fire. Her chest heaves from the exertion of her anger as she says, “The next time you go. Don’t bother coming back.”
After that, she leaves and I curl back into a ball, my heart thundering painfully.
I may have made a promise to Wolf, but I can’t stay here any longer. The question is, where do I go?
Wolf
After Lilli’s confession, I spoke to Joker, and we called church. It stings that Lilli even had to ask but I know she doesn’t really understand our world and god knows what the reverend has been telling her.
The mere thought of selling women for money makes my skin crawl though.
So far, the sheriff hasn’t shown his face but where there’s smoke there’s fire. I knew the Abernathy girls would bring trouble, but I feel no sense of victory at being right.
Thank god Doc was around to evaluate Lilli that night. Although the man was part of the first five brothers to form the Shadow Saints, he’s also always been a nomad. This only increased when his son, Scott died overseas serving in the military. It burns knowing that his killer is out there somewhere, but there’s no way for us to find a rebel insurgent half a world away.
So, when Doc takes off for weeks at a time, it’s best just to let him be. I can’t imagine the demons he carries, but he’s earned his fucking stripes, and we respect his need to be alone.
I meant what I said when I dropped Lilli at her house. It’s stupid, foolish, and completely reckless but facing her wide, hurt eyes as I tried to brush her off, hit me straight in the heart.
She doesn’t belong in my world, but I can see from our interactions that she may be struggling to find where she does. In the longer term, that’s not with me. It can’t be.
I made a vow a long time ago to keep shit simple for a lot of reasons. I’m not a simple man. What I do is dangerous. I’ve seen what happens to the people you love when you leave them behind.
Joker is a shell of the man he once was after losing Magnolia. Danny turned his grief into being a stupid asshole after losing his dad. Although my mother walked away long before my dad disappeared, this life turned her into a bitter cow, ultimately coloring Rose’s view of our world and the brothers she’s cut from her life.
Some women fit seamlessly into the MC. So far, I’ve never found one worth breaking my rules for. Thank fuck Lilli, despite her inner strength would never survive here in the long run and I wouldn’t want to test that theory on her. Although my mind whirls with the possibilities. She’s smart, she could learn but would she be happy?
She may be a sweet, naive, little thing who’s barely seen this town much less the world, but she’s got something none of these other chicks do. A toughness she doesn’t recognize and a view only she can experience.
I don’t know why she looks at me like I’m a fucking god, but it fills me with the strongest emotion to live up to it. Which is foolish, I’m nothing but a man and inevitably, I’m going to break her.
Watching her walk away after I confessed my need was both a relief and a disappointment. She’s straddling the line between multiple worlds, and some part of me, the stupid part, hoped she would say fuck it and choose mine.
Thank fuck she did what she was told, and I haven’t seen nor heard from her since. I can only summon so much honor when it comes to her. If she does come back, all bets are off, and I’ll keep her for as long she lets me.
Then, I’ll let her go, into the world where hopefully she’ll find something greater than Reverend Abernathy and a no-good MC asshole with a considerable chip on his heavy shoulders.
The following morning, Duke approaches with a frown and I pause by the picnic area to let him catch up.
“Where you headed?” he asks, and I nod toward the trees. Although we have men who scout the woods and cover the fence, it’s hard to have eyes on everything all the time.
Joker has been scouting out surveillance cameras with the help of our resident IT nerd, Lucy. The luscious woman who has curves for days, the prettiest, caramel colored hair, and a mysterious air about her, is also a genius.
Lucy showed up at our gate six years ago. Reduced to skin and bones and wary as fuck, she told Joker and only Joker her story. The only part he shared is that her grandfather was a founding member of our MC and Joker refused to turn her away.
“I did some checking,” Duke says, and I nod as we pass the old broken-down cabin that used to house one of the families. “If the Abernathy’s were planning anything, you know about the baby…I haven’t heard anything.”
The assholes aren’t going to broadcast it to the world anyway but they’re the least of my concerns. What can the reverend and his bitch wife possibly do against an entire MC? Nothing, that’s what.
I’m more worried about the fucking sheriff because despite due process, his shady as fuck dealings can turn us out at the drop of a dime.
“And Miriam?” I ask, scanning the trees for possible spots to place the cameras. I’m not a complete asshole which is why I ask, although it’s also partially because I need Duke’s head in the game and half the time, he’s worried about his woman.
“She’s, uh, fine,” he says, and I eye him quietly. There’s more to this than what he’s saying but I don’t have time for chick drama.
The Aces are all up in our asses. The sheriff’s plotting something and I heard yesterday that, that fucker Danny interfered in one of our places of business.
I warned him. I gave him a chance for my sister, but the little worm is getting on my last nerve. I would rather cut out my own eye than see my sister hate me any further than she already does, but I’m not going to endanger my brothers and their families so her shit husband can make money selling fucking drugs.
He had his chance to join something legitimate. He chose a different way. Now he needs to stay the fuck out of our business or he’s gonna hurt and I’ll be the one doing it.