26. Chapter 26
Chapter 26
Lilli
The following morning I’m expected to go to school. With each layer of clothing that covers my skin, I watch the Lilli who emerged from her cocoon disappear.
The day is long, and I have a tough time concentrating for the pain that consumes my system. With each new day after, it’s the same until I can walk without crouching like an old lady.
On Wednesday, I find myself out back of the school during lunch, sitting on the bench facing the water. Falling back into my role as the reverend’s daughter was deceptively easy.
Mama and Daddy have been cool toward me but as the days pass and I do what’s expected, they thaw.
Mercy was excited to have me home and if there’s anything to be happy about, it's seeing her and Rachel again. Although often I find Rachel casting me worried glances when she thinks I’m not looking.
Today, I managed to escape her eagle eyes and I’m enjoying the moment of solitude where I can let my facade of calm slide away.
Here, I let the pain invade my system and welcome the feeling because otherwise, I fear I’ll never come back to the girl I thought I was becoming.
I’ve pushed all memories of Wolf away. The only time they invade my brain is when I’m sleeping, and I wake with tears that I wipe away before anyone can see.
For such a brief time together, I struggle with how hard it is to be apart and wonder if he feels the same.
Does he miss me, or has he moved on to that Melanie chick? Or maybe, Toni has picked up where I left off. I wouldn’t blame her after the way I treated her.
“Done hiding?” Darcy says, dropping to the bench beside me.
Swallowing back a trickle of annoyance, I mutter, “Sure.”
She pulls out a rolled cigarette that I assume is marijuana and holds it out to me. When I shake my head, she shrugs and says, “You got balls of steel showing your face after what you did. Draven on your ass?”
“Draven? No.”
Draven is a junior. I don’t know her well beyond that she’s a little rough around the edges. Rumor has it, she beats up her peers for merely looking at her sideways, but I’ve evaded the possibility since we don’t have any classes together.
“Huh,” she mumbles.
“Why?”
“Dunno. Heard she was asking about you.”
After inhaling another dose of the drug without shame on the school grounds in the middle of the day, she says, “Well, Draven’s daddy is MC. Thought maybe it was about you.”
Is she? Hm.
My heart skips a beat at the notion that maybe Miriam is trying to send me a message through her but as much as I try to search her out after lunch, I can’t find her.
Glumly, I join Rachel as we walk home. My mind still swirls with the possibilities which is why I miss him standing on the sidewalk in front of me.
Rachel grabs my arm, and I look up with a frown. My stomach swoops and I sway as Wolf tips his chin toward his MC brother.
“Hey,” Rachel protests as the man grabs her arm.
“Wait—“ I cry but Wolf picks me up and stalks into the alley before dropping me on the other side of a dumpster.
The sickly-sweet stench tickles my nose but it’s hardly my focus when Wolf says, “You okay?”
My heart warms at his concern and I nod but words escape me. As good as it is to see him, I can’t go back.
The sheriff’s threats linger in my head like a tumor and I’m too afraid to find out what he’s capable of.
Besides, I know that I have zero chance of keeping Wolf. He’s strong, handsome, and fierce. His loyalty is to his brothers. He expects women to obey without question.
If I ever escape my life, I’m not keen on jumping into the same stifling world.
Feeling as I do now, I can’t imagine how it would go if he cast me aside, which is inevitable. Eventually, he’ll tire of me, and then who will I be?
I’ll have morphed from Reverend Abernathy’s daughter to Wolf Castro’s cast off.
This is for the best, I try to convince myself but the tiny, desperate voice in my head reminds me that Wolf is the man who showed me freedom.
“What happened, Lilli? You fucking disappeared. I searched everywhere and you show up at school?” Wolf says.
Guilt claws at my throat but I don’t know what to say. Sorry? He’s going to hate me before this is over with and I don’t know how I will live with it.
“Oh,” I say because I’m so confused.
“Oh? Fucking, oh?” he growls, grabbing my chin.
I stare into his achingly beautiful eyes and pull away. If I’m lucky, if I say nothing, maybe the sheriff will give up.
My family will be safe. I’ll be safe.
“Look,” I say, licking my lips. “I had to go.”
“You had to go?” His eyes light with fire and he presses me against the brick wall.
Clutching the crumbling clay beneath my fingers, I summon my meanest tone and say, “You were right. I don’t belong there.”
His brows furrow and he presses his hand on the wall beside my head. “Is that right? You think you can just walk away?”
Averting my gaze because I don’t want to see his eyes when I lie, I say, “You said it yourself. You’re a murderer. Your hands are dirty. You’re…dirty.”
There’s a moment of silence before he grabs my chin and says, “You didn’t care about my dirty fucking hands when they were inside you.”
I shiver, I can’t help it as every glorious moment that haunts me in my dreams rises to the surface.
His eyes flash and I say, desperate to find the right words, “You’re right. It was…” Everything.
Clearing my throat, I continue, “Fun. But I can’t imagine my life with someone like you.”
My chest burns at the partial lie because what I really can’t imagine is him ultimately picking me.
When I can’t bear the silence a moment longer, I look up and flinch. His gray eyes are a wasteland of emotion I can’t define.
He raises his brow and touches my cheek before his fingers slide down to my neck and brush over my hammering pulse.
Gasping, I grab his hand, but he shakes me off and says, “What are you afraid of?”
“I’m-I’m not,” I lie, and he cocks his head.
“So…what? I’m supposed to believe that I was your dirty fuck. Is that right?”
“I…” I don’t know because just saying those words sends a pulse of pain through my chest and I can’t catch my breath.
When he drops his hand, I suck in a breath, frozen. Is he leaving?
“Wait!” I gasp, reaching for him.
He turns, meeting my gaze and I say, “Please.”
“What?” he mutters. “You want this?”
He grabs his crotch with a filthy grin but it’s the desperation behind his eyes that inspires me to nod.
Maybe I am choosing my family over this gruff biker, but I don’t want him to go thinking that I didn’t want his touch. If I do this, we both will know that I’m lying.
Still, I can’t find it in me to care.
His eyes move down my shirt and skirt before his lips curl and I wonder, is he as disgusted by my weakness as I am.
Nothing screams Abernathy like this outfit, after all.
With trembling fingers, I grab my shirt but I’m not strong enough to rip it away. With a weird glint in his eyes, he steps forward and grabs the edges, ripping them open easily. The buttons fall to the ground, and I glance down as he proceeds to ruin the camisole beneath.
When I’m down to my bra, I look up but he’s laser focused on my breasts. His nostrils flare and he grabs one between his fingers, squeezing gently, sending a zing of heat to my core.
I miss his touch and the way he made me feel free.
“You like my dirty hands on your perfect skin?” he rasps.
His words make me shrivel but I obey when he says, “Turn around. Hands on the wall.”
With my hands braced on the wall, I exhale shakily as he jerks my skirt above my waist and brushes his fingers over the placket of my panties.
His chuckle skates across my skin as he leans into my neck and says, “These fucking granny panties…”
I don’t know what he means but I don’t care. I can’t move because with each press of his fingers, he creates a wildfire of need. My body remembers every detail of his and I moan into my hands, praying for one last moment that I can cherish forever.
When he pauses, my heart stops. I want this. I need this. Even if he’s angry, even if it’s cruel for both of us.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to beg but the rasp of his zipper distracts me, and I reach for him desperately when he spins me around.
“On your knees,” he grunts, stepping away.
I glance up, my mouth dropping open. His eyes glitter as he tips his head, but something is missing and my heart aches to see it before we do this again.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him the truth when he touches my cheek and says, “Get my dick wet, Lilli.”
Oh. Oh.
Slowly I sink to the pavement, wincing when my knees mash into the tiny pebbles on the ground. My heart pounds wildly at the thought of what I’m about to do as Wolf grabs my hair.
His fingers displace the bun and my hair falls in a wave around my shoulders.
Seemingly satisfied, he pulls my head back and I eye the raging, engorged appendage with apprehension. Still, I want this connection so badly that when he demands that I open my mouth, I do.
He gives me hope. He gives me power that I didn’t know I had. When Hand forced me to walk away, I regretted that I hadn’t told him. Maybe now is my chance…
“Wolf—“ My words die when he shoves his erection past my lips.
Immediately I choke because he’s not small and I’ve never done this before. When I panic, he says, “It’s okay, baby girl. Breathe through your nose.”
Easier said than done but he gives me a moment to regain my bearings before he pulls my head back and begins to pump. Despite trying to breathe through my nose, tears fill my eyes and slide down my cheeks.
His fingers caress my cheek before he pauses and pulls back. Shaking my head, I lean forward, my heart skipping a beat when he groans.
“That’s it,” he rasps as I curl my tongue around him. I have no idea what I’m doing, so I pretend that this is a popsicle and close my eyes.
The sensation that I can’t get air presses at my chest, but he pulls back and says roughly, “Slowly.”
Nodding, I wrap my hand around his length and suck on him while a tingle builds in my core.
“That’s it,” he groans. “Take my dick like a good little cocksucker.”
His pleasure feeds my need, and I try so hard to accept his length, but I have no idea what I’m doing and all I can think is to keep breathing through my nose like he told me.
When he makes a choking sound, I glance up, studying his expression. With his eyes closed, I’m spared the emotion I don’t want to see.
His mouth is pulled back in a beautiful snarl, and I feel a glow of pride that I’m bringing this man so much pleasure. Me.
Except he opens his eyes, meets my gaze, and pulls back. I lick my lips and work my aching jaw as he grabs the head of his penis and rasps, “Lick the tip.”
Curious, I lick around the head like an ice cream cone. His salty warm skin feels odd against my tongue, but it’s not unpleasant. He’s gripping it so hard that the veins bulge on the underside and I eye his hole before touching the tip of my tongue there.
”Fuck,” he gasps before grabbing my head and thrusting deep. Immediately I gag again but this time, he doesn't wait for me to catch up. He thrusts like his life depends on it and all I can do is hold on for the ride.
“Swallow,” he grunts, the tone harsh in the quiet. I cringe at the sloppy sound of my spit as he pumps into my mouth, but I do as he says and swallow, my throat contracting painfully.
“Fuck,” he groans, and my skin tingles as his eyes slam closed, his mouth goes slack, and he jerks inside of my mouth.
Although my knees hurt, my body buzzes with need as I attempt to withstand the onslaught. It’s too much though, and I choke and gasp as he pulls free before swallowing the rest.
Leaning over me, he slams his hands against the brick wall and hangs his head. His panting breaths are the only sound while I wipe my mouth and try to regain my bearings.
When he steps back, I stand and stumble on shaky limbs, looking up for his next directive. Except he’s not looking at me and he spins on his heel before walking away, buttoning his pants as he goes.
“Wait,” I rasp, my throat raw.
Pausing, he stares at the road, his shoulders stiff. I work my mouth to tell him all the ways I need him and that I’m sorry for what I said but beats me to it.
“Can’t. If I fuck you, I’m never letting you go. Go back to your life, Lilli and stay the fuck away from mine.”
With that, he’s gone, and I stand numbly beside that dumpster, my heart in my throat, my shirt in tatters and my dignity all but gone. I’m frozen in place. I can’t move until Rachel stops before me with wide eyes.
Touching my hair swinging around my shoulders, I glance down at the buttons scattered across the ground. I’ve never felt more lost than I do at this moment, and I choke back a sob as I murmur to Rachel, “Please, not a word about this.”
She slowly nods and I bow my head, clutching the fabric of my skirt between my trembling fingers. What do I do now?
“C’mon, let’s clean you up,” she says, and I follow like a lost child as she leads me into the diner next door.